A/N: Sorry, everyone. I was tired when I uploaded Part 23, so the author’s note was incorrect. This episode is from Lilah’s POV. Episode 25 is from Asher’s POV.
“Stop pacing, Lilah.”
“I can’t help it.” I spin to face Asher. He’s sitting on his bed, guitar in hand, looking every bit as frustrated as I feel.
“Am I making any sense at all?” I ask.
“You are. The duet is solid. It’s good, but-”
“It doesn’t give you tingles, right?” Tell me it isn’t just me.
He sets his guitar down, running a hand through his hair. “It’s not blowing me away, no. We’ll come up with something extra to push it over the line.”
I bite my lip. “Will we? We’re running out of time. The duet is due in three weeks.”
With Asher no longer intent on avoiding me, we’ve been rehearsing almost every day. So, why isn’t our song having the emotional impact we’re both striving for? I’m afraid I already know the answer to that question, but I can’t voice it aloud. Nor can I fix it by myself.
Frustration makes me tug at my hair.
“Hey.” Asher stands and moves towards me, putting his hands on my shoulders and looking down at me. “We will.”
He’s so close, and he smells so good that it takes effort not to lean into him. And his dark stare is so intense I feel it to the bottom of my soul. Wrenching my gaze away from his, I want to look anywhere but at him. Unfortunately, my gaze snags on his full lips, my stomach bottoming out as I imagine standing on my tiptoes and pressing my mouth to his.
Damn it, kissing my stepbrother should be the last thing on my mind, yet the impulse has crept up on me more than once recently.
What if one day I act on it before I can stop myself?
“Okay?” he asks, dragging me out of my worrisome thoughts.
“Okay,” I whisper.
Our session is over, and I need to go before-
“I need to get ready,” he says, taking a step back from me.
I force a smile. “I know. I’ll catch you later.”
“Lilah,” he calls before I can walk out of his bedroom.
I turn back to look at him.
“It’s Saturday night, take a break.”
“Sure,” I say. “Have a good night, won’t you.”
Proud of myself for not sounding bitter or like my heart is cut and bleeding, I close his bedroom door behind me and walk back into my room, collapsing on my bed.
I’m not bothered Asher is going out with Maddie, I repeat silently. If I keep saying it enough, maybe I’ll start to believe it.
Pushing off the bed, I grab my music journal from its resting place and sit at my desk. After opening the journal, I stare at the empty page before me. I know what I want to write on this page; I just don’t know if I can.
I missed you, Lilah.
My eyes close as I remember the soft words he spoke to me weeks ago. I’ve been doing my best to hold my heart back and maintain an emotional distance from my stepbrother, but I can’t forget that he said that. I can’t forget what it felt like to have his attention and not have to share it with Ethan. Because while Asher has stopped avoiding me, he only ever spends time with me when Ethan is with us. Duet rehearsals being the only exception.
Opening my eyes again, I stare down at the blank page once more. If I had the courage, what would I write?
I wish I’d never dated Ethan.
I wish our parents weren’t married and Asher wasn’t my stepbrother.
I wish Asher would touch me again the way he did at the party.
Sometimes, I go to sleep dreaming about Asher, and in those dreams we’re often together. Today, I imagined pressing my lips to his for the first time, but in my dreams, I’ve already kissed him many times.
Ten minutes later, there’s a knock on my door and I still haven’t written a line.
“Come in,” I say, closing my journal.
Asher steps into my room looking more gorgeous than he has any right to in boots, jeans, a t-shirt, and a leather jacket. His longish hair curls against his forehead underneath the beanie he’s wearing.
“Come with us tonight.”
My eyes snap to his. “What?”
His gaze sweeps over me at my desk and pauses on my music journal before coming back to rest on my face. “You heard me. I’m all for putting schoolwork first, but all work and no play makes Lilah a dull girl.”
“Thanks.”
He shrugs unapologetically. “Remy’s party will be a good one.”
“I don’t have a ride.”
He rolls his eyes. “I’m offering, obviously.”
So, I get to cram myself into a car with Ethan, Ainsley, Maddie, and Asher. Great. “I’m not sure-”
“Didn’t Kennedy ask you to go with her and Kai?”
“Yes.”
I didn’t want to be a third wheel. If I take Asher up on his offer, I’ll be a fifth wheel instead.
“So, you’ll only be stuck with us for the duration of the ride there.” He crosses his arms and leans against the door jamb. “I’m not taking no for an answer.”
“Ugh,” I groan, glaring at the ceiling. “Fine.”
Giving me a final triumphant look, he pushes off the jamb. “We’re leaving in twenty minutes.”
He closes my bedroom door and I let out a long breath. Is Asher right? Am I turning into a dull girl? Probably. Maybe getting out of the house will be good for me. Kennedy tried to talk me into going to the Remington party, but with all my talk about making schoolwork my priority, I decided not to. And okay, my decision may have had something to do with the fact my friends are all coupled up.
I flick a look down at my journal again. Chances are high, I’m not going to succeed in writing anything awesome tonight. Perhaps the change of scenery will do something to spark my creativity. Besides, I might not be coupled up, but all my friends are going, so I won’t lack for company.
Plucking the cream-coloured turtleneck ribbed dress I bought during a recent shopping trip with Kennedy and Briony off the hanger, I throw it on. Then I add a belt, the knee-high boots Mum gave me for Christmas, and walk into the bathroom to fix my hair and makeup. After applying a conservative amount of makeup, I study myself, opting to leave my hair loose because the natural wave in it looks good right now.
Once I’m done, I put on a jacket long enough to cover my dress and then I walk downstairs. Both Asher and Ethan wait for me by the front door, and the doubletake they do when they see me is like something out of a movie.
Ethan visibly swallows when I look at him. “You look great, Lilah.”
I beam at him. “Thanks.”
Asher is less complimentary. “I didn’t know that twenty minutes would be long enough to fix what you had going on upstairs.”
I raise my middle finger and feel stupidly giddy when he laughs at me.
“You look ready,” he adds with a small, barely imperceptible nod, his gaze lingering on my knee-high boots for a moment before looking away.
I’m going to take his comment as a compliment, knowing he’s never going to say anything to make Ethan question him or his intentions ever again.
My good mood lasts until we get to Ainsley’s. As soon as Asher pulls into the driveway and toots the horn, Ainsley and Maddie walk out of the house together arm in arm. The two girls must be closer than I realised, and it bothers me. My stomach churns at the thought of them turning hating me into some kind of bonding exercise.
Ainsley rolls her eyes and huffs when she opens the back door and sees me sitting in the backseat. “What are you doing here?”
Asher turns to glare at her over his shoulder. “Play nice. I dragged her with us.”
Maddie’s smile is forced, and the look she throws Ainsley tells me that she isn’t any happier with the situation. I do my best to shrug it off as Maddie slides in next to me. After exchanging words with Ethan, Ainsley flounces around the car and hops in on my other side, leaving Ethan to ride shotgun.
I’m not going to complain about not having to sit in the backseat with a couple, but Maddie and Ainsley are both clearly unhappy about my presence. They can rest easy knowing that as soon as we get to Remy’s place, I’ll retreat and let them have their fun.
Anthony Remington, or Remy as he’s known to the Academy’s senior class, lives a little way out of Rockstar Bay. In fact, he’s closer to Kai and Jacob in Packer’s Peak than he is to our place. I never asked Kennedy whether she was going with Kai or whether he planned to meet her there.
“It’s huge,” Ainsley mutters as we cruise carefully down the gravel drive.
There are a few cars parked on a grassy area to the right, and after Asher finds a spot to park, the five of us exit and take in our surrounds. The Remingtons have more land than the Cassidys do, and it’s all wide, open space. We’re not far from the ocean, and I can smell saltwater on the icy breeze. I can also smell smoke. That must be coming from the bonfire Kennedy mentioned in the text she sent me a few minutes ago.
Asher and Ethan have already started heading for the two-story house, their arms around their girlfriends. Yeah, I’m not walking in with them.
“I’ll catch you later,” I call after them.
Asher spins around and frowns when he realises I’m not following. “Where are you going?”
I lift my phone. “Kennedy texted me. She says they’re over by the bonfire. Thanks for the ride.”
He looks like he wants to say something, but when Maddie tugs at him, he says, “I’ll check up on you later.”
To avoid an argument, I nod and begin searching for my friends. Just like Kennedy stated in her message, she and the rest of our crew are sitting around the huge bonfire situated in the northeast corner of the property. My friends all whistle and wave when they see me, Kennedy standing up and giving me a giant bearhug.
My friends all move along one spot, and Kennedy motions for me to take her seat. Just as I do, I spot Jacob waving and walking towards us from the direction of the house, beer in hand.
“Hey!” he grins, plopping down beside me.
I grin back at him, deciding that even though I don’t care about being the only unattached person in my friend group, it’s kind of a relief to see him.
“Hey, I didn’t know you were going to be here.”
He nods in the direction of Kai and Kennedy. “I was a last-minute addition.”
“I know just what you mean.”
His grin grows even wider. “I’m really glad you’re here.”
“Me, too.”
“Did you bring anything to drink?” he asks, raising his beer.
“Ah, no. Last minute addition, remember?”
He stands up again. “They’ve got plenty on tap, let’s go find something.”
“Okay, then.”
Two and a half hours later, I decide I’m in love with vodka.
“Lilah?”
I roll my head along the back of the chair so I can look at Kennedy. It takes a second or two for my eyes to focus on her.
“You’re officially cut off.”
“What! Why?” I pout.
Kai coughs behind his bottle. “Killjoy.”
“C’mon, she’s hilarious,” Mason says.
“I am funny,” I declare. I look at Jacob who sits on my other side. “Right?”
His grin is huge. “Yeah, you’re funny, Lilah.”
“Drunk Lilah is hilarious,” Dawson agrees.
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen her like this before,” Dawson’s boyfriend says.
“I’ve only seen her like this once,” Kennedy tells them all. “After Ethan broke up with her and she saw him with Ainsley for the first time.”
“That sucked!” I confirm.
“You know what else sucks?” Kennedy asks, sounding equal parts concerned and irritated. “Trying to play music when you’re hungover. If you don’t sober up, you’re going to regret it when you’re rehearsing tomorrow.”
“Don’t think I need to worry about that. Asher is here too. He came and he made me come.”
Kennedy raises an eyebrow as the guys around me start laughing. It takes a lot longer than it should for me to realise what I’ve said. It’s not funny, the boys are just being immature. Even so, I snort out a laugh and flush.
“You just shouted to everyone out here that Asher made you come,” Kennedy tells me.
“Yup, time to sober up,” Briony murmurs.
“I’m not the only sober person,” I complain.
“Drunk person,” Lana corrects. “And no, you’re not, but we should get some water into you.”
I point at all my friends. “How are all of you so sober?”
When I look at Kennedy, she says. “We’re not sober, but we did pace ourselves and we’ve been drinking water.”
“Responsible. You’re all so responsible.”
Normally, so am I. This year means too much for me to screw it up by partying too hard. Tonight, though, I needed to let loose.
And let loose I did.
Jacob stands up and offers me a hand. “Let’s go get you some water.”
“I’ll come with,” Kennedy says.
“Stay.” I wave her off. “I’ll be fine.”
“Bring her back to us, Jake,” Kennedy commands.
Jacob closes his hand around mine when I trip over my feet. A second later he puts an arm around my shoulders, guiding me towards Remy’s house. His house is even more packed than his yard. There are people everywhere, some I recognise and some I don’t. I wave to them all.
Jacob continues laughing at me as he guides us to the kitchen and finds me an empty cup, filling it with water and handing it to me. I down it quickly. It doesn’t immediately sober me up. If anything, it makes me feel a bit queasy.
“Another,” Jacob says, taking the cup, refilling it, and handing it to me.
“Thanks.” I drink this one more slowly.
As soon as I finish, I put the cup down and stare out the large floor to ceiling glass doors that take up almost an entire wall of the kitchen. Asher is out there on the patio with his arms around Maddie’s waist. A hot tingle runs up my spine and my stomach feels light and floaty when I realise he’s focused on me and not on Maddie. When he gives me a questioning look, I force myself to smile and give him a thumbs up.
Turning back to look at Jacob, I see he’s looking around, clearly searching for something or someone.
“Is everything okay?” I ask.
“Yeah. I promised Kennedy I’d bring you back to her, but I need to take a leak.”
“Go,” I tell him. “I’ll be fine.”
He pulls a face.
“I will, I promise.” I point to the floor. “I won’t move from my spot right here.”
The look on his face tells me he doesn’t believe me, but he must be busting because after one last hesitant look, he nods and then disappears. Almost immediately, I regret saying I’ll stay put because it seems I’m suddenly in the way of everyone who needs something from the kitchen.
To avoid being trampled by the constant stream of people coming in, I move out of the area and start searching for somewhere to sit inside the house while I’m waiting for Jacob. All the couches are crammed full of people talking and couples making out. Feeling legless and unable to keep standing, and suddenly absurdly tired, I sit down against the living room wall. Despite the noise of the crowd and the heavy rock music, my eyes close.
“Hey. Lilah. Where’s Jacob?”
I have a moment of alarm as a hand wraps around my wrist. My eyes fly open, and I feel a wave of nausea at the quick action. It’s a relief when I see Asher standing over me. Feeling safe now that he’s here, I allow my eyes to close again.
“Lilah,” he says, shaking me gently.
I force my eyes open once more and peer up at Asher. He’s crouching over me, and I wonder if I ask him nicely, will he stay so I can sleep safely? “Hmm?”
“Where’s Jacob.”
“Peeing,” I mumble.
Though it shouldn’t take him that long to pee, right? He’s been gone for a while.
“I’m taking you home.”
“My friends are waiting for me to come back.”
“You can’t keep your eyes open.”
“I’m drunk,” I tell him.
“No shit.”
“I told everyone you made me come tonight.”
There’s a pause, and then I’m being lifted from the ground. My eyes flit open and lock with his just as I register the fact he’s carrying me bridal style. Bridal style!
Considering my level of intoxication, I should be unable to focus on anything of importance, but my brain seems to comprehend just how crazy this is. I have spent the past few weeks trying to keep Asher at a distance, trying to forget my complicated feelings for my stepbrother, but being in his arms like this…?
The alcohol in my system is lowering all my defences. The feelings I’ve been supressing are now front and centre. My heart races, and I feel breathless.
Excited.
I should push at his chest, demand he put me down. Because this is the last thing my heart needs. Instead of doing the sensible thing, however, I give in and lay my head against his chest, loving how strong he is, how easily he carries me. The way he holds me makes me feel safe and secure, cared for and protected. All the while making me feel as if there’s a current of electricity running from him to me.
“Maddie,” I whisper, trying to remind myself of at least one of the reasons I’m not supposed to feel this way.
“I’ll come back for her and Ethan.”
“Are you going to leave Ainsley, then?” I can’t help asking as he carries me out the front door.
“I wasn’t planning on it since I’m the designated driver.”
“Well, I think you should after all the ideas she’s been planting in Ethan’s head.”
Technically, that makes her at least part of the reason he ignored me for weeks. Yes, I’m still annoyed and upset by that.
“Ainsley is Ethan’s girlfriend, so I can’t leave her here, Lilah.”
“I was Ethan’s girlfriend once,” I tell him.
“Mm,” there’s an edge to the noise that I can hear even through my drunkenness.
When my whole world tilts back into place and I’m put on my feet, I realise we’re at Asher’s car. With one arm still wrapped around me, he holds me against him and grabs his keys so he can unlock the vehicle.
“Hey, can we stop for McDonalds?” I ask as he opens his car door and ushers me into his front seat. “I could use something to soak up the alcohol.”
With one hand still holding my door, he studies me, his dark eyes flicking between mine. “You want to get McDonalds?”
“Mm. I usually hate it, but I really want a burger right now.”
A smile tugs the corner of his mouth up. He shakes his head, even as he says, “Okay. But then I need to drop you home and come back.”
I nod, satisfied. And then I feel myself frown as he walks around to his side of the car and gets in. “I need to let Kennedy know I’m going.”
He grabs my phone, asks for the passcode, and shoots off a message.
“Jacob will be annoyed with me,” I say, taking the phone back from him. “Maybe I should message him too.”
“He should never have left you.”
“He had to pee!”
Asher pulls my seatbelt across me and buckles me in, leaning in and making my heart flutter as his dark eyes stare down into mine. “You were drunk and nearly passed out. I don’t care if he pissed himself, he shouldn’t have left you.”
“Thanks,” I mutter, aware of just how close he is. He smells amazing, just like always.
He smirks, making my stomach flip. “Good to know.”
“What is?”
“That I always smell amazing.”
I groan. “I did not say that out loud.”
“Yeah, you did.”
He’s still smirking, and I wish I had something to throw at him. I’m so drunk, though, I’d probably miss.
“You shouldn’t be so hard on Jacob, you know,” I point out, avoiding any more talk of how good he smells. “He’s your friend.”
“If he’s going to hang out with you, he needs to treat you right.”
Now it’s my turn to smirk, and I try and lean back in my chair so I can study him. “Why Asher, what happened to the whole, ‘Kai and Jacob are good guys’ and I’m an ambitious, control freak, gold-digging daughter of a-"
“Stop that,” he growls, his stare hard. “You know I don’t think about you that way anymore.”
“How do you think of me?”
He looks away, sighing before looking back at me.
“Don’t answer that,” I rush out. “I already know.”
And I don’t think I can take him saying the words out loud right now.
He raises an eyebrow. “Do you?”
“Yes, you think of me as your stepsister, your duet partner, and Ethan’s ex-girlfriend,” I tick off my fingers.
I’m all too aware that his feelings for me are simple. Mine for him, on the other hand, are more complicated than they ought to be.
And that is the entire reason our duet isn’t as good as it could be – or as emotional as it should be. It’s not honest. Everything I feel for him now surpasses the things I wrote about him months ago. But I can’t tell him that. Nor can I rewrite my side of our duet without giving away everything I shouldn’t and don’t want to feel.
He stares at me, and I swallow hard when he doesn’t look away.
“What is it?” I ask.
“You have no idea what you just said, do you?”
I groan and palm my face, peeking at him through my fingers. “Did I think out loud again?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Well, don’t keep me in suspense. What did I say this time?”
Oh my goodness!!! What a chapter end!! Can't wait for more. Love it. X
Still nothing right?