With Jesse and Mum away on their belated honeymoon, I’m able to turn the playlist on my phone up nice and loud without having to worry about pissing them off. Even with my music blaring, I still know the moment Asher walks into the kitchen because I smell him. His hair is still damp from his shower, and he’s wearing a pair of dark ripped jeans and a white hoodie with the arms pushed up. The plain white jumper is a stark contrast to the ink on his arms and his longish dark hair.
“Hey!” I mock-glare at him as he turns my music down.
He shakes his head. “I was wrong to think your taste in music isn’t entirely fucked.”
I stick my tongue out at him before I can stop myself, my stomach dipping when his eyes darken and linger on my mouth. They quickly shift back up to meet mine, and I see the amusement dancing there.
“I like MOD,” I remind him.
He winces. “Yeah, and Brittney. I think I no longer trust your opinion.”
I narrow my eyes at him. “What’s wrong with Britney?”
He ignores my question, instead eyeing what I’m frying on the stove. “What’s for dinner?”
“Just chicken schnittys with salad and jacket potatoes.”
“Cool. Need help?”
“Nope. I’ve got this. Salad is in the fridge and the potatoes are already in the oven.”
He walks forward and braces his palms on the kitchen counter. “Do you want something to drink?”
“Water?”
“I was thinking of grabbing something from Dad’s liquor cabinet.”
I can’t help but smile back at Asher when I see the devious smirk twisting his full lips up.
“Jesse won’t be upset if we hit his stash?”
“Lilah.” He pushes off the bench. “Dad and Cait left us in charge of the house for twelve days. And they’re letting us have a party.”
He’s right. It’s almost enough to make me shake my head at my stepfather. I’d say he’s insane, but I think he just trusts us. I guess, objectively, Ethan, Asher and I are pretty trustworthy. And while I’ve seen Ethan get drunk a few times, I know Asher doesn’t drink much. Being the son of a drug addict, he steers clear of almost all alcohol and drugs. When he’s a super famous rockstar, I wonder whether he’ll still avoid partying hard.
“What’s your poison?” he prompts.
“Nothing too strong.” Especially because I’m going to be having a big night tomorrow night.
“I’ll take care of it.”
When Asher returns, he’s poured me a tumbler of something that looks like Coke.
“Bourbon and Coke,” he confirms. “It’ll go with dinner. Unless you want a beer or glass of wine?”
I quickly shake my head and Asher chuckles. My now-eighteen-year-old stepbrother promised Jesse and my mum he’d take care of Ethan and me while they’re away. Ethan is only six months younger than Asher, and I’m only eight months younger than Asher, but you’d think he was years older with his promise. I guess being eighteen does make him the designated adult and default head of the house for now. It’s not like I’m planning on getting shit-faced at the party, still it is nice to know Asher will be keeping an eye on things, which sort of leaves me off the hook.
Asher places his own drink on the counter then jumps up and plonks his butt right in the middle of the bench I’m currently preparing food on. I should be used to it by now, this playful side of his.
“Asher!” I bat at his leg with the tongs I’ve just pulled out of the drawer. “Do you have to sit right there? You’re in the way.”
And with his proximity, I can’t help but be aware of how much space he takes up in the kitchen. Something that becomes doubly obvious when I’m trying to get to the dishes in the cupboards around him. He might appear tall and lean, but the guy is still stupidly fit and has an insane number of muscles.
Ethan strolls into the kitchen at that moment, dumping the two giant speakers he’s carrying onto the tiles. “Dinner smells good, Lilah.”
“Thanks.”
“You know we could have had one of the meals left in the freezer,” he says, joining Asher and me in the kitchen.
“I know, but I haven’t cooked in ages. I don’t mind.”
Between the Cassidy’s chef and my mother, I haven’t had to cook since moving in here, unlike when it was just Mum and me at home and I had to cook several nights a week.
“I’m not going to complain,” Asher says. “I’m starving.”
Ethan looks at his brother. “I’ve just placed the order with Dan Murphy’s. It’ll be ready to pick up after midday.”
Ah, the perks of having a stepbrother of legal drinking age. We can send Asher out to pick up the booze for the party.
Asher nods. “Maddie is coming over tomorrow to help with the decorating. She can come with me.”
My head jerks up so quickly, I nearly jar my neck. Seeing my reaction, Asher raises an eyebrow. I quickly go back to what I’m doing and pretend his comment didn’t catch me quite so off guard. Of course I assumed Maddie would be coming to the party, but she’s never been here before. Something cold and sharp lodges in my stomach, but I do my best to ignore it and the possible reason for it. I haven’t seen her in the weeks since MOD performed at the festival in The Bay. That day, she seemed annoyed by the idea I would join them for dinner, and I ended up celebrating and talking over the concert with both brothers separately because of her attitude.
Hopefully, in the time that’s passed, Maddie has decided I’m not anyone she needs to concern herself with. Sharp and jagged emotions aside, Asher and I are friends. Family. Though, the thought of us being family sort of puts me off my appetite a little. He feels like a friend, but family?
Glancing at Ethan, I ask, “Is Ainsley coming over to help too?”
The idea of dealing with Ainsley and Maddie just feels unfair, especially when I’ve done nothing to incur their wrath.
“Nah.” Ethan shakes his head. “I told her to come later. I thought you and I could spend the day hanging out while we get the house ready.”
“Oh, okay. Great.”
At least, that’s one less person I must worry about dealing with before the party.
“I’m sure Ainsley’s happy you’re spending the day with Lilah,” Asher grumbles.
When I look at Asher, he’s looking between Ethan and me with his mouth pulled down at the corner. I look away, not sure why he’s frowning so hard. I know he doesn’t see me the way he used to, but sometimes I wonder if he’s still looking for proof that I’m into Ethan – that I still love him. I don’t know why that would be an issue for him. Even if I were–which I’m not–Ethan and I are done. We’re not getting back together, there’s nothing there but friendship between us now.
Ethan scowls. “She doesn’t get to say who I’m friends with. Besides, it’s the first chance I’ve had to hang out with Lilah solo for a while. You’re hogging her with all your work on the duet.”
Ethan chuckles as if he’s joking, only I don’t know that he is. Asher and I have been spending an awful lot of time on our song now that MOD aren’t having to rehearse quite so much. Asher rewrote his part of our duet with lyrics about his changing feelings for me. They work well alongside mine. Our duet is so much better. So much stronger. The solid song even has a chance of making it into the end of year showcase.
But.
It still doesn’t take my breath away.
It still doesn’t give me chills or tingles. And damn it, I want them. Because when music is good or great, there should be tingles.
Maybe my expectations are just too high. I don’t know. Instead of dwelling on it, I choose to let it go for now. School holidays are here, and I promised myself I’d take a proper break this weekend from all my schoolwork.
I turn off the stove and thank Asher when he grabs the potatoes out of the oven for me.
After I serve up, the three of us sit down at the kitchen bench and discuss everything that still needs to be done for the party. There’s a good chance, we’ll end up with at least two hundred people here. To avoid trashing the house beyond repair, we’re planning on encouraging everyone to spend time outside. We have giant heaters ready to go, and we’ve told people to bring bathing suits to swim in the heated pool or sit in the spa.
“Is Kennedy bringing Kai?” Ethan asks.
“Mm-hm. Jacob, too.”
My brow furrows as I remember how Asher was brusque with his friend after the concert. Maybe he was just in a mood.
“So…” Ethan shoots a quick glance my way. “Kennedy mentioned Jacob’s into you.”
“Well, she didn’t say anything to me about it, so I can neither confirm nor deny.”
Sure, Jacob and I have been out a few times, but it’s always been with Kennedy and Kai. And even though Jacob is flirtatious, he’s a perfect gentleman. There’s nothing there other than friendship as far as I’m concerned. Knowing Kennedy, she only said something to Ethan to piss him off. I don’t know why she’s still bothering with trying to provoke his jealousy. I’m over Ethan and Ethan is over me, so why try and rile him up by telling him Jacob is into me?
“Lilah is concentrating on music; she doesn’t have time for a boyfriend,” Asher says gruffly.
The last time my boyfriend and love life status came up, I felt like Asher was trying to defend my decision not to date. It doesn’t feel so much like that now. When I look at him, he’s glaring at his jacket potato as if it has just insulted him.
Ethan points his fork at Asher. “Maybe not, though she’d have more time to try dating if she didn’t spend so much time working on the duet with you.”
It’s the second time tonight Ethan has referenced Asher and I spending time working together on our song, and the inference is that we’re spending too much time together.
Asher turns his pissed off expression on his brother.
Ethan holds up his hands in surrender. “I know, I know, you’re just embracing each other as family and all that.”
“Which was what you wanted,” Asher growls.
“For you to get along, not spend all your damn time together.”
Ethan mutters the last bit, but I hear it, and I’m sure Asher did too. This time, Ethan sounds more serious and less like he is joking.
I frown at him. “It’s not all our time.”
“No, just ninety-eight percent,” he shoots back.
Asher lets out a long sigh. “What’s your problem, Ethan? We’re working on schoolwork. And Dad agreed to let us have this party because we get along.”
“Nothing,” Ethan says grumpily. “Nothing is my problem.”
“Bullshit.”
“Guys, can we please just eat?” I plead.
I’m on the verge of losing my appetite. The brothers are arguing. Again. It seems to be happening more and more lately, even when I’m not the cause. They’re not hardcore arguments, but they seem to get pissed off with each other a lot more easily, their tempers flaring more quickly than ever before.
Asher puts his fork down and crosses his arms, ignoring my request to just eat. “Seriously, brother, why don’t you say what you’re really thinking.”
“Fine,” Ethan snaps back. “I think you two spend too much time together these days. There. Happy now?”
Asher shakes his head. “The way you act, anyone would think you’re still into her.”
“Well, that would suck for me, wouldn’t it? Since you made me break up with her and all.”
“I didn’t make you-”
“Yeah, you did, and you know what? I’m done with you fucking denying it!” Ethan stands up and glares at his brother before swinging that gaze around and nailing me with it. “I’m happy the duet partnership is working out, Lilah. Truly. But have you forgotten everything he said about you? All the ways he showed over and over how much he hated you? All the times he called you a gold-”
“Ethan!” Asher snaps.
Ethan’s blue gaze stays locked on mine, his expression pleading for forgiveness, but the sorrow underneath is real and raw. “Have you forgotten the ultimatum he gave me about you? He said I had to choose between you and MOD. He said I couldn’t have both because you took up too much of my time.” His laugh holds no humour. “You took up too much of my time,” he repeats. “I was too ‘in love with you’ to put the band first. The irony, huh?”
“Ethan,” I say, my chest and stomach pinching even though I’m not sure of the exact cause. Is it the reminder of the hurtful things Asher said or is it the devastating pain I’m seeing on Ethan’s face? “We’re working on schoolwork.”
“He picks you up from work. You study all together all the time. You hang out together, watch movies together. And he really wanted you to come to the dinner that was supposed to be just for MOD and partners after the concert.”
“You wanted me there, too,” I remind him.
“I did, but he was annoyed you weren’t there. Now it feels like we’re barely friends and you spend all your spare time with him.”
“Ethan,” Asher says, more gently this time.
I push my plate away, my stomach churning from the subject of the conversation. My perfectly good dinner is going to go to waste.
“I hate that you’ve forgotten everything that brought us to this point,” Ethan says.
“I haven’t forgotten,” I say, holding his gaze, trying to soften my expression. “But holding onto the past isn’t going to do me any favours. We’re family now-”
“Family.” Ethan shakes his head. “That’s bullshit, and we all know it.” With a final look at Asher and then at me, he walks away.
I swallow hard and can’t bring myself to look at Asher. The tension radiating from him is enough to make me feel even more sick. When I finally do look at his face, I see conflict there in the set of his jaw.
He pushes his stool back, standing up. “I’ll go talk to him.”
Alone now, I look over the mess in the kitchen, the pile of dirty dishes and the remains of a meal I lovingly prepared. The kitchen looks chaotic, nearly as chaotic as the triangle that seems to be forming between myself and the two brothers. While my relationship with Asher continues to improve, my relationship with Ethan and Ethan’s relationship with Asher has started to devolve. The past is something Asher and I are finally moving on from and putting behind us, but it’s becoming increasingly obvious that Ethan has not and no longer wants to forget.
I thought the rest of the year would be smooth sailing now that Asher and I get along and we’re working together on the duet. However, I’m starting to rethink that theory. If Ethan can’t get past the past, the bumpy ride might just continue.
*Schnitty* - Australian slang for schnitzel.
I love that Schnitty is Australian slang for schnitzel. :)