Elle Fielding: Rockstar Bay Academy

Rockstar Bay Academy

Elle Fielding — Thu, 08 Jun 2023 04:04:14 GMT

Summary

When her mum ties the knot with the Cassidy family, Lilah Kelly's world gets a mega-dose of rock 'n' roll. The Cassidys are practically royalty in Rockstar Bay, and to make things even more complicated, her new stepbrothers, Ethan and Asher Cassidy, have a history with her. Ethan ditched Lilah for his band and shattered her heart months back, while Asher can't stand her, thinking she's just out to use people—a feeling she fires right back at him.

But Lilah's stoked for her mom, approves of her new stepdad, and is set on spending her last year at Rockstar Bay Academy crushing her goals and nailing a spot in the end-of-year showcase. Everything goes sideways when she's paired up for a duet with the Cassidy bro she's supposed to loathe. Suddenly, she's caught in a love triangle that could wreck a friendship, tear her family apart, and jeopardize everything she's been working so hard for.

Season One is now COMPLETE!

Rockstar Bay Academy: Part 41

Elle Fielding — Tue, 23 May 2023 12:06:50 GMT

Lilah

While Kai, Kennedy, Ethan, and Giselle spend time together, and Asher and his dad handle the barbecue outside, I assist Mum with the cake preparation indoors. Mum has created a tantalizing strawberry and chocolate monstrosity that is simply irresistible. Having tasted it on and off, I now find myself feeling fuller than expected.

In anticipation of the graduation party that Jesse is organizing for my stepbrothers and myself, I decided to have a quiet birthday dinner with my family, including Kennedy and Kai. Truth be told, I already feel extravagantly spoiled. Mum surprised me with a beautiful white gold and diamond necklace, along with matching diamond studs. Additionally, both Jesse and Mum are contributing financially towards my car. Originally, I had hoped to earn enough from my cinema job to purchase the car outright, but due to the demands of studying and the scarcity of shifts, I haven't managed to save up the full amount. Fortunately, I still have some time since I haven't obtained my driver's license yet. I've taken a few lessons, but I need more practice before I'm ready to take the test. I plan to do that sometime next year.

Ethan's gift to me was a stunning song journal, accompanied by a subscription to my favourite online music journal. And Asher...he crafted a song specifically for me, which in itself was a wonderful gift. But that wasn't the only surprise he had in store...

"I take it things between you and Asher are okay?"

When Mum suggested I help her with the kitchen preparations for my birthday, I knew it was an opportunity for her to talk to me. Ever since the showcase and my subsequent breakdown, she's been watching me closely, concerned about my emotional well-being. I understand her worry. She doesn't know what happened that night with Asher—that he came home, gave himself to me, and promised me he wasn't giving up on a future for us. I won't be able to keep it a secret from her much longer. It's not that I want to hide it; I just don't know how she'll react when she learns that Asher and I are no longer planning to break up. I suppose I'm about to find out.

"Things are actually good," I respond.

Her gaze flicks to the ring on my finger, which she's been eyeing throughout the day. "That's a very expensive-looking ring..."

Pausing from cutting the strawberries, I meet her eyes. Mum has been stealing glances at the opal and platinum ring Asher gave me this morning, before he left my room to return to his own bed, unbeknownst to the rest of the house. It's not an engagement ring, but Asher refers to it as a promise ring—a symbol of his commitment to me and our future.

"You know how I said that I was planning to break up with Asher when he left for the States?" I ask a touch hesitantly.

"Mmm."

"Well, Asher and I have actually decided we're going to... see if we can make a go of it after he moves."

Her hands still, and she puts down the piping bag. My stomach churns over her reaction. She said she would support me no matter what, and I need this from her. If she disapproves, I don't plan on ending things, but having her support means a lot, especially coming from my mother—the one person in my life who has always been my biggest supporter.

"Okay," she says tentatively.

Every doubt I've felt about my decision to keep going is reflected in that one word and the way she looks at me across the kitchen bench.

"I know it's not ideal, but..."

"You love him," she finishes for me.

Suddenly, she's studying me, a deep frown on her face. Bracing her palms on the counter, she asks, "How do you think it will work?"

"I don't know yet."

"Have you thought this through? I mean, beyond... what feels good in the present moment, Lilah?"

My face heats, and I have the distinct impression she can tell exactly what Asher and I did two nights ago, that she’s somehow guessed, either by my answer or because of the ring, I'm now sleeping with my stepbrother – her stepson.

"I don't know how it's going to work. I just know I have to try."

"What about what the tabloids will say?"

"We're not doing anything wrong. He's eighteen. I'm eighteen. It's not like we grew up together."

"It's not about doing anything wrong. The 'news' has the annoying ability to take things and twist them. You remember what happened when Ainsley told them you were using the Cassidy brothers-"

"I remember."

"Don't you remember how upset you were about it?"

"Yes, but-"

"And it won't just affect you. What about Asher and Ethan?"

"And you and Jesse?" I cut her off. "Are you more worried about me or how our relationship might impact your marriage in the event the tabloids throw accusations around?"

"Lilah," she gasps, her eyes filling with tears. "When have I ever cared what people say about me? Never. I have never had any intention of being in the spotlight, no need for it. All I've ever done is work so you can make your dream of making the spotlight a reality."

My throat closes, regret making my own eyes sting with tears.

"My only concern is for you and whether you'll suffer because of this decision," she continues.

"I know. I'm sorry."

She shakes her head as if she can’t believe I would say something like that to her. "I get that you love him. I told you I would support you, and I meant it. I just want to make sure you've really thought everything through. I mean, I just don't see how it will work with the two of you in different countries, both trying to make a career in music work. Do you?"

Shame over my accusation forces my gaze down. "I really don't know how we're going to make it work," I admit softly.

When I look back up, I see the same doubts and concerns I feel. I don't blame her for them; they are an exact mirror of mine.

She purses her lips and goes back to icing my cake. Clearly, she's unwilling to say anything more. It's my birthday, and I doubt she wants to fight any more than I do. After all, in eighteen years, we've barely ever fought. But I'm extra prickly when it comes to my relationship with Asher. I'm so unsure and uncertain about this decision that as much as I want it, I can't take any extra external threat of criticism or potential opposition to what we are. The internal pressure can't stand up against the external pressure.

The rest of the cake prep goes by in silence, and it's a relief when we're finished and can join the rest of the family.

Of course, my gaze locks onto Asher first as soon as we walk out of the kitchen. He’s standing with his father at the barbecue, discussing something in detail. More than anything, I want to go to him, wrap my arms around him, share my doubts and fears, and let him persuade me I'm being crazy. But I can't. Ethan is only a few feet away, and...

Part of me wonders how on earth we're supposed to be able to be together in front of the rest of the world when we can't even be together in front of our family. How? How will we make it work?

I take a seat at the table outside, joining in the current conversation that Kennedy, Kai, Ethan, and Giselle are engaged in. Jesse and Asher serve up a delicious feast, and I make an effort to push away the doubts that always seem to linger at the fringe of my consciousness.

Soon after, Mum brings out the birthday cake, and everyone sings "Happy Birthday". Amidst the cheerful chorus, I feel Asher's hand gently resting on my knee, a comforting and grounding connection between us. I gaze at the ring on my finger, contemplating my deepest desires and what I truly long for in the world. I thought there was nothing I wanted more than to have a career in music. Every year before now, I've wished to be a star, to be a successful musician, but today I want to add to that wish. Is it possible to have the career of my dreams and be with the person who has become a soulmate? Can I have them both?

As I blow out my birthday candles, I wish. Then I sit back down and feel Asher take my hand in his, giving a gentle squeeze. And just like he always manages to do, he makes me believe we can make this work. He makes me trust this is possible. I just hope we aren't kidding ourselves.

After Kennedy and Kai have departed, and Ethan has taken Giselle home, and the aftermath of dinner has been tidied up, I retreat to my room, hopeful that Asher will seek me out as he has done the last two evenings. My wait is short.

A soft knock punctuates the quiet, and I immediately swing open the door. Asher steps in, cradling an open bottle of champagne and two glasses. He's still dressed in the black button-down shirt and jeans he wore earlier. His gaze is soft, his smile small but tender.

"Hey," he greets, a single word carrying a wealth of warmth.

His eyebrow arches slightly, a silent question hanging between us. When I nod in response, he places the glasses on my desk and fills each with champagne. Handing me one, we settle side by side on my bed.

"Thanks," I murmur as he joins me.

He extends his glass for a celebratory clink. As if he understands I’m feeling quiet and reflective, he doesn't speak, doesn't question, just lets me be. He's a quick study, always giving me the space and time to think what I'm thinking without the pressure to share it. His instincts about what I want and need are so on point it scares me. How can he know me so well already?

His thumb brushes over the promise ring, sending shivers down my spine. "Happy birthday, Lilah." I gaze at the ring that somehow seems so much more than just a piece of jewellery—it's a symbol of hope, love, and a future. It's a promise that Asher and I will try to find a way through the challenges life is about to throw at us.

"I know you're unsure about this, about us,” he says softly. “I know it's going to take time to prove we will make it work, but we will. And this will be the first of many birthdays we spend together."

Suddenly, I feel the urge to confess my fears to him, so I do. The words spill out of my mouth before I can stop them. I tell him about my conversation with Mum, about my fears, doubts, and the concerns about our future.

"I love you, Lilah," Asher interrupts gently. "We'll make it work.”

His eyes are filled with so much promise and determination that it makes me believe in him—believe in us. He nods to my phone, lying on the bedside table.

"Can you put on some music?"

It's my turn to raise an eyebrow. His grin does crazy things to my insides. "I really want to dance with you."

Well, okay then.

As soon as I cue up one of my favourite songs, Asher rises and draws me into his arms. We sway gently to the music, embraced by the comforting silence, and I lift my gaze to meet his. The tenderness in his eyes makes my heart thump hard. Suddenly, there are no secrets, no tabloids, no looming distances threatening us. While I may not have worked out a strategy for the impending challenges, I am not alone. Asher is by my side, and together, we will find a way. I hope.

He dips his head, pressing a kiss to my lips that is both soft and sweet. This sparks a surge of electricity that races through me, causing my pulse to quicken. The gentle touch of his lips against mine contrasts sharply with the intense wave of need coursing through my veins. My knees buckle as his tongue sweeps into my mouth and I become intoxicated by the taste of champagne on his tongue.

The ignited need within me becomes undeniable, and soon I'm undressing him, begging him to help me forget about the future. We fall onto my bed, a tangle of limbs, consumed by hot and desperate touches and kisses. Throughout the night, he brings me to orgasm amidst whispers and promises of forever.

We don't drift off to sleep until close to dawn, and even then, I still don't know what the future holds. However, I cling to the one thing I do know—we have the present. We have each other. And for now, that has to be enough.

The week leading up to our exams whirl by in a flurry of late-night cramming and heightened nerves. With the impending departure of Asher and the looming end-of-year exams, time flies. Each passing day, each passing moment, my heart aches with the impending dread of Asher leaving.

However, amidst the constant studying and the inevitability of saying goodbye, I come to a realization—the love and friendship we share, the bond between us, extends beyond the present. It encompasses every shared laughter, every shared tear, and every shared memory we've woven into the past few months or year of our lives.

Asher and I seize moments together whenever we can, sharing hushed words and lingering touches, expressing our affection in the most intimate way.

In all honesty, initiating a physical relationship with him right before exams was a terrible idea. Memories of everything he does to me in my bedroom keep me on edge during the day, fuelling my desperation to get through each long study session so I can have his hands and mouth on me once more. To maintain focus and keep myself on track, I ask Mum and Jesse if I can invite my friends over to study, and they agree.

I invite the crew over: Mason, Briony, Lana, Dawson, Kennedy, Ethan, and Giselle, who is in Year Twelve at another high school. Several nights before our first exam, all of us gather around the large Cassidy dining table. Mum takes great delight in filling the table with snacks to keep us fuelled, and Jesse makes us coffee. The dining table becomes a chaotic mess, textbooks spread out, highlighters and note cards creating a colourful chaos. The room is filled with a collective hum of concentration, occasionally punctuated by frustrated groans or sighs. It feels productive yet social.

Asher sits next to me, one hand idly tracing circles on my knee beneath the table, while the other flips through a textbook. I catch a faint whiff of his cologne and feel the comforting warmth of his body radiating onto me. Every now and then, he leans over to explain a complex equation that's perplexing me or inquire about what I've written for our practice text responses.

Despite the challenges we face, despite the shadow of goodbye looming over us, we have managed to create these beautiful moments of normalcy. As Asher squeezes my hand under the table, an unspoken promise passing between us, I'm reminded once again that we will confront whatever comes our way, together. No matter how daunting the future may appear, we have each other and our shared determination to make it work.

I stride down the hallway towards Music Room 1, the setting of my last exam: Music Inquiry. It's a demanding compilation of all I've absorbed about music, encompassing theory, history, and performance. The examination is brutal, and I’m relieved for the many nights and days I spent studying.

By the time I stand and move to take my booklet to the supervising teacher, I’m exhausted yet lighter. I made it. I survived Year Twelve. This is really it, the end of my high school career. I've worked hard, and I've achieved every one of the goals I set for myself at the start of the year.

Yet, this year was not without its surprises. Like being paired with Asher for the duet. Like falling for him so deeply that I cannot imagine starting my day without seeing his face across the breakfast table.

Exiting the exam hall, Asher's waiting for me. Our eyes meet, a small smirk gracing his handsome face.

Silently, we step outside into the humid spring day. The sun shines bright in the clear sky, casting its warm glow over the school that's been my second home for the past four years. Our classmates, some of whom I've known for years, mill about, laughing and talking animatedly. Asher's driving me home, and he’s also giving Ethan a ride home since Ethan’s car is in the shop. We pause, waiting for him to find us. I seize this moment to savour the time with Asher. Despite our inability to show affection openly, I want to remember this moment forever.

I glance at Asher, standing tall and looking unbelievably attractive. His tie is loosened, and his dark hair is tousled from his restless hand. His departure is imminent. He's about to leave this country and the home we've shared for the past eleven months.

"If we hadn’t spent so much time fighting," I whisper wistfully.

He turns to me, his eyes softening. "What?"

"If we’d never…" I exhale a frustrated breath, torn between my struggle to voice my feelings and the looming end of our time together. "All the time we spent with me dating Ethan and you resenting me... If I hadn’t let those girls' words influence me, we could have been together a long time ago."

There's a pause as he wears an intense look, followed by a smirk that sends my heart into overdrive. "Maybe," he concedes, "but perhaps it needed to be this way. The arguments, the misunderstandings, the animosity... Maybe they all contributed to bringing us where we are now."

"But we've wasted so much time, Asher," I confess, my heart heavy.

He moves a step closer, careful not to touch me as we can't, not here. But the way he gazes at me, the look in his eyes, feels so intimate, he might as well be kissing me. Thankfully, everyone else is too preoccupied, celebrating their freedom from school and homework.

He reaches out, brushing my face gently with his hand. "We can't change the past, Lilah, and yes, it would have been easier if... things were different. Do you know how many times I've regretted not telling Ethan that I liked you?"

My heart skips a beat at his words.

"But losing my chance with you like that? Deluding myself into thinking you were different from what you really are? It's made me more determined than ever to prove that you're the one for me. Someone I can grow with, mature with, create music with. I love you, Lilah. Now that I understand what's at stake and how easily I can deceive myself into thinking I don’t need you, now that I realize how wrong I was, I will ensure that we make it work."

I'm so caught up in his words, I don't even notice I'm leaning towards him, yearning for his kiss, until Ethan steps between us.

"Guys, gross, we’re in public. Behave yourselves."

Looking at him, I see that he's not upset. Instead, Ethan’s grinning at us. He seems... happy. He's already moving towards the car, phone in hand. Probably eager to text Giselle, who will meet us for dinner. Tonight, we'll join our friends for a party at Remy's, but dinner will be just us four. Ethan hasn't said anything, but it feels much like a double date.

It feels like more than tolerance; it feels like endorsement.

Asher shrugs, then reaches for my hand, leading me along. Glancing around, I realize no one is paying attention to us. They're caught up in their own celebrations, and for a fleeting moment, I relish the sense of normalcy, as if Asher is simply my boyfriend. I bask in Ethan’s good humour and his request to turn up the music as we drive home to the Cassidy mansion – my home. My stepbrothers by my side.

We've done it. We've finished high school. It's over. Now, all that's left is the wait for the university acceptance letters and Asher and Ethan's impending departure. But with Asher beside me, his hand on my knee, Ethan singing along in the backseat, I am confident that we'll tackle whatever lies ahead, just as we always have.

When I glance at Asher, he’s gazing back at me. I smile, silently assuring him that I believe in us – that we can do this.

His returning smile is as bright as the sun.

I lean into the moment, drawing comfort from his assurance and the commitment ring on my finger. Together. We will face whatever the future brings together, no matter what.

Author's Note:

Hi everyone! Initially, my plan was to finish writing Ep. 41 and jump into crafting Ep. 42. However, the ending of this episode stopped me in my tracks, causing me to make a decision. I've decided to wrap up the season right here and right now. It just feels like the right time.

As promised, I aimed to provide a HFN (Happy for Now) ending that would leave you with a sense of hope for the future. Trust me when I say that the challenges and adventures awaiting this couple demand it. It's like pressing the pause button at the most optimistic point of their journey—for now, at least.

I can't stress enough how much your input matters to me. I'd absolutely love to hear your thoughts on the ending (I’m also really nervous to hear them). Did it leave you satisfied, or were there additional scenes you wished you could have seen? Your feedback will play a crucial role in shaping the direction of the next season, and if there's a strong demand for it, I may consider adding more content.

I always have a tendency to get sappy in my final author’s notes, but this isn’t goodbye. I have plenty more content coming your way, and Lilah and Asher’s journey will continue soon.

Thanks so much for reading, for commenting, for liking…

All my love,

Elle

XOXO

Rockstar Bay Academy: Part 40

Elle Fielding — Fri, 19 May 2023 12:00:52 GMT

Lilah

The knock on my door is barely audible, almost lost in the silence of the night. Had I been asleep, it would have slipped past unnoticed. But sleep eludes me, my mind replaying the cringe-inducing silence that followed Mr. Whittaker's probing question about girlfriends. Tear-streaked and restless, I've been waiting for Asher to come home, hoping he would seek me out when he did. It's a relief that he finally has.

Slowly, I rise and open the door, careful not to make a sound.

As the door creaks open, Asher's arms wrap around my waist, pulling me close. His lips find mine in a hungry kiss, instantly melting away the tension in my body. I'm grateful for the darkness that conceals the swollen redness of my tear-stained eyes.

"I missed you," he murmurs between kisses.

We stumble into my room, the door closing softly behind us. His mouth returns to mine, the taste a curious yet captivating blend of bourbon and toothpaste. It's the first time he's come to me this late, and despite the whirlwind of thoughts threatening to consume me, I focus on savouring his taste and the way our tongues intertwine.

"I'm sleeping with you tonight," he declares, starting to unbutton his shirt.

Eager to have him near, I assist him in removing his shirt and tease in a whisper, "Just sleeping?"

"That was the plan."

"I'm going to die a virgin," I mutter, more to myself than to him.

He laughs, a low, husky sound that resonates in the stillness of the room. With a swift motion, he seizes me by the waist, pulling me onto the bed. Initially, I find myself on top, but within seconds, he deftly rolls me beneath him. As my legs instinctively fall open, embracing his hips, an awareness washes over me—I'm dressed in tiny sleep shorts and a snug singlet top. The sensation of his jeans-covered thighs nestled between mine sparks an electric current, his body heat seeping through the fabric. An intense surge of electricity sets me ablaze as his hands slide up my parted thighs and his kisses trail down my neck.

I bite my lip to stifle a moan, not wanting to alert anyone in the house. His hands slip under me and he palms my backside, causing me to spread my legs a little further apart. My mind is clouded with desire, and all I can think about is the way Asher's touch makes me feel. When his lips come back to mine, they're hot, his hands on my skin, hotter. Usually, he's the embodiment of control, especially when alcohol is involved. Maybe that's why he's here tonight, his guard lowered. He seems slightly tipsy, a state I've never seen him in before.

"Did you have a good night?" I ask between kisses, attempting to maintain a steady voice.

In the darkness, I sense him gazing down at me. "I couldn't stop thinking about you, about us."

His words hang in the air, making my heart flutter. In response, I reach out to caress his face.

"I need to see you," he murmurs.

Before I can protest, he flicks on my bedside light. His gaze explores my face, taking in every detail, including, I'm sure, the tell-tale signs of my earlier tears. His kisses, previously hot and demanding, soften, becoming tender and lingering. The gentleness of his touch sends my stomach into freefall, my heart pounding so loudly that it drowns out all other sounds.

When we finally break for air, he whispers, "I didn't want to go tonight, not without you."

“You’re on the path to stardom, Asher. And this is just the beginning for you and MOD,” I whisper. “I knew our time together was running out when we started this.”

My voice breaks on the last word, and he catches it, staring down at me intensely.

“I don’t want to break up, Lilah.”

His words tear my heart in two. “You heard what Whittaker said—”

“That doesn’t mean we can’t prove him wrong.”

“Asher…I…”

I wish things were different. I wish we had more time together, that we could be together without upending both our lives. I wish we weren’t being pulled in two different directions. I wish we’d found each other later in life and that things were different. So, so different.

I don’t say any of this out loud, but I don’t need to. Asher has become adept at reading me, and he sees every pain-filled wish as it crosses my face.

“Do you know why I've resisted sleeping with you?" His question hangs in the air, his gaze searching mine.

I shake my head, lost for words.

He sighs, his eyes flitting between mine. "Initially, I wanted to take things slow, to savor every moment with you."

"And now?"

His eyes lock onto mine, unwavering even as he moves his lower body against mine in a way that steals the air from my lungs. His way of telling me it's not due to a lack of desire. "Now, I'm not sure how I’m supposed to be with you in that way and then just walk away. You've become this... addiction. I know that once I cross that line with you, once I have you, I won’t be able to come back from it. I won’t be able to deny myself. I won’t be able to hold back, and it’s going to wreck me to leave you, Lilah. It’s going to shatter me.”

He’s. Killing. Me.

His confession only reinforces how desperately I want to be his. I lift my head, fitting my lips over his as I wrap my legs around his waist, anchoring him to me, intoxicated by his unique mix of bourbon and toothpaste and the fact I have him exactly where I want him - between my legs. A pulsating heat coils low in my belly. I was already slick and needy after kissing him, but the insistent pressure of his arousal against me is gasoline on the fire, setting my body alight.

"I need you," I plead. "Please."

I don't want him to leave without giving himself to me, without giving this to me. When he departs, he belongs to MOD and the world. But in this moment, this evening, in my bed, it belongs to me. To us. It won't last, but...

"I need to know you're mine," I whisper.

Even if it's just for tonight.

My words seem to ignite something within him. The raw intensity in his gaze fills me with anticipation. There's a wild, almost feral look in his eyes as he gathers himself. Sobriety replaces the tipsy glaze, and he gently lifts my chin, compelling me to meet his gaze.

"I am yours," he declares. "I always will be. You may not understand it now, but someday you will. Until then, I’m going to keep showing you how much you fucking own me, Lilah Kelly."

A powerful shiver ripples through me at his words, and I arch my back, silently urging him to take me. I want to give him everything, holding nothing back. He's the only one I've ever desired to cross this threshold with, and I have no doubts, no regrets.

“Are you sure you're ready for this?” he asks.

“Asher, I've been ready—”

“No.” He shakes his head. “If we do this, I'm not letting you go. Not for my sake. If you want me, you'll have me. I'm not giving up on us again. Do you understand?”

Considering the obstacles we'll face, I struggle to envision how we can truly be together. Yet, I can't bring myself to deny the elusive fantasy I've rarely allowed myself to indulge in—a future where the two of us are united. So, I offer a nod, and as he observes my compliance, his demeanour undergoes a noticeable shift.

In the bedroom, he has always allowed me to take the lead, guiding us to some extent. He never pushed for more, teasing me instead with his willingness to hold back and make me beg. However, now that I've fully committed myself to him, the intensity I've always sensed in him when he plays and composes music emerges. Suddenly, he possesses an unwavering determination to undress me and have me beneath him, causing a whirlwind of nerves to intertwine with the desire coiled in the pit of my belly.

Keeping me securely wrapped around him, he lifts us from the bed. With one hand sliding beneath my butt, he assists me in removing my singlet top. The moment his gaze fixates on my protruding breasts, aching for his touch, the hooded and seductive expression he wears compels me to instinctively tighten my legs around him. As he dips his head and takes one of my nipples into his mouth, I throw my head back and moan, overcome by pleasure. His sucking and nibbling actions make me writhe with delight.

"Asher," I gasp, my fingers tangling in his hair. "Please."

He pushes me back onto the bed, stepping away, leaving me yearning even as his eyes blaze with hunger.

My stomach drops as I watch him kick off his shoes before reaching for the button on his jeans and undoing it, followed by the fly. He retrieves a packet from his pocket—a condom, I think—and places it on my bedside table before kicking off his jeans. As I lie back on the bed, waiting for him, my breath catches as I gaze at the impressive and rigid length of him within the confines of his boxer briefs. Within seconds, he rejoins me on the bed.

His lips trace a path down my neck, lightly suckling as he reaches my shoulder, while his hands gently slide my sleep shorts off. My body feels as if it's teetering on the edge of an explosion. Panting, I struggle to contain my arousal as his mouth captures mine once more. The touch of Asher's lips upon me feels scorching, the heat piercing through my core. The anticipation swirling in my belly mirrors the throbbing ache between my legs. His fingers slip beneath my panties, exploring my folds to find me soaked, ready, and yearning for his touch. My body trembles in anticipation of the impending pleasure as he uses soft circles to prepare me, gradually increasing the speed and pressure. Beads of sweat form on my skin. The pulsating throb between my legs synchronizes with my frantic heartbeat, and his low groan fuels my desire as he delves deeper, starting with one finger and gradually adding another, eliciting a tight clench around him.

As the tension in my body intensifies, my breaths become shallow and my hips lift in pursuit of ultimate pleasure. His tongue plunges into my mouth, setting a rhythm that promises to push me over the edge, even as I yearn to be filled by more than just his fingers. I crave the union with him, surrendering to pleasure, and as ecstasy unfurls within me, I gasp into his kiss, waves of pleasure cascading through me.

Fuelled by my recent release, I push against his chest, and he allows me to flip us. Positioning myself on top, my hands roam over his chest, tracing his tattoos, relishing the sharp intake of his breath every time I edge closer to the elastic of his briefs. I kiss his mouth, his neck, tracing my path down to his chest. My tongue glides over his nipples, followed by a soft blow, savouring his involuntary thrust upwards, seeking friction. The faded scent of his Apollo fills my nose, reigniting my craving for him.

"Lilah."

I can feel the heat radiating from him as I continue to explore, and when I lick just below his belly button, he reacts as if jolted by electricity.

That's his cue to regain control. With a swift roll, he's back on top, his lips charting a trail down my body.

My entire body tingles and tightens in response. His mouth travels lower, teasing my navel before he settles between my legs.

When his tongue finally meets me between my legs, I'm desperate for him. I shift to open wider, aware of how every part of me quivers and burns with pleasure. Each stroke of his tongue winds the tension in my belly tighter and tighter, bringing me closer and closer to another orgasm—until Asher pauses.

"Please," I whisper.

"What do you want?"

"I need you," I tell him, the rest of my words swallowed up in a moan as he circles his finger around the opening.

"My tongue? My fingers? Tell me."

Yes and yes. But most of all, I need to feel him now. I need to surrender to him and let him take my body where I've only ever dreamt about going.

"I want you inside me, Ash."

His dark, hooded gaze is electric. “Are you sure you want this?”

Want me?

I hear the words, even though he doesn’t say them aloud.

My breath hitches. "Yes," I whisper, my heart fluttering.

“Yes, what?”

“I want you. I’m ready.” So freaking ready. “Do me already.”

"I love you," he whispers, his lips brushing against mine.

"Asher," I whisper.

He retrieves the condom from the bedside table, where he had previously placed it after taking it out of his jeans pocket, and tears the wrapper open, rolling it over himself. I swallow as I take in just how huge he is. With Ethan, I always worried about how much sex would hurt, but tonight I don't care about the pain or how much it might hurt; I just need him. Being with him in this way is all that matters. Once it's on, he lays on his back and I straddle him, guiding him between my legs until I can feel him pressing against me, leaving me breathless. To accommodate him, I widen my thighs, and as I begin to sink onto him, he firmly grasps my hips. However, even though I'm wetter than I've ever been, it takes some effort to overcome the resistance of the broad head of his shaft. Once I manage to, I start to slide down his length slowly, a slight sting causing me to wince. He sits up and kisses me passionately, feeding me hot and sweet kisses that continue until I've completely taken him inside. His rigid shaft fills me entirely. The realization leaves me breathless and gasping as I feel him pulsate within me. My body tightens around him, clenching even tighter.

He seems to be holding back, his breathing ragged, his cheeks flushed. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything sexier. My sexy rock god stepbrother who is destined to set the world on fire with his music. The sensation of being with him like this overwhelms me, leaving me almost dizzy and euphoric, a mingling of pain and pleasure that intensifies with each passing moment. My eyes wander to the point where our bodies are joined, my heart pounding relentlessly against my ribcage. Placing my hands on his chest, he lays back down and I start to slide up and down his length slowly and deliberately. At first, it feels unfamiliar and slightly uncomfortable, but soon my body adjusts to his, I grow even wetter, and it starts to feel good. With the discomfort gone, I become bolder and begin to experiment. I lean backward, I lean forward. I sit up straight and circle my hips, each motion propelling me closer to the brink of ecstasy once again. My breath quickens as his hands encircle my hips, holding me firmly in place and momentarily halting my movements.

"Feels too good," he grunts. "Need a moment."

The strength of his desire for me is overpowering, almost unbearable to withstand. While he keeps me immobile, every nerve ending tingles with intense sensation. The intensity in his gaze as he watches me leaves me feeling exposed, as if every layer has been peeled away. Transparent. Every nerve ending is firing off and I'm left with desperate longing to move again. I can't resist rocking my hips. Overwhelmed by the sensation, I gasp as he groans.

"Fuck it," he murmurs, and then he urges me to move, his hands guiding me up and down his length faster and harder.

Quickly, pleasure builds and builds, each movement taking me higher and higher. As high as I reach, I can't quite find the peak I'm yearning for. Then, he adjusts my position slightly, so I'm not taking him as deeply, feeling myself rubbing against the base of his cock with each descent. It doesn't take long for me to start unravelling, heat and tension building with nowhere else to go but explode into intense pleasure. Wave after wave of ecstasy rocks through me. This orgasm is like nothing I've experienced before. My entire body clenches around him, and he groans loudly as my body tightens around his, craving everything he can give me. Then, he takes hold of my hips, moving me as he desires, faster, harder. Until he firmly pulls me down on top of him, holding me in place as his body jerks inside mine. This sensation triggers another surge of pleasure, and I clench around him once more.

Sated and exhausted, I collapse against his chest, and he tightly wraps his arms around me. He kisses my hair and my neck, and I nestle deeper into him.

After a few minutes, he gently disentangles us and rises to use my bathroom. Immediately, my thoughts return to his words about not giving up on us again. Did he truly mean it? Can we overcome the obstacles?

When he returns from the bathroom, he slides back into bed beside me, drawing me back into his arms. I rest my head upon his chest, listening to the rhythm of his heartbeat. My heart is so full of love for him that the idea we won’t make it is a tangible ache in my chest.

His finger traces soothing patterns over my back, and he reads my silence so astutely that it unnerves me. "We'll make it work," he says. "We'll call and text and FaceTime. I'll visit as often as possible."

I nod against his chest. Yet, despite his reassurance, the weight of our uncertain future still hangs over me. I can't figure out how we’re supposed to navigate being a couple once this year ends, or how Ethan, our parents, or the world will perceive us if we choose not to break up.

There are countless unknowns, and it feels overwhelming. Numerous obstacles stand in our path. All I know is that I love Asher, and the thought of a life without him is unimaginable. So, for the first time, I allow myself to be selfish—to dream of holding onto him, claiming him as mine, and believing that we are destined for more than this short, secret relationship. With these hopeful thoughts, I finally fall asleep in his arms, wrapped in the fantasy that we are no longer impossible.

Thanks for reading, everyone. I know I made you wait for this scene and I'm sorry for that. It was a case of wanting a little more time to smooth the chapter out and make it the scene I really wanted it to be. I still would have liked a little more time to reduce some of the repetition and whatnot, but I wanted to get it out to you as soon as it was readable. Please forgive any errors.

We have two more chapters for this season of Rockstar Bay. I'll publish 41 on Tuesday and 42 (the ending) on Friday. That will be it.

I started publishing this on Substack in December ‘21. Nearly a year and a half later, here we are. In a way, I’m sorry to see this end because I’ve enjoyed writing it so much. Thanks, as always, for reading and supporting me here.

I hope you have a great weekend.

All my love,

Elle

Rockstar Bay Academy: Part 39

Elle Fielding — Tue, 09 May 2023 12:00:40 GMT

Lilah

At the beginning of the year, my dream was to perform in the end-of-year showcase. Now, here I am, waiting to take the stage with Asher. I'm doing my best to soak in the excitement and atmosphere, to appreciate what I've accomplished and achieved this year, but I'm too focused on not messing up. Asher stands close, his shoulder touching mine as we wait. Although he doesn't say it, I can feel his silent reassurance in the strength and confidence and the protective position he stands in next to me. Nonetheless, my stomach churns with nerves as Mr. Watkins places a hand on my shoulder, signalling that they're ready for us.

The stage lights are dim, but I feel overheated from my nerves as Asher and I step out from behind the blush-red curtains where we've been waiting. My heart races with both excitement and fear as we take our seats, arranged on stage for us. The room is packed with alumni and industry bigwigs, all eager to see what we can do. I know I'll be offered a spot at the Australian University of Music, barring a complete disaster tonight. Asher and I have rehearsed this song countless times this year; I can play it in my sleep. We're ready.

As we begin to sing, the music takes over, and I forget everything except Asher and this song about impossibility. The message of our song, the words about impossibility, resonate more strongly than before. Four months ago, Asher and I were still skirting around the connection between us. Ethan still posed an obstacle. Now, Ethan knows and has given us his blessing, but our careers and circumstances are poised to pull us apart in a matter of weeks.

As the song reaches its climax and Asher and I sing together, I become emotional. Asher's voice still blends seamlessly with mine, and, thankfully, the emotion in my voice doesn't hinder our performance; it enhances it.

It was easier to hate you. Can't we turn back the clock? Longing for the impossible. Now this is all we'll have Me: Yeah, this is all we'll be Asher: Because, baby, we're impossible. Both of us: Yeah, we're impossible.

I've known all along that saying goodbye to Asher at the end of the year would be difficult and painful. However, as we sing together, our voices melding in perfect harmony, the agonizing realization that I'm in much deeper than I ever intended forces me to sing around the tennis ball-sized lump in my throat. As our eyes lock, the intensity of the moment swells, and there's a magnetic pull between us that's almost impossible to ignore.

Tonight, he looks every bit the sexy rock God, dressed in all black, with his longish dark hair and his dark eyes. Asher exudes confidence and power at the best of times, but it's more subtle off stage. On stage, he's irresistible. It's as if a raw energy courses through him, igniting a fire that burns brightly, drawing me in like a moth to a flame. As our gazes remain entwined, I can't help but feel the weight of how much I want him, a need that seems to intensify with every beat of my racing heart.

I dove into this relationship with Asher, trying to savour every moment, every stolen kiss, every touch that sent shivers down my spine. I thought I was holding back a part of myself, keeping a piece of my heart guarded, aware that the end was looming. But now, sitting here with him, feeling the electricity and the gravitational pull he has over me, I know that when he leaves, it's still going to hurt more than anything I've experienced before.

Too Much at stake. Pretend we don't ache. Regret every chance we didn't take. If we'd dared to love before turning to hate…Baby, we wouldn't be where we are.

As Asher plays his guitar and I sing the final part of this song, the finality and inevitability of this moment—the fact this might be the last time we play together for who knows how long—make finishing without crying a challenge, especially when I sing the one line I changed.

You tried to hate me, now there's no way out that I can see. Can't want what I want, feel what I feel. I've lost my heart on this battlefield.

Our performance earns us thunderous applause. In fact, perhaps I'm imagining it, but I think the applause is louder for us than it has been for any of the other acts this evening. When I look at Asher, he nods in the direction of the audience. Shielding my eyes, I see people rising to their feet. As I watch, more and more people stand. Goosebumps break out all over me. I want to laugh. I want to cry.

Asher grins at me, and I grin back through tears that are equal parts joy and sorrow. He reaches out and squeezes my hand, a look of intense pride in his eyes as well as tender understanding. I have no doubt he could sense how close my emotions were to the surface.

We both stand up and take a bow, then exit the stage from the opposite direction we entered. Asher and I are immediately surrounded by the staff waiting backstage. Compliments and pats on the back pour in, and the whole time I'm aware of Asher stealing glances at me—probably checking to make sure I'm okay. I desperately want to prolong the moment, to savour it with Asher, but unlike the last performance evening, when Asher and I could enjoy the rest of the acts together, he has to go on stage with MOD. Our duet was the fourth last, and MOD is closing the show.

Before we can snag a single moment alone, Ethan and the rest of MOD find Asher.

"Great job," Ethan says to us before giving me a quick peck on the cheek. "It was perfect. We'll celebrate later. But we need to get ready."

Asher throws me a regretful look. I force a smile and wish them all good luck before walking away, joining the other performers who are sitting in the section backstage. Like last time, there's a large screen set up so we can watch our fellow classmates perform. Kennedy waves to me from the front of the section, but she's surrounded by people because she was one of the first acts to go on. So, I sit next to Gayle Munroe, who performed a fantastic acoustic solo.

Her eyes light up when she sees me. "Lilah, you and Asher killed it out there. I haven't heard the audience react like that to anyone else all night."

"Thanks, Gayle."

I remember when Asher said I'd never outperform Gayle Munroe for a solo. He was right, I suppose. My lips twitch as I imagine he never would have envisioned he and I would write a duet and make it in as a duo. What a ride this year has been.

"Working with Asher has been good for you," Gayle says.

I nod. "He's taught me a lot."

She tilts her head to the side. "No, I don't think it's what he's taught you. I've overheard you working on a couple of songs in class, and your song lyrics are deeper than ever." A grin spreads across her face. "Though maybe that is Asher's influence; his songs are full of emotions. But I actually meant I think whatever is between you and Asher is responsible for the change in your style."

I force a smile. I don't know if she's asking me or implying there's something between Asher and me, but I have no intention of confirming or denying it. What Asher and I do until he's gone is our business, and considering Asher is set to be a star and I also hope to be in the limelight, there's no reason to give anyone a hint of a scandal. It was bad enough when Ethan had the outburst at prom. Since then, everyone assumes we parted ways or stopped anything that might have been romantic, which we did. No one knows we got back together—well, except for Ethan, Mum, possibly Jesse, and Kennedy.

Fortunately, I'm saved from having to continue the conversation when MOD takes the stage, and everybody quiets down because no one wants to miss their performance.

Every time I see the band together on stage, I’m blown away. And tonight’s performance only compounds what I already knew about them being destined for greatness. It’s always been there in the back of my head, you know, this quiet knowledge I’m living with rockstars, but the boys are ridiculously grounded considering how talented they are. Maybe because Jesse has been so intent on them finishing school and living with some normalcy in their lives until they graduate. But school is nearly done. And it’s too easy to see they were born for the big stage. That any normalcy or semblance of a normal life has just been an illusion.

Watching Asher work the stage, owning every inch of it with confidence and charisma, I can't help but marvel at how in command he is, effortlessly drawing the audience in and making them hang on his every word and note. The way all four of them, but especially Ethan and Asher sing together is like watching something magical before the rest of the world. Like a fleeting moment of wonder you know you’ll have to share with the world one day, but right now it belongs to us.

Once again, my throat tightens with emotion.

Only after the song is over do I look down and realize that, at some point, Gayle was squeezing my hand. Or maybe I was squeezing hers. It's a bit strange, and I let go immediately.

She laughs. "Sorry, I just get really excited when I see them perform. It's like witnessing something incredible before it belongs to the rest of the world."

Isn't that precisely what I was thinking? I can only nod in agreement.

"How does it feel to be their stepsister?"

I exhale. "There have been highs and lows."

She smirks. "Mmm, I'll bet. Hey, I meant to ask you, did you apply to AUoM?"

I nod. "Why?"

"Me too! Maybe we can room together."

I give her a small smile. "Maybe."

Gayle has never been mean or bitchy to me. In fact, she's considered one of the nicest people at school; I just don't know her particularly well. We've had different friendship groups. Still, if she's keen, maybe it's a chance to get to know her better. She is a brilliant songwriter, as Asher once pointed out to me, top of the class. So, she's another musician I could possibly learn from.

"Who knows, maybe we could even start a girl band!" she exclaims. "I'm joking, of course. I'm much more of a solo artist, and I know you are too. Taylor Swift, we're coming for you."

I laugh, finding the idea of starting a girl band amusing.

All the lights go on backstage just as MOD make their way off stage, undoubtedly receiving a standing ovation. The showcase is officially over, and now is the part of the night where we're expected to mingle. Since all the seats are set up in the auditorium, the mingling happens backstage. The school has a very large area for that exact purpose, a spacious room with a bar and drinks station for people to mingle in these precise circumstances.

I turn around and see Asher. He sees me too and starts in my direction, but before I can meet him, he's intercepted by someone, and Mrs. Reiner beckons Gayle and me. "I have someone I'd like for you to meet, ladies. Come with me."

My heart races with the knowledge of who it's likely to be. Gayle gives a short squeal beside me. Sure enough, Mrs. Reiner proudly introduces us to the Dean of the Australian University of Music, Dean Hanley, and for a moment, I'm too distracted by nerves to think about anything other than how long I've wanted this.

"Fantastic performance, both of you," Dean Hanley says, shaking our hands. "Our school is so fortunate to be receiving this level of talent."

Gayle and I make small talk with the dean. By the time the conversation comes to a natural conclusion, I'm excited and can't wait to tell Asher about the meeting. I search for him everywhere, but as soon as I spot him talking to Mr. Watkins near one of the drink stations, I hear someone calling out to me. Jesse and Mum approach quickly, a man I don't recognize trailing them.

Her eyes are as bright as her smile. "Wonderful job, sweetie." She hugs me tight. "You were amazing. You're going to be a big star."

Jesse gives me a kiss on the cheek. "Lilah, you were fantastic! Knocked the socks right off me."

I beam at him, loving the pride I see in his eyes before my attention turns to the man with Jesse. He must be in his fifties, smartly dressed in a navy suit, his white-blond hair slicked back.

Jesse places a hand on the man's shoulder. "Cal, this is my stepdaughter, Lilah."

"Brilliant song, young lady."

His accent is unmistakably American, and I have to force myself to thank him and smile because I suddenly have a very bad feeling I know who this is.

"Lilah, this is one of American Records' best producers, Mr. Whittaker."

"Nice to meet you," I say, my stomach sinking to my feet.

Jesse waves Asher, Ethan, Declan, and Cameron over to us, the four members of MOD. I take a step back and stand with my mother as Jesse introduces them to Callum.

No, not introduces them. Re-introduces them.

"Stunning performance, boys. I can't believe how much you've improved since the last time I was here. I want to get you into the studio as soon as possible." He claps his hands together gleefully. "You're going to make me so much money. And what a set of heartbreakers. Tell me none of you have girlfriends."

There's an awkward pause, and I can't look at the group as no one speaks.

"Never mind," Mr. Whittaker says. "They won't last when you start touring. You boys are only young anyway. You've got the rest of your lives ahead of you, and let me tell you, the women are going to eat you up. Are y'all ready for the upcoming move? We have a condo…"

Mr. Whittaker runs the four through what they can expect for their accommodations. He tells them they've already got collaborations lined up, and performances are mentioned. I can see the excitement building in Asher and Ethan's faces. Their dreams came true some time ago, but they've had to wait to take this step. Now it's right in front of them – the next part of their journey.

I want to be happy for them. I am happy for them. But never has the chasm between where they are and where I am felt larger than it does right now. They've made it, and I still have a long way to go. It's not jealousy I feel. I don't mind hard work, and this was the path I set for myself. I want to do this on my own. But it's the difference in the stages of our careers that makes things seem all the more impossible for Asher and me. Breaking up seemed like the only course of action when the band left, but I'm not sure how to do that now. I'm not sure how to break up with him when he leaves. I don't know how to say goodbye.

But how can I not? They're leaving, and I'm staying behind. It feels like we just got back together, and now it's almost over for Asher and me. Moreover, we can never be together the way I wish we could be. Our romance was destined for the shadows, so it doesn't cause waves with Ethan or for MOD or for me. So it can't cause a scandal. I can never have him, never be with him. Not the way I want to be. Loving him is something I have to keep to myself, and when the rest of the world claims him, I'll be left with nothing but memories of the short time we had together in secret.

Suddenly, Asher glances my way, and our eyes meet. I try to smile back, but my heart feels as if it's on fire and my eyes are stinging with unshed tears.

"How about a drink? Can we do that, Jess?" Mr. Whittaker asks Jesse. "They're all of age now, aren't they?"

Jesse nods. "My two are eighteen, and Declan and Cam are nineteen and twenty."

"You don't mind if I take them out for a celebratory drink, do you? You can all come. You and Cait, and your lovely stepdaughter." Mr. Whittaker winks at me.

Jesse glances at me, and so do Mum and Asher. I think Mum reads me perfectly because she puts a hand on Jesse's arm and says, "You go. I'm tired, and Lilah is too. We'll meet you at home." When Mum looks at me, I nod.

Asher looks between his brother and me. And when his dark eyes meet mine, I see the conflict tearing at him. He wants to be with me, but he needs to be with his brother and his band.

"Go," I mouth. "I'll see you later."

He looks less than pleased, but then Ethan puts his hand on Asher's arm and says something, and Asher nods, even as a frown passes over his face. In a moment of sudden clarity, I understand in more depth what Asher and Ethan have been fighting about: a girlfriend being a distraction. I see that Maddie and Ainsley weren't because the brothers never loved either of them. Asher's love for me, and even Ethan's before that, were a distraction from their priority. Both of them need to focus on the band and the band entirely. There isn't really room for anything else, not in the world they're about to step into. There isn't room for anyone else. Not now. And loving someone, trying to maintain a relationship under the circumstances they're about to find themselves in, is just too difficult.

Jesse kisses Mum goodbye, and then he walks out with Mr. Whittaker and MOD, leaving Mum and me standing there. All it takes is one look full of compassion from my mum, and the tears I've been forcing back since I played on stage with Asher finally spill down my cheeks.

Mum wraps her arms around me and whispers in my ear that it will all be okay. That I will be okay. That I'm strong and talented, and I have the rest of my life ahead of me. She tells me she loves me and she's proud of me. She tells me this will hurt like nothing I've ever known, but I'll get through it.

I wish I could believe her.

A/N: This was not the episode I'd intended to write and publish today, but it is the one I have. Definitely mature content next episode. I wanted to include it in this episode, but it just got too long.

Still hoped you like this one.

XOXO

Elle

P.S. Do you prefer one or two updates per week? Or more? Or less. Let me know!

Rockstar Bay Academy: Part 38

Elle Fielding — Fri, 05 May 2023 11:00:59 GMT

Lilah

Some parts of the year have raced by, while others have inched along painfully slowly. Since reuniting with Asher, however, time has soared, leaving me longing for more moments with him. As we leave Asher's car and head toward the French restaurant, I feel the weight of our situation – the clock on our time together ticking down. We're joined by Ethan and his new girlfriend, Giselle, the girl he met at the gig. Hand in hand, they share laughter with their heads close together.

Asher glances at me as we follow behind them, our hands unheld. I force a smile, trying to hide my frustration about concealing our relationship, even though Ethan knows about us. Asher assured me his brother accepts our relationship, but prefers not to see any displays of affection. So, technically, we're not doing anything wrong. The problem is that our limited time together is overshadowed by the need for secrecy, all to avoid upsetting Ethan. Although I understand, I can't help but feel envious of Ethan and Giselle's public relationship. If Ethan is happy, why should our togetherness bother him? Still, I don't confront him, unwilling to risk my time with Asher.

Ethan and Giselle enter the restaurant, but before we can follow, Asher calls out to his brother, "I forgot something in the car, meet you inside." Before I can question him, he takes my hand, leading me around the side of the building. He pins me against the wall and kisses me, leaving me breathless. There's a bush beside us, but we're right next to a window. My stomach flutters and my pulse races as our tongues intertwine, and I forget to worry someone could see us.

"You look so gorgeous," he murmurs between kisses.

When he first saw me in the black lace and sequined dress, my hair elegantly pinned up, the heat in his eyes was undeniable. I'd wanted to throw myself at him and kiss him, shattering his self-control, but Ethan and Giselle's arrival interrupted that impulse. Now, with him pressed against me, giving me a tiny taste of what I've been craving, I can't resist touching him over his royal blue shirt, revelling in the way he trembles beneath my touch. His scent and taste make my world spin in the best way. He looks incredibly handsome, especially with his tattoos visible beneath his short-sleeved shirt, making my mind melt. I'm so ready for him, so needy and desperate to be with him that he could have me right here.

Hiding our relationship is frustrating and drives me a little wild every time he touches me. Each contact leaves me weak in the knees, each kiss so intense it knocks me off kilter. Even now, my legs tremble and wobble as he keeps me pinned against the wall, holding me up. Between kisses, he tells me just how much he wants me, cares about me, and thinks I'm beautiful. It's astonishing how much every touch matters when we're together.

After kissing me senseless, he finally pulls away.

"We might need to wait before going inside," he says in a gruff voice, causing my knees to weaken once more. I laugh, but my stomach does somersaults as he steps away and my gaze drops to the conspicuous bulge in his black trousers. The thought of having him inside me, moving over me, rocking into me, triggers an explosive wave of heat low in my belly that makes my thighs clench together. I nearly moan out loud. I think about him like that so often now, imagining us together, torturing myself with heated fantasies of how it’s going to be when we’re finally together.

My hand trembles slightly as I wipe the lipstick off his face with my thumb. This intimate act, along with his intense gaze, leaves me breathless and makes my heart skip a beat.

"I love you," I whisper.

The way he gazes back at me, as if I'm his most cherished treasure in the world, sparks an urge to sprint back to the car with him and insist he takes us somewhere else. A place where we can be together without the nagging worry of time slipping through our fingers. A haven where I don't have to conceal the depth of my emotions.

He reaches out, stroking his thumb across my cheekbone, then pulls me in for a soft and gentle kiss that should be sweet, but makes me want to climb him like a tree.

I’m sure he’s reading my mind because his lips twitch with amusement. “We need to go in before they send a search party for us.”

Knowing he’s right, I follow him into the restaurant. After the last disastrous night here for Mum's birthday, Jesse decided we should return for a pre-celebratory dinner ahead of the end-of-year showcase on Friday night. Jesse and Mum are already seated, and I sense their eyes on us as we approach. I'm suddenly concerned that everything we've done is written all over my face. They can't see my ruined panties, but I didn't even touch up my lipstick before entering.

The nearness of Asher and the aching need in my core have me on edge, but that feeling intensifies when Asher leans in and murmurs, "Relax." His lips graze the curve of my ear, making me shiver and flush simultaneously. I'm certain he smirks at my reaction, and I narrow my eyes at him as he straightens. When we got back together, we didn't exactly inform our parents. It's not that we're deliberately keeping it secret, but we're both apprehensive about their reactions. I don't want anything to come between us during this limited time we have left.

Not when every moment matters.

Taking a deep breath, I attempt to compose myself as we sit down. Asher is beside me, and I fight the urge to touch his leg, to feel his warmth against my skin. It's probably best I don’t touch him. The electric charge would be too much to handle in front of my family.

Giselle is lovely and blends in seamlessly with our family. Conversation flows smoothly this time, a stark contrast to our previous visit with Maddie and Ainsley. My stomach drops when I recall the news Maddie shared last time we were here – that she's going to the States. Thinking about her in the same country as Asher ties my stomach in knots.

Even if he doesn't reunite with Maddie, he'll end up with someone else. As we spend time together, I'm falling deeper in love with him. Despite knowing he'll have girls vying for his attention in a matter of months, my feelings continue to grow in intensity and depth. How will I cope when MOD makes headlines and their relationships fill tabloids? Will I be able to ignore the news?

My throat feels dry and I'm ridiculously close to tears, so I reach for my glass of champagne.

Mum frowns when she sees my face, but Jesse prevents her from asking questions by inquiring about the music he overheard me playing in the studio the other day, after Asher and I finished rehearsing for the showcase.

"Oh, I'm working on an EP."

Jesse's eyes light up. "Lilah, that's fantastic. From what I heard, I assume it's going to be a mix of pop and indie rock."

"Yes," I say, pleased with the approval in his eyes.

"I'll be pretty busy with MOD, but I'm happy to help launch you."

"Thank you so much, Jesse, but I really want to make it on my own," I reply with a smile. "When I'm ready to launch, I'll definitely come to you for advice."

As Asher listens, I see pride in his eyes. Having his belief in me and support makes me feel stronger, like there's something solid and reliable pushing me forward. His faith in me is addictive and something I never expected, especially after hearing him call me a user and a daughter of a gold-digger.

It feels like ages ago that happened. Was it really only eight or nine months back?

Mum's eyes also brim with pride. "My little girl will be eighteen in less than a week. I can't believe it."

"I'm not so little anymore."

Mum's eyes mist up. "I know, but it's hard to grasp."

"Does it make you feel old?" I tease.

"Yes!" She laughs. "I'm too old to have a daughter old enough to vote."

"And drink," Asher says.

"And drive," Ethan adds. Then he frowns. "Not in that order."

We all laugh.

"I'm surprised you didn't want to have a big party to celebrate," Jesse remarks. "Most eighteen-year-olds…"

I shake my head. "The showcase is only two days before, and you're already throwing us a massive graduation party."

Not long after which the boys will leave the country.

But I refuse to dwell on that now. Focus on the present; that's my motto.

As the night progresses and the drinks keep coming, I start to relax. That is until I feel Asher's leg pressing against mine. Instantly, I'm reminded of our kiss before dinner. My face reddens and the rest of my body feels warm when Asher starts rubbing circles on my thigh. When his hand slips beneath my dress to rest on my bare thigh, stopping just centimetres from my panties, my entire body tenses. He doesn't move any further, but I'm soaked, my body anticipating something I've become desperate for. I've let him know I'm ready. I can't understand why he won't take things further.

As soon as dinner ends, I decide I need a moment to cool down before I get in a car with Asher, Ethan and Giselle.

"I need the bathroom," I tell Asher.

He nods. "Meet you in the carpark."

I walk into the restroom, take care of what I need to, and am reapplying my makeup when Mum comes in after me.

"I'm surprised you didn't reapply after kissing Asher outside the restaurant."

My neck nearly snaps as I quickly glance at her. When Mum raises an eyebrow, I hastily deny, "I wasn't kissing Asher."

She tsks. "Since when did we start lying to each other?"

I laugh nervously, trying to buy myself some time. I don't know how to handle this. They seemed so relieved when we ended things.

"Lilah…" Mum begins, but I interrupt her before she can say anything else.

"I know what you're thinking, but Ethan said he's fine with it," I say, desperation creeping into my voice. "I know it's not ideal, but I didn't plan for this to happen. I can't help how I feel. I love him, Mum. And he loves me too."

Her face softens a little. "If Ethan was okay, why were you hiding near the bushes?"

"You saw us?" I squeak.

She looks amused. "From my seat, I could, but no one else could."

I hope she's right. "Ethan doesn't want to hear about us or see anything, but he says he's fine," I say.

Mum looks sceptical. "We gave him space, Mum. We broke up, and we only got back together when we were sure. And in the end, isn't it my choice who I'm with?" I ask her gently.

"It is," she says carefully. "But you know the potential for this to end very badly with us all being part of the same family?"

"I know that. But as I said, we can't always choose who we fall in love with. Like you falling for the father of my ex and the boy I couldn't stand." I raise an eyebrow, but my tone is soft.

I would never want her to be unhappy, but her relationship with Jesse was far from an ideal situation for me.

She sighs and smiles back. "Point taken. Though I'd say you made lemonade out of lemons with Asher."

"What?"

She shakes her head. "Nothing." She places her hands on the bathroom counter and turns to me. "I agree we can't help who we fall in love with. But what about your future?" she asks, her tone gentle. "You're supposed to be going to the university you've had your heart set on for years, pursuing your music career. Can you do all that while being with him?"

"We'll be going our separate ways at the end of the year. It'll be over."

The worry on her face mirrors my own concern about the end of the year.

"And you're going to be okay with ending things and saying goodbye to him?" she asks after a long moment.

I force a smile. "I'll have to be. Being with him makes me happy now. I'm focusing on that."

She frowns a little. "Are you having sex with him?"

"Mum!"

"What? I’m not allowed to ask?"

"I’m eighteen."

"Nearly, yes. But that’s precisely my point. Lilah, you are the very best thing that has ever happened to me, but that doesn’t mean if I could do my time over, I wouldn’t have you a little later in life.”

After groaning, I say, “I’ll be careful, Mum.”

Her eyes widen.

"When we do start having sex," I hasten to add. "We aren't yet."

Unfortunately. I’m starting to think Asher is purposefully driving me out of my mind with lust. I want to be with him more than anything, and even though I know Asher wants to be with me as well, he's not pushing it. I really wish he would, just a little bit. I mean, it's not like we have all the time in the world. If he goes to the States and I'm still a virgin...

Well, I won't die, but I have no intention of letting that happen.

Still, right now, I'm pleased I can get away with saying we aren't, and it being the truth because the sooner this conversation is over, the better.

Mum studies me. After deciding I must be telling the truth, she says, "Get on birth control. ASAP."

I nod. "Can we stop talking about this now?"

"Yes, let's."

"Are you going to tell Jesse?"

"I'm not going to bring it up, but if he asks me, I'm not going to lie about it." She sighs. "I imagine he'll be as worried as I am."

"But since Ethan-"

"It's not just about Ethan, Lilah."

"Everyone seems to forget he broke my heart," I murmur.

"I haven't forgotten at all. I was there when Ethan broke your heart, and it's part of the reason I'm so concerned. You have the rest of your life ahead of you. Not only could a scandal like a relationship with your stepbrother affect your career and Asher's, but we're both part of this family now, and it could be very painful for you seeing Asher in the future."

"I rebounded fine after Ethan."

"It took a while, and even though I married Jesse, you still had some time to get over it. You and Ethan became fast friends after the breakup." Her mouth tilts down. "I'm not sure that'll happen with Asher. I mean, what happens when he wants to bring someone home for Christmas dinner?"

I rock back on my heels as if she just struck me. I'd be mad at her for assuming that will happen and we won't work out, except I'm the one who told her we were ending things. Still, my stomach hurts at the awful thought of having to sit through family gatherings with Asher if he's with someone else.

Mum clearly sees my turmoil because her frown deepens. "Lilah, I don't want to see you hurting. Seeing you go through with this… knowing it's going to end when he leaves… I can see you're already so caught up in him. Far more than you ever were with Ethan," she muses.

"I'll be okay, Mum," I whisper.

I sound hesitant. Uncertain. And I don't think I've ever seen my mother look more worried than she does right now. But instead of saying more, she gives me a hug. "I love you, Lilah," she says softly. "No matter what happens, no matter what the future holds, I'll always support you and have your back. No matter who I'm married to or what happens. Just… be careful. Take care of yourself in every way."

"I will. Thanks, Mum. I love you too."

After she pulls back, she gives me one last look and then leaves, passing someone walking into the bathroom. I offer the stranger a polite smile and then take a deep breath, making my own way out of the bathroom. I can't blame my mother for worrying about how I'll cope when my relationship with Asher ends. I worry about how difficult it will be when we have to part ways. But while I'm with him, while I have him, I want to focus on enjoying what we can together.

And the heartbreak I'll feel when it's over… well, I'm not going to think about that. I can't. Not yet. I have all my dreams coming true and my career as a musician. I'll still see Asher when he returns from the States, or maybe if or when I start touring.

I try not to think about the meantime – the heartbreak, the fact that Maddie will be over there, and he'll be surrounded by fans and groupies. I try not to think about him bringing someone home with him and sitting across from him at Christmas time or at family events and witnessing him fall in love with someone else. I tell myself it'll be okay.

And then I try to convince myself I believe it.

A/N: I had this queued and ready to go yesterday, but decided to add something at the last minute and missed my cut-off. Heads up, there will be mature content ;) next chapter, which will be out on Tuesday. Thanks again for all your comments and likes. Have an awesome weekend, everyone.

All my love,

Elle

XOXO

Rockstar Bay Academy: Part 37

Elle Fielding — Tue, 02 May 2023 11:00:58 GMT

Asher

I walk into the kitchen, my steps slow as I take in the sight before me. Lilah and Ethan sit at the island, eating breakfast and chatting like old friends. At the beginning of the year, this was how I found them every morning before school. The scene makes my chest tighten.

Even dressed in her casual pyjama top, her hair flowing over her shoulders, she’s freaking stunning. The animated way she’s talking to Ethan makes it impossible to look away, but when her eyes lock with mine it’s like a brutal punch to the stomach. This brief connection between us only amplifies the pain of our current situation.

Since our breakup, Lilah has mostly avoided me, and I've given her as much space as I can, denying my own needs and wants. Lilah doesn't want to continue, and it's pointless to fight for something she doesn't want. This leaves me feeling angry, resentful, and trying to hide it all from everyone for the sake of keeping the peace. Not that I've ever really cared about keeping the peace so much, but I don't have it in me to fight. I don't have it in me to go back to the way things were, and now that I know Lilah and have stopped lying to myself about her, I don't even have the shield of hate to protect myself from her.

Unable to keep watching them talk so easily without bitterness creeping in, I start making breakfast, feeling like a third wheel as I listen to them interact. Ethan tells Lilah about a girl he met at a gig we attended, and jealousy churns inside me. I've spent so much time prioritizing my relationship with Ethan, putting my needs last, sacrificing what I truly desired. The ache has been relentless, and my music has been my only solace. Now, here they sit, conversing easily because they can be friends and no one is going to object.

I might have done the unthinkable and fallen in love with my brother’s ex. But I never got to be with her, truly have her, or cherish what we had. All we had was guilt and shame, and now, even though I know Lilah doesn’t want to be with me when I leave, I can’t help but hate all the time I’m missing on spending with her now in order to give her space.

"Oh really?" Lilah asks, her eyes sparkling with interest. "Tell me more about her."

Standing by the counter and eating my breakfast, I feel like an outsider as I listen to Ethan describe the girl. My thoughts drift to the times Lilah and I have spent together, wondering if there will ever be a moment when I don’t have to pretend not to feel heartbroken and lost for her in front of my brother. Due to my denial and jealousy over their relationship, I ruined things for myself. I have no one to blame but me, but that doesn’t make it any easier to accept when I can’t be with the one person I yearn for. I've missed her, craved her presence, but more than anything, I've missed our friendship and conversations. In truth, there's no one I enjoy talking to quite like Lilah.

"Sounds like you really like her," Lilah says, smiling at Ethan.

Ethan shrugs but returns her smile. "It’s early days, but yeah, I really like her."

My brother glances at me before looking back at Lilah. "And she has a sister who was into Ash, if you can believe it. So double dating won’t be an issue."

Lilah’s quick intake of breath makes her sound as if she’s been hit. Trying to recover, she gives Ethan a strained smile, but the same heartbreak I’ve been experiencing for two months flashes in her eyes as she briefly meets my gaze before turning away, ripping me apart. But the hurt in her eyes and her forced smile makes me feel like my brother just tore my heart out. And I don't know what to do about it, because I can't be with her. She doesn't want to be with me due to the drama it would cause and my upcoming move to the States. But she isn't over me.

And now she's hurting the same way I would be if someone told me Lilah was interested in someone else. "That would be perfect for the two of you," Lilah says, turning away.

I glare at my brother, who frowns, his gaze shifting cautiously between Lilah and me.

"Well," Lilah says, pretending to be cheerful, her eyes too bright, "off to do homework."

I want to stop her, to tell her I had no interest in the sister or any of the girls Ethan has tried to introduce me to over the past month and a half. Instead, I wait until she's left the room before focusing on my brother.

"Why would you say that to her?" I demand.

He squirms. "I'm sorry—"

"We ended things because you were unhappy. I gave her up, she gave me up, so why do you have to hurt us like that?"

His jaw clenches. "I... it wasn't my intention. I didn't think..."

"You didn't think what?"

"I didn't think you were still... that she was still... well..."

"Are you kidding? I love her. Why do you think I turn down every invite I get?"

His mouth turns down at the corner. "I thought you were too busy supporting me."

I laugh darkly at that. "Just because I've been trying to fix our relationship doesn't mean I don't love her."

"You really still love her?"

"Yes."

He doesn't look happy about it, but I point out, "We ended things, but I can't make my feelings for her disappear. I can't control the way I feel about her."

He continues watching me. "You really love her?"

"Pretty sure I've already told you that."

Ethan looks down at his cereal, swirling his spoon through the milk before looking at me again. "I don't want to hear about it. I don't want to think about it. But if you... if you still want to be with her, I won't stand in your way."

"What?" I drop my own spoon.

He sighs. "I knew both of you were upset about not being together, but I guess I didn't realize it was that deep for both of you. You're right, the choice you gave me was messed up. But giving it to you didn't make me feel better."

"Are you sure about that?"

He disregards my question. "I know you regret giving me that choice, and I understand why now. I couldn't handle it at the time, but I see now that you haven't been yourself, and I'm saying..." he turns to face me more fully. "If you want to be with her, you should be with her."

I raise an eyebrow, trying not to let the adrenaline burst of excitement take over, not until I'm sure listening to my brother won't backfire.

"Are you telling me you're not going to start searching for another bandmate if I'm with her?"

He shakes his head and points his spoon at me. "I mean it, I don't want to see it, but…fine. If that's what you want, it's your life. Just don't jeopardize the band for her."

"You know me better than that."

He doesn't look too sure about it, then he nods, and when he sees me looking towards the exit Lilah left through, he sighs dramatically. "Go. Talk to her."

When I look at my brother, he doesn't appear impressed. But he also doesn't look enraged or ready to throw down.

"Are you still in love with her?" I ask, annoyed the moment I ask the question. I should have just gone before he could change his mind. The problem is that if he decides tomorrow that he still doesn't like us being together, the hope today will hurt more.

Ethan scrunches his face up as he thinks about it. "I do still love her," he says slowly, carefully. "But not in the same way you do."

When he sees my look of confusion, he continues. "What Lilah and I had was…pure. Innocent. She was my first love, and I held onto what I felt for her after we ended things because I didn't think I'd feel that way again. She and I felt perfect—I was crazy about her, but if we got back together, it wouldn't have been the same. The damage I did to her when we split was irreparable. We can't go back to what we were, as much as I wish we could. The best we'll have is friendship, so…I've let go of any hopes I had in that area."

I nod, taking in what he's just said. Lilah and I never had a real chance, but what if we did too much damage trying to be together despite the circumstances and then breaking up? What if there are too many obstacles in our way? What if she doesn't want to give us another chance because I'm still moving overseas at the end of the year? Is my situation with Lilah much different from Ethan and Lilah's?

"You, though..." Ethan points his spoon at me. "It's clear you haven't let go of hope. And neither has she."

Deciding now is the time to lay it all on the line, I tell him about the first time I realized Lilah was someone I liked a lot—when we shared a music class. I tell him how I was away for a day, and she started ignoring me, and then how she started dating Ethan.

"Well, damn. Does this mean I betrayed you?" he asks, a look of wonder on his face that elicits a laugh from me.

"You couldn't have because I never told you about all that."

My biggest and most epic regret.

"Well, I say you need to try and fix it."

I lean against the counter and admit, "She doesn't want to be with me when I move to the States."

Ethan frowns. "Then why did she look so upset? Maybe you need to ask her again." He waves me out of the kitchen. "Go on."

I grin, and this time I do as he tells me, rushing towards Lilah's room.

"Just keep it on the down-low," he calls after me. "I don't want to hear about it from other people either. And God, I really don't want to hear you two making out in the house."

I glance back at him, chuckling. "Making out?"

"Get lost. Just…leave me out of it."

Still laughing, I take the final steps. As I stand at her door, doubts creep in again. Do I have any right to propose we get together now when I can't offer her anything she wants in such a short time?

The look of pain in her eyes and the hurried way she left the kitchen play on my mind. I knock on her door before I can talk myself out of it. Maybe she'll still say she doesn't want to do this, that it's too painful to start and then stop something when I leave. I know she doesn't want to be with me when I go, but I can't live with not knowing. I can't live with more regrets. I can't live with keeping my distance from her and the end of our friendship if I don't have to.

"What is it?" she calls out.

"It's me. I need to talk to you."

"Now's not a good time."

Her choked reply makes me ignore her and slowly open the door. Inside, Lilah sits on her bed, knees tucked into her chest and her arms wrapped around her legs. She's clearly been crying, but she looks more beautiful than any girl I've ever seen.

I didn't tell my brother that I knew—knew—Lilah was the girl I wanted, the one who was my perfect match in so many ways. Not sure he'd have believed me if I had.

When she sees me, she quickly wipes her face and hiccups. "I said now isn't a good time."

Unable to stay away another moment, I walk over to the bed and sit beside her.

She scoots away from me and won't look at me. The obvious pain she's in hurts me.

"Ethan was talking out of his ass when he implied there'd be any double dating going on," I tell her.

She still doesn't look at me, so I continue.

"There hasn't been anyone since you, no one I've wanted. No one I've looked twice at or thought about for even a second."

That gets her attention. Finally, she turns to face me, cautiously, as if she's ready to take flight, as if she needs to prepare for me to hurt her again. My gut knots as I wonder again if anything we've done till now can be undone. Is the pain irreversible? Is our breakup permanent?

The only way to find out is to lay it all on the line with the girl of my dreams.

"I still love you," I tell her, waiting and watching as my words sink in. "And I know you don't see a future for us when I move to the States, but I miss you, Lilah. I miss you so much. Maybe you don't want to do anything about it because of the future, but I hate keeping my distance from you. I want to be with you, even if you don't see us lasting."

"But Ethan…" Her voice is low and rough, as if it's been wrenched from her. I don't know what to say here. That he won't stand in our way? That he gives us his permission?

Instead, I shrug. "He's come to terms with the idea of us."

I don’t mention right now that he doesn’t want to see or hear us together.

Her eyebrows furrow. "Since when?"

"Since he can see that it isn't over for either of us." I look at her intently. "At least, it isn't over for me."

"It isn't over for me, either," she murmurs.

Not waiting for permission or for her to change her mind, I say, "Then come here."

I reach for her, and when she willingly comes closer, I breathe a sigh of relief, the persistent ache in my chest that began when we ended things finally starting to fade. The instant my lips meet hers, the desire I've been suppressing surges back to the surface, threatening to consume and overwhelm me. My heart pounds in my ears, until all I can hear is the way it beats for her. It's like this every time I'm with her. Each kiss, every touch leaves me craving her in a way I’ve only ever craved music. My need for her throbs beneath my skin, demanding satisfaction. As she parts her lips and her tongue meets mine, I gently roll her beneath me, positioning my hips snugly between her thighs. The intensity of her, the way it feels when I talk to her, the desire to spend time in her company. It’s an addiction I haven’t been able to shake, but with my mother being a drug addict, I hate addictions. They’re weaknesses. But I don’t think of Lilah as a weakness. If anything, she makes me feel stronger, better.

Pressed against her like this is the sweetest torture. I want to be with her, be inside of her, lose myself to everything I feel when we’re together. I’m torn between taking everything I can because I know how limited our time is, and slowing the hell down so I can spend more time savouring the moment. As each kiss deepens and she pulls me closer, wrapping a leg around my hip, I shift against her, so damn hard it’s agony to not free myself and bury myself in her. Heat radiates from her through her pyjama bottoms as she moves against me, making me pulse against her. It would be too easy to slide her bottoms off her hips and take her. I know I could, I know she’d let me. But she deserves more than a quick fuck while my brother is downstairs. A brother who doesn’t want to hear or see us.

“We have to slow down,” I force out, more for myself than her.

When she whimpers, it becomes even more difficult to abstain. But I force myself to pull back and do what’s right. With a reluctant sigh, I roll off her, pulling her with me so I’m holding her, and then we just lay there together. I can feel her heartbeat pounding against my chest, and my own heart races to keep up. As she locks eyes with me, a smile etched on her face, uncertainty and hope in her gaze, I know I'll never regret this. For however long we have. For however long we can do this, and even longer if she'll let me and I can convince her, I want this, I want her.

A/N: Sorry for the hold up on this one. After some of the feedback on my previous chapter, I went down the rabbit hole of trying to fix it. I did actually get a brief rewrite done, which changes the tone a little. It’s less Ethan-Centric now, and I'm happier with it. But my rewrites take longer than writing.

I want to thank all of you for your feedback, whether it's asking for another chapter, letting me know you're hooked, or whether you felt something was missing, it's making this story better. I will be publishing this book this year, fingers crossed, and it will be better for your feedback.

Next chapter will be out on Thursday, fingers crossed. Four more chapters left. Thanks to everyone who's on this journey with me.

Love,

Elle

XOXO

Rockstar Bay Academy: Part 36

Elle Fielding — Tue, 25 Apr 2023 11:01:10 GMT

Lilah

Asher's knock on my bedroom door is gentle, but the determination and concern in his eyes when I open the door is anything but. He stands in the doorway, his broad shoulders filling the frame, and I can't help but notice the way his dark hair falls perfectly across his forehead. "Hey, can we talk?" he asks, and I hesitate for a heartbeat before letting him in. We sit on the edge of my bed, the air heavy with unsaid words.

It's been almost a full day since Asher said he wouldn't give up on us. I spent the entire day in my room, homework forgotten, wondering if he's changed his mind. I'm caught between wanting him to mean every word and fearing that he did. I know we can't go on like this, but I'm not sure it's the right time for us.

I'm not sure there ever will be a right time. When the world discovers how incredible Asher is, there will be a line of girls ready to offer their loyalty and hearts. Someone who isn't a part of his family or his brother's ex. Someone uncomplicated. That person isn't me. We missed our chance, and I don’t know how to deal with the pain of that right now without falling to pieces. It's a suffocating feeling, like a dark cloud hovering over me, threatening to unleash a storm that could break me apart at any moment.

Taking a deep breath, Asher starts, "I talked to Ethan and Dad."

The sick feeling I've had all day intensifies. "What happened?"

"Ethan is... sticking with his ultimatum. He says if I don't end things with you, he'll take it as me wanting out of the band, and he'll start looking for a replacement."

“And your dad?”

“He wants us to sort it out between ourselves.”

“What if you can’t?”

“Then one of us will have to leave the band.”

Tears prick at the corners of my eyes, and guilt weighs heavy on my chest as I remember Maddie's words.

"Asher, I never wanted this to happen. I never wanted to come between you and your brother."

It's the truth, and I hope he knows that. I want him, but not at the cost of his relationship with Ethan. Who is Asher without Ethan and MOD? He can't be happy without those things in his life. He was happy before me, and he'll be happy again, but only when things are resolved.

He reaches for my hand, our fingers intertwining. "I know. And I don't want to lose my brother or the band, but I also don't want to lose you. I told you I loved you. I've never felt this way about someone before."

Those words mean everything. I squeeze his hand, tears threatening to spill. "I love you too, but you can't sacrifice your family and career for whatever this is between us. It's not fair to you."

Asher searches my eyes, his gaze intense. "Do you see a future for us? Dad mentioned it won't be easy to keep things going once we're in different countries."

Maddie said something similar, didn't she? I've been treating the time with Asher as borrowed, knowing deep down that a future for us is uncertain with the distance and our dreams pulling us apart. To be honest, I can’t imagine the future without him in it – I don’t want to imagine us living in different countries, not talking, not seeing each other…never kissing him again.

He studies me carefully. "Tell me what you're thinking."

I squirm under the intensity of Asher's gaze. How can we keep going when Maddie was right? Our being together will cost him everything he holds dear, and the reality is, the chances of us living happily ever after seem impossible.

We're impossible.

Taking a deep breath, I know I'm about to break my own heart by doing this for him. But we can't prolong this, not when there's so much at stake. "When I said we were running out of time, you said you were aware. I thought that meant we were on the same page—that it would be over between us when you left."

His expression falters, hurt flashing across his face for a moment before he composes himself. He sits back, our fingers disentangling. "Dad was right then? You don't believe we can make this work. You were planning on ending us when I left?"

The raw pain in his voice pierces my heart, but I know I have to go through with this. He'll be happier if I do.

I nod slowly, tears streaming down my cheeks. "Yes, Asher. I thought that's what we both understood. I never wanted this to be a choice between your family, your career, and me. I love you, but I can't be the reason you sacrifice everything you've worked for. It's not fair on either of us. Especially when we'll be living in different parts of the world, and being together will be so difficult."

He looks away, hands clenching into fists. "So, what, you just want to give up? You don't even want to try?"

I shake my head, tears welling up in my eyes. God, of course I want to try, but not when it will cost him everything that’s always mattered most to him.

"It's not that simple, Asher. I wish we could be together, but sometimes love isn't enough. We can't keep hurting the people we care about, not at the cost of your relationship with Ethan and the band, and not when being together is going to be impossible. Not when the future has us living in different locations and doing different things."

Asher's eyes glisten with unshed tears as he looks at me, his voice breaking. "I don't want to lose you, Lilah."

"I don't want to lose you either," I confess, my own tears overflowing. "But we have to let go. We have to give Ethan and your relationship time to heal, and staying together would just cause both of us more pain and guilt.

For a moment, Asher just sits there, his chest heaving with emotion. Then, finally, he nods, his voice barely audible. "Okay. If that's what you want."

What I want? It's the last thing I want for myself, but I can't be selfish with him, not like this. So, I nod, unable to speak, as my chest tightens with sorrow. Silence settles between us, heavy and suffocating. Asher reaches out to touch my face, wiping away the tears with his thumb. His touch is tender, a painful reminder of everything I'm giving up.

We share one last, heart-wrenching look before Asher stands up, his shoulders slumped in defeat. He turns to leave, pausing at the door.

"I'll always love you," he says softly, his voice thick with emotion. "I know you don't believe me. I know you don’t think we have a future, but I would have made it work. Somehow. That’s the truth."

Then, with one last, lingering look, he turns and leaves. My heart aches with the knowledge that I've done what's best for him, even if it hurts more than anything I’ve ever known. I know he believes he could have made it work, but he’s wrong. I have to believe that. Because if I just ended us when things could have worked out…

I can’t think about that.

After Asher's departure, I take a moment to gather myself, wiping away lingering tears. I know I need to talk to Ethan and attempt to mend the rift between us and between the brothers. With determination, I make my way to Ethan's room.

I gently push open Ethan's door, finding him perched on his bed, his fingers strumming his guitar. The soft tune echoes through the room, reflecting the sombre atmosphere. He looks up at me, his blue eyes shadowed with resentment and pain. Taking a deep breath, my heart pounding, I step inside.

"Hey," I murmur, my voice barely audible. "Can we talk?"

Ethan puts down his guitar, the wood catching the afternoon light streaming through the window. He folds his arms, his stance rigid and defensive. "What's left to say? I don't want to hear anything you have to say."

I fight back tears as my throat tightens. "I know, and I'm sorry," I say, my voice trembling. "I apologize for everything. I never intended to hurt you or anyone."

Ethan snorts, his bitter tone stinging like a slap. "Well, you did."

Taking a hesitant step closer, tears prick at the corners of my eyes. "You're not the only one in pain, Ethan. You're not the only one who's been hurt."

My words seem to make him pause. His jaw clenches, but he stays silent.

"When you ended things with me, it broke my heart." I raise a hand, anticipating his objections. "I know why you did it. I know Asher gave you an ultimatum, so you chose your brother and the band. I understand, but it hurt so much." I hold his gaze. "Then you insisted on friendship. While I tried to heal and move on, you forced yourself back into my life. Despite the pain it caused seeing you with Ainsley, I agreed."

"Do you want a medal?"

"No," I retort, irritated, "and you're acting like a jerk."

His glare is icy. "You're the one who went behind my back with my brother."

"And you broke my heart and dated a girl who treated me horribly less than a month after we broke up. How did you expect me to react?"

"So, this is payback."

"It's not payback, Ethan. My feelings for Asher have nothing to do with you." Seeing him flinch, I instantly regret my harsh words. Taking a deep breath, I attempt to soften my tone. "Look, you decided we'd be better as friends rather than a couple. It's not fair to blame me for that. Asher and I are done, and I'm genuinely sorry I hurt you with all of this. He was the last person, Ethan." My voice cracks. "After you broke my heart… Asher, he didn't even like me initially, and he pushed for our breakup. He's your brother, my stepbrother, and as passionate about music as you are."

I know I'm being repetitive and rambling, but I'm at a loss for how else to convey that falling for his brother was the last thing I ever wanted after everything I went through. I genuinely couldn't help it, and if I could have, I would have. However, I'm not sure if Ethan wants to hear about how I tried to resist my feelings and ultimately failed.

"I know," he says, his tone gentler but still tinged with resentment. "I know you didn't plan it. I guess I just... I wasn't ready for you to move on. I still loved you when we broke up. I never really addressed those feelings; instead, I tried to transfer them to someone else. Ainsley was there, and-"

"Asher encouraged you, I know. But as I said, it devastated me. I had to move on. I tried to move on from you with Luke, but... it didn't work out that way. Asher was there for me, and I..."

"Stop." He raises a hand, his face pained. "I can't listen to you talk about him and your feelings for him."

I nod. "I genuinely never wanted to hurt you, Ethan. I never stopped caring about you," I confess, tears brimming in my eyes. "I miss our friendship. Everything has become so complex and twisted, and I..." I sit beside him on the bed. "We were supposed to be friends, but when I started getting closer to your brother, it seemed like you ignored Ainsley's awful behaviour towards me. You weren't the only one suffering. I don't know what to do."

Ethan inches closer, hesitating before reaching out to wipe a tear from my cheek.

"Maybe... maybe we can start by trying to mend what's broken," he suggests. "As friends. I miss our friendship, too. But... I still love you, so we might need to take things slowly."

I nod, sniffling. "What about Asher? I hate being the cause of your fallout."

Ethan's expression darkens again.

"It's over between us, Ethan," I manage to say. "Finished. You wanted him to choose, and he did."

I refrain from mentioning that I pressured him to make the choice. This is what's best for Asher and Ethan. I can't be with Asher knowing I stand between him and his brother.

"I don't know, Lilah. I don't know if I can ever forgive him for what he's done. It's just not that simple," he confesses, his voice tinged with bitterness. "I'm still angry with him, and I feel betrayed. I don't know if I can just let go of that. It's... it's going to take time, maybe a lot of time."

"I understand he hurt you," I say, holding back tears. "But Ethan, you need to forgive. Clinging to anger and pain will only harm both of you in the end. He never intended to hurt you. I know how much he loves you. Even with everything that’s happened, surely you know how much you mean to him – how much he needs you in his life. I know everything is messed up right now, but if you can bridge this divide, MOD will emerge stronger for it."

Ethan gazes back at me, his expression wavering between the desire to forgive and the anguish that still clutches his heart. "I just don't know if I'm ready yet," he finally says, his voice trembling. "I need some time to think."

"Okay. But…just keep what I said in mind. And perhaps... perhaps you and I can rediscover our way back to being friends too."

Ethan offers a small, hesitant smile, although his eyes still betray a trace of pain. "Yeah," he murmurs, his eyes meeting mine. "Maybe we can."

The knowledge that I'm doing the right thing by stepping aside for the two brothers does little to ease the empty, uncertain ache I feel about the future. My firm breakup with Asher doesn’t change anything immediately. The first few days, there’s an unbearable tension in the house between all of us, my mother and Jesse included. It hurts to be around Asher and know we’ll never be together, so I spend as little time at home as possible, studying at friends’ houses and the school library until it closes. I try to take comfort in the fact that my misery and sacrifice are making a difference in the brothers' relationship.

During this time, I notice Jesse and Mum, while concerned for my well-being, seem to gently approve of the breakup, understanding the complications it had caused in our blended family.

Over the following month, I see Asher and Ethan's relationship gradually mending. They share conversations, laugh together, and rehearse with MOD. Ethan and I start rebuilding the friendship that broke, both of us taking responsibility for the rift, while Asher remains distant and polite. The ache inside me grows, and I can't ignore the pain it brings.

One day, I hesitantly join Ethan and Asher as they watch a movie in the living room. The tension between the three of us is palpable. Although not as suffocating as it once was, the pain of having Asher become nothing more than a distant stepbrother continues to gnaw at me. I wonder if Asher is happier, has forgotten our connection, or has fallen out of love with me. I question my choices but know deep down I did what was right.

My friends and school gossips move on, and even Kennedy suggests I start dating again. But I can't. I begin to think that the boys moving overseas will be a blessing. That way, I can let go and move on too. And I can stop questioning my choices. While I wait for the end of the year, I focus on my music, channelling my emotions into the songs I write and honing my songwriting skills.

By the time October arrives, the showcase, exams, and my eighteenth birthday are fast approaching. The thought of singing in front of important and well-known musicians and influencers alongside the Cassidy brother I still love but can't be with leaves me feeling on edge. I tell myself I’ll be fine once it’s over.

Then one conversation shatters my self-delusions and brings everything crashing down around me.

A/N: I went old school with songs played while writing and editing this chapter: All I Want is You - U2, Forgiven, Not Forgotten - The Corrs, Iris - The Goo Goo Dolls, Nothing Else Matters - Metallica, One (feat. U2) - Mary J. Blige.

Hope you enjoyed this heavier chapter. I promise things start to look up for Lilah and Asher next chapter.

Rockstar Bay Academy: Part 35

Elle Fielding — Tue, 18 Apr 2023 12:00:07 GMT

Lilah

My heart tightens as I walk out of the bathroom and see Asher leaning against the wall, waiting for me. The anguish on his face has been replaced by a blank expression, which somehow feels worse. It's as if he's come to the same conclusion I have—we're impossible. Our relationship began at the wrong time and in the wrong place. No matter how deeply we care for each other, too many obstacles stand in our way. Our being together could destroy his future, and it's not worth it.

We aren't worth it.

We have no future.

We are impossible…

My heart aches with the inevitable outcome, and the emotion caught in my throat is so painful that I can't swallow past it.

After saying a quick goodbye to our friends, Asher and I head for the exit of the Bayview Hotel. Once outside, darkness envelops us. The heavy silence between us, laden with the agony of the conversation we're about to have, is almost unbearable.

I shiver, and Asher immediately takes off his jacket and drapes it over my shoulders.

"Thanks," I whisper.

We stop when we reach his car. Fishing the keys out of his pocket, he unlocks the car and opens the door for me. I slide in, and he gets into the driver's seat but doesn't start the engine.

We look at each other.

"I'm sorry," I choke out, breaking the silence.

"For what?"

"For this whole situation with Ethan."

His laugh is so bitter and unhappy that I flinch. "None of this is your fault, Lilah. It's all on me. From my unwillingness to be upfront in the beginning and tell my brother I wanted to date you and that he couldn't, to now not knowing how to fix it."

"But you do," I tell him softly, my voice cracking.

His jaw clenches. "Give up on us, you mean?"

"It's the only way to protect your relationship with Ethan. Ethan and MOD are your future."

"And you're not?"

I study him, taking in the sudden anger in his eyes and the flush in his cheeks. He's mad at me, but if he thinks this is what I want, he's mistaken. I'm not having this conversation because I want to end things between us. I'm breaking my own heart to ensure things go the way they should for him. He is a star, a talent the world will fall in love with.

“You heard him,” I whisper. “Our parents will never approve of us because it hurts Ethan. It'll destroy the band. You're supposed to be recording an album—”

“I know that,” he says, cutting me off. “But what about what I want?” Exasperation creeps into his tone. “Does that matter to anyone?”

I close my eyes, trying to blink back the tears that form as I stare at the guy I've come to love.

“Ethan is never going to come around. At least not in time for you to make things right by the end of the year.”

“Ainsley had been winding him up. And I told you he's…messy at the moment. That's why I was waiting until he's in a better state of mind before telling him.”

“That doesn't mean he's going to take back the things he said tonight.”

Asher shakes his head. “It doesn't mean he won't.”

“Ash.” I place my hand on his. “You can't take that gamble.”

“It's my gamble to take.”

“But it's not just yours.”

“What are you saying?”

“We have no future,” I repeat, echoing Maddie's earlier words.

The accusation in his eyes makes me want to look away. “You're giving up on us?”

“I think we have to, don't you?”

The look of betrayal on his face is worse than Ethan's. He doesn't understand I'm doing this for him. But yes, it's also a form of self-preservation. Maddie was right; I don't have a future with Asher the rockstar, the singer and songwriter for MOD. His life will be touring and embracing the rockstar lifestyle, while mine? I know my next step, but not what my life will entail. The only thing I want is to be a musician, a recording artist, but I don't know how to get there just yet.

Falling further for a guy I'll never be with once he starts living his life away from here is not something I can do. I'm already in too deep. This already hurts too much. But it will only hurt more the longer we're in it. Because I don't trust this to last. I don't trust him to choose me, and even if he did, he'd regret it for the rest of his life. I can't live with that—being his regret, keeping him from his dreams and the life he's destined for.

He studies me for a moment longer before nodding. Swallowing, he grips the steering wheel, his jaw tightening. Then he starts the car and drives us home in a silence that breaks my heart all over again.

As soon as we pull into the driveway of the mansion, I hurry to unbuckle my seat and escape before I start crying, but his hand on mine stops me.

“Tell me you don't love me.”

“Asher...”

“Just tell me. You know how I feel. How do you feel about me?”

“It doesn't matter, we—”

"Please, Lilah," he pleads, "Just tell me."

I swallow hard. "I love you."

He gives me the slowest nod and takes his hand off mine, confusing me. My words don't change anything, but the look of determination on his face is unmistakable.

I place my hand on the door and open it. Just as I'm climbing out, he says softly, "I'm not giving up."

When I look at him, he continues. "Maybe you are. God knows, I haven't given you any reason to fight for us or to trust this. To trust me. I know we have a lot of opposition, but I'm not giving up."

"Asher…we can't. You have your whole life ahead of you. You're going to be a big star—"

"And so are you."

His words, so full of belief and not an ounce of uncertainty, bring tears to my eyes. Only my mother has ever believed in me that much. It means more than anything else he could say in this moment. If I take nothing else away from this mess, I'll carry his belief in me with me.

"You said Ethan and MOD are my future, and they are. But I see you in my future too."

He can't mean that, can he? What we have won't hold up against miles, against an industry with so many temptations.

Against our family…

We're impossible.

He'll realize this at some point, I'm sure of it.

I can't hold onto the hope that he won't, because when he eventually does, it will crush me. The longer I hold onto hope, the more painful it will be when that hope is shattered.

Asher

At some point, you must forgive yourself for past screw-ups and decide whether to stay on the same path or switch things up. As I work out in my room, it's obvious that change is needed. I can keep lying to myself and everyone else, or face the truth and deal with the fallout. It won't be easy, but I'm not one to back down.

My recent actions have screwed up the tight bond I had with my brother, and I'm freaking out about what Dad might say, but I love Lilah. From our very first chat outside the music room, there was this connection that hit me hard and drew me in. Instead of spilling my feelings when Ethan said they were dating, I backed off and convinced myself and everyone else that I hated her. Denying my emotions led to that ultimatum I gave Ethan. If I'd been real from the get-go, we wouldn't be in this fucked-up mess.

But I didn't want to rock the boat. I didn't want Dad to regret bringing me home or to let him down. Growing up with a druggy mom, homeless half the time, and seeing stuff I shouldn't have, trust wasn't something I knew much about. Even though I'm still shit-scared of what Dad will say, I have to trust he won't just kick me to the curb when I tell him what's going on with Ethan.

I can't change the past, but I'm done living a lie. I won't fake it anymore. Trying to trick everyone by pretending Lilah doesn't mean anything to me or downplaying how much I care about her won't fix things. I need to find the guts to be straight with everyone. Out of breath, I drop the weights I've been lifting. Maybe, with practice, being honest about what - or who - I want will get easier.

I decide to start practicing my honesty with Dad. This won't be the easiest conversation, but it's also not going to be the hardest. Except when I find Dad in his study, I realize Ethan beat me there. The look on Dad's face isn't a happy one. It seems I'm about to have both difficult conversations right now.

"Well, if it isn't the brother of the year," Ethan mutters when he sees me.

Image under license from Adobe Stock

I take a deep breath and brace myself for what's to come. "Hey, I need to talk to Dad."

Ethan's eyes flash with anger, his nostrils flaring. "Well, don't let me stop you." He chuckles darkly. "What am I talking about? You haven't let me stop you at all, have you?"

"Ethan," Dad warns.

Ethan stands up abruptly, fists clenched. "You know what? I'm happy to go. I don't even want to hear whatever twisted bullshit he's about to spin to justify hurting the people he's supposed to put first."

"Perhaps that's best for now," Dad nods. "Go, cool down."

Ethan rolls his eyes but leaves the room, muttering something under his breath that I don't catch as he brushes past me.

Dad looks up at me, his face tight with worry. "Your brother is hurting."

"I know."

Dad sighs. "I knew when I heard you sing with Lilah that something was going on. The two of you have an...undeniable chemistry on stage." He clears his throat. "Then, of course, there were those lyrics. I thought about confronting you then, but Cait persuaded me to leave it."

Taking the seat Ethan just vacated, I say, "There wasn't anything actually going on between us at that point, but...I liked her. I've liked her for a really long time."

Dad stares at me blankly. "Is all of this fallout with your brother over a girl you like?"

"No. She isn't just a girl, is she? She's Lilah. That's why Ethan is so upset with me. And I love her, Dad."

My answer makes Dad look even more concerned. "Are you aware Ethan wants you out of the band?"

I swallow hard. Ethan moved quickly. "He gave me an ultimatum last night – end it, or I'm out. He said you'd back him." The memory makes me feel gut-punched. "He said it in front of the whole senior class of the Academy, so it was kind of hard to miss."

"He thinks your loyalty is to her and not to...your family and the band."

I want to ask my dad what he thinks as he sits there behind his desk, watching me, but I don't think he's made any judgments yet. I think he really just wants to hear my answer.

"I want to be in the band, and I want to be with Lilah. I'm not going to choose."

He nods, but says, "Ethan mentioned something about your roles being reversed and you making him choose once upon a time."

"Yeah, I messed up. I realize that now. He should have told me to back off. I would have if I'd been in his position."

"Asher." Dad's tone is heavy, and I wait for him to continue, feeling more than a little nervous as I wait for his judgment. "I love you. You're my son, and nothing will change that." He meets my eyes as he says it, as if he knows I need to hear it.

And I do need to hear it. Stupidly, I needed that assurance, and the words he just granted me make me feel like a little boy as I feel my eyes sting. But I haven't cried since my mother locked me in a cupboard because I dared tell her I was hungry. I'm not going to start crying now. Not because Dad is telling me he will never stop loving me. Still, I wipe my eyes just to be sure there's no dampness there.

"I know how much Ethan means to you, too. I know how dedicated you are to the band. I just...do you...do you know what you're doing? What you're committing to? Having a girlfriend while trying to do what you're doing..." his laugh is self-deprecating. "It's not easy."

"I know, but I want the opportunity to try."

"She's family, Asher."

"I know."

His lips thin. "If things don't work out..."

"Yeah, Christmas will be awkward."

"It will be more than awkward, Son." Dad sits back and pins me with a look. "I'm in love with her mother."

"I know."

"Lilah is my stepdaughter, and this could blow up and become a big scandal if it continues. For me, for you…for MOD."

"I know this, too."

"So, I have to ask you this, son." He sits forward. "Is it worth it?"

Before I can give an answer, he says, "Really think about it. Consider everything this will do to you and put the family through. Is it worth it?"

I take a moment to think it through before slowly saying, "If I walk away, if I go back to pretending and denying, I'll never know. I don't think I can live with that regret."

"And Lilah feels the same way?"

After pausing for a moment, I say something I never intended to tell him when I walked in here. "Lilah tried to end things between us last night. I don't want to give up on us, but she said we have no future."

My dad winces as if he knows how much that conversation hurt me. Then he looks me straight in the eye and says, "It will be hard for her. You have to know that. Moving across the world—"

"You're going to be splitting your time between the States and here," I point out.

"Because I'm your manager, and I can do some things from here. If I was part of the band, it would be a different story. Asher, you'll need to work hard in your first year, and the coming years. You guys have the contract and the recording deal, but you're still going to need to prove yourselves. Having a girlfriend in another country won't be easy, especially with the time commitment involved. And you need to consider how Lilah will feel about dating someone under those circumstances."

"She'll be busy with her own things."

"I know she will be. But..." Dad rubs the bridge of his nose. "As the older, more experienced person in the room, both as your father and a seasoned musician, I hope you'll take my advice to heart when I tell you that a long-distance relationship like the one you're considering will be more challenging than you realise. I'm not saying you shouldn't pursue it, but trust me and understand that maintaining your relationship with the schedule you'll have, along with the time difference between here and there, won't be a walk in the park. Sure, I'll be splitting my time, but it's not the same for me. I've already proven myself and left my mark. You and MOD, on the other hand, have your entire careers ahead of you. Allowing Lilah to settle for anything less than what she deserves in a relationship wouldn't be fair to her."

Dad must see the gutted expression on my face because he says, "I'm just asking you to think of this and consider her side. Maybe you don't want to give up, but maybe it's not fair on her to continue."

Great, I came in here ready to fight for the girl I want, and Dad's flipped everything on its head with that thought.

"I need to talk to Lilah about it," I say. "Maybe you're right, but I have to know for sure. If I don't at least ask her, I'll never know. The uncertainty would haunt me."

He sighs. "Never let it be said that you do anything half-heartedly. I guess I should have expected the same when it came to love. Though you and Maddie…"

"I was never in love with her."

He nods. "I see that now. Your commitment and intensity make you a brilliant musician. The last thing I want is to see you leave MOD."

My throat tightens. Was Ethan right? Will Dad back him on kicking me out of the band?

As if Dad can read the direction of my thoughts, he shakes his head. "I'm not getting involved in this argument. If you and Lilah decide to make a go of it, hopefully he'll come to accept it."

"And if he doesn't?"

"Then one of you will need to leave MOD."

When I frown, he continues. "I can't make you work together. Resentment and jealousy are a recipe for disaster for any band."

I slowly digest his words. How can we make music together if my brother hates me? It won't work.

"If one of you ends up leaving the band, it'll be a difficult adjustment to make. One of you will need to start your own career. And finding someone to replace you in the band won't be easy. Then there's the fact the contracts are already signed with the four of you on the cards."

"I'm sorry."

I think Dad is just being rhetorical, problem-solving as he says these things out loud. There's no one I trust more than Dad to deal with music contracts and whatnot, but I don't want him forced to deal with that. Which is why my apology isn't enough. This is my mess; I need to fix things with Ethan.

"Just try to fix things with your brother."

I nod and stand up. "I will."

When I get to the door of my dad's office, I turn to him and find him watching me. "I love you, too, Dad."

As I leave my father's study, I brace myself for the upcoming conversation. I can hear Ethan playing his guitar in his bedroom. When I knock on his door, he doesn't invite me in. Assuming he didn't hear me, I knock again and open the door slightly.

Ethan looks at me, his expression cold. "What?"

"Can we talk?"

Setting his guitar down, Ethan crosses his arms. Taking this as an invitation, I step into the room. He glares at me, arms still crossed, and I wonder if I should give him more time. But I need to speak with Lilah, and I don't want to do that while sneaking around behind my brother's back. I never intended to go behind his back with Lilah - I wanted him to know before anything happened between us - but inevitably, there were moments when I acted on my feelings prematurely.

"Well?" he demands, as I stand there.

I meet his gaze, trying to keep my voice steady. "I'm sorry. I've been a terrible brother. You didn't deserve that, and I never meant for you to find out like you did."

Ethan's eyes widen in disbelief. "You're sorry? You never meant for me to find out like that? How did you plan for me to find out?"

"I was going to talk to you after prom."

He nods. "So, you're not sorry it happened."

"Ethan, you're the last person I want to hurt."

He scoffs. "Yeah, I can see that. Next, you'll be saying you didn't mean for it to happen."

"I didn't."

"That's great. You've resolved everything then." Ethan laughs bitterly. "You're sorry and you didn't mean to betray me."

"I didn't," I reiterate.

"So what? I'm just supposed to forgive you? You made me break up with her, made her move on-"

"I didn't make her do anything."

Ethan shakes his head, his eyes flashing with anger as he steps closer. "And I suppose you didn't make me break up with her either."

I hold my ground. "I never should have demanded that. I know that now. I was wrong. Stupid. I regret it."

"Great," Ethan says sarcastically, clapping slowly. "If only you'd realized that sooner-"

"But I didn't make you do it," I say.

Ethan's face darkens, his jaw clenching with anger. "You're unbelievable, you know that? You spent our entire relationship hating it, telling me Lilah was a user, that I was too distracted and my commitment to MOD was wavering. 'Pussy or the Band'-"

"Did you believe me?" I interrupt him.

My question catches him off guard. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Did you believe it? That you were losing sight? Did you believe Lilah was a user?"

"Of course I didn't, but-"

"Then you should have told me to back off."

Rage reddens his face, and he steps closer, getting in my face. Adrenaline surges and my fists clench at my sides, but I remind myself: I will not hit my brother.

"Go to hell," Ethan spits. "We're supposed to be brothers, having each other's backs through thick and thin. We're supposed to be bandmates, united against the world. Yet here you are, telling me you don't care about ripping my heart out and taking my girl because I listened to the ultimatum you gave me."

I'm making this worse. I should have waited, though I'm not sure it would have made much difference.

"I'm sorry," I apologize again. "I should have told you I liked her when you started dating her, but instead, I convinced myself I hated her, and—"

"You made me break up with her." He stares at me. "If you care about me at all, or about the band, then end it. But that's not why you're here, is it? You want my permission to be with her."

"I love her."

"I love her too. Seeing you with her? It's gut-wrenching. Watching the two of you dance together, I felt like my heart was being torn from my ribs. If you don't end it, I'll take it as a sign you want out, and I'll start looking for someone to replace you. And you and me, we're done—not just as bandmates, but as brothers. Either you have my back, or you don't. Make your decision."

Ethan glares at me for a few more seconds before turning away, fists clenched at his sides. He doesn't tell me to leave; he just walks out.

That went worse than I anticipated, and as I follow him out of his room, I wonder if he'll ever forgive me if he believes I've chosen Lilah over the band and him. Lilah thinks we have no future; she said we should give up. My dad seems to agree. I don't want to believe it. I still don't. But I'm stuck, unsure how to move forward. I don't know if there's a right way out of this mess where everyone is happy and no one is hurt. I'm afraid I'm damned either way. The next person I need to speak with is Lilah. I need to find out if my dad is right and if she can handle everything between us. Because if she can't, then she's right—we have no future.

A/N: A quick update for you all. Someone inquired about the book's remaining length, which I've been hesitant to disclose to avoid spoilers. However, as we approach the climax, I'll share some details (skip ahead if you don't want spoilers).

We have about five chapters left, bringing the total word count to around 120,000 – my longest work so far. You might wonder how I'll wrap things up in this timeframe. While I've always aimed to conclude each couple's story in one book, the characters in RSBA are young and face many challenges, so a traditional HEA doesn't feel authentic. Instead, I'll strive for a HFN ending – my first ever. This way, you can choose to stop reading after season one and imagine a happy resolution, or join me for an exciting second season featuring a rockstar and a popstar.

On another note, I had planned to upload three chapters this week, but due to an impromptu family vacation, I need an extra week to prepare the next chapters. I apologize and will update again on Tuesday or sooner if possible.

Thank you for reading and supporting this story. I hope you have a fantastic week, and I'll return to deliver new content as soon as I can.

All my love,

Elle

Rockstar Bay Academy: Part 34

Elle Fielding — Fri, 14 Apr 2023 12:00:56 GMT

Lilah

Before Ainsley showed up with Maddie in tow, I thought stealing a moment alone with Asher and trying not to lead Ethan on would be my biggest challenges this evening. Now, I'm sure it's going to be dealing with whatever drama Ainsley has up her sleeve. A sinking feeling of dread leaves me cold. Or perhaps it's due to the fact that I've stopped dancing, and the sweat has cooled on my skin. As soon as my dance with Ethan finished, I seized the moment to take a break with my friends, heading to the bar in the corner of the ballroom.

Unfortunately, the spot we've chosen on the edge of the room to stand and drink affords us a prime view of Ainsley and Maddie dancing up a storm and making a spectacle of themselves. The two of them have quite the audience, making it difficult to ignore their presence. Maddie is, after all, pretty much a celebrity, and even though people have seen her at parties, she was there as Asher's girlfriend. Now she's technically single.

As we sip our drinks, Kennedy glares at Maddie and Ainsley, and I can feel the tension rising.

“Why would Ainsley bring her?” Briony asks.

“Why does Ainsley do anything?” I grumble. “She wants to cause trouble.”

“But why would Maddie agree and come here?” Briony asks, slipping off her shoes and massaging her feet. “I mean, she’s older than us, graduated at least a year ago, why would she come to the prom? Does she want Asher back?”

"Who knows," Kennedy replies, looking over at me.

Lana and Briony are also studying me. I take a deep breath and try to push aside the sudden chaotic thought-train in my brain and focus on the present moment.

A teacher walks past and gives Briony a stern look, indicating she needs to put her shoes back on.

As Briony sighs and puts her shoes back on, Lana says, “I vote for ignoring them and doing what we set out to do - let loose for the night. I didn’t come here with you girls to let them ruin our night.”

She's right, and Lana beams at me when she sees me nod.

Inside, though, that sinking feeling of dread still lingers. And if I'm completely honest, I'm worried that Maddie's presence might make it difficult for me to spend any time with Asher without extra scrutiny. Because of our near miss a couple of weeks back, I've been looking forward to this evening. Even knowing it was a group date, I still hoped to be able to dance with him and spend time with him. But the two girls keep glancing over at Asher and Ethan, who are still dancing with the rest of the group. How long will it be before they approach?

“I wish they would leave, but yeah, let’s try and forget them,” Kennedy mumbles.

“Let’s get back to dancing then,” Briony says, with one more dubious look at her feet.

“Blisters?” I ask her.

She nods. “And general pain from wearing five-inch heels. I meant to wear them in but forgot.”

“I have Band-Aids in the suite,” Kennedy tells her.

Briony purses her lips and looks at her feet again. “Thanks, I’ll let you know if I need them.”

With that, we head back to the dance floor, where thankfully, Ethan doesn’t ask me to dance again. I dance with my girls for a few songs before Ainsley and Maddie finally approach us.

“Ethan.” Ainsley positions herself right in front of him so he can’t keep dancing without bumping into her. “I want to talk to you.”

Ethan looks completely nonplussed by her demand but shrugs, and they walk out of the ballroom.

Maddie smiles at Asher. “Hey, Ash.”

He tips his chin at her. “Mads. How are you?” His question is polite but cool.

“I’m good.”

Her gaze flicks between Asher and me, and I wonder if she knows anything about us. “Well, I just…wanted to say hi.”

Asher nods, and with a tight smile, she walks away. I watch her as she joins some of Ainsley’s friends, probably girls she’s been introduced to before at parties and whatnot, but I see her look back at us. Rather, I see her look back at Asher.

With Ethan, Ainsley, and Maddie gone, people go back to dancing.

"Can I have this dance?" Asher asks, holding out his hand.

I take his hand without hesitation, feeling a rush of excitement and relief. This is the moment I’ve been waiting for. Asher and I move away from the others and start to dance. His hand is warm in mine, and his eyes are fixed on me. I blush under his gaze, feeling like my heart is about to beat out of my chest. He pulls me closer, our bodies connected.

"I can't believe Maddie came."

"I know. I hope she didn't come here for me."

"You know she probably did."

He shakes his head. “She knows my interest lies elsewhere.”

“She does?” I squeak.

He smirks. “She knows my feelings for you are anything but brotherly.”

We move together in time with the music, barely noticing the other people around us. Everything else fades away as we stare into each other's eyes; it's just him and me right now.

"Speaking of exes, I don't like the way my brother is looking at you tonight," Asher says softly. “It would be so much easier if he didn’t still think he’s in love with you.”

"I know," I reply, resting my head against his chest. “I don’t want to hurt him."

Is it inevitable if Asher and I continue?

As we continue to dance, Asher brushes his lips against my ear. “I don't want to hurt him either. This whole situation is terrible. It's not fair on anyone.”

I nod, feeling a shiver run down my spine at the warmth of his breath on my skin. He pulls away slightly, his hand still holding mine as we sway to the music. Our eyes meet, and I can see the desire in his gaze.

Asher’s grip on me tightens, and I look up into his face, my heart pounding in my chest. Dark, hooded eyes seduce me— the intensely gorgeous looks of a rock star. But it's who he is underneath all that that has been reeling me in ever since he stopped hating me and started letting me in. I know the real him now; the guy who can be sarcastic and funny one minute, and then turn sweet and gentle the next.

I can barely tear my eyes from his lips, so close to mine. I have been waiting all night to feel those lips on mine. I've been waiting weeks to feel those lips on mine again. I’m almost tempted to stand on my tiptoes and press my lips to his, but as the song comes to an end, Asher looks around and curses. Ethan has just walked back into the ballroom, a scowl on his face and Ainsley on his heels. He storms across the ballroom towards us with a furious expression.

“Uh-oh,” I whisper, taking a step apart from Asher as Ethan approaches us.

I don’t know whether he’s angry because Ainsley has said something to upset him or whether he’s upset with us, but it quickly becomes clear. “What is going on between the two of you? And don’t even think of lying to me.”

I shoot Asher a quick and worried glance before taking a deep breath and trying to stay calm. "Ethan, we were just dancing."

His laugh is full of disbelief. “Bullshit! First, I come home after my driving lessons and catch the two of you together in your room, and then the moment I walk out of here with Ainsley, you start dancing with him.” Ethan's face turns red with anger. “I’m not stupid. I know something is going on.”

People around us are starting to take notice.

“Ethan-” Asher starts, putting his hand on his brother’s arm.

Ethan shrugs him off. "Ainsley was just telling me what an idiot I am for not seeing the truth in front of my face. Tell me she’s wrong.”

Asher shakes his head and takes a step closer to his brother. “Let’s go outside.”

Ethan rolls up his sleeves and stands up straighter. “I’m not going anywhere until we get this sorted.”

“This isn’t the place,” Asher tells him.

“Why? Why not let everyone hear this? I want everyone to hear how you betrayed me. Even Maddie saw it,” Ethan continues. “It’s why you broke up, isn’t it? The duet, the way you look at each other…” Ethan shakes his head. “It’s so painfully obvious.”

“Look around you,” Asher says calmly. “We’re making a scene. Let’s not ruin everyone else’s night.”

“Ruin their night? I’m sure we’re making their night.” He casts his arm out, making a sweeping gesture. “I’m sure everyone else wants to know what you’ve been doing.”

“I’m pretty sure we already know!” Ainsley chimes in gleefully.

I want to crawl under a rock. Everyone has stopped dancing, and even the DJ has halted the music. It’s like something out of a horror movie—except this is my life. And Asher shocks me when he reveals the one thing that won't end this conversation but makes it all worse.

Photo by Marcela Laskoski on Unsplash

“We were trying to find the right time to tell you,” Asher says gently but firmly.

The pain on Ethan’s face and the look of betrayal as tears fill his eyes and he staggers back, looking between the two of us, rips my heart out. This is exactly what Asher wanted to avoid. So why did he say it here and now of all places?

When I look at him, he says softly, “If we lie now, we can never tell him the truth.”

I know Asher is right, but this feels like the worst way for it to come out, and the pain I’m seeing on Ethan’s face is excruciating.

Through the glimmer of tears, I can see Ainsley off to the side, smiling smugly, probably loving every minute of this. Maddie stands with her, but she doesn’t look as happy. We’re causing a scene that will likely go down in yearbook history, but worse than that, Ethan’s pain is on full display. Ainsley and I will never be friends, but right now I hate her for orchestrating all of this.

Ethan’s laugh is dark and jagged, filled with pain that cuts right through me. “The right time,” he shakes his head. “You think there is a right time to tell me you betrayed me?”

“Ethan, I'm sorry. We didn't mean to hurt you,” I say, my voice shaky with emotion. My chest tightens with fear as I wait for his reaction.

Ethan ignores me, focusing a look of intense hatred at Asher. “Do you remember the ultimatum you gave me?”

“Don’t, Ethan,” Asher pleads, his voice cracking. “Please.”

“Pussy or the band. That’s what you said to me, don’t you remember?”

“I love her,” Asher says.

My heart skips a beat as the weight of Asher's words sinks in. He loves me. This is the first time he's said it out loud, and he’s saying it now, when I can’t even tell him I feel the same way.

“So did I, but that didn’t stop you. I loved her once, but you refused to accept it.” Ethan looks at me and then back at Asher. “You ruined us.”

Tears stream down my face, blurring my vision. The love I thought I had for Ethan pales in comparison to what I feel for Asher.

“I was wrong. I get that; I see that now. I was so incredibly wrong. I should never have made you choose. I shouldn’t have said you couldn’t focus on more than one thing, I just…” he runs a hand through his hair. “I was sure you were losing sight of things.”

“She’s clearly good at that,” Ethan turns on me. “Making us lose sight of things. Like what it means to be brothers.”

“Don’t make this about her.”

“Don’t make it about her? She’s at the centre of this entire messed-up situation.”

He looks at me, the disgust and hate in his eyes tearing at me. “I knew you were upset and mad at me for dating Ainsley, but for you to move on with my own brother. Is this payback?”

“No! How can you ask me that? Don’t you know me at all?”

He laughs bitterly. “I thought so once. Now I’m not sure.” He looks at Ainsley and then back at me. “Maybe she was onto you after all, sleeping with us to get ahead.”

A horrible noise fills the room, and it takes a moment for me to realize I’ve made the noise, the sob wrenched from my lungs as I hear his accusations. The pain and hurt cut deeper than I thought possible.

I'm in so much pain, but not enough to see Asher take a step toward his brother. I put my hand out, stopping him from making this nightmare situation ten times worse.

“Wow, knowing you feel that way, I’m glad we’re not together,” I choke out. “You should get back together with Ainsley. You deserve her.”

For a moment, I think I glimpse regret in Ethan’s eyes, but it’s gone quickly enough. He looks at his brother. “She was my girlfriend until you made me choose. You keep forgetting that, but now it’s your turn. Your choice. If you date her after forcing me to give her up, you’re out of MOD.” Ethan nods to himself. “Pretty sure Dad will back me on that.” His gaze flicks between the two of us. “You know Dad and Cait will never approve. You’ll ruin their marriage.”

His words strike me with the force of a slap. I inhale deeply, the burden of Ethan's words pressing against my chest, creating a burning void that seeps into my soul and tears it apart.

Ethan storms off, Ainsley trailing behind, leaving Asher and me on the dance floor with the rest of the seniors who are watching us, waiting for what happens next. Even when the DJ starts the music up once more, people seem reluctant to tear their eyes from us.

They want to know what happens next, but the thing is, I have no idea. Finally, I see the truth—I have been living in a state of denial, wanting to believe that everything will be okay, that Asher will be able to talk his brother around and make Ethan understand, but I can no longer believe my own lies.

Our relationship was born at the wrong time and in the wrong place. There really is no hope for us. Falling for Asher isn't enough to save us from the reality of the situation. We're family. His brother is my ex and still thinks he loves me, and Ethan’s right, our parents will never approve, especially if our relationship hurts Ethan and breaks up the band.

I look at Asher and feel my heart break as he stares after his brother, a look of pure anguish on his face. When Asher’s attention returns to me, he says, “He knows now. The hardest part is over.”

Is it? If that’s the case, why does it feel like everything just got ten times harder? Did Asher not hear his brother tell him he had to choose?

Maybe Asher thinks he won’t have to. I know he doesn’t want to choose between us, but he may not be able to avoid it.

The prom is winding down, and I slip away, desperate for a moment alone. Despite my friends' attempts to console me, I'm consumed with despair, and I don't want my drama to ruin their evening any more than it already has. As soon as I convince them to go back to dancing, I head to the bathroom for some solitude.

The luxurious ladies' room isn't exactly empty, but it's not full either. The few girls reapplying their makeup are easy enough to ignore despite their noisy whispers and the looks they direct at me. I can't blame them for talking about me. Asher didn't go after Ethan, despite my urging, and we didn't dare dance again. Our messy situation will keep the school gossips happy for a while to come.

As I splash cold water on my face, trying to clear my thoughts and emotions, I'm interrupted by Maddie emerging from one of the stalls. Everyone else in the bathroom stops what they're doing to watch us.

Walking over to the sink beside mine, she starts washing her hands. "Lilah."

"Maddie."

I expect her to finish and leave, but instead she turns to me. "I don't always agree with everything Ainsley does."

I scoff. "You came here with her, and she's your friend."

Though why anyone would be friends with Ainsley is beyond me.

Maddie narrows her eyes at me. "Just because she's my friend doesn't mean I agree with everything she does. I don't think she should have wound Ethan up like that or laughed at the chaos."

"She's always enjoyed winding Ethan up." Especially about me.

"Yes, because she could see he still loved you and was jealous, and she could see what was going on between you and Asher."

I open my mouth to respond, but she holds up a hand. "I know Asher cares for you. I'm pretty sure he's even convinced himself he's in love with you. But have you considered that giving in to what you both feel will cost him everything?"

Her words tighten the noose of guilt around my throat, adding to the doubts and sense of hopelessness I've been drowning in since Ethan confronted us.

"Even if he can get Ethan to accept your relationship, do you think he'll stay dedicated to you – the forbidden fruit – when he's on tour and living the life of a rockstar?" Maddie asks. "You think it's fair to tie him down? Think about it, how can you possibly last? There is no future for you. Why ruin everything for those brothers for something that won't last? Not to mention what it will do to your parents. Think about it, Lilah. Really think about it. Can you be that selfish?"

Her words leave me lost for words as she walks out, and I'm left staring in the mirror but not really seeing anything. My emotional state is a mess when Kennedy walks up behind me and places a hand on my shoulder. "Hey, Asher is outside asking if you're staying in the suite with us or if you want a ride home?"

Swallowing past the lump of emotion in my throat, I turn to my best friend. "I might accept the lift. We should…we should probably talk."

Kennedy nods and looks me over. "I'll let him know."

As she walks out, I gather my courage to face Asher and the reality of the situation, no matter how much it wrecks me.

A/N: Okay, I know that was a pretty heavy-drama episode. Actually, I never planned for Asher and Lilah's r'ship to come out like this, but sometimes characters go rogue and so I went along for the ride. I promise, things do get better.

The next episode is written. Is it edited? Somewhat. Does it need tweaking? A little. I'm aiming to post three more chapters next week, with the next update being on Tuesday.

Thanks for reading, and I hope you have an awesome weekend.

All my love,

Elle

Rockstar Bay Academy: Part 33

Elle Fielding — Thu, 13 Apr 2023 12:00:43 GMT

Lilah

"Okay, tell me what you think of this one."

Outside, it's an overcast and rainy day. School resumes in just a few days, and Ethan has a double driving lesson. Asher came to my room to ask if he could study with me, but we've become distracted by discussing his favourite musicians of all time.

Asher scrolls through the list of songs on his phone before pressing play, filling my bedroom with the sound of bass, guitar, drums, and a gravelly voice. I love the sound, but it's the lyrics that capture and hold my attention. The heavy rock song is full of angst as a man sings about the woman he's with and the woman he wants to be with. It's similar to countless songs before it, but the emotion in the singer's voice combined with the heavy, angsty beat is irresistible.

When I look at Asher, he's watching me intently.

"This is one of your favourite songs?"

"It used to get in my head when I was on dates with Maddie."

I flinch inwardly. "This was your song for her?"

"No," he looks amused. "Aren't you listening to the lyrics? It's about running to the girl you want to be with instead of the one you're with."

I blush with pleasure as the meaning sinks in, causing Asher to appear even more amused.

He leaves the song playing but drops his phone on the bed where we're both sitting.

"Do you want to tell me about how your ideal senior prom looked?" he asks after a moment.

I grimace, thinking of the conversation we had with Ethan a week and a half ago.

"Not really," I say. "All of those plans were made with Ethan while we were together, but tastes change."

What I wanted changed.

The guy I wanted changed.

The brother I wanted changed.

Asher seems to ponder my response. "I take it your perfect night didn't involve a group date?"

I smile. "No."

"So, what did it involve?" he asks, his eyes searching mine.

I take a deep breath and try to put my thoughts into words. "I just wanted to spend the night with someone who made me feel special. And not in a grand, over-the-top way, just...simple."

Asher nods, his eyes softening. We sit in silence for a few moments before Asher speaks up again, his voice low. "I'm sorry you're not going to have that."

I smile. "It won't be the night I planned, but I still intend on enjoying myself."

Asher's eyes flicker with an emotion I can't quite identify. "Good, because I want you to have the best night possible."

"As long as you're there with me, I will."

The look he gives me melts my resolve, the intensifying tension between us making me aware of my suddenly shallow breathing and the fact that there's barely any space between us on the bed.

Reaching for me, he says, "I told myself I wouldn't touch you again until I've spoken to Ethan."

He leans in and presses his lips to mine, gentle at first. I feel his hand come up to cup my cheek and tilt my head slightly, deepening the kiss. It's as if the world falls away.

My hands come up to rest on his chest, feeling the rise and fall of his breaths as he pulls away from me. "I'm so tired of waiting for the time to be right," he whispers, his voice rough with desire.

I feel a shiver run down my spine at his words, knowing what he means. My heart races at his words and his touch. I want this - him - so desperately. Ever since he told me he was going to talk to Ethan, I've been waiting for him. In fact, even before that, I was dreaming about being with him. With everything at stake, he's been so careful not to cross a line, except for the morning after our duet and kiss at school. So, seeing his resolve faltering now, watching him lose control is like throwing gasoline on a fire I'm constantly trying to keep contained.

The rain outside intensifies, pounding against the window, but I'm burning up as Asher and I fall back onto my bed, tangled in each other's arms.

We can't risk Ethan coming home early and finding us like this, yet I don't seem to be able to stop. I'm out of control.

And so is he.

He pulls his black t-shirt over his head before helping me remove my cream turtleneck sweater, leaving me in my short skirt and bra before falling back on top of me. He kisses me deeply, and I wrap my legs around his waist, pulling him closer to me. He groans and rolls his hips against me, and I gasp at the sensation. His body is hard and hot against mine, and all I can think about is how much I want him. The music fades into the background as Asher's lips trail down my neck, leaving a trail of fire in their wake. I'm ablaze and trembling, desire a needy and hollow pit low in my belly as Asher's hands move over me, exploring every inch of my body. Months of holding back, years of pretending; it's like he can't get enough of me.

"I want you so much," he growls, his voice low and husky.

I trace my hands over his chest, loving the way his skin feels beneath my palms, revelling in the way he trembles lightly from my touch.

Asher's hands move from my thighs wrapped around his waist to push the fabric of my bra up, baring my breasts to him. He takes one of them in his mouth, savouring the nipple with tongue and teeth. His body between my legs and his lips against my flesh make me arch into him.

"Asher," I pant.

"We should stop," he tells me.

We should, I know. He isn’t stopping, though, and I want this so much. He moves his mouth back up to my neck and nibbles at the sensitive skin there, sending shivers down my spine. He kisses me hard, his tongue sliding past my lips as he moves my underwear to one side and strokes me, urging me to move my hips against his hand. Hot sparks fly through me, my body ready to give in to the overwhelming sensations as I feel his fingers tease and stroke me where I'm wet and aching for him. Then, abruptly, I'm there - fireworks setting my body alight as pleasure crashes through me.

"I want to be inside you," he says, his voice heavy with need.

I look up at him, my heart pounding at the need I see in his eyes. My response is an eager nod and, as he slowly slides two fingers inside me, I gasp in pleasure; the sensation of being filled by him, even just like this, so indescribably good it's overwhelming. I stare up at him, not really seeing anything as my body clamps around his fingers like my life depends upon it. He bends down to kiss me again, his lips gentle as they move against mine. Slowly, he begins to move his fingers inside me, his thumb moving to circle my clit, heating me up and making me crave him all over again as he sends me closer and closer to another release.

The kiss becomes more passionate, his tongue moving with mine, mimicking the movement of his fingers inside me.

I reach down and unbutton his pants, pushing them over his hips, along with his boxer briefs.

His mouth travels down to my breasts. He clamps his mouth over my nipple, sucking on it, before moving to the other one and teasing it to the same state of hardness and heating my body up all over again.

At the same time, I reach for him, running my hand over the long length of him. He sucks in air as I stroke him, pausing a little to run my thumb over the tip, feeling the evidence of how much he's enjoying this.

My body is so wet and ready for his even as his thickness and hardness pulses in my grip, making me a little nervous about what's to come.

“I don't have a condom,” he says in a pained voice.

His declaration leaves me frustrated. I settle for riding his hand, stroking him as I pant with desire against him. My heart thunders in my chest and, as Asher moves his mouth to my ear, the way he says my name coupled with what he's doing to me proves to be too much. In an instant, a second wave of pleasure crashes through me as he jerks above me, pumping his release into my hand.

I don't care about the mess we've made as he lowers himself down beside me, his breathing heavy, a satisfied smile on his face as he stares up at the ceiling.

A few minutes pass before I finally manage to get my body under control.

“I didn't even take your bra off,” he says, turning to look at me, his voice heavy with regret.

I smile at him. “And I didn't even get your pants all the way off,” I tell him.

We both look down at our almost naked bodies. Laughing lightly, he reaches for the tissues on my nightstand and starts working on getting us cleaned up. Once we’re done, I pull my bra down and he pulls his pants and briefs up.

“I'm going to need to shower,” he says, his voice all kinds of sexy with his post-sex voice.

"You can use mine." Leaning over me, Asher gives me a slow, tender kiss.

It's only the sound of the front door slamming that brings us back to reality. Asher springs off me as if I've burned him when we hear Ethan calling out to him.

"Ash, where are you?"

Checking the clock on my bedside table, I see Ethan is right on time. We had been so engrossed in each other that we lost track of the passing minutes. Neither of us even realized the music had stopped playing at some point. Launching myself off the bed, I start getting dressed.

"Fuck," Asher whispers, jumping off the bed and pulling on clothes at warp speed. "Fuck, fuck, fuck."

I could make a joke about how we didn’t do that, but the guilt written all over his face stops me in my tracks and makes my chest tight. We lost control, and as his gaze swings between me and the door to my room, and reality sinks in, I see the moment he regrets what we did. We need to talk to Ethan, and until we do, what we’re doing… it’s not right.

"Did you get my text? I'm car shopping. You coming or not?"

Asher shoots me a panicked expression as we hear Ethan’s heavy footfalls coming up the stairs. Panic rises in my chest as I hear Ethan knock on Asher's bedroom door.

As soon as Asher has checked that both of us are dressed again, he opens my bedroom door and sticks his head out. "In here, Eth."

Checking in the mirror hanging on the wall, I smooth my hair down. My swollen lips seem to scream what we were doing, but hopefully Ethan doesn't notice. If he finds out about something between the two of us like this and we don't tell him first... well, I don't even want to think about that possibility.

"What are you doing in here?" Ethan asks Asher, his eyes narrowing in suspicion as he walks into my room.

"Studying," Asher says nonchalantly. He seems to have managed to shove his guilt down for the moment. Forget music, maybe he should become an actor.

My mouth goes dry. I can feel the weight of Ethan's scepticism as his gaze flicks between the two of us. Whatever he sees has his mouth turning down at the corner as he turns to his brother.

Ethan's voice is cold as he says to us, "You both look a little flushed."

Asher shrugs. "It's hot in here."

Our textbooks are out and thankfully open on my desk, but even as Ethan runs his eye over them, I don't think he fully buys that we were studying.

"Is Dad taking us?" Asher asks, packing up his books.

Ethan’s gaze lands on my rumpled covers. "Yeah," Ethan says unhappily.

"I'll catch you later," Asher says to me, a blank expression on his face, before turning to his brother. "Are we going or what?"

After Asher walks out, Ethan looks at me and raises an eyebrow. “You were studying?”

I swallow. “We were.”

We were trying to study before we became totally distracted. It’s too easy where Asher is concerned. It’s too easy to spend time with him and lose track of what is at stake. Now I’m left feeling guilty I didn’t put a stop to things. Hollow. Because Asher would never forgive himself if Ethan had walked in on us.

With one final glance at the bed, Ethan walks out. Once they're gone, I collapse onto my bed and let out a breath. That was too close for comfort. Way too close.

Photo by Amy Kate on Unsplash

On the night of the senior prom, my friends and I gather in the suite we reserved at the Bayview Hotel—the prom's venue—with two hairdressers on hand to help with our hair. We assist each other with makeup, complimenting each other's dresses: Kennedy's stunning silver gown, Lana's deep green dress that complements her dark hair, Briony's intricate beaded masterpiece with a flowing skirt, and my mid-thigh-length peachy-pink gown that highlights the best shade of my hair. As music blasts from a nearby speaker, we take turns snapping pictures—some silly, others serious—creating memories that we'll cherish forever.

Ever since the tickets went on sale just before the break, my friends have eagerly anticipated this event. Amidst the never-ending workload of our senior year and the pressure to maintain our grades for the perfect ATAR, tonight is a chance to let loose and take a break from the stress. Despite my initial concerns about derailing my friends' nights by going as a group, I'm glad we're spending this evening together.

Not only is it great to attend with my closest friends, but their chatter and excitement are loud enough to drown out some of my inner turmoil over navigating a group prom date with both Asher and Ethan involved. Asher has maintained his distance since our near-close call, and I'm torn between my desire to spend time with him tonight and my need to be extra careful not to reveal my true emotions.

Kennedy checks the slim white gold watch on her wrist. "The boys should be here any minute." I can feel the butterflies in my stomach growing stronger, unsure if it's from the excitement of the night or simply nerves.

Briony twirls in her dress in front of the full-length mirror, admiring her bare back. "I can't believe tonight is finally here, and it's already August."

"Mm," I agree, acutely aware of how fast the year is passing. "Does anyone else feel like we're closing in on exams and graduation?"

Lana shakes her head. "I can't think about the fact that in three months, we'll be done with high school." Briony, Kennedy, and I laugh at her look of horror, but our laughter is interrupted by a knock. The boys have arrived to escort us down to the ballroom.

Kennedy opens the suite door, and instead of us walking out, the boys pile into the room: Asher, Ethan, Kai, Mason, Dawson, Scott—Dawson's boyfriend—and two friends of Asher and Ethan who wanted to join our group. Since Lana and her boyfriend are currently on a break, he decided not to come. I catch Asher's eye, and he grins. That carefree grin is enough to turn my knees to jelly and make my heart race against my ribs. Just like the day of our parents' wedding, he looks both devastating and out of place in his tuxedo.

The urge to walk over and embrace Asher is so strong that I have to dig my high heels into the floor to resist. The heat in his eyes as he takes me in sends a wave of desire through my core. Almost every night, I've been dreaming about what might have happened between us had Ethan not come home after his driving lessons. I wake up a damp, needy mess, my hormones so out of control that I'm beyond frustrated.

And more than ready.

With Ethan, I was never prepared to take the next step. With Asher, the desire to move forward occupies my thoughts all too often.

"You look gorgeous, Lilah," Ethan says, walking over to me and pressing a kiss to my cheek. As he pulls away, I notice his eyes are slightly glassy, and I catch a faint whiff of alcohol on his breath. It seems Ethan has been drinking.

I try not to frown, but it takes some effort. The warmth and affection currently in Ethan's eyes are things I used to live for, but now they twist my stomach into knots. I don't want him to feel that way about me anymore. I want him to think of me as a friend or a stepsister because that's the only way Asher and I will have a chance to be together.

Taking in his neatly brushed hair and tuxedo, I say, "You look great, too."

"Thanks." He looks pleased. "We're going to dance tonight, right?"

As I nod in agreement, a feeling of unease starts to creep in.

This sensation grows when I see Ethan studying Asher as he takes his turn to greet me, enveloping me in an embrace that is simultaneously too much and not enough. As soon as someone calls out to Ethan, Asher dips his head and whispers in my ear, "You look gorgeous. I don't know how I'm going to keep my hands off you."

His minty breath caresses my skin, and the scent of his Apollo aftershave engulfs me, causing me to flush and shiver at the same time. I close my eyes for a moment, savouring the closeness.

However, Ethan's attention doesn't stray for long, and Asher releases me, taking a step back. With Ethan under the influence, there's no telling what drama might unfold tonight, amplifying my unease.

A flurry of compliments, cheek kisses, and hugs are exchanged with the rest of the guys, followed by more photos. Finally, it's time to go.

We descend the grand staircase to the ballroom, where the DJ is playing tunes that we all know and love. The dance floor is busy but not yet packed. We decided to arrive an hour late, so while it's lively, there's still room for more students who will join later. Those who are already here are dressed in their finest attire, and their energy as they dance is contagious.

Kennedy squeals, grabs my hand, and starts pulling Kai and me toward the dance floor. I laugh as Kai and I take turns spinning her around, and we're quickly joined by Dawson and Scott, Mason and Briony, and the rest of the group. We all jump around to the music, laughing and joking with each other. Asher and I dance close together but not as a couple, and I'm having a good time until Ethan makes good on his word and asks me to dance.

To avoid creating waves, I accept Ethan's offer to dance, but I'm uncomfortable with the attention he's giving me. I need to be careful not to give Ethan false hope while also not drawing too much attention to my feelings for Asher. The whole situation is awkward, to say the least. Thankfully, he seems to have laid off the booze for now. Prom. We just need to get through this evening and Asher will talk to his brother.

As I sway gently in Ethan's arms during our second dance, a commotion at the entrance catches my attention. Latecomers to the prom are causing a stir, and when I see who it is, my heart sinks. The last thing I need tonight is Ainsley stirring up drama, which must be her intention by bringing Asher's ex-girlfriend to prom with her. My eyes dart to Asher, who is shaking his head at the duo, a dark look on his face.

Ainsley, clearly enjoying the attention, notices our group's gaze and flashes us a smug smile. She gives a dainty wave before pulling her—I'm guessing 'date?'—for the evening onto the dance floor.

Maddie follows Ainsley willingly, but not before locking eyes with Asher. Even from this distance, I can see the sadness in her expression. Great, I guess she isn't over her breakup with Asher. The thought makes me more than a little uneasy, adding a new layer of tension to an already delicate situation.

Ethan, on the other hand, doesn't appear overly bothered when I glance at him. Shrugging, he says, "She can bring whomever she wants."

I try to focus on the dance, but my mind can't help but wander, wondering how this unexpected twist might affect the fragile balance we've been maintaining. Is Ethan holding out hope that Asher and Maddie will get back together? And did Ainsley bring Maddie here in an attempt to cause trouble?

That's such a naïve question. Of course she did.

A/N: ATAR – Australian Tertiary Admission Rank. This is the score that high school seniors in Australia receive after completing their assessment tasks and end of year exams. When students apply to university, they don’t know what their score will be. Universities have required ATAR scores which must be reached for the student to be accepted into a course, but students must apply before they receive their score and must hope for the best. It’s very stressful!

Sorry for the late post. I wanted to post this yesterday but knew it could be better. I’m happier with it today and can confirm the next episode is already good to go, so that update will be tomorrow.

Hope you all had a good break.

XOXO Elle

Rockstar Bay Academy: Part 32

Elle Fielding — Sat, 08 Apr 2023 13:01:24 GMT

Lilah

The winter sun is weak as I cross the quad, clutching my lunch. As I approach our usual table, I see that Mason and Dawson are nowhere to be found. However, Kennedy, Lana, and Briony are sitting together, chatting excitedly about the senior prom tickets that just went on sale. For a brief moment, I wish I had taken longer to buy my lunch so I wouldn't have to hear it.

Kennedy notices my expression and suggests, "We could go as a group instead of finding dates." I force a smile at her sweet attempt to include me. We’ve talked about it, and I know she wants to go with Kai, but she doesn’t want to abandon me. I'm grateful for her loyalty but feel uncomfortable about the situation.

Briony notices my discomfort, and her gaze wanders over to Asher and back to me. "There’s no one you’re thinking about asking?”

Lying, I shake my head, feeling frustrated and confused. Asher promised to talk to Ethan about us dating two weeks ago, but he hasn't even tried yet. I don't want to push him, but the longer he waits, the more uncertain I feel about our relationship. I know Ethan still believes he's in love with me after his breakup with Ainsley, but it’s a tough pill to swallow. Not to mention, the timing couldn’t have been worse. Not that Ethan would likely ever be happy with the idea of Asher and me getting together, but his break-up with Ainsley seems to have complicated everything tenfold.

Lana’s gaze is sceptical. “There’s nothing going on between you and Asher?”

After our duet performance and the fact that Asher and I showed up together at Remy’s afterparty, my friends and all of our classmates have their suspicions about us. I can’t even talk to my stepbrother at school without people freaking out and gossiping about us. But only Kennedy knows about my kiss and conversation with Asher.

"Nope,” I confirm. “Nothing.”

Technically, it isn’t a lie. Asher and I haven't been sneaking around or behaving inappropriately in any way. A kiss on the night of the duet and another the following morning doesn't make us an item. Better to keep things a secret until there’s more to say. Besides, there’s no guarantee Asher will even speak with his brother, no matter what he promised. Maybe we were over before we even began.

I don’t even realize I’m staring at Asher, who is sitting on the other side of the quad with Ethan and his friends until he looks up from his lunch and sees me staring. When our eyes meet, he frowns upon seeing my expression. I feel stuck in limbo with him. Does Asher still believe being with me is worth the destruction it will cause? Every day that goes by without him saying anything, I become less sure he does.

Lana adds, "Yeah, it really looks like there’s nothing going on," sounding smug.

My stomach drops when Asher stands up.

Briony scrunches up her rubbish and tosses it into the nearby bin. “I think he’s heard us talking about him.”

As Asher approaches us, he greets us and asks, "Mind if I join you?" Kennedy motions for him to sit down. “Please do. We were just discussing prom.”

Asher gives her a small smile before taking a seat next to me, probably understanding all too well why I was looking at him. As his leg brushes against mine, my heart races with the warmth of his touch, like a continuation of the promise he made to me. My body and skin hum with excitement even as I relax feeling him finally beside me. I’ve missed him. It shouldn’t be possible to miss someone I live with, but I have.

Kennedy breaks the silence by asking, "So, about prom, what are your plans, Ash?"

Asher looks at me before responding, "I haven't really thought about it." I feel my friends' gaze on me, waiting for more information or a better answer from him, but I'm not sure what I want him to say. It’s my senior prom, and I desperately want to go with him, even if it is selfish. But the reality is that it's complicated. There’s more than just my own feelings to consider.

“Does Ethan have plans to go with anyone?” Briony asks him.

Asher shoots a glance at his brother before sighing heavily. His gaze is apologetic as he looks at me again. "He's in a really bad way at the moment. I'm not sure he’s thinking about prom at all, let alone asking anyone.”

Which means there’s no hope of Asher and I going to prom together or even having a one-on-one date any time soon. There’s no light at the end of the tunnel when it comes to not having to constantly hide how we feel. Though maybe I’m the only one constantly struggling with it. My chest tightens at the thought.

Kennedy shoots me a quick glance before suggesting, "We were thinking a group outing might be fun. No pressure to find a date or anything."

Asher appears to think about it for a moment before nodding slowly. "That might work. I’ll speak with Ethan about it.”

Kennedy looks at me pointedly. “Lilah, what do you think? A group date could be fun, right?”

As fun as it can be spending the night with both brothers, trying to pretend I’m not falling hard and completely in the thrall of the brother I once claimed as my enemy. Not to mention my friends will be sacrificing their own date time to not abandon me. Still, I guess this is better than nothing. It means Asher won’t be showing up with someone else.

I force a small smile. “Yeah, sounds fun.”

Asher's hand brushes against mine, and I look up to meet his gaze. "I promise we'll enjoy prom night together. No matter what else happens or who we go with."

I don’t tell him he hasn’t made good on his other promise yet because that wouldn’t be fair of me. I’m just frustrated.

We spend the rest of lunch discussing our plans for prom, but the disappointment and uncertainty continue to weigh heavily on me. The idea Asher will eventually tell me he’s changed his mind about us plays on a loop in my mind, and I can't seem to shake it off. When it’s just the two of us together, nothing else seems important. The way I feel when I’m with him has me convinced we can make it work. But the moment we’re apart and not spending time together, I worry I’m deluding myself.

The bell goes, and we prepare to head to our lockers before class. Before I reach my locker, however, Asher pulls me aside. My pulse races as butterflies take flight in my belly. I don’t want to feel this excited over his sudden undivided attention, but I do. Especially with how hot he looks in his uniform, his dark hair a little messy, his dark eyes intense on mine.

"I'm sorry about Prom. I want us to go together, and I wanted to ask you, but I have to talk to Ethan first. I know you’re disappointed, but I just need a bit more time.” He runs a frustrated hand through his dark hair. “He’s more messed up over everything than I thought, Lilah."

I try to keep my composure. The last thing I want to do is destroy the relationship between my stepbrothers, but I can't help but feel let down. I don’t know whether a bit more time is a week, a month or longer. That feeling of being in limbo comes back full force and the doubts that have been circling in my head over lunch spew out of my mouth before I can stop them. "Are you sure that's what you want?"

Asher's confusion is evident on his face. "Am I sure what's what I want?"

"I mean..." I pause, trying to gather my thoughts. "Maybe you're not sure it's worth the risks."

His eyes widen in surprise, and he takes a step closer to me, his breath fanning across my face. "I'm not changing my mind, Lilah. Not about us."

My heart races at his words. He looks so earnest. But my doubts still linger. "Are you sure? I know how much is at stake for you, and I’d rather you just tell me if you’ve changed your mind," I admit, feeling vulnerable.

Asher reaches out and brushes a thumb over my cheek with such tenderness it should be sweet. Instead, lightning streaks through my body, lighting me up everywhere, especially between my legs, taking me back to that night in his car when I’d never felt more alive or more turned on in my life.

“I’m so fucking into you.” His gaze holds mine, his eyes ticking between mine. “I know this is taking longer than we both want, but I promise you that you’re the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing I think about night, and on my mind nearly every second in between. I’m crazy about you. It’s why I’m willing to put it all in the line, I just don’t want to ruin what this is between us by rushing into telling Ethan at the wrong time. Tell me you understand that.”

I take a deep breath, feeling reassured by his words. "I do.”

Asher looks around at the cleared-out quad and pulls me along until we’re in the middle of one of the rose gardens on the edge of the school yard. The scent of roses and Asher’s Apollo aftershave fills my nostrils, an intoxicating mixture that makes my knees weak. As soon as he sees we’re out of view of our classmates, he leans in, and our lips meet in a kiss that is too hot and too sweet and ends far too soon. I know any sort of contact is a risk in the school grounds, but all I can remember is the way his hands and mouth felt on me as he brought me to orgasm in his car. Every fibre of my being wants me to beg him not to stop, but I hold back.

"You're worth the risk," he says softly. "We are worth the risk."

“I’m sorry for doubting…you.”

He smirks. “I forgive you. Now, let’s get to class."

He takes my hand and leads me towards the school. Of course, he drops it the moment we get close enough to be seen by anyone, but I feel a sense of anticipation building inside me. His words have filled me with a renewed sense of hope and determination, and if he needs more time to talk to his brother, I’ll give him the time he needs. I’ll wait.

Photo by Huong Ho on Unsplash

My vow to give Asher as long as he needs wavers when I come down to breakfast one morning over the school holidays and Ethan is sitting there.

He offers me a small smile when he sees me and runs a hand through his hair, as if he wants to make himself more presentable. In a pair of flannel pyjama pants and a white cotton t-shirt, his brown hair a little long, he looks more like a sweet but unruly little boy than someone about to turn 18 within the next two months.

"Morning."

A year ago, the sight of him like this would have melted my heart, but now I just feel sorrow over the way things have been between us this year. Our relationship as ex-lovers to friends and then step-siblings was always going to be difficult, but it’s been harder than I anticipated. Add in his dating Ainsley, which broke my heart, and my falling for his brother when he supposedly still loves me, and yeah...it's like there's so much baggage between us that it's difficult to know what to say to him these days. I don't know how to act around him anymore. I don't know what or who he is to me anymore.

So I settle on small talk. “How are the driving lessons going?”

“Good. I’m booked in to take the test on my birthday.”

I give him a nervous look. “Is that a good idea? What if you fail? It’ll ruin your eighteenth.”

His expression is smug. “No chance of failing. My instructor says I’m the best student he’s ever had.”

“Are you sure he doesn’t say that to all his students?” I tease, feeling some of the tension I felt when I saw him sitting there leave my shoulders.

“Maybe, but I know he means it when he says it to me.”

I laugh, and Ethan’s smile grows bigger and warmer. Then he turns serious. “I never congratulated you on making the showcase, did I?”

I shrug. “No, but I know you’ve had stuff going on.”

“Well, congrats.”

“Thanks.”

The list went up a few days ago, on the last day of the semester. I’m in, it’s official. The high I felt in those first few minutes after was huge. Mum and Jesse were so happy for me. Asher told me he’d had no doubts, and he’d looked pretty pleased too. It didn’t take long, however, for the feeling of victory to fade. There’s always the next big goal to look toward and start working toward. Like the end of year exams that we’ll be taking in around three months time.

"Are you disappointed your duet didn’t make it?" I ask him gently.

He shakes his head. “Nah. MOD are in. That’s all that matters.”

“And you’re…doing okay?” I ask awkwardly.

He gives me a lop-sided grin. "Am I over my break-up with Ainsley, you mean?"

I smile back at him. "Yeah," I say, starting to make myself breakfast.

"I told you, I never really loved her."

I swallow hard, purposefully not looking at him as I pour my cereal. "You did say that."

"But most of all I'm bummed about not having a date to prom."

I look up at him, my heart racing because I hate the direction this conversation is going in. Asher said he was going to talk to his brother about going as a group, but I'm not sure if he has and Ethan is asking anyway, or whether Ethan does know of the plan and he's asking me anyway.

He takes a deep breath and gives me his most charming smile. "I was wondering, do you want to be my date to prom?"

"Um."

Where's Asher when I need him, and how am I supposed to answer that? Has he talked to his brother about prom or not?

"As friends," Ethan says quickly when he sees me hesitate.

"Ah, Kennedy and I were actually talking about going as a group."

He frowns. "Doesn’t she want to go with Kai."

“Of course, but Kai will be coming with us.”

“Right. Still, you could always tell them you’ve changed your mind.”

My smile is strained. “I don’t know, Ethan.”

“You don’t know or you don’t want to?”

How do you let a guy down gently? I haven’t had enough experience. Fortunately, I’m saved from having to try right this second when Asher walks into the kitchen.

"Morning," Asher says, with a smile for me and a quick nod for his brother.

Ethan looks unfazed by his brother’s sudden appearance, and I'm torn between relief Asher is here and fear over how a conversation about prom could play out between the three of us.

I finish making my breakfast and take a seat beside a sullen-looking Ethan at the kitchen island while Asher starts making his own breakfast. While he waits for his toast to pop, he leans against back against the bench and finally picks up on the tension in the room. His eyes dart back and forth between us before settling on Ethan. "What's happening?"

"I just invited Lilah to prom," Ethan says.

There's something combative and defiant in his tone, but I don’t know if it’s directed at Asher or me. My stomach clenches tightly, and I feel sick as Asher’s face turns from shocked surprise to annoyance.

"Didn't I mention a few of us were talking about going as a group?" Asher asks his brother, his voice calm and even despite the tightness in his tone.

Ethan leans back and crosses his arms. "Yeah, you mentioned it." Ethan shrugs. "But I didn't think it was set in stone, and I wanted to give Lilah the opportunity to have the full senior prom experience that she told me she wanted."

My gaze flicks to Ethan, and I can't keep the surprise off my face.

"What?" he raises an eyebrow. "You thought I'd forgotten all the plans we made?"

"That was a while ago, Ethan."

Like before he broke my heart and started dating Ainsley.

Asher's eyes narrow on his brother. "Well, Lilah and I did discuss going as a group, so why don't we just stick with that plan?"

Ethan purses and narrows his eyes as he studied his brother. "You and Lilah discussed it, huh? You didn't want to ask anyone to prom, Ash?"

The tension between the two brothers goes from palpable to stifling. Asher has been waiting for the right time to tell his brother but what if Ethan knows or senses something already? Wouldn’t him figuring things out be worse than not waiting for the right time?

Asher shrugs, his gaze not leaving his brother’s. "I'm happy with the group situation."

“I’ll bet you are.” Ethan laughs without humour and shakes his head before nailing me with an accusing look. “So, all the stuff you told me about how you wanted our prom night to go was lies?”

My fingers clench on the spoon as heat prickles over my skin. “No, Ethan, of course it wasn’t, but things kind of changed the moment you broke my heart, you know?”

He stands abruptly. “Yeah, I know.” His gaze flicks over to Asher before coming back to rest on me. “I guess you’ll get your group date, then.”

The time it takes Ethan to put his dish in the dishwasher and clean up after himself is tense. I don’t relax until Ethan leaves the kitchen.

As soon as I’m sure he’s gone, I look at Asher. “Does he suspect something?”

“Plenty,” he sighs. “But only at certain times. When we’re hanging out the two of us or with the guys, he’s fine. But if you’re around or you come up in conversation…” he trails off. “I wasn’t kidding when I said he’s pretty messed up at the moment.”

Whether that’s about me or Ainsley, I don’t know. Part of me is in denial about him still loving me. Selfishly, I hope he doesn’t. I want to be with Asher and our time is running out. There are less than five months until they leave for the States, and keeping things a secret and not being able to tell Ethan means we can’t really be together. It feels like I'm stuck in the middle of an impossible situation.

We finish our breakfast in silence, clear our dishes, putting them in the dishwasher and make our way back to our rooms together.

“Hey, are you okay?" Asher asks, tugging me to a stop before I head back into my room to study.

I sigh. “I hate lying to him.”

I hate that we can’t be together without sneaking away or stealing moments alone. Something Asher doesn’t seem keen to do at all. Not that I can blame him. There’s every chance we’ll be caught and it will blow up in our faces.

“I know.”

“And our time is running out,” I whisper.

"I know that too," Asher says, looking pained. “Trust me, it’s on my mind constantly. Let’s just get through prom.”

“You’ll tell him after?”

He looks worried, but he nods. “I promise.”

“What if he won’t accept us being a couple?”

Asher shakes his head. “I’ll do everything to make him understand.”

With that, he squeezes my hand and I walk into my room. Opening my Maths textbook, I try to push away the nagging doubts that Asher won’t be able to make him understand. What if Ethan refuses to accept we’re together and it ruins their relationship as brothers, and the band, and Asher wishes he’d never met me?

Can I let him potentially destroy everything that matters most to him?

I have to pray Ethan will accept us. Because if he doesn’t, I’ll have to walk away from someone who feels a hell of a lot like a soulmate.

The thought makes it impossible to study for the rest of the day.

A/N: Thanks for reading, everyone. Due to the long weekend, the next update will be on Wednesday. I’ll make it up. See you then. Hope you’re having a good one. XOXO

Rockstar Bay Academy: Part 31

Elle Fielding — Wed, 05 Apr 2023 13:01:38 GMT

Lilah

Asher doesn't kiss me tentatively or with uncertainty. Instead, his lips are filled with the longing of someone who has been waiting for this moment for a long time. He takes everything I am willing to give him, as if he's afraid I'll be ripped away from him. The simple contact of our lips meeting sends heat and electricity through me, and goosebumps break out across my skin. It's like the best song I’ve ever heard.

The kiss deepens, growing more passionate by the second. His hands cup my face, and he caresses my cheeks with his thumbs as if memorizing my features. I don't care that we're in a car, parked outside our shared home on a school night. Right now, I don’t even care that Ethan and Ainsley could catch a ride back here and catch us. Being with him like this, kissing him like this, feels too good.

My hands wander to his chest and then under his shirt, feeling the muscles of his stomach and tracing them with my fingertips, causing him to tremble. He pulls away, his eyes wide and dark. I think he's going to tell me we should stop, but instead, he undoes my seatbelt and pulls me into his lap. I express my approval when he flips a lever and lowers his seat, positioning me so I'm straddling him. His lips find mine again, and the ache between my legs and the wet heat throbbing there becomes unbearable as his tongue strokes mine. I made out with Luke in his car a few times, but this is a thousand times more intense. Maybe it's because I've secretly desired Asher for much longer than I'd ever admit.

“Asher,” I whisper between kisses, savouring the feel of his lips on mine.

“You have no idea how many times I’ve imagined this,” he murmurs back, his breath hot against my skin.

I'm certain I do. How many times have I fantasized about this or something similar? Too many times to count.

My head falls back as his hot mouth slides over my neck, leaving a trail of heat in its wake. He starts trying to tug off my jacket, and I start unbuttoning his shirt before removing my top by pulling it over my head. I want to be as close to him as I can be, feeling the heat of his skin against mine.

He swears when he takes me in, sitting in his lap, naked except for my skirt, boots, and red lace bra.

“Have I told you you’re perfect?”

My nipples harden into jagged peaks as his thumb slides over one, then the other, through the lace of my bra. I feel as though I'm on the verge of unravelling, every inch of my body tingling with ecstasy. My panties are dampened with arousal, and when he pulls down my bra and takes a nipple into his mouth, his scorching tongue flickering along the stiff peak, the pressure between my thighs and the delicious throbbing ache become unbearable.

He slides my skirt up my thighs and draws me close, our hips near touching. He is hot and hard beneath me, his smell driving me wild. But it's the way he devours me with his eyes that truly sets me alight; he can't tear away his gaze or miss a second of my desire. I pant and rock against him, savouring the friction, yet still wanting more.

When I let out a desperate whimper, he cups my thigh, causing shudders to ripple through me; his fingers lightly draw patterns on my skin that burn like fire. And then his fingers slide lower between my legs, caressing the space between my thighs while his lips cover mine.

That is all it takes for me to fly apart.

With just one kiss and some gentle touches, pleasure wracks my body. His fingers then slip beneath the red lace of my panties and seek out the dampness of me. I want to tell him to stop-that I'm too sensitive for more-but he murmurs encouraging words, telling me how much he loves seeing me come and how long he's wanted this moment. His thumb moves slowly and expertly, finding all the right spots until an intense orgasm crashes over me. Arching backward, I cry out, riding each wave until oblivion envelops me and I sink against him.

He holds me tightly against him as I come down from the high, and when he takes his hand away, I feel strangely bereft without it. Minutes later, my body is still shaking from the sheer force of my orgasm, my knees like jelly and my heart still pounding in my ears as Asher and I leave the confines of the car and head inside. We walk up to my bedroom in silence. His eyes are still dark with desire, and he pulls me close for one last kiss. Our tongues entwine, exploring each other's mouths gently in the heat of the moment.

My heart skips a beat when I see the smirk on his face, and I ache to invite him into my room so we can finish what we started. I’ve never felt so on edge, never felt so ready to take the next step. He tenderly tucks a lock of hair behind my ear; this isn’t the first time he’s done it, but there’s something in his gaze that feels more intimate, and somehow possessive. Like he knows I can still feel his lips against mine from a few moments ago and the warmth of his hand between my legs that brought me to climax, and he loves the thought.

"Thanks for taking me to the party," I murmur.

"You're welcome," he replies, not averting my gaze. After a few moments, he adds softly, "I need to talk to my brother."

My heart jumps in alarm, even as nervous anticipation makes excitement wing its way through my belly. "Do you really think it's wise?"

"If I ever want to kiss you again…then yes."

"You want to kiss me again?"

“I want to do a lot more than kiss you again, but yeah. I’m going to be thinking about that kiss all night.”

He isn’t the only one. The image of him touching himself sends more heat spiralling through me. Again, it’s an effort not to invite him into my room. Perhaps he’s feeling the same desire to keep exploring each other because he takes a step back and clenches his hands, as though he won’t be able to resist temptation if he doesn’t put distance between us.

“Good night, Lilah.”

I watch as he reaches his door, then looks back at me to give me one long lingering look. Only once he opens his door and disappears from my sight do I breathe again. He says he's going to talk to his brother. Is there any hope Ethan will give us his blessing?

Car outside of a mansion at night time

I'm so lost in my own thoughts the next morning that I don't see Ethan sitting at the bench eating his breakfast in the kitchen until he greets me.

"Morning."

I blink, trying to clear the Asher-related daze I've been in since I woke up. "Hey."

Ethan has avoided me for most of the last school term. First because he and Asher seemed to have a pact that they would after the party at our place, and then when we went out for dinner for my mother’s birthday...well, a cold war has been brewing between us since then. It's almost like he can't stand to look at me. At the party last night, he looked like he was ready to tear me apart and actually might have if I hadn't hightailed it away from Asher and his friends.

So, considering he's been avoiding me, it's a shock to see him sitting there, almost as if he's been waiting for me. For a moment, I even wonder if Asher has spoken to him, and he's here to confront me. Heat blows through my veins as I relive my kiss with Ethan's half-brother in staggering detail. I'd imagined it so many times before last night, but now that I know how his lips feel on mine, I know the fantasies don't compare to the real thing.

"You're up early," I say, knowing my face is flushed and hoping he doesn't have any idea why.

His face falls as he looks at his breakfast. "I didn't sleep at all."

"I'm sorry," I say, pulling stuff out of the cupboards to make my breakfast.

Once I've poured myself cereal, I climb onto the stool beside him. I haven't even managed a spoonful of cereal before he spills what kept him awake.

"Ainsley and I broke up."

If anything had been in my mouth, I'd have choked on it. I put my spoon down and look at him.

"Ethan, I'm-"

To say I'm sorry would be a lie. "No wonder you didn't sleep well," I settle on.

He shrugs. "It's been a long time coming."

They hadn't seemed happy at the party last night. Almost the minute they'd come through the door, they'd gone their separate ways. And their duet had been... they lacked chemistry, and it had been obvious to everyone, even the teachers.

"What triggered it?" I ask carefully, not sure if he even wants to discuss this with me.

Ethan turns to face me fully. "You."

"What? Ethan-"

"Don't say anything, please, Lilah.” His expression is blank. Resigned. “I know I messed up. I know I screwed up everything between us, and I'm not asking for a second chance. I’m going to live with that regret forever. I just... I couldn't pretend anymore, okay? Not that I was ever really good at it, but I was better before... before you started working on the duet with Asher."

My stomach sinks with a combination of dread and heartache. Ethan hurt me so badly, and now I'm scared I'm going to hurt him just as badly. As much as Ethan has hurt me, and as angry as I've been with him over the way he started dating Ainsley, her maliciousness, and his actions at times, he has been a friend and someone I once loved with all my heart. When he hurts, I hurt for him.

But in this moment, my heart isn't just breaking for him; it's breaking for me too. Asher said he was going to speak to his brother, and I assumed he was going to talk about pursuing things with me. Is there any way he's going to go through with it when he hears Ethan's news? Ethan is watching me intently, turning his body towards me.

"I never stopped loving you, Lilah. I tried to, for the sake of MOD, because Asher made it seem like it was what was best for the band. I tried, Lilah, and I failed. Ainsley was never going to take your place, and eventually, she got sick of trying to."

At that moment, Asher walks into the kitchen, and from the way his eyes flick between me and Ethan, he can feel the tension in the room. Asher's eyes hold mine for a moment, and I forget how to breathe as the memories of last night hit me: the imprint of his lips against mine, the way he rubbed me through my panties and sucked my nipple into his mouth. It's all I can do not to shiver and flush as desire clenches low in my belly.

"What's going on?" he asks, tearing his gaze away from mine.

"Ainsley and I broke up last night," Ethan says matter-of-factly, as if he's announcing the weather forecast for the day.

Asher darts a look at me, panic clear in his dark eyes before he schools his features and turns back to his brother.

"Well, fuck."

Ethan laughs humourlessly, shaking his head. "Nothing else to say?"

"It's a bit sudden?"

It comes out as more of a question, and Ethan glares at his brother. "You and I both know there's nothing sudden about it. I'm still in love with someone else. Expecting it to work with Ainsley put me in the running for dumbarse of the year." He pauses, holding Asher's gaze. "In fact, some might say that dating Ainsley was arguably dumber than giving up the girl I love in the first place."

With that, he lets his spoon fall into his bowl, splashing milk over the sides before sliding off his stool and exiting without another word. Asher is gripping the kitchen counter so hard, his knuckles are turning white.

"Fuck!"

"Ethan can't still be in love with me," I say on a shaky exhale now that we're alone.

I don't know whether I'm trying to convince him or myself of this.

Asher runs a hand over his face. "He really believes he is."

I wrap my arms around myself. "I guess this is what they call bad timing," I whisper, for lack of anything better to say.

As soon as Asher reciprocates my feelings and is ready to speak to his brother, this happens. His eyes fall on my face, and I half-expect him to turn any anger and frustration he feels in my direction, even though I technically haven't done anything wrong. I didn't make him kiss me. I didn't make him invite me to the party last night. He said it would be fine. The guilt he feels over wanting me has always stood between us, and now here we are again.

I want to put up my shields, protect my heart, and pretend that the fact he's about to choose his brother over me doesn't hurt. But I'm not that good of an actor. There's a connection between us, even stronger after last night. Somehow singing the duet together, going to the party together, and then the kiss afterward has cemented all my longing and desire into something that feels much bigger than anything I’ve experienced before.

After tearing my gaze away from his, I slip from my stool and take my bowl to the sink, washing it before placing it in the dishwasher. With each step, I'm aware of him watching me.

"Hey," he reaches out, his grasp gentle as his fingers encircle my wrist. "Where are you going?"

I shrug. Anywhere but here. I can't stand here and hear him say he can't be with me because of his brother. I've heard it too many times before, and after everything we shared last night, it will be even harder to take.

"Lilah," he waits for me to look at him. "I'm still going to talk to my brother."

I can't hide my shock. "But…you heard what he said."

"I know. And I know I shouldn't want you. I don't deserve you, not after what I put my brother through, not after how I treated you. I know it, but I'm done denying that I feel what I feel. I can't keep fighting it anymore. Can you?"

My mind races with all the reasons why I need to hold back my heart, why dating Asher would be the worst idea ever. MOD is everything to the brothers. I still believe the brothers will always - always - pick each other over me. Ethan was my first love, though he shattered my heart, he's still someone I care about. We're still family. And what about Mum's warning last night about focusing on school only?

But longing and desire in Asher's eyes reflect my own. We can't ignore what happened last night or the connection between us any longer. He isn't the only one who has tried to fight it.

Tried and failed.

I shake my head.

Asher nods. "So, maybe I won't tell him today, but I will talk to him, I promise. Just give me some time. Can you do that?"

"And in the meantime?"

"In the meantime…" His eyes flick down to my mouth, tracing my lips with his gaze, making my heart jump. All I want to do is lean forward and press my lips to his, to forget everything else and just be with him—to revel in the moment like we did last night. But even if he says he's going to talk to his brother and I desperately want to believe him, can I? Will he really risk MOD's future and his relationship with his brother? I don't know if I can handle the guilt of breaking them apart.

As if he can sense me questioning his promise, he glances around quickly, determining we're alone before his hand tightens around my wrist, and he pulls me to him. His other hand cups my face as his lips crash down on mine. The kiss is intense, consuming, lighting my body up the same way it did last night. I lose myself in the moment, forgetting everything else except the feel of Asher's lips moving against mine.

We break apart, gasping for air. Despite all the obstacles in our way, is there any way that maybe, just maybe, we can find a way to make it work? I take a deep breath, trying to steady myself.

"So?" Asher clears his throat.

I nod slowly. “Okay, I’ll give you some time.”

“Thank you,” he says, his thumb brushing over my wrist in a soothing gesture.

I nod, then turn to leave the kitchen. As I walk out, I can feel his eyes burning into my back. He asked for some time, but does that mean we're supposed to ignore the attraction until he speaks to Ethan? We should, right? It’s hard to resist the pull between us, and I don't know how I'm going to do it, but until he's talked to Ethan, we have to.

I head to my room and close the door behind me, slumping onto my bed. My heart is still racing from the intensity of the last few minutes. Ethan thinks he's still in love with me, but Asher still wants to be with me. Is there any way this won't end in disaster?

A/N: I plotted this story between writing the third and fourth episode, and Ethan and Ainsley were always meant to break up, but the timing of their break-up changed while I was writing it. What did you think of this case of bad timing?

Rockstar Bay Academy: Part 30

Elle Fielding — Fri, 09 Dec 2022 03:56:49 GMT

For Heather. XOXO

Lilah

It's not a date.

If I repeat that enough, maybe I'll start believing it and stop feeling so nervous. Asher and I have spent a lot of time together this year, so going to a party with him shouldn't be a big deal, right? We're just hanging out, celebrating duet night with the rest of our senior class.

So why does it feel like so much more than that?

I glance at the items in my closet, trying to decide how much I'm willing to dress up for an evening that isn't a date. In the end, I choose a short tartan skirt and a long-sleeved black top with a diamond-shaped cutout above the cleavage. It's probably too sexy for the occasion, but my stomach bottoms out at the thought of what Asher will think when he sees me in it. I throw on a long cream jacket over the top, leaving it open, and complete the look with knee-length boots. Since my hair and makeup were done to perfection before the performance, I just reapply lip gloss, and then I'm ready to search for Asher.

Before I can step out of my room, I come to an abrupt stop.

"Mum."

The hand she was about to use to knock drops, and she raises an eyebrow when she looks me over.

"Right. The party, I forgot about that," she says with a smile that doesn't quite reach her eyes.

Asher and I mentioned the party briefly to Mum and Jesse after we were dismissed from school. There was too much noise in the auditorium for us to talk much. As soon as Jesse and Mum congratulated us, they disappeared to find Ethan and Ainsley.

"Can you be home by one?" she asks.

I frown. "You're giving me a curfew?"

Her smile wobbles. "Shouldn't I? You're still seventeen for a few more months."

"You left us alone for two weeks to go on honeymoon, and you and Jesse let us have a party," I remind her.

She sighs. "But those were the holidays."

"True, but it's the weekend, and semester break is only a couple of weeks away. Plus, it takes twenty or thirty minutes to get to Remy's place."

"Three o'clock, then?"

It's more of a question than a demand, so I smile at her and let it go. "I'd better go find Asher. See you tomorrow."

"Honey," she says before I can walk past her. "Your duet was...so very, very good." Her eyes fill with tears. "Your singing...your performance, you blew me away. I've never been prouder of you than I was tonight."

"Thanks, Mum."

"I know you have to go, but I...I did want to remind you of something quickly."

A sudden rush of dread ties my stomach in a knot. "Yes?"

"Ethan broke your heart."

My smile is now strained. "He did."

"It took you a while to bounce back from that," my mother says.

"I remember," I reply.

"This year is so important," she continues.

"I know, Mum."

"You've put everything on the line to get this far. There's always time for certain things later. Don't become distracted. You've worked too hard to…"

Do something that I might struggle to bounce back from, I know that's what she's saying. I can't blame her for worrying. Everything she's done up to this year has been for me. She put it all on the line and spent the best part of her life working to make sure I never missed out on anything I needed for my music. Losing sight of my end goal wouldn't just be devastating to me, it would be a slap in the face to my mother who has made every sacrifice for me.

I hug her. "I know. I won't."

The problem is that, even as I say the words, I'm aware that my feelings for my stepbrother are already so much more than they should be. I don't know how to deal with what I feel for him when nothing can ever happen between us.

Asher's door opens as I pull away from my mother. His eyes meet mine straight away, and I swallow hard as I take him in. The fitted black shirt with red cuffs and collar he's wearing fits him to perfection, showing off all the muscles underneath. The top couple of buttons of his shirt have been left undone, and my fingers itch to undo the rest of them.

When I drag my eyes back to his face, I see his eyes raking over me, hot as coals, forcing my heart to kick into high gear. I dressed up for him, and I'm sure he knows it. Under his intense gaze, heat crawls over my skin, the obvious approval and satisfaction giving me the same kind of high I had while singing with him.

This isn't a date.

Mum forces a smile when Asher walks over and joins us. "Asher."

He nods. "Cait." Then he looks at me. "Ready?"

"You won't be tempted to drink and drive?" Mum asks.

"I never have before, and I won't start now."

Mum nods, and her smile is small and weak. "Well, have fun." She looks at me. "Not too much fun."

"I'll try not to have too much fun, Mum."

Realising how silly she must sound, she doesn't say anything else, merely starts walking down the stairs. Asher and I follow her in silence. In fact, we're silent all the way to the car, where he opens the passenger side door for me.

Not a date.

Trying not to make a big deal out of it, I thank him and slide inside.

I've been in a car with Asher numerous times; he even drove me to and from school tonight. But on the way to school, I was focused on the duet. And on the way home, I felt nervous, but I was still riding the adrenaline high from our performance. That isn't the case now. I have nothing to distract me from the butterflies swarming in my belly.

I rub my palms along my thighs to wipe away the sweat building there as he starts the engine and floors it out of the driveway. Why am I so nervous?

"You too hot?" Asher asks, catching the action.

"I'm okay."

He doesn't look convinced. "Was Cait okay with us going to the party?"

"She tried to give me a curfew of one o'clock."

He frowns. "That would give us less than an hour at the party."

"I got her to change it to three."

He nods. "Are you planning to get drunk tonight and tell me things you shouldn't?"

Amusement shines in his eyes when I look at him, and my lips twitch.

"Not sure there's anything left to declare." Nothing I should be telling him, anyway.

Silence descends between us once more, but this time it feels thicker. Sitting here, surrounded by the scent of him and watching his muscles flex as he drives is not conducive to my 'this isn't a date' mindset. Every time he flicks his gaze my way, heat branches through me. Bringing up Ethan is probably the last thing I should do, but maybe the reminder of the person between us will be the metaphorical cold shower I need.

"Have you spoken to Ethan since we...sang?" I ask.

Asher's jaw clenches tight. "No."

Considering we spent most of today rehearsing, and then we went to school together, and came home together, it isn't surprising.

"Maybe they'll come tonight," I think out loud.

Nerves twist my stomach tighter. I was so relieved to hear Asher and Maddie broke up, that I forgot how awkward it will be tonight if Ainsley and Ethan come.

Asher shrugs. "Maybe. I'm not sure Ethan will be in the mood to party."

"Mm," I agree, thinking about how miserable Ethan looked as he walked offstage.

There was something off about Ethan and Ainsley's duet. Ethan is a good singer-songwriter, and Ainsley isn't totally awful when it comes to crafting music, but their timing seemed off, and they didn't connect on stage the same way most other pairs did. Odd considering they're in a relationship.

"It seemed like I was interrupting you and your mum before?" Asher says, changing the subject.

I don't know if he heard anything from his room. I force a smile. "She was just..."

Warning me to be careful? Warning me not to get my heart broken? Warning me not to fall in love with someone who can't put me first.

"Being sensible and logical." Which is exactly what I need to be. "And reminding me I have goals."

He raises an eyebrow. "You don't need reminding. Your goals are the reason we went through with the duet."

And the reason Asher put his relationship with his brother on the line.

Clasping my hands together, I nod. "I know."

He looks at me with such intensity, I can't help but stare back at him and hope we don't crash.

He looks back at the road. “Lilah, you’re the most driven person I know.”

“Thanks?”

“It’s a good thing.”

This time, my smile is genuine. I sigh. “She doesn’t want me to…become distracted.”

I thought there was nothing left to declare but admitting Mum is worried I’m on the verge of being distracted probably is too revealing. When he looks at me this time, the intensity in his stare is turned up higher. Heat prickles over my skin, my stomach bounces, and my heart feels like it’s just been slung out of a slingshot.

“Are you becoming distracted?” he asks softly.

“I’m trying not to be,” I whisper.

Trying so hard not to be. In other words, coming with him tonight, even as his friend or duet partner was idiotic.

Asher doesn’t say anything, leaving me to wonder what he thinks of that. We lapse into silence again, which only gives me more time to dwell on all the reasons I shouldn’t have come with him tonight. Asher and Maddie might be over, but we’re about to be separated by oceans. And even if that weren’t the case, Ethan would never support our union.

Didn’t our song say it all? We’re impossible; this is all we’ll have.

Before we’ve even reached the party, the high I’ve been riding and my excitement about the evening crashes and breaks, tightening my throat.

Asher glances at me after he pulls up at Remy’s place. “Ready?”

I nod, swallowing past the lump, and get out before he needs to open the door for me.

Like he did after this evening’s concert, he places his hand on my back as we head into the house on the property. Just like it did then, every nerve ending seems to jump to life, goosebumps breaking out over my skin. Resisting leaning into his touch is harder than it should be. Walking next to him, his energy sucks me into his forcefield. I want to be closer to him even though I can’t be.

There’s no bonfire tonight and when we enter Remy’s kitchen via the patio and open glass doors, it’s crowded but not in the same way it was last party. Probably the short notice. I estimate there’s only around a hundred seniors milling around the giant patio and the kitchen-living area of Remy’s house.

Until now, my nervousness has centred around spending time with Asher tonight, and it being a non-date. As Asher and I garner interested looks, however, my nerves grow for a different reason. I’m not an idiot. People will have opinions about us being here together, especially after singing the duet.

God, my hands are clammy again.

This isn’t a date, I tell myself yet again. But if it was? Dating the stepbrother I once declared war on, who also happens to be the brother of the guy I dated for years, would be newsworthy. Add in the fact our parents got married this year, and people are going to gossip and judge.

“Drink?” Asher asks.

“Sure.”

No way am I getting drunk again, but something to take the edge off would be nice. Asher leads us through the kitchen, towards a large table that has been pushed to the back wall of the adjoining dining area. There are at least thirty bottles of spirits scattered across it, as well as litres of soft drink, plastic cups, and buckets of ice with mixed alcoholic drinks.

Photo by Andreas M on Unsplash

After looking over what’s on offer, I pluck a bottle of watermelon flavoured Vodka out of one of the ice buckets, and Asher reaches for a tin of Passiona. I look around for Kennedy. She’s coming with Kai, and Briony and Mason are supposed to be coming too, but I can’t see them anywhere.

“Ash!” “Over here.”

My friends aren’t here, but Asher’s are. As he guides me in the direction of his friends, I go with him, aware of the knot in my stomach growing.

Asher is met with back slapping and trash talking, and I receive a lot of curious looks from the guys. I used to spend time with these people—when I was with Ethan.

“No Maddie tonight?” Vaughn asks.

“Nah, it didn’t work out.”

“She couldn’t come, or you guys are done?”

“We were over a while ago.”

“Too bad. She was hot as fuck.”

Asher rubs at his eyebrow and shoots me an apologetic look. Not that he has anything to apologise for. This isn’t a date; we’re hanging out as friends.

As if sensing Asher’s discomfort, one of his friends asks, “Ethan with you?”

“No.”

“Is he coming?”

“Not sure.”

Some of the guys look between me and Asher but keep their comments to themselves, and while I’m relieved, I’m not really comfortable. The conversation turns into a commentary about people I don’t really know. With nothing much to contribute, I get to the bottom of my bottle too quickly.

Jay points to the glass doors we came through earlier. “Ethan’s here.”

Of course he isn’t alone, he came with Ainsley. Ainsley’s scowl is nearly feral when she sees me standing with Asher and his friends. She looks slightly unhinged. Great. What are the chances of escaping Ainsley-related drama tonight?

An expression passes over Ethan’s face when he sees me standing beside Asher. His gaze bounces between me and Asher, his jaw clenched as tight as his fists before he looks away without any kind of acknowledgement. Asher moves his body slowly closer to mine as it becomes clearer Ethan is coming over. The move doesn’t go unnoticed by Ethan, who turns a shade of red, and when Ainsley says something to him and storms off, Ethan doesn’t even look at her, just keeps walking towards us.

Before Ethan reaches the group, I save everyone further awkwardness and excuse myself. These guys are Ethan and Asher’s friends, and if I stand here any longer, I’m about to be compared to Yoko Ono.

Asher reaches for me before I can go anyway. “Where are you going?”

“I’m just going to look for Kennedy.”

And get another drink.

Asher looks at Ethan before glancing back at me. “We aren’t doing anything wrong, Lilah.”

Aren’t we? If that’s really the case, why does it feel like we are? Why does Asher sound like he’s trying to convince himself as much as me?

“Come find me when you’re ready to go,” I tell him.

He shakes his head. “Tonight we celebrate, I’ll come find you in a few.”

Tamping down the impulse to tell him maybe it’s best if we don’t hang out together at the party, I nod and walk straight toward the drinks table, swiping another watermelon flavoured Vodka drink. When I turn around, I sag with relief when I see Kennedy over the other side of the kitchen, waving to me.

I wave back and start in their direction. I’m so eager to get to them that I don’t see Ainsley until I’m passing her and her friends.

“Brother lover,” one says loudly.

I ignore her and roll my eyes at the mild insult.

“Brother fucker, more like it,” another girl adds.

Ainsley jumps in my way. “Incest queen,” she spits.

Instead of telling her to piss off, I shoulder past her, delighting in the ‘oomph’ she lets out when I make contact.

“Bitch,” I can’t hold back.

“Slut,” she hisses back.

Kennedy’s smile drops as she witnesses the exchange. Wrapping her arms around me as soon as I get to her, she hugs me hard, making me even more grateful she’s here.

“Hi, Kai,” I greet her boyfriend when she releases me.

“Hey, Lil.”

It’s a relief to hear Kai use his nickname for me because I honestly don’t know what he must think about me being here with Asher.

Kennedy touches Kai on the arm. “Can you get me a drink while we find somewhere to sit?”

“Sure, babe.”

“Need me to cut someone?” Kennedy asks me as he walks away.

I force a laugh. “I think I invited this on myself.”

“Don’t be stupid.” She links her arm through mine and starts us moving. “Mason and Bri should be here soon so let’s find a good place to sit.”

Minutes later, we’re settled on one of the smaller couches in a giant living area adjacent to the kitchen and dining area. Briony and Mason arrive minutes later, dragging chairs from somewhere else so they can join us. And as we talk about the duets, and I polish off my second vodka and watermelon, I start to relax. By the time Asher finds us, I’m actually enjoying myself and happy to see him.

I grin up at him. “Hey.”

His lips twitch as he sweeps his eyes over me, probably noting the colour in my cheeks. From the alcohol, of course. The adrenaline of squaring off against Ainsley left long ago and I’ve been relaxed. Until now, anyway. Now, it’s like I’m experiencing the adrenaline rush of singing with him all over again.

Kennedy shifts over, making room for Asher to sit beside me. His large frame takes up more space than I expected, and our thighs press together with his knee touching mine. Ainsley's insults make me want to distance myself from Asher and remind him to remove the arm he just placed across my shoulders, especially with Ethan nearby. However, despite my internal conflict, I can't resist the pull towards him. The closeness of his body and the warmth he exudes is intoxicating, and my heart races as he presses his knee into mine.

He leans in, ducking his head and whispers in my ear, “Are you drunk?”

I shake my head as his hot breath slides over my skin, leaving goosebumps to spring up all over my body. I turn my head slightly, looking up at him. It’s a mistake. He’s so close to me, his lips within inches of mine, and I have to clench my hand to stop myself from reaching for him to pull him into me.

I close my eyes, flooded with images of his mouth sliding over me, his lips trailing heat. The pit of my stomach feels empty and heavy at the same time, an empty throb beating in time with my heart. With so many people from senior year here, this is bad.

“What did Ainsley and her friends say to you earlier?” he asks, jarring me out of my too-hot fantasies.

“Nothing,” I murmur, not feeling as relaxed as I did a moment ago.

“Bullshit. Tell me what they said.”

I shrug. “Basically, they were calling me a slut.”

He scowls. “Basically?”

“One who…fucks brothers.”

I swear he growls. “Fucking Ainsley.”

“She’s an idiot. I never even had sex with Ethan,” I grumble.

Asher stares at me so hard, it’s unnerving.

“You knew that, didn’t you?”

“I wasn’t sure.”

“Now you know.”

“You were together for a while.”

“We did everything but that. And he wanted to. I just…” I shrug. “Wasn’t ready. And when he broke up with me, I was glad I hadn’t. I think it would have hurt even more if we had.”

“And you and Luke never…?”

“No. Never came close.”

“Hm.”

“What about you?”

He quirks an eyebrow. “What about me.”

“How many girls have you slept with?”

“You really want to know?”

“I asked, didn’t I?”

“That doesn’t mean you want to know.”

“But I do. So, how many? A hundred?”

He nearly chokes on the soda he just sipped. After wiping his mouth, his grin is gleeful, and he moves so we’re sitting facing each other a little.

“What? How is that funny?” I ask.

“I’ve never been a fuckboy.”

“Right. How many, then?”

“Way under a hundred.”

“How about under ten?”

“More than ten. Less than fifteen. That’s all you’re getting.”

“Hm.” It’s my turn to make that noise.

“What does that mean?”

I shrug. “I did see you with a lot of girls before Maddie.”

“Variety is the spice of life.”

My mind flits back to a time someone told me that about Asher. Before our war started. Back to the time I was on the receiving end of his flirtatiousness.

“Right.”

He smirks. “Say what’s on your mind, Lilah.”

I shrug. “Do you remember when we first met? I mean, do you remember the first music class we had together?”

His dark eyes grow more intense, and he moves closer to me. “I remember.”

We shared a music class without Ethan when I first enrolled in the academy. We’d been locked out of one of the music rooms, and Asher made a joke as we stood outside, waiting to be let in. After he’d seen me laugh, we’d started talking, and when we were finally let in, we ended up sitting together.

For the first two weeks of school, I sat with Asher in those music classes. In my mind, he’d been this stupidly talented, sexy guy who was smart and nice. His attention was exciting, and I genuinely thought he was into me.

I roll my eyes at myself. “I sort of thought you liked me.”

His expression is dark and broody as he says, “I did. But I was sick for one day, and when I came back, you didn’t want to have anything to do with me. You began ignoring me and started dating my brother.”

I sit back too, my gaze dropping to the hands in my lap. I guess that must have been how it looked to him.

“I was…interested. But the day you were away, a few of the girls cornered me and told me you liked variety and had hooked up with nearly everyone in the class.” I feel a tightness in my chest at the memory. Their ‘heads-up’ had been a punch in the gut. “I didn’t want to believe them, but then I saw you talking to Chelsea Rain the next morning, and she was all over you.” My voice catches in my throat. “I didn’t want to believe them, but the evidence was right there in front of me and-”

“You believed them,” he finishes for me.

“Yeah…”

“Do you still think of me as a fuckboy?”

“No! You’re one of the most loyal people I know. I mean, you never seemed interested in anyone once you started with Maddie.”

“I was interested, I just knew I wasn’t allowed to be.”

The intense way he watches me makes my stomach spin.

“If things were different…” I whisper.

He echoes, “If things were different…”

With that dangerous and unsatisfying truth sitting between us, we turn our attention back to the conversation that has been floating around us. My friends welcome both of us back into the conversation, and the time passes quickly.

A couple of hours later, I look at my watch, and when Asher sees, he nudges me gently. “Want to get going?”

“We should, yeah.”

After saying goodbye to our friends and Asher’s, we walk out, thankfully without bumping into Ainsley and Ethan. Now that it’s just the two of us, the weight of our earlier conversation seems to sit heavy between us.

We drive home in silence, and Asher turns on the stereo when it becomes apparent that neither of us wants to talk. The rhythm of the music seems to match the beating of my heart. When he pulls into the driveway of the Cassidy mansion and turns off the engine, I unbuckle my seatbelt but don't get out of the car. I know that once I do, this moment will be over.

The duet prep is officially finished now, the party is done, and Asher and I are supposed to go back to being stepsiblings. Ethan and even our parents probably expect it of us. If things go the way I think they will, and we make the showcase, we really won’t have much to do but rehearse a couple of times a month to make sure we’re perfect for the end of year showcase. They’ll probably even give us that time in class.

When am I going to be able to spend time with Asher again like this?

"Well, thanks for the lift," I say, melancholy coating my tone.

"Thanks for coming with me to the party," he responds.

I smile. "I had a good time."

He reaches out, tucking a lock of my hair behind my ear. He's done it before, and like last time, his fingers linger, stroking my cheek, his eyes locked on mine.

He moves in closer, and I sway towards him. In this car, surrounded by darkness and his music, it feels like a safe bubble, one where we can breathe the same air in secret. I don't know who bridges the gap. I don't know if it's him or me, I just know one of us moves and the other meets them halfway. The moment I feel his lips against mine, my body goes haywire. My heart seems to explode in my chest. We’ve crossed a line now, and there’s no coming back.

To be continued…

Rockstar Bay Academy: Part 29

Elle Fielding — Sun, 20 Nov 2022 10:26:06 GMT

Asher

“Earth to Asher. Are you here with us tonight?”

Pushing my dinner plate away, I look at my brother. “Of course I’m here.”

Lie. My thoughts are with the girl at home—my stepsister—the one I know is freaking out over the duet we perform tomorrow.

She isn’t the only one freaking out.

Every time I sing a song, I lay my soul bare. With this new duet Lilah and I put together this week, however, I’m exposing more than I ever have before. Suddenly, surviving this year without damaging my relationship with my brother beyond repair seems unlikely. Especially as my feelings for Lilah spin further out of control.

The potential fallout has us both on edge.

Ainsley snickers. “Sure you are. More likely, you’re thinking about Lilah and your lurve song.”

I wish Kennedy were here to tell her to shut the hell up. Now, the job falls to me. I cross my arms and lean back in my chair. “Fuck off, Ainsley.”

She gives me an amused look. “Someone’s touchy.”

Everyone at this table at the Bayview is touchy about my duet with Lilah. No one more than my brother. I’ve tried to talk to him about it, make him understand. His response? “Of course I want Lilah to make the showcase.”

Even so, the tension between us seems to grow by the day. I think he would prefer Lilah not make the showcase if it means Lilah and I spend less time together.

And Maddie? She’s made it clear she doesn’t want me to stand up in front of everyone at school and sing a love song with my stepsister.

As for Ainsley…she does nothing but bitch me out and take verbal jabs, not just at me, but at Lilah, too. Because I pushed Ethan into her arms, I’ve sucked it up and kept my mouth shut, but tonight I’ve reached my limit.

Narrowing my eyes at her, I say, “I’d ask you what your problem is, but I already know. Your jealousy is ugly, Ainsley.”

Ainsley’s smirk turns into a scowl. The daggers in her glare are still a relief from her constant smug attitude.

“I’m not jealous.”

“Sure.” I smirk. “You’ve been a bitch to Lilah since you started dating Ethan. If you’re worried about Ethan leaving you, maybe work a little harder at being decent.”

“Screw you, Asher.”

“You couldn’t pay me enough.”

Her face reddens. “You’re the indecent one, letting Lilah write love songs about you.”

“It’s. A. Duet.”

“Bullshit. She wrote a love song about you, and you know it.”

Leaning back in my chair, I spear her with my gaze. “Did you walk into Lilah’s room and read her lyric book?”

Her scowl deepens.

“You did, didn’t you?” I look at my brother. “Did you know about your girlfriend wandering our house and looking through stuff she has no right to?”

It’s Ethan’s turn to scowl. “I have no idea what you’re talking about right now.”

I know my brother well enough to see he’s telling the truth. He really is clueless. Unlike Ainsley. She’s gunning for Lilah now the way she gunned for her at Cait’s birthday dinner.

“You went into Lilah’s room, went through her things, and read her music journal. That’s despicable.”

“Despicable?” she spits. “You’re in a relationship and you’re writing love songs with your sister.”

“That’s none of your business, though, is it?”

Ainsley looks like she wants to stab me, and she looks to Ethan and Maddie for support. Maddie has said barely anything this evening and she’s sitting stiffly, a deep frown marring her face. I don’t expect it to vanish any time soon. We’ve come to a crossroads and it’s beyond time I do what I’ve put off for so long.

My brother just shakes his head before asking solemnly, “Did you do that, Ainsley? Go through Lilah’s stuff? Read her journal?”

Huffing, she crosses her arms across her chest. “So what if I did? Maddie is my friend, and she has a right to know-”

“Know what?” I scoff. “The private thoughts inside Lilah’s head? Kennedy was right, you really are an idiot.”

“Idiot? I’m not the one getting ready to stand up in front of the senior class and our parents and sing about falling for a family member.”

I shake my head and push my chair back. “You’re right,” I tell my brother. “I’m not here.” I glare at Ainsley. “Probably because the company is shit.”

Her flush deepens. “Run away, Ash. Run home to your stepsister, and…”

She trails off when I lean over her. “I get why you’re always looking over your shoulder and trying to make her out to be evil. You’re nothing like her. You’ll never be her. You’re worried if you don’t, Ethan will leave you-”

“Ash,” Ethan warns.

I stand up straight. “What?”

He doesn’t want me to say anything? Sure, I suggested he date her in the first place? I’m not proud too proud to admit that was a mistake. Not anymore. I refuse to keep paying for it. I’m done. In more ways than one.

Maddie stands, her face red, her red painted lips turned down. “Take me home, Asher.”

“I haven’t finished,” Ethan says, motioning to his giant pasta dish.

I look between him and Ainsley. I don’t want her in my car right now or ever again, really. “Can you call Maurice or an Uber?”

When he sees the daggers I’m throwing Ainsley, he sighs, slumping over. “Yeah.”

I nod. “See you at home then.”

I walk out knowing Maddie will be right behind me.

The ride to Maddie’s is silent, probably because I turn my music up to a level that makes it impossible to talk over. I know we need to have a conversation, but I don’t want to draw it out. Better to wait until we get to her place so both of us can leave as soon as we’ve said all we need to say.

After pulling into the driveway of her parent’s mansion, I turn off my car and my music, then I turn to look at the girl I’ve been dating since early January. Maddie is beautiful, with long dark hair hanging almost to her waist. She’s a great singer songwriter, and already one of Australia’s most celebrated pop stars.

But she’s not the girl I really want.

On the surface, Maddie and I have plenty in common, but she lacks Lilah’s intensity. I don’t feel the connection with her that I have always felt with Lilah. Even when Lilah and I seemingly couldn’t stand each other, the air always crackled around us when we sparred. With Maddie, things have been pleasant, nothing to write about.

Nothing I’d ever sing about.

“I don’t want you to sing the duet tomorrow,” she tells me. “It will be humiliating.”

“For you or for me?”

She frowns. “Both. It’s wrong, Ash.”

“What’s wrong about it, exactly?”

“She’s your sister.”

“Would you quit saying that. I was nearly eighteen when our parents married.”

And I liked Lilah well before then—before our parents even met. Not that I let myself think about her like that when Ethan was with her.

“People won’t understand.”

“You mean, you don’t understand.”

She leans back in her seat. “Yes. I don’t understand, Ash. The other duet-”

“Wasn’t good enough to be top ten. I’ve told you that.”

“But-”

“I’m not pulling the plug now,” I say firmly.

Deal with it.

“If you go through with it…”

I wait for her to finish her sentence. I knew this was coming and am prepared for it. I’m ready. And if she doesn’t finish this, I will.

“Then it’s over between us.”

The relief that floods me as she utters the words is instantaneous. Our relationship has weighed me down for a while now. I’ve kept Maddie around as a shield. Not fair on her, and a dick move on my behalf. So when she mentioned she was coming to the U.S. with us, I’d felt like I was suffocating under the weight of my own stupidity.

“Then I guess this is goodbye,” I say carefully.

She sucks in a harsh breath, her eyes filling with tears. Other than liking Ainsley, Maddie is a good person, and I don’t actually like that I’m hurting her. But I can’t stay in this for her and for Ethan, not anymore.

“I’m sorry. I know this isn’t how you wanted this to go.”

With a grace I’ve come to expect from Maddie, she nods and opens her door. Before she closes it, she lowers her head and meets my gaze.

“It won’t work out for you, Asher. You must know that. Ethan will never forgive you-”

“For singing a song? C’mon-”

“You know it’s more than that.” She dares me to disagree. I don’t.

“Ethan won’t forgive you,” she repeats. “MOD will fall apart, and Jesse will-”

“What? Regret bringing me home.”

The words explode out of me, triggered by her walking over a trip line I do my best to hide. Suppressing my fears and keeping my issues locked down is a priority, but the buttons are there and easy enough for someone to press, even accidentally. Sweat breaks across my brow, my neck burning as I imagine Jesse telling me he regrets finding me—regrets bringing me home. Letting me know I’m as worthless as the mother who never wanted me and abused me my whole life.

Maddie’s eyes soften. “I was going to say, he will regret marrying Cait and bringing Lilah into your lives if she destroys the relationship between you and Ethan. As much as you might wish things were different, being with Lilah will tear your family apart.”

She slams the door closed, and I wait for her to unlock her front door and walk inside before I start the car and head home.

Maddie is right. I’ve always known that letting myself feel the things I feel for Lilah will cause chaos and rip at the fabric of our newly blended family. The problem is that I’m not sure how much longer that can deter me from acting on what I feel. Because as much as I wish I didn’t feel the way I do about Lilah, I can’t change it. The temptation that is my stepsister is proving too much to keep resisting, and I don’t know how long until I break.

Photo by Denise Jans on Unsplash

“Are you ready?”

Lilah nods, but she looks like she’s about to puke. It’s almost our turn to sing. When one pair of seniors a few seats down from us is called on by one of the teachers, I know it’s only a matter of minutes before we’re due on stage.

Reaching out, I take her hand in mine, clasping our hands together and resting them on my knee. “It’s perfect, Lilah.”

More and more, I don’t seem to be able to stop myself from touching her.

She slips me a sideways glance, looking so beautiful in her school uniform it’s an effort not to stare. Every time I look at her, I don’t want to look away. Her beauty has crept beneath my skin, making it impossible to block out now that we don’t fight each other like we used to.

“I know,” she whispers.

Her gaze darts down to our linked hands, where our fingers are currently intertwined. In the darkened auditorium, surrounded by the seniors still waiting for their turn to sing, us holding hands won’t be obvious to anyone unless they look really closely at our laps. Still, this feels scandalous. My knee is touching hers, and my heart hammers in my chest, a combination of nerves over the performance we’re about to put on and the feel of her hand in mine.

Something so simple and innocent shouldn’t have such an effect on me. Yet it does.

“It’s just a song,” I hear her whisper.

It is and it isn’t.

“It’s a great song that is going to get you noticed and show everyone what a good singer-songwriter you are,” I tell her.

Her eyes cling to my face, clearly checking I’m being sincere. “No more bubble-gum pop, right?”

A grin splits my face. “Definitely not.”

After giving her hand a quick squeeze, I take my hand back and rub it over my knee. My hands are clammy, my heart beating too fast. I’ve performed enough for nerves to feel normal, but this is different. The entire senior year is here, as well as our parents. Launching a hand grenade like the one we’re about to at my personal life has to be a mistake. Guilt and worry over the ramifications have eaten away at me all week, because this is more than just a song.

The problem?

The guilt is starting to feel normal. I’m growing accustomed to it, and it’s becoming easier to live with.

“Cassidy and Kelly.”

After glancing at the teacher beckoning us from the end of the aisle, Lilah and I make our way up to the wings and wait for the pair before us to finish their duet. Once they take their bow, we complete our journey to the seats on stage.

Once we’re seated, our guitars in our hands, I adjust my microphone so it’s the right height for me. Strumming my guitar, I keep my eyes on Lilah, waiting for her to adjust hers. When she gives me the slightest nod, I begin playing our song.

This is it. I don’t do anything half-hearted and neither does Lilah. Letting my instincts kick in, I sing to the girl beside me, giving it everything I’ve got, giving her a part of me, drawing out every word and pacing my lines perfectly.

You got the worst of me
No one would ever disagree
I did my best to hate you,
Fooling everyone, even me.

I speed up my playing, singing faster to match it as I enter my next verse.

Now you question everything,
I’ll never shake the regrets
You deserved so much more from me
But I had to deny it all,
offer apologies
That was the only way through I could see

Lilah watches me, playing along with me as I launch into the first chorus, still singing alone.

Stolen moments, stolen touches
Hide them all so no one knows
Can’t share with the rest of the world
What it is you make me feel
Too much at stake
Pretend I don’t ache
Regret every chance that I did not take
If I’d made you mine before reaching for hate,
Baby, we wouldn’t be where we are

The smallest smile pulls at Lilah’s lips, telling me she’s ready for her verses. I’ve never been more ready to hear her sing. Echoing my start, she slows down and paces her first verse.

I tried to hate you.
You made it easy while you were blind
Once you finally saw me,
I let you in, you became a friend

Speeding up, she sings and plays her second verse faster.

Now there’s a new conflict brewing, a new battle beginning
But it’s not you that I’m fighting with,
Can’t want what I want,
I shouldn’t feel what I feel
Gonna lose my heart on this new battlefield

If the world doesn’t know yet Lilah is a star, they will soon. She loves performing too much—wants this too much—she’s too magnetic when she sings like she means every word to fly under the radar for very long. I’m so fucking proud to be her partner. She launches into her chorus, lighting up the entire stage with her presence.

Stolen moments, stolen touches
Hide them all so no one knows
Can’t share with the rest of the world
What it is you make me feel
Too much at stake,
Pretend I don’t ache
Regret every chance that I did not take
If I’d seen through your mask,
I could have been yours first,
Baby, we wouldn’t be where we are

For the first time since we sat on the stage, we begin to sing together, hitting every note, our eyes locked as we reach for the intensity to lift this duet to the next level.

It was easier to hate you
Can’t we turn back the clock?
Hurts to long for the impossible
Now this is all we’ll have
Lilah: Yeah, this is all we’ll be
Asher: Because baby, we’re impossible.
Both: Yeah, we’re impossible

We both launch into the final chorus.

Both: Stolen moments, stolen touches
Hide them all so no one knows
We can’t share with the world
What this is, what we feel
Too much at stake
Pretend we don’t ache
Regret every chance that we did not take
If we’d dared to love
Before turning to hate,
Baby, we wouldn’t be where we are

Slow and steady with just my guitar now, Lilah sings softly:

You tried to hate me
Now there’s no way out that I can see
Can’t want what I want, feel what I feel
Gonna lose my heart on this new battlefield

The applause is deafening as we stand and bow. There will be time later to wonder what people think, to hear what our peers have to say, to speak with our parents. But that time isn’t now. We walk off the stage, my heart beating chaotically as it has never done after a performance. It’s a new kind of high. Technically, this is my first duet, and singing it with Lilah was a rush I wasn’t prepared for. I’m wired, feeling like I’m coming out of my skin. Singing with her…It felt just as intimate as sex.

As we make our walk through the crowd backstage, I’m aware of the space between our bodies and how much I want to bridge it, disallow it. Not reaching for her takes more effort than it should. I just want to be connected with her in some way. We’re surrounded by students and teachers, though, now that we’re backstage. Meaning I can’t do what I really want to do, drag her into a dark corner and be as close to her as I desperately want to be.

Unable to fight the impulse to touch her any longer, I rest my hand on her lower back as we look for somewhere to sit backstage. Instead of returning to the seats we used before our performance, the seniors had been instructed earlier to exit backstage and stay there. There are gym mats provided for us to sit on, and a large screen streaming the rest of the live performances.

Lilah and I make our way over to a spot on the mats that isn’t overcrowded yet. I don’t want to share this moment with anyone but her, but I don’t have much choice. We sit side by side, legs crossed, knees touching.

“That went well,” Lilah says softly.

I nod. “We’ll make the showcase.”

She offers me a small, soft smile that makes my heart bang against my ribcage. “I hope so.”

My gaze drops to her mouth, to her pouty pink lips. The desire to reach out and pull her to me so I can taste them has lust knocking the pit out of my stomach. Fuck.

It’s hitting me now. It’s over. The duet is over. And now that I’m sure we’re going to make the end of year showcase, there’s nothing left to do but rehearse the song a few more times over the coming months to make sure we stay on top of our game. My adrenaline crashes hard, leaving me tired as I think about how we’re pretty much done now. There’s no reason anymore to spend time with her.

No excuse.

All of a sudden I’m supposed to take a step back from her. I’m supposed to do what Ethan wants and back off.

“Asher, I wanted to say thank you for-”

“Don’t,” I cut her off, my voice hoarse. “It was perfect.”

And I can’t bring myself to regret it. I don’t want to regret it. The song said it all. It’s all we’ll ever have.

But it doesn’t feel like enough.

I’m scared I’ll never have enough with Lilah.

Even as I think it, more duets are finishing and we’re losing the small quiet space we found.

Anthony Remington is making so much noise, a teacher is going to tell him off soon. Shane Prepp and Dev Reddy shadow Remy’s every move as he makes his way from group to group. When he gets to me and Lilah, Remy claps me on the shoulder. “Kick arse duet, guys. You coming to the afterparty?”

“Afterparty?” Lilah asks

Remy winks. “My folks are away again.”

“We’ll be there,” I say when I see Lilah bite her lower lip.

A final chin tip on my part and Remy’s backing off to spread the word of his party to more people.

Lilah is frowning when I look at her.

“If you don’t want to go, we don’t have to,” I say. “We can stay home.”

Except I’m not sure I’m ready for the reality of what we’ve done to hit home. Right now, it feels like we’re in a bubble and I want the rest of the world to stay the fuck out of it.

“It’s not that I don’t want to go,” Lilah says softly. “I just…I’ll need to check with Kennedy to see if she’s going and how she’s getting there.”

“Why would you do that? We’ll go together, obviously.”

Her frown is so fucking cute. “But Maddie-”

“Won’t be coming.”

“But-”

“We’re over, Lilah.”

She swallows hard, her eyes searching mine. “You broke up?”

“Yeah.”

“When?”

“Last night.”

“Oh,” she says softly.

I smirk at that. “So, what do you say? Want to come to a party with me?”

“What about Ethan?”

I shrug. “He can go if he wants, but he can make his own way.”

I’m not letting Ainsley ruin my evening or Lilah’s.

“Won’t he be upset if we…?”

“It’s not that a big of a deal. We’re just hanging out, celebrating duet night with everybody else.”

Another lie. It is kind of a big deal. And I want this way too much. I’m silently begging her to say yes and come with me even though taking her to this party with me feels dangerous. Sort of like…a date.

When she says, “Okay.” Excitement makes my blood run hot, my heart racing at the thought of the night ahead.

“Good,” I nod.

Her smile is shy but happy, and I know in that moment, I’m fucked. Last night, I knew resisting her was becoming too much. I knew it wasn’t going to be long before my willpower to resist her crumbled. Now I’m taking her to a party. It’s the wrong thing to do, but I’ll worry about it tomorrow. Tonight, I just want to enjoy having Lilah by my side for a little while longer. What’s the worst that could happen in a few short hours?

A/N: To all my wonderful readers who have been waiting for the duet, sorry to keep you waiting so long. I wanted the episode to be as close to perfect as I could manage. I hope you enjoyed it. Things are about to start heating up fast between Lilah and Asher now. The next episode will be focused on the ‘afterparty’ and is called The Non-date.

Last call for Let Me Be the One ARC readers. If you’re interested, get in quick by leaving me a comment here! <3

Let Me Be the One ARC

I wanted to thank all of my readers for their ongoing support, kind words and warm wishes. I’m consistently overwhelmed by your comments and generosity. You’re the best. Seriously.

Photo by Tyler Nix on Unsplash

Wishing you all a happy Sunday.

Your loyal author,

Rockstar Bay Academy: Part 28

Elle Fielding — Fri, 28 Oct 2022 14:01:02 GMT

Lilah

My head begins to pound in time with my heart. I knew tonight was going to be a shitshow, but not once had I anticipated it would be this bad. Ainsley and Ethan heard my song. After hoping I might be able to downplay my journal entry, I don’t know how to fix this. I don’t know how to explain my actions away.

The injustice of the entire situation sneaks up on me, and I want to lash out at both Ethan and Ainsley for going into my room and invading my privacy so spectacularly after they heard me singing. I want to yell at them for ruining my mum’s birthday dinner. At the start of the year, Ethan was one of my best friends. These days, he acts like a different person half the time.

Instead of being able to have it out with both of them, however, I’m on the backfoot.

Maddie’s green eyes flash with fury across the table at me. “You wrote a love song about my boyfriend?” She turns to Ainsley. “And why didn’t you tell me earlier?”

Ainsley offers her an apologetic look. “I didn’t know how to. We assumed that Asher and Lilah had decided to change the duet to a love song, which is gross enough. I didn’t know until now that it was really just Lilah writing love songs about Ash. Of course,” she smirks at me. “I did predict that, if you’ll remember.”

“You’re an idiot,” Kennedy tells her.

Ainsley looks at my stepbrother. “Let’s hope Lilah isn’t inclined to stalking. It’s not like you can escape her.”

I feel the blood drain from my face, the food I did manage to force down earlier churning in my stomach, along with the champagne. It feels like everyone in the restaurant is staring at me, not just my family, even though I know that can’t possibly be the case.

I have to say something, but what? Maddie still looks furious, Ainsley looks smug, and Ethan’s glare is accusing. When I look at Asher, I expect him to wear a similar expression to Ethan. Instead, he’s wearing a frown that gives little away.

“I’m sorry.” I try to communicate the message silently with my eyes. “I never meant for this to hurt you.”

As if my silent response has shaken him from his haze, he shakes his head and addresses Ainsley. “We did change our duet. You were right with your first assumption.”

I sit there in silent shock for a full ten seconds as I register what Asher has just said.

“What?” I ask at the same time as Ethan and Ainsley do.

Asher ignores me. “We wrote a new song. That was the song you heard Lilah practicing.”

Why is he covering for me? Why isn’t he throwing me under the bus? It’s what he should do. What he needs to do in order to make sure everything between him and Ethan is okay.

Maddie turns to face him, her mouth pulled down. “You wrote a love song with your sister?”

“Stepsister,” Asher corrects. “We’ve been tweaking our duet for months and we both agreed it needed more kick.”

“More kick?” Maddie repeats, her voice pitched so high I’m afraid we’re attracting attention. Even if the other diners can’t see us, chances are good they can hear us. “We’re not talking about a meal you need to add more spice to, Asher.”

“I’m aware of that, Maddison.”

The two stare off, and guilt makes my stomach continue churning as I see the effects of my actions first-hand.

She flushes. “I’m leaving everything to be with you at the end of the year.”

Asher’s eyes are glacial, his tone frostier. “I didn’t ask you to do that for me, and aren’t you doing it for your career?”

“You are unbelievable!” Ethan barks, bringing his palms down on the table.

“Ethan,” Jesse warns.

“I’m sorry, Dad, but after…” Ethan trails off, running a hand through his hair and sitting back in his chair, looking between Asher and I. “Lilah is my ex, and…” Ethan trails off, his eyes wet as he confronts his brother. “After all your promises, Ash…”

Ethan’s accusation stabs through me. He really believes his brother has betrayed him. I can’t let this go on any longer. I have to say something. I have to stop this.

I open my mouth to intervene, but Asher sees me and stops me with one look. “Don’t.”

“I haven’t broken any promises, Ethan.” Asher leans forward, his expression gentle and his tone gentler. “Don’t you remember once asking me to make sure Lilah made the showcase. You said it was important and a favour to you because it’s what she’s always wanted. You said you wanted her to have it; we both owed it to her to help. Have you forgotten your pleas from a time when you were so desperate for the two of us to get along?”

“No, of course not.” Ethan shakes his head. “But writing a love song together…?”

“Love songs perform well and often make the showcase. You know that. And it’s just a song; it doesn’t mean anything.”

“Why did Lilah say you haven’t changed the duet, then?” Ainsley pouts. “Why was Lilah singing it on her own?”

Asher shrugs. “Lilah was practicing her part. And we both decided to keep things quiet until we knew what we were going to sing. We hadn’t fully committed to the new song yet. It’s late in the game to change things and we’ve been experimenting. She didn’t say anything because it was our mutual agreement not to.”

“You expect us to believe that?” Ainsley asks, crossing her arms, looking to everyone else at the table, clearly hoping someone backs her up.

“I don’t care if you believe it or not,” Asher’s tone is far from gentle now. He looks at Ethan “Before we made the final decision, I was going to talk to you about it. I wouldn’t have just surprised you with it. We were still making up our minds.”

Ainsley reddens, clearly seeing she’s losing the battle she thought she would win tonight. “Then why were all of Lilah’s lyrics about you, Asher?”

Kennedy points her fork at Ainsley. “Weren’t you listening? Asher just said you only heard Lilah’s part.”

“I’m not talking about the song, I’m talking about the lyrics she wro…?”

She trails off, and when Ethan frowns at her, I start working on a theory.

What if only Ainsley invaded my room earlier? Maybe both Ethan and Ainsley heard me sing, but just one of them read my journal? I can’t be sure I’m right, but anger whips through me in response anyway. I wish I could rip out Ainsley’s tonsils or make her choke on her own fork. Unfortunately, if I confront her, I undo all the work Asher has just put into smoothing things over.

Ainsley glares at me before turning her attention to Jesse. “Well, I think it’s sick. A stepbrother and sister writing a song about being in love. Don’t you think, Jesse?”

“It’s sick you enjoy creating drama and trying to ruin Cait’s birthday dinner,” Kennedy says. “It’s a freaking song, not a declaration of love.”

Oh, but it is kind of that.

“Agreed,” mum says, coolly. “I think we have had enough drama for one evening, Ainsley. It’s my birthday, and I want to drop this now.”

“It’s a family conversation,” Jesse agrees, his gaze flicking between Asher, Ethan and me, worry clear in his eyes.

Ainsley rolls her eyes while still managing to look pissy. “I’d definitely say it’s a family conversation.”

Kennedy scowls. “Shut up, Ainsley. No one cares what you think.”

Unable to take anymore, I push my chair back and stand up. “Excuse me.”

Then I bolt for the bathroom because I can’t keep the entrée down any longer.

Photo by Hope House Press - Leather Diary Studio on Unsplash

When I hear the knock on my bedroom door later that night, I’m confident I know who is on the other side. Mum and Jesse seemed willing to let the events of the evening slide for now, but I had serious doubts Asher would do the same.

Sure enough, my stepbrother stands in the hallway dressed in dark grey sweatpants and a tight blue tee when I swing my bedroom door open. His solemn expression makes me want to close the door and run from this inevitable conversation, but I motion for him to come in because we need to talk. I need to apologise.

Asher closes the door and leans his back against it. Needing space, I sit down on my bed and wait for it—the angry tirade I’m sure is coming.

I just wish he’d waited until tomorrow to deliver it because the dinner from hell left me emotionally drained. The queasy sensation I had during our agonizingly awkward meal has since dissipated, thank goodness, and I’ve brushed my teeth twice and managed to sip water. But a lingering tension still has my stomach twisted in knots. It has been one of the worst nights of my life.

And it’s not over yet.

“Why?” he asks finally. He sounds more upset than angry, and somehow that’s worse. “After we talked, I thought you got it, Lilah.”

“I did. But I…I was so worried about our duet and not making the showcase-”

“That you decided nothing and no one was going to stop you?”

“Yes,” I choke out, guilt squeezing my throat.

“So you hedged your bets by writing a solo about me? Even though you knew it could cause tension between me and Ethan?”

The knots in my stomach pull tighter, and I wish I could deny it. But I can’t sit here and tell him I hadn’t planned to sing my new song in front of our entire senior year.

I’ve always been willing to give up anything for my music, to succeed—so would Asher—but throwing his relationship with his brother under the bus makes me feel petty and small, and like the villain Ainsley always paints me to be.

“I’d ask why again, but I know why. I just thought…” he blows out a breath and pins me with a sorrow-filled look that makes my heart squeeze painfully. “I just thought you understood how important my relationship with Ethan is to me—how much I rely on it.”

Tears sting the backs of my eyes. “I do, and I need you to know I’m sorry. You shouldn’t have covered for me. You should have let me fix it. I wanted to fix it. I would have fixed it.”

Or died trying.

“I know,” his expression softens ever so slightly.

Wrapping my arms around my legs, and hugging them to my chest, I say, “My intention was never to upset you or hurt Ethan. I just…I wanted the showcase so badly. I’ve wanted it for as long as I can remember, and I know it doesn’t make it better, or right, but writing with you—writing about you—it brings out the best in me.”

Asher watches me intensely as he listens, his back still pressed against my door.

I force myself to hold the eye contact. “I told myself you and Ethan would both be gone soon, and it wouldn’t matter so much to you if I wrote a solo. But I’m not actually sure I ever would have gone through with singing it. I’d made the decision before dinner I wasn’t going to. Just, if you don’t listen to anything else I say tonight, please believe that hurting you was never my plan.”

He pushes off my door. “Where is it? The song?”

I point to the notebook on my desk. “My journal.”

As he reads it, I’m relieved he doesn’t look back at me because every feeling I’ve been struggling with is written in those pages: thoughts about kissing him, the struggle I have with constantly trying to hide my feelings for him, and the regrets that we’ll never be more to each other than we are now.

Every time I think about Ethan and Ainsley over-hearing my song, I feel like having a panic attack all over again.

“They read my journal,” I say, needing to tell him everything.

Straightening, he drags his gaze from my journal to me and frowns. “I thought they heard you sing it.”

I shake my head. “I mean, they did, but one of them or both of them were in here earlier. My journal had been opened and laid out on my desk. It’s what set my panic attack off.”

He starts flicking through the pages, pausing to read one of my later entries. “These are the words you wrote for our duet when you thought we were going to change the song, aren’t they? The night of Remy’s party?”

Certain he’s correct, I nod. “When you backed out, I added extra verses and changed the order of some of the lines.”

After closing my notebook and placing it on my desk, he joins me, sitting beside me on the bed.

Unsure how to make things better between us, I hug my knees tighter. “I really am sorry, Asher.”

“I’m sorry, too.”

“What are you sorry for?” I whisper, resting my chin on my knee and turning my body so I can look at him.

He’s sitting too close to me, and after spending weeks trying to keep a physical distance between us, his sudden proximity is messing with my head. There is no buffer between us, and after the evening we’ve had, I feel rawer and more emotional than usual. Awareness crackles between us, charging the air in my room. His scent weaves around me, and his heat reaches out to me, causing the feelings I have for him to hover too close to the surface.

His gaze is a caress that travels over me, cataloguing my hair it its messy bun, and the thin cotton pyjamas I’m wearing.

When his eyes come back to mine, his expression is softer than I deserve. “I suggested we change the duet. I gave you hope and then I smashed it.”

“You had your reasons.”

“I did, but you had your reasons for doing what you did too, Lilah.”

“Not at the expense of your relationship with your brother.”

“I’ll keep trying to talk my brother down.” He runs a hand through his hair and leans forward, elbows on his knees. “After the clusterfuck of a dinner, I actually think we should go ahead and change the duet.”

“What? Are you serious?”

He nods. “We don’t really have anything to lose now, and the song you wrote? It deserves an audience. It’s really, really good.”

“Thank you,” I murmur, warmed by his approval over something that comes so effortlessly to him. “But it’s not a duet now.”

“You had the basics for the duet before you altered it. We’ll just change a few things and I’ll add to it.”

“We can’t change it now.”

“Why not?”

“Be-because,” I stammer. “It’s too late. We only have a week left before the performance. A week,” I reiterate.

“Between your lyrics and mine, it will come together, trust me.”

“You think you’ll be able to write your lyrics that quickly?”

He shrugs. “I could, but I probably don’t need to write any new ones. I’ve got plenty of lyrics I’ve already perfected.”

“About me?” I choke out.

For the first time since he entered my room—for the first time in weeks—he smirks at me, his eyes smoky. “Yes, Lilah. I have written a lot of lyrics about you.”

My heart tries to escape from my chest, my stomach bouncing at this unexpected acknowledgement.

“Oh,” I whisper.

He looks even more amused, but only for a moment. “Did you not believe me when I said our song would have had a different ending had it not been for Ethan?”

“I did, but…”

“But?”

“But…you’re still with Maddie,” I say, reaching for the first reason that comes to mind.

And it hurts more now every time I see you with her.

He grimaces. “Yeah. I’d say it’s complicated, but…”

“Now she’ll be with you in the U.S.”

He sighs heavily. “I had no idea. Had she told me she was planning it, I would have told her not to do it for me.”

While I desperately want him to elaborate further, now isn’t the time to dig for information on his relationship. So I let it go. “You really think we can have a new duet ready in a week?”

“I do.” He stands up. “And it’s going to blow them all away.”

I stand up, too. “What about you and Ethan?”

We’re standing barely a foot apart, and I know I should step away. Instead, it’s all I can do not to inch closer.

“I’m going to do my best to remind him why we’re doing this. I need to remind him I owe you. Everything I put you through in the beginning…You’ve put up with a lot of shit from me over the years. You deserve the showcase. You deserve for me to help you. Ethan thought so in the beginning, and he just needs to remember that. He loves you, Lilah, so I’m hoping that will go in my favour.”

I scoff. “I’m not sure about that.”

Even if Ethan wasn’t the one in here reading my diary - and I don’t know for a fact that he wasn’t - he’s not my friend the way he once was.

Reaching out, Asher tucks an escaped lock of my hair behind my ear, shocking me with the heat that flares beneath his hand and travels over my skin. My heart crashes against my ribs, my lips parting as the flush spreads everywhere. We stare at each other as I listen to my heart race, his hand still touching my face. The intensity in his gaze is just as sizzling as his touch. His eyes fall to my mouth and my heart stops and my breath hitches.

When he dips his head, I lean in. The desire to feel his lips on mine is so strong that a wave of need sweeps through me, nearly knocking me off my feet as it tightens my nipples and pulses thickly in my core.

Asher lets his hand drop and steps back suddenly, leaving me off balance, my insides in chaos.

He swallows. “I have to believe Ethan will want what’s best for you.”

“And what’s that?” I ask shakily.

His mouth pulls down at the corner. “Getting into the showcase, of course.”

“Right.”

For the briefest moment, I thought he was going to say something else. Something along the lines of: “Me, I’m what’s best for you, Lilah.”

Which is absurd.

It doesn’t matter how much I want to be with Asher, he’s out of reach for many reasons: Ethan, Maddie…and the fact we’re now family. As it is, he’s putting pressure on his relationships by choosing to go through with this. Even if he’s told me the feelings in the song will be real for both of us, it’s not a declaration of intent. Nor is it a go ahead to take things further.

This song—this duet—is all Asher and I will ever have.

Here's hoping I can remember that while we’re perfecting a love song and singing it in front of an audience of hundreds.

A/N: The duet is next episode! :-D

Rockstar Bay Academy: Part 27

Elle Fielding — Fri, 21 Oct 2022 14:00:56 GMT

Lilah

Someone has read my song journal. I never leave it open. Never. When I left my room thirty minutes ago, it was shut and at the bottom of a pile of textbooks on my desk. Now it’s on top of the textbooks, and it’s opened to my latest entry - the song I wrote about Asher.

I know the song is the best thing I’ve written to date. I’m also aware that I will be sharing it with everyone at school if I use it to audition for a solo in the showcase, but I wasn’t counting on feeling so exposed before then. Nor was I prepared for the fact one of my family members – most likely one of my stepbrothers – felt justified walking into my room and reading my diary.

Okay, it’s a song journal, but it’s like a diary.

“Lilah are you ready, we need to leave.”

I startle at the sound of my mother’s voice. Standing in my doorway of my room, my mother is positively glowing in a low cut, slinky black dress. It’s her birthday and the entire family is going out to celebrate. I’m looking forward to dinner as much as a kick in the face because Ainsley and Maddie have been invited to join us for the evening.

Oh my God, did one of them read it? The two of them have been here for the past hour, and…

“Lilah?” Mum moves towards me, worry creasing her forehead. “What’s wrong?”

“Is everything okay in here?” Jesse walks in just as I start breathing faster, a high-pitched ringing distorting my hearing.

“Lilah! Something’s wrong with her, Jess!” Mum’s voice is full of panic, but I can’t even speak to reassure her. And her voice sounds like I’m underwater. Drowning.

“…panic attack,” someone’s muffled voice breaks through.

My sight is blurring, and I’m suddenly too hot in the long sleeve dress I’m wearing, sweat beading along my forehead. If I don’t sit down soon, I’m going to fall on my face. Before anyone can yell timber, strong, gentle hands hold onto me, guiding me to sit on my bed and tuck my head between my knees.

After a few minutes in the position, trying not to lose consciousness, my hearing returns, and my heart rate begins to return to normal. My vision is still a bit fuzzy, but I can see Jesse crouched in front of me. Mum stands beside him, her face pale, her eyes wide as she watches me. When I look to the doorway, I see Ethan and Ainsley are also watching. While Ethan’s face is strangely blank, Ainsley wears an enormous smirk.

My stomach twists, bile creeping up my throat. It has to have been her, right? Did she show it to Maddie? Were both girls in my room, reading my personal thoughts? Do both of them know how I feel about Asher?

“Lilah?” Jesse remains crouched in front of me, concern causing him to frown. “How are you feeling?”

I force a weak smile. “Better. Sorry.”

Mum worries her bottom lip. “Maybe we should stay home, order in.”

“No,” I protest. “I just need a minute.”

My voice comes out sounding weak, hardly surprising since I’m still so shaky, but my mum has been looking forward to this evening all week, and I will not let Ainsley ruin it for her. So what if Ainsley read my diary? Writing a song is far from illegal.

Okay, so, it’s a song about the stepbrother that I absolutely can’t and shouldn’t want, and if anyone believes the lyrics are based on fact, it could cause problems.

Who am I kidding? Sharing it is going to cause all kinds of tension in my home.

And between the two brothers.

When I wrote it, I told myself I didn’t care if it blew up my personal life, but knowing Ainsley could have read it and could mention it to anyone tests that theory and my resolve to use it for my solo.

Kennedy pushes her way into the room, looking between Mum and Jesse. She’s my plus one for the evening, and the reason I came back to my room. When she mentioned she was cold, I offered to grab her a jacket from my closet. Really, it was an excuse to get away from Maddie and Asher. Thank God, they aren’t upstairs and witnessing my freakout.

“I’ll look after Lilah,” Kennedy says, silently looking to me to see if that’s okay.

When I nod, Mum grabs my hand, squeezing it. “Honey, are you sure you’re up for dinner?”

“I’ll be fine, Mum. I just…need a moment. We’ll be down in a minute.”

Jesse wraps an arm around Mum’s waist, pressing a kiss to her temple. “We’ll meet you downstairs.”

Mum still looks reluctant to leave me, scrutinising me intensely as if I might melt down again at any tick of the clock. Eventually, Jesse starts her moving, his hand on her back, ushering her out of my room. Ethan and Ainsley follow their lead, thankfully, disappearing as well.

Kennedy sits down on the bed next to me. “What happened?”

I point to my song journal. “Someone read it.”

She jerks next to me. “What? Are you sure?”

“Yes! And it’s really bad, Ken. I…wrote a song about Asher.”

Kennedy’s eyebrows hit her hairline. “What type of song?”

My wince gives her enough information to piece things together.

“And you think someone read it?”

“I don’t think, I know. And I’m pretty sure it was Ainsley.”

She stands up, walking to my desk. Motioning to my journal, she asks, “May I?”

“Sure.”

Why the hell not? Ainsley already has if my hunch is correct.

Kennedy picks up the journal, her eyes bulging as she scans the words on the page. Once she’s done, she closes the journal quietly and joins me on the bed again without a word.

“That was…” she lets out a long exhale. “No wonder you’re freaking out about Ainsley reading it.”

“Yeah…” I say weakly.

“Clearly, you weren’t planning on sharing that with anyone.”

I swallow, my mouth suddenly too dry. “Actually, I was thinking about using it to make it into the showcase as a solo act.”

Her eyes widen. “Okay.” She presses her lips together, seeming to need a moment to digest this information. “But won’t that upset Ethan?” she asks eventually.

“And Asher,” I mumble.

Asher specifically said he didn’t want us to sing a love song because it would hurt Ethan and he couldn’t do that to his brother. Not that he’ll be the one singing – it’s not a duet – but there has been more tension between the two brothers than ever before. My evolving relationship with Asher is the reason for most of it. Singing a solo about how I’m trying not to fall in love and feel things for my stepbrother will only add fuel to the fire and perhaps even push the brothers past their breaking point. MOD will suffer, and the fallout from that could flow down to Jesse and my mum—my family.

Kennedy nods. “Maddie too. She’s not going to like it. And I can’t say I’d blame her for being upset by it, Lilah. I mean, if someone was singing that song about my boyfriend…?”

I turn to her, my stomach churning as the hopeless truth hits me square in the chest. “I can’t sing it, can I?”

“I don’t know,” she admits. “I had to talk you into singing about Asher the first time around, so I’m still trying to wrap my head around the idea you could declare your new feelings in front of the school.”

“I know. I just…I let desperation motivate me. I’ve been so desperate to make the showcase, and I kept thinking that this song is my best yet.”

Kennedy reaches out and takes my hand in hers, offering me comfort with a gentle squeeze. “Lilah, the song is amazing. Breathtaking, truly. Somehow, Asher manages to bring out your strongest emotions, and you capture them and write about them so beautifully. But…are you ready for the fallout?”

“I thought I was.”

Seeing my journal open on my desk, however, was a wakeup call. The thought of Ainsley reading my song was enough to send me into a panic attack. Maybe I was a little deluded believing I could go through with it. Perhaps, when push came to shove, I never would have actually been able to do it.

“And now?” Kennedy pushes.

“I’m not so sure,” I admit.

“Are you going to be able to get through dinner?”

I allow myself a second to fantasize about copping out and staying home, making an excuse not to go. But Mum has been looking forward to this night so much, I just can’t do it to her. Besides, I haven’t done anything wrong by writing the song. I haven’t sung it in public yet. Somehow, I have to hold onto that thought if Ainsley starts in on me.

“For my mum, I will.” I motion to my walk-in-robe and stand up on legs that are still shaky. “Grab whatever jacket you want, and let’s do this.”

Photo by Carla Martinesi on Unsplash

Asher drives Ethan, Maddie and Ainsley to the restaurant in downtown Rockstar Bay, while Maurice – the Cassidy’s driver – transports Jesse, Mum, Kennedy and myself. After being dropped in the carpark reserved strictly for patrons of the swanky French restaurant, we enter together as one group. Immediately, we’re guided to a round table for eight that has a reserved sign.

A giant chandelier hangs above the table, providing the perfect amount of mood lighting. Dramatic cream and gold curtains have been pulled shut to keep out the dying sun behind us, and plants and metallic dividers surround us on the other sides, giving our table privacy.

Soft French music plays at a reasonable volume that allows us to hear each other, and the scent of French cuisine intrigues my stomach, which has been in knots ever since I realised someone read my journal.

Taking my place between my mother and Kennedy, I realise too late I’m seated directly opposite Asher. Since our conversation the day after Remy’s party, I don’t know how to act around him anymore. It was one thing to hate him, another to know I liked him, and then yet another to have him confess he likes me too.

Sometimes I wonder if he made it all up. After all, he’s still with Maddie. But he had absolutely nothing to gain from lying to me. Moreover, he watches me whenever we’re in the same room. I never noticed it before, but I’m aware of him in a way I can’t turn off. I’m so attuned to him, I feel his every move. His every mood.

It's crazy.

We’ve rehearsed only a few times over the past couple of weeks, and during each rehearsal, I’ve been forced to maintain a physical distance. Because just standing too close to him creates the kind of heat that makes concentrating impossible. Even the lightest of touches is like a lightning strike, sparking intense heat where the contact occurs.

With Ainsley and Ethan here as potential witnesses, I know better than to sneak glances at Asher. Still, I can’t help but look at Asher while he talks to Maddie. Tonight, the dark knit jumper he’s wearing is nearly the same shade as his hair. It’s winter and his tan has faded, causing his dark lashes, dark hair and tattoos to stand out more.

He turns his head quickly and catches me watching him. The shock is too much for me as our gazes collide, jolting my stomach and sending my heart into overdrive.

Ignoring the way my skin flushes and feels all tingly, I drag my gaze away from Asher and meet Ethan’s icy blue eyes. There’s a ghost of a sneer on his lips, and immediately the knot that had started to loosen in my stomach grows tight again. My eyes flit to Ainsley, and I see she’s also watching me. Her smirk turns my concern to nausea.

Tonight is going to be a shitshow.

Jesse orders champagne for all of us. The second he’s finished toasting my mother, I swallow the glassful in two gulps.

“Lilah!” Mum gasps. “You were supposed to sip that.”

My face flushes as I feel everyone’s eyes on me. “Sorry,” I murmur. “I’m still feeling the effects of the panic attack. I thought it might help.”

Mum’s brows knit together, and she visibly pales. “We should have stayed in.”

Regret makes my throat tight. Maybe we should have. Except I hadn’t wanted to ruin her evening. Now, I fear it’s about to be ruined by Ethan or Ainsley anyway. I don’t even know how to warn her of what’s about to go down.

I force a smile. “I’m fine. Really. The alcohol helped.”

Jesse puts his hand on my mum’s. “I’ll get Lilah another one. It’s fine, love.”

Again, my stepdad proves he truly is the best, ordering me another glass and silently instructing me to sip it. I do as he asks, but it’s hard not to want to get bone meltingly drunk. Every minute that passes without Ethan and Ainsley saying something brings me closer to the detonation of a truth bomb that will wreak havoc.

While Kennedy, Mum, Jesse, and Maddie seem happy to carry the conversation, I sit in silence, terrified that anything I say will trigger Ethan or Ainsley. I tune in and out of the conversation until our entrées arrive and Maddie announces she has news.

Only once the server has left us with a sample platter of all the appetisers on the menu does Maddie finish her announcement. “I’m going on tour at the end of the year.” She fixes her soft gaze on Asher now. “And I’m starting my tour in the U.S.”

The smile curling her lips is both sheepish and hopeful. Asher looks too stunned for me to know what he’s thinking. Maddie has just eliminated any roadblocks preventing her from being with Asher at the end of the year, making the small portion of gnocchi I’ve just swallowed turn to a brick in my stomach.

“That’s fantastic news,” Jesse beams. “Well done, Maddie-girl.”

“So well deserved,” Mum says. “You’re such a beautiful singer.”

“And songwriter,” Ainsley gushes. “You’re going to be a superstar.”

Maddie is good. Before she started dating Asher, she was a musician I looked up to. As my feelings for Asher changed, something resembling envy has wound around the vines of respect and admiration that once grew within me and slowly killed them off. And now, they’ve just been ripped out from the ground, leaving me torn and riddled with envy.

Not only does she get to be with Asher and have the career I’ve always dreamed of, but Jesse is looking at her with something akin to fatherly pride. Admittedly, my stepfather has done nothing but treat me like a daughter, but I haven’t proved myself to him yet as a musician. I want that. I wasn’t even aware of how much I wanted that until now.

Ainsley wraps an arm around Maddie’s shoulders. “You and Asher are, like, the perfect couple. He’s going to be a world famous rocker, and you’ll be the darling popstar who caught his eye. It’s a love story the media will lap up.” Ainsley narrows her eyes at me in a way that serves as a warning. “And now they won’t have to separate at the end of the year.”

I look away and try to hide my flinch. Being forced to see Asher and Maddie on the news and all over the web will be torture if I can’t shut off the feelings for my stepbrother. And right now, I don’t know how long it’s going to take me to do that.

As I sit listening to everyone ask Maddie about her upcoming tour, I feel more and more miserable and lost. The future has never looked so bleak or uncertain. Asher and Ethan will leave for the States and take Maddie with them in a few short months. And if I don’t sing the solo I wrote, I’ll be reading my rejection letter from the Australian University of Music.

Do I live with the regret of not putting it all on the line? Or do I sing the solo that could damage my family?

What kind of person am I for even considering option two?

“Lilah?”

I look at Mum, realising I’d completely tuned out and now have no idea why everyone is looking at me.

“Sorry,” I say, letting go of the spoon I was absently spinning. “What did I miss?”

“Jesse asked you whether you’re ready for the duet performance next week?”

Asher’s stare is suddenly burning a hole in the side of my face, but my stomach has just started an Olympic pole-vaulting routine. I don’t want to extend its session by meeting his gaze.

“It’s fine,” I say. “Good, I mean. We’re set. I think.”

Ainsley scoffs and I force myself to ignore her.

“What’s your duet about?” Ethan asks coolly.

The hard look in Ethan’s blue eyes swirl the icy fingers of dread through my insides.

I swallow hard and force myself not to look away from him. I can answer this question without lying or causing problems. “You should know that already; you’ve heard us rehearsing.”

He crosses his arms, narrowing his eyes at me. “You haven’t changed your song recently?”

Refusing to back down or look away, I say, “No. Our duet has not changed.”

“Why are you asking her that?” Asher asks, his gaze flicking between his brother and me.

Ainsley looks positively gleeful when she sees Asher’s confused expression. “We heard Lilah rehearsing a song in the studio yesterday.”

I nearly choke on the champagne I just sipped because, damn it, I triple checked no one was around before I went into the studio to sing. I thought Ethan and Ainsley only knew about my song because of what was in my journal.

Kennedy stiffens beside me, knowing as well as I do that this is it—the shit is about to hit the fan.

And I’m nowhere near ready for the fallout.

“It was a love song, FYI,” Ethan adds, turning his glare upon Asher. “About the stepbrother she used to hate and now wishes she could be with.”

A/N: Hi everyone, this episode ended up being quite long, so I’ve split it into two parts. The second part will be published between Saturday and Monday. XO

Rockstar Bay Academy: Part 26

Elle Fielding — Fri, 14 Oct 2022 14:01:06 GMT

Lilah

Asher dropped me home two hours ago, and I climbed into bed after brushing my teeth and changing into my pyjamas. I should be asleep, but my mind is obsessively combing over the events of the evening, specifically the party and my trip to McDonalds with Asher.

For weeks now, I’ve tried to keep my feelings for my stepbrother at bay, pretending I’m not affected by him. I’ve tried to maintain an emotional distance between us after he turned his back on our friendship for Ethan’s sake.

It’s been…difficult to say the least. Okay, impossible despite my attempts. Especially after he confessed he missed me and we went back to rehearsing almost daily.

Any progress I might have made at all, however, has been undone tonight. Asher knew I needed an evening out, and he made it happen. He’s fiercely loyal and protective, and while I’ve witnessed this side of him first-hand, it felt different tonight. His actions felt like…more.

There was something about the way he carried me out of the party, holding me close as his aftershave wrapped around me. And the way he took care of me when I was vulnerable, leaving Maddie so he could drive me home. Then there was the way he looked down at me and said I deserve to be treated right.

Any defences I’ve managed to erect these past weeks just melted away.

And then there’s the fact he suggested we change our duet.

“If our lyrics don’t entirely represent the truth of our relationship but still provide the emotion we need, then that’s better than what we have now.”
“What are you suggesting?”
“I’m saying that if we were to write a song that is full of emotion, an emotion that isn’t hate or conflict and confusion then certain people might think something they shouldn’t and get upset. But if it’s not based on fact, it would be better received by those who aren’t the judges. Do you understand?”
“I think so. You’re talking about us writing a song where we’re…more than friends? Or thinking about being more than friends.”

Ever since he drove away, hope has been swirling inside my chest, excitement making me buzz the way a good caffeine high does. Even if it is under the guise of a song, I’m finally going to be able to explore these feelings that have been building for my stepbrother. Moreover, with Asher and I on the same page about our duet, our song might actually start to live up to my expectations for it.

It might push us over the line an get me into the showcase.

Giving up on sleep temporarily, I switch on my bedside lamp, grab my song journal, climb into bed, and start writing. Asher’s suggestion has opened Pandora’s box, and all the things I refused to give voice to or write down before the party now won’t stop repeating in my head, insisting I do something with them.

Just as I finish writing the last thing I wanted to say, I see a set of headlights flicker through my curtains. Due to the excellent soundproofing of the house, I don’t hear the front door open and close, but I do hear two sets of feet near my door a few minutes later. God, I hope Asher has come home with Ethan and not Maddie. The mere idea of Maddie being here with Asher makes my stomach roil.

My heart stops beating as I hear a pause outside my door, presumably because whoever is out there can see my bedside lamp on. When I hear them walk away, I turn off my lamp, lie down and pull the blankets over me. Hopefully, sleep comes to claim me now that I’ve emptied my head of all the things I never thought I’d be allowed to write about my stepbrother.

After a few hours of tossing and turning in bed, my brain busy composing music to go with the lyrics I wrote down, I give up on trying to sleep and get up. One glance in the bathroom mirror confirms I feel and look like a zombie. I scrub my face, getting rid of the makeup I didn’t wipe off last night, and freshening up. I’d rather not look like I’m about to start hunting people for their brains.

On my way to the kitchen, I try and make as little noise as possible. Considering the time Asher and Ethan got home, I doubt they’ll be up before midday.

I switch the coffee machine on and open the fridge to see if there’s anything I can cook for breakfast, pausing my search when I hear footsteps behind me. Whirling around, I’m stunned to see Asher standing on the other side of the breakfast bar. In just a long sleeve tee and sweatpants, he manages to steal the breath from my lungs. His longish hair peeks out from beneath the same beanie he wore last night. He looks big and sexy, and slightly brooding as he stands there. My gaze collides with his, and when I see the intensity in them, my pulse quickens.

“Hey,” I say.

“Hey,” he says quietly, his voice still rough from sleep.

I shoot him a quick smile. “You’re up early.”

He gives me a pointed look, slipping onto one of the stools at the bench. “So are you.”

“I’m making coffee, want one?”

“Please.”

He doesn’t say anything as I set about making coffee. As the silence grows, so does the tension between us. Out of the corner of my eye, I look at him, my heart stuttering in my chest when I catch him watching me, seemingly as aware of me as I am of him. My skin seems electrified, my body humming as he watches me move around the kitchen.

Once I’ve made the coffees, I slide one to him.

Photo by NordWood Themes on Unsplash

He wraps his large palm around the mug but doesn’t lift the cup to his mouth. “Were you still awake when we got back. I thought I saw your light on.”

“Yeah, I, ah, couldn’t sleep and I decided to write some stuff down.”

“For our duet?”

Just that one simple question makes my heart pump so hard I swear I hear it in my ears. Thinking about him reading the things I wrote down…I can’t predict how he’ll react. But he was the one who suggested we change the song. The things I wrote might be real, but he doesn’t need to know that.

“Yes.”

He swallows audibly. “Lilah…”

The tone he uses sends my stomach plummeting to my feet. I study him, but he’s looking at his mug instead of at me. Dread washes through me, turning my fingers to ice.

Please don’t back out on me.

“I want to,” he tells me brokenly. “I really do.”

His eyes are full of raw pain and regret when he finally looks at me. The onslaught hits me in the chest with so much force I can’t help but take a step back.

“You’ll never know how much I want to…” he whispers hoarsely. “To write that song for you. For…us. But I can’t. Ethan…I can’t do it to him.”

“It’s just a song, Asher,” I whisper, even though that’s a lie. The lyrics I wrote were based on real feelings.

Perhaps he can sense that because he shakes his head. “Can you really say that after everything you said last night?”

I swallow hard, staring at him. The suspicion Asher didn’t tell me everything I thought out loud dogged me the entire trip home from McDonalds. I tried to tell myself I didn’t give too much away in my drunken state, but I didn’t quite believe it. Then, when he suggested we change the song, I stopped worrying. After all, he wouldn’t have offered if he knew how I felt, right?

Flicking a glance down at the bench and back to him, I ask. “What did I say last night? Tell me all of it this time.”

He holds my gaze. “You said our duet isn’t good because it’s not honest.” My heart stops when he pauses, his eyes soft. “You said you feel differently about me than you did. You said,” he presses on quietly but firmly, “you can’t rewrite your side without giving away what you shouldn’t and don’t want to feel.”

God.

I close my eyes and wish the floor would open up and swallow me, maybe erase everything I’m feeling right now and give me amnesia. Vodka really is not my friend. I thought I laid myself bare last night, but it was nothing compared to this feeling of vulnerability and exposure now.

I look away as I try and come to grips with the fact I poured my heart out to my stepbrother. Sure, it wasn’t the most eloquent confession, but I said enough to make it damn obvious my feelings for him aren’t platonic. He knows I like him.

Once I’m sure my voice will be steady enough, I look at him. “And yet you still suggested we write a song. Were you messing with me?”

“No! I wouldn’t do that, Lilah.”

His voice is earnest, maybe even tinged with hurt I would suggest such a thing, but I scoff, remembering the way he treated me before we started working on the duet. I want to latch onto the anger because it’s easier than facing the truth.

Unfortunately, I can’t deny I’m the one who jumped at his suggestion we turn our duet into a love song, basically writing new lyrics the moment he gave me the go ahead. So desperate to give voice to the way he makes me feel, I didn’t stop to consider Asher’s offer might be too good to be true. Especially after the way Ethan went off about our friendship.

Uncomfortable heat burns my face. I’m so embarrassed that I have to turn away from him. I can’t imagine what Asher must be thinking. Maybe that Ainsley’s stupid speculations have proved true?

That’s a bitter pill to swallow.

“Lilah.”

I hear his seat scrape against the floor tiles a few seconds before I feel him at my back. When he touches my arm, I know he wants me to look at him. But I can’t. Not yet.

“I get it,” I tell him, refusing to meet his gaze. “Now that you know, it would be crazy to turn our duet into a love song. I just don’t know why you suggested it in the first place.”

He could have spared both of us this awkward conversation. He could have spared me the humiliation if he’d never made the offer.

“Lilah... Please will you just turn around and look at me.”

The pain in his voice tears through me, ripping my heart in two. I don’t want to turn around, but the desperation in his voice forces me to move my feet until I meet his gaze full on. Apology is written all over his face, but it does nothing to ease my mortification.

He moves closer. “If Ethan wasn’t my brother, our song would be an entirely different one. Do you understand?” His eyes tick between mine. “Our song would have had a different start. It would have a different middle and a completely different ending. Tell me you understand what I’m saying.”

Intensity and heat radiate from him. He reaches for me but drops his hand. “I told myself it would just be a song when I suggested we change the duet, but it wouldn’t be. And Ethan will never believe the lie when I can’t convince myself of it.”

Looking away, I say, “You only know it’s a lie because of what I said.”

“No.” He brushes the backs of his knuckles along my jaw so lightly, I tremble. Gently, with a finger beneath my chin, he brings my gaze back to his. “I can’t believe the lie when I spend every moment with you pretending that I don’t want what I want,” he whispers.

His words knock a hole in my stomach, making me swallow hard as I stare at him.

“What?”

He closes his dark eyes briefly before opening them and letting me see the emotion in them. “The song wouldn’t be make-believe. Not for either of us.”

He’s managed to steal my breath, build me up with hope and anticipation in one breath, then tear me down in another. This thing between us – the feelings I’m developing, I’m not alone in feeling them. Yet I can’t take any joy from this revelation. Because I can’t be with him. Ever.

I can’t act on how I feel.

Ever.

Not with Ethan being my ex and our parents now married.

Regret is a toxic, pointless, and useless emotion. I don’t want to regret my relationship with Ethan. Still, I can’t help but stand here and wonder: if I’d never dated Ethan, would everything with Asher be different right now?

If I hadn’t written Asher off as a manwhore the first time we met, telling myself he was just a flirt and not really interested in me, would I have discovered something even bigger and better—even more perfect with Asher—than what I’d had with Ethan?

I will never know the answer to that.

“Do you understand?” Asher asks gently.

I nod, not trusting myself to speak.

With that, he takes a step back from me, putting space between us once more. “I know the song isn’t perfect yet, but we’ll keep working on it. I promise you, we’ll come up with something. We’ll keep tweaking it. We’ll make the showcase.”

I laugh humourlessly. “Do you really believe that?”

“Lilah…”

Picking up my mug, I ignore his pleading expression and sip from it, aware of the way I don’t even feel the scolding liquid going down. Numbness is settling in. The Cassidy brother I started out hating is now the one I want. And it’s hitting me in its entirety—the person I’ve been slowly developing feelings for is the only person in the world truly forbidden to me.

“This is for the best. Surely you can understand why we can’t go ahead with what I proposed,” he says.

“I do.”

“It would upset Ethan.”

Not just Ethan. It would upset Maddie, too. Even if Asher likes me back, it means nothing, especially when he’s with someone else. Hell, the only reason Asher even told me how he feels is because he wants to explain why he’s backing out of changing our duet.

“I think I’m going to go back to bed,” I say, no longer having an appetite for food or for the day ahead.

“Do you want to go over the song today? Try write something else? Rehearse?”

I shake my head, and holding onto my mug, I move to step around him. Before I can, he takes my arm, stopping me gently.

“I know you won’t believe me, but I’m sorry.”

I look up into those dark eyes of his full of sincerity, the apology so genuine it hurts more because I know that he is. But it doesn’t change anything. Nor does it help me now.

“You deserve better than this and I’m sorry,” he continues. “Not just for this, but…for everything. For the way I treated you while you were with Ethan. For the ways I hurt you.” He looks away before looking back at me. “For all the ways I keep hurting you. I’m so, so sorry for all of it. If Ethan wasn’t my brother…”

“Stop, Asher. You don’t need to say anymore. I get it.”

I can’t take any more of his apologising this morning. Not while disappointment and regret are melting together inside my chest and dripping acid into my stomach, making it impossible to draw breath. He might be sorry, but I need to work out what I’m going to do now. How do I move forward from this? How do I recover from this?

This time, when I go to step around him, he lets his hand drop.

By the time I make it up to my room, I’m shaking and I feel nauseous. And I don’t think it has anything to do with the vodka I drank last night. God, I should be used to these giant swings of emotions when it comes to Asher Cassidy. Hating him was a rollercoaster, but liking him? Having these stupid feelings for him? It’s so much worse.

Walking straight over to my bedside table, I pick up my journal and open it, looking through the lyrics I wrote last night before I went to sleep. Damn it, they might just be the best thing I’ve ever written, and now they’ll never see the light of day. What a freaking waste.

Unless I use the words for a different song.

Sitting on my bed, I stare down at the lyrics, slowly coming to a decision. I have to stop hinging all my hope for making the showcase on my duet with Asher.

At the start of the year, I thought the duet was my only hope of making it into the showcase, but I’m a better songwriter than I was. If that’s partly because I’ve been working with Asher, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that I don’t think our current song is strong enough to push us over the edge. I’m going to have to pull out all the stops and do it myself.

As I start writing a new song, incorporating some of the lyrics I wrote last night, I realise I’m getting tingles. Goosebumps break out across my skin as my pen whips across the page. Holy crap, this is a first.

Maybe, with luck and a prayer, I might still get into the showcase, but with my own song and not the duet.

And if this song blows up my personal, well, I can’t let myself think about that right now.

A/N: I’m so sorry it’s taken me so long to update. I’m usually pretty healthy, but this year, I’ve been hammered by illness over the Aussie winter.

I’ve also been busy, just trying to sort through some things. After almost a year on the platform, I’ve left Vocal and moved any content there to Substack. While I was getting paid well there for reads, I want to make it easier for you all to find my work and communicate with me. That’s easiest here. My stories are leaving Wattpad soon for the same reasons and I do give an explanation there. Winning Her Rival’s Heart has officially left already, but there are free copies available if you want a copy.

Winning Her Rival's Heart

In other news, I’m trying to figure out TikTok and Instagram Reels. I made a reel of the cast of Rockstar bay with the help of AI. If you follow me on Instagram , have a look. I think it’s funny. The hands and arms of my characers are a bit mangled but the faces came out okay-ish.

My Instagram

I hope all of you are well and staying healthy. I’ve missed you all and have more to say, but I’ll stop writing now. Have an awesome weekend.

XOXO

Elle

Rockstar Bay Academy: Part 25

Elle Fielding — Mon, 29 Aug 2022 14:00:39 GMT

Asher

I’m the worst brother in the world. Ethan might not want to believe it, but I know it’s the truth. I’m trying to make it up to him, be the brother he deserves, but lately every day feels like a test of that ambition. And the ultimate test? My stepsister, Lilah Kelly. Right now, she’s sitting in front of me, looking too fucking pretty while devouring a burger.

Ethan: Are you on your way back?

Just one message from Ethan has the guilt tightening like a noose around my neck.

Me: Stopped at Maccas. Shouldn’t be too much longer.

My intention was to use the drive-through, but when I saw that the line extended out the carpark, I decided it would be quicker to take Lilah into the restaurant to eat. The only people in here, though, are the staff and us, and for some reason, sitting with her like this in the empty restaurant during the empty hours of the morning, feels a hell of a lot like a date.

I hate how much I’m enjoying it. Enjoying her.

She’s finally sobering up a little, the greasy burger probably helping somewhat. She licks the sauce from her lip, and that tiny action causes heat to snake through my middle and fill the pit of my stomach. I take off my beanie and run a hand through my hair, trying to cool down before jamming the hat back on my head and trying to pretend she doesn’t have me all kinds of fucked up. That I haven’t jacked off more to thoughts of her than I have my girlfriend.

Jesus, no wonder Maddie feels so threatened.

Would you believe me if I told you I saw Lilah first? I thought she was supposed to be mine. I wasn’t the one she wanted, though. No, she wanted Ethan. And while I couldn’t blame her for that - I’ve already mentioned, Ethan is the better brother – the thought she was always meant to be mine has messed with me for years. I’ve fought that knowledge with everything I have, acting like a complete arsehole and showing her my worst side. I pushed her away, slammed the window shut on my feelings for her and acted like I hated her.

Eventually, I got so good at pretending that I even started believing my own bullshit. I convinced myself and everyone around me that Lilah was my enemy. All of us, even Ethan, fell for my act hook line and sinker. Then Lilah was assigned as my duet partner, and my act went to shit. Suddenly, everything she did forced me to see her differently – to take the blindfold off and see her as she really is.

And now?

Now, I can’t stop seeing her. I can’t go back to hating her. Nor can I stop myself from wanting her.

Worse than all of that, I think Lilah wants me, too.

She shouldn’t. Not after everything I put her through. My epic arsehole act was supposed to shut the window on any chance of there ever being an us. But I underestimated a few things, like her ability to forgive me. Lilah was so damn determined to get into the showcase that she chose to overlook the way I acted toward her just so we could get our duet done. Forcing us to work together made us both aware of what I already knew deep, deep down. Lilah and me, we click.

Now that Lilah seems to have figured that out, the window of opportunity for us looks to be opening, letting me catch glimpses of how good things could be if I acted on what I feel.

All I have to do is betray my brother in order to take what I want.

“That was so good,” she tells me, slumping back against the back of the booth.

Now that she’s finished her burger, I should get her out of here, take her home, put her to bed. Okay, not put her to bed. Not when I can’t shake off the desire to bury myself inside her. The need to have her beneath me is an itch underneath my skin, one I can never scratch. But you get the idea, we need to exit. Stat. Except she promised she’d elaborate on her slipup once she’d eaten.

I lean forward and put my elbows on the table. “You promised me an explanation once you’d eaten.”

The way her face falls is laughable.

“You remember that?” she winces.

I can’t help but smirk. “Yes, Lilah. Now, spill.”

She sighs. “What did I say again?”

I don’t believe for a minute she doesn’t remember, but if she wants to buy herself some time, I’ll play along.

“You said the reason our duet isn’t as good as it could be is because it’s not honest.”

She also mentioned feeling things for me that are different to the lyrics we wrote a while back. I can’t tell her that, though. Nor can I repeat what she said about being unable to rewrite the duet for fear of giving away how she feels about me. We can’t have that conversation. In fact, this entire conversation is a risk, one I should leave alone. I should pretend I never heard her. It would be safer to let it go.

So why can’t I?

Lilah chews on her bottom lip and studies me. I don’t think she has any idea that I can tell what she’s thinking. She’s trying to work out how much she can get away with not saying.

“It’s not that our song isn’t honest, I mean it was at one point, but now…”

“Now, what?”

Why am I pushing this? Clearly, I’m a masochist. Knowing for sure that a window of opportunity is opening for us is a bad, bad idea.

“Well,” she looks at me. “A hate song didn’t work. And then we wrote about not being at war, but not quite being friends.”

I nod.

“But we did become friends, didn’t we?”

I study her and see her desperate need for me to acknowledge it. “Yeah, Lilah, we did.”

“You said you missed me.”

My heart squeezes at the soft and vulnerable expression she’s wearing. “I did.”

I should never have said it, but at the time I hadn’t been able to stop myself. Now that we’ve stopped fighting, she slips under my defences and makes me forget where the lines are between us.

It’s a problem.

“I…” she trails off.

I wait her out, desperate to hear what she will say.

She casts her gaze down to the table and I fight the instinct to reach out and touch her face, tilt her chin up, so she’s looking at me.

“I don’t know what I was saying,” she tells the table. “I was drunk.”

It pisses me off how much I hate her copout and how my stomach wants to revolt against the soda I drank at the party. Her comment is a kick in the guts. But this is probably for the best, right? No good can come of her saying something different.

When she looks at me, she’s wearing a slightly pleading expression. “Please can we drop it?”

“Okay,” I say, letting it go for the sake of my sanity. For the sake of my relationship with my brother.

Her surprise is unmistakable, and I can’t tell if she’s pleased or disappointed that I’m letting her off the hook so easily.

Getting to my feet, I say, “We should head home. I need to get back to the party.”

Back to my brother.

Back to my girlfriend.

“Of course.” She swallows and her smile looks more than a little forced. “Thanks for bringing me.”

Photo by Visual Karsa on Unsplash

She slides from the booth, carrying her rubbish to the bin. I’m relieved she’s sober enough to walk on her own. Touching her when I can never have her is the definition of torture.

After unlocking the car, I get in and start the engine, and we drive home in silence.

As soon as I pull into the drive, she puts her hand on the door handle. “Thanks for the lift, Asher.”

When I put my hand on her arm to stop her from getting out, surprise flickers over her features.

“You know our duet doesn’t have to be based on honesty, right?” I ask.

“I know, but it is supposed to be emotional and that’s easier to create when it’s honest, when it’s based on genuine and real emotion.”

I nod. “Okay, but if we rewrite our lyrics so they don’t entirely represent the truth of our relationship yet still provide the emotion we need, then that’s better than what we have now, isn’t it?”

“What are you suggesting?”

Yes, what the hell am I suggesting?

“I’m saying that if we were to write a song that is full of emotion, an emotion that isn’t hate or conflict and confusion, then certain people might think something they shouldn’t and get upset.”

Certain people like Ethan and Maddie.

“But if it’s not based on fact,” I continue, “then it would be better received by those who aren’t the judges. Do you understand?”

I must be out of my damn mind. Despite the fact I haven’t had a drop of alcohol tonight, I’m convinced I’m drunk. Why else would I come up with this insanely stupid idea and then say it out loud? Sure, I’m being vague with Lilah, but as she looks at me, I’m sure she is at least somewhat aware of my underlying meaning.

“I think so. You’re talking about us writing a song where we’re…more than friends?”

Her voice comes out a little breathless and underneath the lights in out driveway I can spot the flush high on her face. It’s almost unbearable. So many times, I’ve imagined her looking at me the way she is right now. Imagined her breathless because I’m working her up with my hands, my tongue, my body between her legs; making her whisper, beg, sob for me. Dark hot need rips through me, settling in my gut and tightening my body, urging me to reach out and pull her to me, take her like I’ve always wanted to.

Fuck, I need to wrap this up before I do something incredibly stupid – more stupid than suggesting we write a song that will blow my personal life to pieces.

“Or thinking about being more than friends,” she adds.

She’s looking at my mouth and when she darts her tongue out, running it along her lip, the action goes straight through me, making me ache with the need to be with her.

“We can talk about it tomorrow,” I say, my voice rough as gravel.

Hopefully by then I’ll have come to my senses, and I can tell her I slept on it and decided it’s a horrible idea.

The problem is, she’s right about our song. It needs more kick. It’s too bland. It wasn’t when we started with the new lyrics, but I know our duet would work much better as something else. A song about a need we both can’t control or act on would be more convincing, provide a better tension and deeper emotional component. But how the hell do l explain all of that to Ethan? To Maddie?

It's just a song.

Will they buy that explanation when it would be…a lie?

“Okay, tomorrow,” she says.

Her soft husky words are both a promise and a threat.

As soon as I see she’s inside the house, I reverse out of the driveway and turn my music up. It doesn’t drown out the guilt and worry suddenly gnawing at me. Did I just propose I write some kind of love song with my stepsister? My brother’s ex? The one girl who tempts me beyond compare and the one I have had to actively resist and push away for years?

Fuck, I think I did.

Back at Remy’s, I seek out Ethan. He’s still out on the patio, Maddie and Ainsley sitting on either side of him. Maddie throws an accusing glare my way when she sees me walking towards them. Leaving it up to Ethan to tell Maddie I was taking Lilah home probably puts me in the bad boyfriend category. I’ll need to apologise at some point.

Ethan looks me over as I take the seat next to Maddie. I don’t know what he’s looking for, but I worry my guilt is written all over my face.

“How’s Lilah?”

“She’d sobered up a little by the time I dropped her home.”

Ainsley leans forward and smiles a bitchy smile. “Did you tuck her in, too?”

I narrow my eyes at her. “She let herself into the house.”

After I proposed we write a love song for our duet.

Not that I’ll be mentioning that to my brother or the girls.

Silently calling myself every kind of fool, I look at Maddie, noting her empty glass. “You want a top up?”

“Yes, I do.” She stands up, motioning for Ainsley to join her. “But I think I’ll get it with Ainsley.”

Ainsley shoots me a triumphant look then strolls towards the kitchen with my girlfriend.

When I turn to look at Ethan, he’s studying me in a way that makes me fear the word GUILTY is flashing over the top of my head.

He leans back in his chair, stretching his long legs out in front of him. “Maddie was pretty pissed you left to take Lilah home.”

“Yeah, I figured.”

“Ainsley used the opportunity to wind her up about Lilah.”

I give him a pointed look. “Well, we both know she’s good at winding people up.”

Ethan’s smile is mocking as he raises his beer in my direction. “You’re the one who told me she was the perfect rebound when I broke up with Lilah, remember?”

“You won’t let me forget.”

And I’m never going to stop paying for it.

He almost chuckles at my response. Pointing in the direction of the bonfire, he says, “Jacob came out here after you left, asked me if I knew where Lilah was. I told him you took her home. He seemed pretty worried.”

I scowl. “Then he shouldn’t have left her to pass out drunk and alone.”

He nods. After a pause, he says, “You were so worried you decided to take her home straight away?”

Here we go. The inquisition. I wish I didn’t have to explain myself to my brother, but I do.

“I was her ride here. It made sense.”

“And things weren’t too weird between the two of you?” He shifts in his chair, turning his body towards mine. “You know, since you’ve stopped hanging out with her when I’m not around?”

“They were fine,” I say carefully.

“She seems happier now that the two of you are rehearsing again.”

My brother has a sixth sense when it comes to Lilah and me. Thank God he didn’t witness her drunk ramblings.

I shrug. “You know how important the showcase is to her.”

“I sure do.”

The silence that stretches between us is far from comfortable. There’s a tension between us that wasn’t there before Lilah and I started working on the duet. I hate it, and I don’t know how long it will take to disappear, or if it ever will completely go away. My brother is riding the edge when it comes to Lilah and me. I learned that the night Ethan went off at the two of us over dinner. The night before the party at our place.

“You told me I had to end it,” he said to me as I closed his bedroom door behind me. “You made me think we could never work out long term if MOD was to succeed.”

“It was what I believed at the time.”

“I still love her. I will always love her, but now she likes you-”

“It isn’t like that.” I crossed my arms, trying not to look affected when my heart was close to beating out of my chest and nausea rolled through me. “We’re working on the duet, Ethan. We’re friends-”

“You can’t tell me that’s all. Not when…” he choked on his words. “Not when she looks at you the way she used to look at me.”

Before that night, I’d never seen my brother cry, so seeing him on his bed with a bottle of Dad’s whiskey in hand, tears in his eyes, nearly destroyed me. Ethan might be the younger brother, but he’s a fucking saint in my eyes.

I mean, not once did he make me feel like I was less than him when Jesse pulled me off the street. Ethan called me brother from the get-go, as if there was no concern for what I could do or the ways I could shit all over his life. Instead, he showed me his guitar and basically pushed himself on me until I couldn’t help but like the guy. Love him like the brother he is.

And how did I repay him? By liking the one girl he wanted to date. It doesn’t matter that I saw her first. Not when she loved him first. The fact I’m the reason he ripped out his own heart and ended things with Lilah makes wanting her the way I do the worst betrayal.

“She doesn’t look at me like that,” I told him desperately.

“Bullshit! She does, and you know it. Don’t you do that, don’t pretend you don’t see the way she looks at you.”

“I would never do that to you. I would never touch her!”

“Good to know.” The look on his face had been gut-wrenching. “But it doesn’t change the fact she does look at you. I see it. I feel it. And it fucking wrecks me. Wrecks. Me. I hate it. I hate it so fucking much.”

I’d hugged my brother that night to stop him falling to pieces. Only I didn’t succeed.

Lilah doesn’t realise I took a step back from our friendship because I was tempted to cross lines I swore I never would. If we’d kept going the way we had, I would have broken every promise I made my brother. I would have become the worst kind of liar. I had an awful childhood; I’ve seen more shit than anyone will know, but I know right from wrong. Loving your brother’s girl is wrong, but loving her and making a move on her after you’ve ruined your brother’s relationship with her? That shit is truly unforgivable.

“We’re back,” Ainsley announces in a sing-song voice, as if I don’t have eyes.

Instead of going back to her seat, Ainsley plops down in Ethan’s lap. Ethan smiles at her indulgently, wrapping his arm around her waist, but he’s merely going through the motions. I see that now. I see that the way he is with her is different to how he was with Lilah. Maybe I deluded myself into believing he was genuinely moving on, convinced myself that he was getting over Lilah because I desperately wanted him to be over her. Now that I know he’s not…

“I got you a refill.”

I look up and see Maddie standing over me, her makeup touched up. She offers me a tin of Coke and I offer her a wry smile in return. “Thanks.”

She sits down in the chair next to mine, moving it closer.

“I’m sorry for leaving you here,” I tell her.

“I’m glad you got Lilah home safely. I just wish you’d taken me with you.” Her smile is sweet, but her eyes tell me I’m not forgiven. “I could have kept you company.”

“You’re right.”

“Next time take me with you, Ash.”

Knowing there isn’t room for me to disagree with her on this, I nod. “Next time.”

Things with Maddie were never meant to become this serious, but as Lilah and I started working on our duet, our relationship became a convenient cover and a way to keep the spotlight off my changing feelings for Lilah. This past month, however, I’ve come to suspect Maddie’s feelings for me are starting to deepen. Meaning I’m going to have to decide just how far down this relationship rabbit hole I go with Maddie to appease Ethan.

That’s not the only difficult decision that lies ahead of me, either. As I sip my Coke, I stress out about my duet with Lilah. The way I see it, I have two options, and they both suck.

Option one, I attempt to improve the duet by writing some kind of love song with Lilah. I can try and explain to my brother that it’s just a song and it doesn’t mean anything. But I’m not confident Ethan won’t see through the lie. I risk sending my brother off the deep end and damaging our relationship beyond repair. If that happens, Ethan, Dad and I will suffer, and so will MOD.

Option two, I tell Lilah I was wrong to suggest writing about us having a different relationship. Lilah and I then run the risk of the song not making the showcase, thus limiting Lilah’s chances at getting an offer from her dream school. Sure, we can always continue tweaking the lyrics or try a different emotional point of view, but I already know it won’t work as well as a love song could.

I told you, both options suck.

I’ve already wronged both Ethan and Lilah. As if that’s not a bitter enough pill to swallow, I must now decide who I hurt further.

In the end, I already know there is only one choice I can make if I want to live with myself. The almost-crippling ache in my chest, however, is proof I’ve never felt worse about anything in my life.

A/N: Phew! Asher ended up having a lot to say. Let me know if you want more of his POV. Thanks so much for reading, I really love seeing your comments when they come in, and I hope you continue to enjoy reading the story as much as I’m enjoying writing it. XOXO

Rockstar Bay Academy: Part 24

Elle Fielding — Thu, 25 Aug 2022 03:17:33 GMT

A/N: Sorry, everyone. I was tired when I uploaded Part 23, so the author’s note was incorrect. This episode is from Lilah’s POV. Episode 25 is from Asher’s POV.

“Stop pacing, Lilah.”

“I can’t help it.” I spin to face Asher. He’s sitting on his bed, guitar in hand, looking every bit as frustrated as I feel.

“Am I making any sense at all?” I ask.

“You are. The duet is solid. It’s good, but-”

“It doesn’t give you tingles, right?” Tell me it isn’t just me.

He sets his guitar down, running a hand through his hair. “It’s not blowing me away, no. We’ll come up with something extra to push it over the line.”

I bite my lip. “Will we? We’re running out of time. The duet is due in three weeks.”

With Asher no longer intent on avoiding me, we’ve been rehearsing almost every day. So, why isn’t our song having the emotional impact we’re both striving for? I’m afraid I already know the answer to that question, but I can’t voice it aloud. Nor can I fix it by myself.

Frustration makes me tug at my hair.

“Hey.” Asher stands and moves towards me, putting his hands on my shoulders and looking down at me. “We will.”

He’s so close, and he smells so good that it takes effort not to lean into him. And his dark stare is so intense I feel it to the bottom of my soul. Wrenching my gaze away from his, I want to look anywhere but at him. Unfortunately, my gaze snags on his full lips, my stomach bottoming out as I imagine standing on my tiptoes and pressing my mouth to his.

Damn it, kissing my stepbrother should be the last thing on my mind, yet the impulse has crept up on me more than once recently.

What if one day I act on it before I can stop myself?

“Okay?” he asks, dragging me out of my worrisome thoughts.

“Okay,” I whisper.

Our session is over, and I need to go before-

“I need to get ready,” he says, taking a step back from me.

I force a smile. “I know. I’ll catch you later.”

“Lilah,” he calls before I can walk out of his bedroom.

I turn back to look at him.

“It’s Saturday night, take a break.”

“Sure,” I say. “Have a good night, won’t you.”

Proud of myself for not sounding bitter or like my heart is cut and bleeding, I close his bedroom door behind me and walk back into my room, collapsing on my bed.

I’m not bothered Asher is going out with Maddie, I repeat silently. If I keep saying it enough, maybe I’ll start to believe it.

Pushing off the bed, I grab my music journal from its resting place and sit at my desk. After opening the journal, I stare at the empty page before me. I know what I want to write on this page; I just don’t know if I can.

I missed you, Lilah.

My eyes close as I remember the soft words he spoke to me weeks ago. I’ve been doing my best to hold my heart back and maintain an emotional distance from my stepbrother, but I can’t forget that he said that. I can’t forget what it felt like to have his attention and not have to share it with Ethan. Because while Asher has stopped avoiding me, he only ever spends time with me when Ethan is with us. Duet rehearsals being the only exception.

Opening my eyes again, I stare down at the blank page once more. If I had the courage, what would I write?

I wish I’d never dated Ethan.

I wish our parents weren’t married and Asher wasn’t my stepbrother.

I wish Asher would touch me again the way he did at the party.

Sometimes, I go to sleep dreaming about Asher, and in those dreams we’re often together. Today, I imagined pressing my lips to his for the first time, but in my dreams, I’ve already kissed him many times.

Ten minutes later, there’s a knock on my door and I still haven’t written a line.

“Come in,” I say, closing my journal.

Asher steps into my room looking more gorgeous than he has any right to in boots, jeans, a t-shirt, and a leather jacket. His longish hair curls against his forehead underneath the beanie he’s wearing.

“Come with us tonight.”

My eyes snap to his. “What?”

His gaze sweeps over me at my desk and pauses on my music journal before coming back to rest on my face. “You heard me. I’m all for putting schoolwork first, but all work and no play makes Lilah a dull girl.”

“Thanks.”

He shrugs unapologetically. “Remy’s party will be a good one.”

“I don’t have a ride.”

He rolls his eyes. “I’m offering, obviously.”

So, I get to cram myself into a car with Ethan, Ainsley, Maddie, and Asher. Great. “I’m not sure-”

“Didn’t Kennedy ask you to go with her and Kai?”

“Yes.”

I didn’t want to be a third wheel. If I take Asher up on his offer, I’ll be a fifth wheel instead.

“So, you’ll only be stuck with us for the duration of the ride there.” He crosses his arms and leans against the door jamb. “I’m not taking no for an answer.”

“Ugh,” I groan, glaring at the ceiling. “Fine.”

Giving me a final triumphant look, he pushes off the jamb. “We’re leaving in twenty minutes.”

He closes my bedroom door and I let out a long breath. Is Asher right? Am I turning into a dull girl? Probably. Maybe getting out of the house will be good for me. Kennedy tried to talk me into going to the Remington party, but with all my talk about making schoolwork my priority, I decided not to. And okay, my decision may have had something to do with the fact my friends are all coupled up.

I flick a look down at my journal again. Chances are high, I’m not going to succeed in writing anything awesome tonight. Perhaps the change of scenery will do something to spark my creativity. Besides, I might not be coupled up, but all my friends are going, so I won’t lack for company.

Plucking the cream-coloured turtleneck ribbed dress I bought during a recent shopping trip with Kennedy and Briony off the hanger, I throw it on. Then I add a belt, the knee-high boots Mum gave me for Christmas, and walk into the bathroom to fix my hair and makeup. After applying a conservative amount of makeup, I study myself, opting to leave my hair loose because the natural wave in it looks good right now.

Once I’m done, I put on a jacket long enough to cover my dress and then I walk downstairs. Both Asher and Ethan wait for me by the front door, and the doubletake they do when they see me is like something out of a movie.

Ethan visibly swallows when I look at him. “You look great, Lilah.”

I beam at him. “Thanks.”

Asher is less complimentary. “I didn’t know that twenty minutes would be long enough to fix what you had going on upstairs.”

I raise my middle finger and feel stupidly giddy when he laughs at me.

“You look ready,” he adds with a small, barely imperceptible nod, his gaze lingering on my knee-high boots for a moment before looking away.

I’m going to take his comment as a compliment, knowing he’s never going to say anything to make Ethan question him or his intentions ever again.

My good mood lasts until we get to Ainsley’s. As soon as Asher pulls into the driveway and toots the horn, Ainsley and Maddie walk out of the house together arm in arm. The two girls must be closer than I realised, and it bothers me. My stomach churns at the thought of them turning hating me into some kind of bonding exercise.

Ainsley rolls her eyes and huffs when she opens the back door and sees me sitting in the backseat. “What are you doing here?”

Asher turns to glare at her over his shoulder. “Play nice. I dragged her with us.”

Maddie’s smile is forced, and the look she throws Ainsley tells me that she isn’t any happier with the situation. I do my best to shrug it off as Maddie slides in next to me. After exchanging words with Ethan, Ainsley flounces around the car and hops in on my other side, leaving Ethan to ride shotgun.

I’m not going to complain about not having to sit in the backseat with a couple, but Maddie and Ainsley are both clearly unhappy about my presence. They can rest easy knowing that as soon as we get to Remy’s place, I’ll retreat and let them have their fun.

Anthony Remington, or Remy as he’s known to the Academy’s senior class, lives a little way out of Rockstar Bay. In fact, he’s closer to Kai and Jacob in Packer’s Peak than he is to our place. I never asked Kennedy whether she was going with Kai or whether he planned to meet her there.

“It’s huge,” Ainsley mutters as we cruise carefully down the gravel drive.

There are a few cars parked on a grassy area to the right, and after Asher finds a spot to park, the five of us exit and take in our surrounds. The Remingtons have more land than the Cassidys do, and it’s all wide, open space. We’re not far from the ocean, and I can smell saltwater on the icy breeze. I can also smell smoke. That must be coming from the bonfire Kennedy mentioned in the text she sent me a few minutes ago.

Asher and Ethan have already started heading for the two-story house, their arms around their girlfriends. Yeah, I’m not walking in with them.

“I’ll catch you later,” I call after them.

Asher spins around and frowns when he realises I’m not following. “Where are you going?”

I lift my phone. “Kennedy texted me. She says they’re over by the bonfire. Thanks for the ride.”

He looks like he wants to say something, but when Maddie tugs at him, he says, “I’ll check up on you later.”

To avoid an argument, I nod and begin searching for my friends. Just like Kennedy stated in her message, she and the rest of our crew are sitting around the huge bonfire situated in the northeast corner of the property. My friends all whistle and wave when they see me, Kennedy standing up and giving me a giant bearhug.

My friends all move along one spot, and Kennedy motions for me to take her seat. Just as I do, I spot Jacob waving and walking towards us from the direction of the house, beer in hand.

“Hey!” he grins, plopping down beside me.

I grin back at him, deciding that even though I don’t care about being the only unattached person in my friend group, it’s kind of a relief to see him.

“Hey, I didn’t know you were going to be here.”

He nods in the direction of Kai and Kennedy. “I was a last-minute addition.”

“I know just what you mean.”

His grin grows even wider. “I’m really glad you’re here.”

“Me, too.”

“Did you bring anything to drink?” he asks, raising his beer.

“Ah, no. Last minute addition, remember?”

He stands up again. “They’ve got plenty on tap, let’s go find something.”

“Okay, then.”

Photo by Hans Isaacson on Unsplash

Two and a half hours later, I decide I’m in love with vodka.

“Lilah?”

I roll my head along the back of the chair so I can look at Kennedy. It takes a second or two for my eyes to focus on her.

“You’re officially cut off.”

“What! Why?” I pout.

Kai coughs behind his bottle. “Killjoy.”

“C’mon, she’s hilarious,” Mason says.

“I am funny,” I declare. I look at Jacob who sits on my other side. “Right?”

His grin is huge. “Yeah, you’re funny, Lilah.”

“Drunk Lilah is hilarious,” Dawson agrees.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen her like this before,” Dawson’s boyfriend says.

“I’ve only seen her like this once,” Kennedy tells them all. “After Ethan broke up with her and she saw him with Ainsley for the first time.”

“That sucked!” I confirm.

“You know what else sucks?” Kennedy asks, sounding equal parts concerned and irritated. “Trying to play music when you’re hungover. If you don’t sober up, you’re going to regret it when you’re rehearsing tomorrow.”

“Don’t think I need to worry about that. Asher is here too. He came and he made me come.”

Kennedy raises an eyebrow as the guys around me start laughing. It takes a lot longer than it should for me to realise what I’ve said. It’s not funny, the boys are just being immature. Even so, I snort out a laugh and flush.

“You just shouted to everyone out here that Asher made you come,” Kennedy tells me.

“Yup, time to sober up,” Briony murmurs.

“I’m not the only sober person,” I complain.

“Drunk person,” Lana corrects. “And no, you’re not, but we should get some water into you.”

I point at all my friends. “How are all of you so sober?”

When I look at Kennedy, she says. “We’re not sober, but we did pace ourselves and we’ve been drinking water.”

“Responsible. You’re all so responsible.”

Normally, so am I. This year means too much for me to screw it up by partying too hard. Tonight, though, I needed to let loose.

And let loose I did.

Jacob stands up and offers me a hand. “Let’s go get you some water.”

“I’ll come with,” Kennedy says.

“Stay.” I wave her off. “I’ll be fine.”

“Bring her back to us, Jake,” Kennedy commands.

Jacob closes his hand around mine when I trip over my feet. A second later he puts an arm around my shoulders, guiding me towards Remy’s house. His house is even more packed than his yard. There are people everywhere, some I recognise and some I don’t. I wave to them all.

Jacob continues laughing at me as he guides us to the kitchen and finds me an empty cup, filling it with water and handing it to me. I down it quickly. It doesn’t immediately sober me up. If anything, it makes me feel a bit queasy.

“Another,” Jacob says, taking the cup, refilling it, and handing it to me.

“Thanks.” I drink this one more slowly.

As soon as I finish, I put the cup down and stare out the large floor to ceiling glass doors that take up almost an entire wall of the kitchen. Asher is out there on the patio with his arms around Maddie’s waist. A hot tingle runs up my spine and my stomach feels light and floaty when I realise he’s focused on me and not on Maddie. When he gives me a questioning look, I force myself to smile and give him a thumbs up.

Turning back to look at Jacob, I see he’s looking around, clearly searching for something or someone.

“Is everything okay?” I ask.

“Yeah. I promised Kennedy I’d bring you back to her, but I need to take a leak.”

“Go,” I tell him. “I’ll be fine.”

He pulls a face.

“I will, I promise.” I point to the floor. “I won’t move from my spot right here.”

The look on his face tells me he doesn’t believe me, but he must be busting because after one last hesitant look, he nods and then disappears. Almost immediately, I regret saying I’ll stay put because it seems I’m suddenly in the way of everyone who needs something from the kitchen.

To avoid being trampled by the constant stream of people coming in, I move out of the area and start searching for somewhere to sit inside the house while I’m waiting for Jacob. All the couches are crammed full of people talking and couples making out. Feeling legless and unable to keep standing, and suddenly absurdly tired, I sit down against the living room wall. Despite the noise of the crowd and the heavy rock music, my eyes close.

“Hey. Lilah. Where’s Jacob?”

I have a moment of alarm as a hand wraps around my wrist. My eyes fly open, and I feel a wave of nausea at the quick action. It’s a relief when I see Asher standing over me. Feeling safe now that he’s here, I allow my eyes to close again.

“Lilah,” he says, shaking me gently.

I force my eyes open once more and peer up at Asher. He’s crouching over me, and I wonder if I ask him nicely, will he stay so I can sleep safely? “Hmm?”

“Where’s Jacob.”

“Peeing,” I mumble.

Though it shouldn’t take him that long to pee, right? He’s been gone for a while.

“I’m taking you home.”

“My friends are waiting for me to come back.”

“You can’t keep your eyes open.”

“I’m drunk,” I tell him.

“No shit.”

“I told everyone you made me come tonight.”

There’s a pause, and then I’m being lifted from the ground. My eyes flit open and lock with his just as I register the fact he’s carrying me bridal style. Bridal style!

Considering my level of intoxication, I should be unable to focus on anything of importance, but my brain seems to comprehend just how crazy this is. I have spent the past few weeks trying to keep Asher at a distance, trying to forget my complicated feelings for my stepbrother, but being in his arms like this…?

The alcohol in my system is lowering all my defences. The feelings I’ve been supressing are now front and centre. My heart races, and I feel breathless.

Excited.

I should push at his chest, demand he put me down. Because this is the last thing my heart needs. Instead of doing the sensible thing, however, I give in and lay my head against his chest, loving how strong he is, how easily he carries me. The way he holds me makes me feel safe and secure, cared for and protected. All the while making me feel as if there’s a current of electricity running from him to me.

“Maddie,” I whisper, trying to remind myself of at least one of the reasons I’m not supposed to feel this way.

“I’ll come back for her and Ethan.”

“Are you going to leave Ainsley, then?” I can’t help asking as he carries me out the front door.

“I wasn’t planning on it since I’m the designated driver.”

“Well, I think you should after all the ideas she’s been planting in Ethan’s head.”

Technically, that makes her at least part of the reason he ignored me for weeks. Yes, I’m still annoyed and upset by that.

“Ainsley is Ethan’s girlfriend, so I can’t leave her here, Lilah.”

“I was Ethan’s girlfriend once,” I tell him.

“Mm,” there’s an edge to the noise that I can hear even through my drunkenness.

When my whole world tilts back into place and I’m put on my feet, I realise we’re at Asher’s car. With one arm still wrapped around me, he holds me against him and grabs his keys so he can unlock the vehicle.

“Hey, can we stop for McDonalds?” I ask as he opens his car door and ushers me into his front seat. “I could use something to soak up the alcohol.”

With one hand still holding my door, he studies me, his dark eyes flicking between mine. “You want to get McDonalds?”

“Mm. I usually hate it, but I really want a burger right now.”

A smile tugs the corner of his mouth up. He shakes his head, even as he says, “Okay. But then I need to drop you home and come back.”

I nod, satisfied. And then I feel myself frown as he walks around to his side of the car and gets in. “I need to let Kennedy know I’m going.”

He grabs my phone, asks for the passcode, and shoots off a message.

“Jacob will be annoyed with me,” I say, taking the phone back from him. “Maybe I should message him too.”

“He should never have left you.”

“He had to pee!”

Asher pulls my seatbelt across me and buckles me in, leaning in and making my heart flutter as his dark eyes stare down into mine. “You were drunk and nearly passed out. I don’t care if he pissed himself, he shouldn’t have left you.”

“Thanks,” I mutter, aware of just how close he is. He smells amazing, just like always.

He smirks, making my stomach flip. “Good to know.”

“What is?”

“That I always smell amazing.”

I groan. “I did not say that out loud.”

“Yeah, you did.”

He’s still smirking, and I wish I had something to throw at him. I’m so drunk, though, I’d probably miss.

“You shouldn’t be so hard on Jacob, you know,” I point out, avoiding any more talk of how good he smells. “He’s your friend.”

“If he’s going to hang out with you, he needs to treat you right.”

Now it’s my turn to smirk, and I try and lean back in my chair so I can study him. “Why Asher, what happened to the whole, ‘Kai and Jacob are good guys’ and I’m an ambitious, control freak, gold-digging daughter of a-"

“Stop that,” he growls, his stare hard. “You know I don’t think about you that way anymore.”

“How do you think of me?”

He looks away, sighing before looking back at me.

“Don’t answer that,” I rush out. “I already know.”

And I don’t think I can take him saying the words out loud right now.

He raises an eyebrow. “Do you?”

“Yes, you think of me as your stepsister, your duet partner, and Ethan’s ex-girlfriend,” I tick off my fingers.

I’m all too aware that his feelings for me are simple. Mine for him, on the other hand, are more complicated than they ought to be.

And that is the entire reason our duet isn’t as good as it could be – or as emotional as it should be. It’s not honest. Everything I feel for him now surpasses the things I wrote about him months ago. But I can’t tell him that. Nor can I rewrite my side of our duet without giving away everything I shouldn’t and don’t want to feel.

He stares at me, and I swallow hard when he doesn’t look away.

“What is it?” I ask.

“You have no idea what you just said, do you?”

I groan and palm my face, peeking at him through my fingers. “Did I think out loud again?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Well, don’t keep me in suspense. What did I say this time?”

Rockstar Bay Academy: Part 23

Elle Fielding — Mon, 22 Aug 2022 04:00:01 GMT

Knocking on Asher’s bedroom door, I take a deep breath and try to visualise the knot in my gut loosening. It’s pulled tighter over the past couple of days, and I’m finally feeling brave enough to deal with the reason why. The day of the party, Maddie was here, and I told myself that was why Asher barely said a word to me. Three days have passed since then, however, and Asher still has barely spoken to me. I’m starting to worry the argument between Ethan and Asher had more of an effect than I was prepared for.

Even though I know I’m skirting a dangerous line with Asher–my feelings bordering on something they shouldn’t for my stepbrother–I’m not prepared for him to start ignoring me.

I knock again. I know Asher is in there because I saw him come home from dinner out with Maddie and he’s been holed up in his room since. Plus, I can hear the TV going in his room.

Finally, Asher opens the door, his hair mussed as if he’s been laying down. He’s still dressed in jeans and the shirt he went out in. Maybe I woke him up. My eyes trace his features, drinking him in. I’ve missed him far more than I’d ever admit to anyone.

I wait for him to look at me, and when he finally does, my stomach sinks to my feet. Whatever Ethan said to Asher the night before the party has changed something. I feel the shift with the way he’s looking at me – bored and disinterested, and the way he’s blocking the doorway to his room – shutting me out.

I shove my hands into the back pockets of my jeans and try to muster up some courage to deal with this person who suddenly feels like a stranger. “Hey.” I force a smile. “Did I wake you?”

He crosses his arms. “I was just about to get some sleep, what’s up?”

His words are cool, his expression distant, and my cheeks heat the longer I stand there. I’m embarrassed and I’m not sure why I am. Maybe it’s the complete lack of warmth emanating from him. I couldn’t feel more unwelcome. Any traces of the guy who studied with me, asked for my opinion about everything to do with MOD, joked with me, and picked me up from work are gone.

“Um, sorry to disturb you, then. I, ah, just haven’t had a chance to speak with you all that much lately and I was hoping we could set some time aside to work on our duet?”

“Our song is solid, Lilah. I’m not sure we can improve it all that much now.”

“What are you saying?”

He raises an eyebrow in a way that reminds me a little of the Asher of old, the one who would tear me to shreds any chance he got. “Isn’t it obvious? We don’t need to rehearse it too much.”

I nod, unable to speak. There’s no plainer way to tell me that he doesn’t want to spend time with me anymore. Not even for our duet. All because of Ethan and his tantrum. Whether this shift is because Ethan asked him to keep his distance or whether Asher has just decided it’s the best course of action to avoid upsetting Ethan, I don’t know. Considering I know how close the brothers are and have experienced how they always choose each other, perhaps I should have expected something like this. But I hoped that Asher explaining how platonic our friendship is fixed everything. Now that I know it hasn’t, I’m shocked to see Asher return to his cool self.

Shocked, and also kind of…shattered.

I dip my head in acknowledgement, letting him know I hear what he’s really saying. “Okay, then.” I look at him one last time. “Sorry I disturbed you.”

Sorry I ever started trusting you wouldn’t hurt me this way. Sorry for thinking we were friends and that our friendship meant something to you.

I take a step backwards. “Goodnight.”

Before I can retreat fully, he takes a step forward and puts a hand on my arm. Once I pause, he quickly lets his hand drop, as if I’ve burned him. “Our song’s good enough, Lilah. We’ll make the showcase.”

I nod but clamp my lips firmly shut when I see the little bit of warmth creep into his eyes, his expression finally softening a touch. Our duet being ‘good enough’ doesn’t satisfy me. I don’t want to leave it to chance, and I want to keep working on our song until it’s the best it can be. But the disappointment I feel isn’t just about our duet. It’s also about the way he’s so easily able to walk away from the friendship we’ve been building.

“Night, Asher,” I choke out over the lump forming in my throat.

Never again, I vow as I shut my bedroom door behind me. Never again, will I expect reasonable reactions to situations from either brother. And screw both Cassidy brothers for finding it so damn easy to walk away from me and crush my feelings beneath their feet.

The rest of the holidays pass by in a miserable blur, the days bleeding into one another even though I go out with Kennedy and the rest of our crew several times. Asher doesn’t revert back to being an arsehole. Nor does he flat out ignore me. Instead, he is polite but cool and distant whenever I bump into him within the confines of the mansion - the friendship we were building thrown out the window as if it never mattered at all.

Thankfully, he’s rarely home, spending plenty of time out with Maddie or Ethan. Whenever he is at home, he’s either locked in his room, or in the studio. I don’t see him at breakfast, he doesn’t ask me to study with him, and when I need a lift home from a late shift at the cinema, I tell him Kennedy’s mum is driving me home. He looks so relieved, I know I did the right thing by asking her.

I also don’t bother cooking another meal for the brothers after the last disastrous attempt.

Jesse and Mum come home near the end of the Easter break and are pleased the house is still standing and no one has been killed. If they notice any tension between the three of us, they don’t say anything. In fact, they comment on how well all three of us seem to get along now.

Honestly, I can’t think of anything less true. Even Ethan seems to be different with me since that dinner. After all his talk about how much he misses me and his apology on the day of the party, he doesn’t seek me out. Instead, he chooses to spend all of his time in the studio with his brother or out with Ainsley. It makes me wonder if there was yet another conversation between the brothers. One I wasn’t privy to– one where they both agreed to avoid me.

I tell myself I don’t care. I tell myself I don’t miss Asher or Ethan. I pretend I don’t feel hurt, and as soon as the school term gets back under way, I throw myself into my schoolwork once more.

It isn’t until one Saturday night around a month after the party that I see signs of yet another shift in my relationship with the Cassidy brothers.

I’m in my room trying to write music when a knock on the door demands my attention. I slam my music journal closed just as Ethan walks in.

“Hey, whatcha doin’?”

I shrug, trying not to show my shock that he’s here and has sought me out. “Just some writing.”

He sits down on my bed. “In your music journal?”

“Yeah.” I study my stepbrother, noting the slump of his shoulders. “I thought you were out with Ainsley for the night.”

He huffs, and mutters, “I was, but…” he looks back at me. “We got into it.”

Probably, I should tell him I don’t care, but I don’t just miss Asher. Turning to face him more fully in my desk chair, I ask, “Do you want to talk about it?”

His eyes practically bulge out of his head. “Won’t that bother you?”

I shrug. “Not really.”

He doesn’t look pleased. “It really doesn’t matter to you? What about your rule, no being around you while I’m with Ainsley?”

I scoff. “Ethan, you’ve ignored that rule plenty of times.” I give him a pointed look. “Like every lunch you sat with us last term and brought her with you.”

Ethan shoots me his usual sheepish look, but he falls back into misery quickly.

“I don’t want to talk about Ainsley. Maybe we could just hang out together for a bit? I’ve missed you.”

“I’m right here,” I remind him, forcing a small smile. “We can hang out anytime.”

His smile is equally forced from everything we’re not saying. “Yeah.”

I’m not calling him out on his avoidance or behaviour. Yet. At some point I will need to.

“What do you want to do?” I ask.

“Could we watch a movie?”

I give a half shrug. “Sure.”

“Meet me in my room in ten, I’ll grab drinks and snacks.”

Photo by Mc Jefferson Agloro on Unsplash

Ethan puts on a zombie comedy, and we sit on his bed, talking about and laughing at the ridiculous things that happen in the movie. As much as I want to be annoyed at Ethan for everything, I have missed him and laughing with him feels damn good.

My good mood comes to a grinding halt, however, when there’s a knock on Ethan’s door. A split second later, the door swings open and Asher stands in the doorway, still dressed up from a date with Maddie. We’re well into autumn now, and the black knit sweater hugs his muscular frame. He frowns, his gaze raking across Ethan and I on the bed. If he’s surprised to see us both here, he doesn’t show it. My heart skips several beats when he looks at me, our eyes holding for a moment.

“What are you watching?”

I quickly tear my gaze away and look at Ethan, waiting for him to tell his brother the name of the movie since I’ve already forgotten it.

“Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse.”

Asher nods. “Good one.”

Then he shocks me by walking in and sitting on the bed beside me, sandwiching me between him and Ethan. I inhale a deep lungful of his Apollo and then tell myself I haven’t missed it. I haven’t missed him. Ethan doesn’t seem to be upset with Asher crashing our movie night, so I try and shrug it off. If both of them want to pretend they haven’t been mostly ignoring me for the past month, I can, too.

The rest of the movie passes by without incident, and for just over an hour, I pretend things are normal and I’m hanging out with the brothers like I used to at every breakfast. I set aside the hurt I’ve pretended not to feel and just enjoy the moment. And when the movie is over, and reality comes crashing back in, I climb off the bed, which is a little awkward since I’m still sandwiched between the two brothers, say goodnight, and head back to my room.

When a knock sounds on my door ten minutes later, I expect it to be Ethan again or maybe Mum. Instead, Asher is standing at my door.

“What’s up?” I ask, trying not to sound shocked.

First Ethan seeks me out, and now Asher? Did I miss another major conversation between the brothers? Perhaps one where they decided they’d both stop ignoring me?

Asher takes a moment to look me up and down. I cross my arms across my chest, aware of the way I’m not wearing a bra beneath the thin cotton pyjama top I just put on. Just one stupid look from him and I feel my nipples harden, reminding me of my response to his touch at the party weeks ago. Over the past month, I convinced myself I imagined the way he looked at me at the party. I imagined the way he touched me, his finger stroking softly over my skin as if he was savouring something he knew he shouldn’t. Now, I’m reliving it all over again, heat igniting low in my belly as my stomach tries to take flight.

He clears his throat. “I thought we should probably rehearse our duet, since we haven’t for a while.”

I want to laugh in his face and tell him to fuck off. The reason we haven’t is because he’s been too busy with Maddie and deliberately avoiding me. But the duet is more important than my hurt feelings and we do need to start rehearsing again.

I nod. “Okay. When?”

When he looks surprised by my response, I wonder if he did actually expect me to laugh in his face.

“How about tomorrow?” he asks.

“Morning or afternoon?”

“Morning?”

“Fine, come get me after you’re done with breakfast.”

Since he makes a habit of never eating the first meal of the day with me now. I go to close my door, but he wedges his foot in the doorway, stopping me from being able to close it.

I glare up at him, but he just takes his time studying me. “You’re mad at me.”

Nope, I don’t want to do this now. Not now or ever. We’re not friends. Not anymore. “No, I’m just tired.”

He looks over his shoulder, and I’m almost certain he’s checking Ethan isn’t around before he asks, “Can I come in?”

“I just said I’m tired, Asher.”

“Maybe, but you’re also upset with me, and I think we should talk.”

No thanks. We may be family. I may be forced to get along with him for the rest of my life. I may even have to work with Asher for the rest of the year if I want to get into the showcase, but I don’t owe him anything more than that. We can stick to being super polite with each other since that pleases our parents so much.

“I’m not upset with you,” I say, hoping he’ll take me at my word and leave.

“Then let me in.”

“Asher-”

“I need to talk to you, Lilah.”

Now it’s my turn to study him. His expression is something I haven’t seen before, pleading, the desperation in his eyes slamming into me.

“Fine,” I sigh, stepping aside.

He walks in and takes a seat on my bed. To keep some space between us, I sit on my desk chair, facing him.

“I’ve been avoiding you,” he starts.

“Really?” I feign shock. “I had no idea.”

“Funny.” He smirks and it takes every stupid bit of effort not to smile back at him. When I don’t, he shakes his head, leaning forward, his elbows on his knees. “That night that Ethan flipped out over dinner…” He sighs. “I’ve never seen him like that before, Lilah.” He meets my gaze. “He’s never been that angry with me. He believed we were…spending too much time together. He also thought-”

“I know what he thought.”

I was there, I know what Ethan was thinking. Thanks to Ainsley.

“Putting some distance between us seemed necessary at the time,” he finishes.

“I get it.”

But it still cut me more deeply than I’ll admit. Perhaps he sees my hurt anyway because his expression softens.

“I’m sorry if my behaviour upset you,” he says carefully. “Ethan…he’s my brother, my bandmate, and…he’s been my anchor since Jesse found me. Sometimes he feels like the only thing stopping me from spinning into a self-destructive episode and blowing up my life.”

It’s possibly the most Asher has ever said to me about his past, and about his relationship with Ethan. I had no idea how heavily Asher feels he relies on Ethan to keep him balanced.

“Maybe I haven’t handled this the best way,” he offers. “I haven’t been sure what to do.”

I nod. “I appreciate this conversation. Let’s just get through the duet, then you can put as much distance between us as you need. We don’t need to be friends.”

My heart contracts even as I say the words. It was easier to hate Asher Cassidy before I got to know him. Now that I’ve seen the many different sides of him: his dry humour, his passion, his genius, his helpfulness, his intelligence, and protectiveness, it will be harder to keep my distance emotionally if he stops ignoring me. For my own sanity, however, I can’t get close to Asher again. Not without risking my heart.

“It’s not that I don’t want to be friends, Lilah. It’s just…” he stares at me, and my stomach drops.

“Just what?”

I swallow hard as he holds my gaze, and I feel like he’s seeing everything that I’ve been trying so hard to keep under wraps, the same stuff Kennedy picked up on the night of the party. Maybe that’s the real reason Asher has avoided me. Perhaps my feelings were so obvious, it made it easier for him to walk away.

He shakes his head. “Nothing. It doesn’t matter.”

It does matter, and it isn’t nothing, but I can’t bear for him to say more right now.

“I’ve said all I came here to say.” He pauses. “Are we okay?”

I stand up. “We’re fine, Asher.”

We both know that answer rarely actually means fine, but he doesn’t like to play games, so he has to take me at my word. That’s what he does with Maddie.

“I know how important the duet is to you,” he says, now looking up at me. “I want it to be the best.”

I nod. “Me, too.”

Finally, he stands up and heads for my door. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“See you then.”

He steps out, and I’m ready to shut the door behind him when he turns and whispers. “I missed you, Lilah.”

I swallow, stare up at him, and then softly close the door behind him without uttering a word.

Damn him, why did he have to go and say that?

A/N: Hi everyone, thanks for reading!

This is the first book I’ve written without the male POV, and I’ve had requests for Asher’s POV. Thus, Ep. 24 will be from Asher’s perspective.

While I’m here, do you remember Burn for You/Shatter for You? Did you like it? Hate it? I’m now publishing Jess and Adam’s story as Trusting the Enemy Next Door. Do you have an active Goodreads account and want to leave an honest review in exchange for a free copy of this book? If so, I really want to hear from you!

Elle Fielding

ARC Readers Wanted for Trusting the Enemy Next Door

Trusting the Enemy Next Door An enemies-to-lovers romance... Four months ago, Adam Granger convinced me I needed to leave the country. Now my life is crumbling to pieces around me and I've been fired from my job. With nowhere else to go, I head home, hoping to hide away until the storm of public disapproval blows over. Instead of finding refuge, however…

4 years ago · Elle Fielding

Please leave me a comment on the other post or here, and I will get back to you :-)

Elle Fielding: Rockstar Bay Academy

Rockstar Bay Academy

Summary

Table of Contents

Rockstar Bay Academy: Part 41

Lilah

Author's Note:

Hi everyone! Initially, my plan was to finish writing Ep. 41 and jump into crafting Ep. 42. However, the ending of this episode stopped me in my tracks, causing me to make a decision. I've decided to wrap up the season right here and right now. It just feels like the right time.

I always have a tendency to get sappy in my final author’s notes, but this isn’t goodbye. I have plenty more content coming your way, and Lilah and Asher’s journey will continue soon.

Thanks so much for reading, for commenting, for liking…

All my love,

Elle

XOXO

Rockstar Bay Academy: Part 40

Lilah

We have two more chapters for this season of Rockstar Bay. I'll publish 41 on Tuesday and 42 (the ending) on Friday. That will be it.

I started publishing this on Substack in December ‘21. Nearly a year and a half later, here we are. In a way, I’m sorry to see this end because I’ve enjoyed writing it so much. Thanks, as always, for reading and supporting me here.

I hope you have a great weekend.

All my love,

Elle

Rockstar Bay Academy: Part 39

Lilah

A/N: This was *not* the episode I'd intended to write and publish today, but it is the one I have. Definitely mature content next episode. I wanted to include it in this episode, but it just got too long.

Still hoped you like this one.

XOXO

Elle

P.S. Do you prefer one or two updates per week? Or more? Or less. Let me know!

Rockstar Bay Academy: Part 38

Lilah

A/N: I had this queued and ready to go yesterday, but decided to add something at the last minute and missed my cut-off. Heads up, there will be mature content ;) next chapter, which will be out on Tuesday. Thanks again for all your comments and likes. Have an awesome weekend, everyone.

All my love,

Elle

XOXO

Rockstar Bay Academy: Part 37

Asher

I want to thank all of you for your feedback, whether it's asking for another chapter, letting me know you're hooked, or whether you felt something was missing, it's making this story better. I will be publishing this book this year, fingers crossed, and it will be better for your feedback.

Next chapter will be out on Thursday, fingers crossed. Four more chapters left. Thanks to everyone who's on this journey with me.

Love,

Elle

XOXO

Rockstar Bay Academy: Part 36

Lilah

A/N: I went old school with songs played while writing and editing this chapter: All I Want is You - U2, Forgiven, Not Forgotten - The Corrs, Iris - The Goo Goo Dolls, Nothing Else Matters - Metallica, One (feat. U2) - Mary J. Blige.

Hope you enjoyed this heavier chapter. I promise things start to look up for Lilah and Asher next chapter.

Rockstar Bay Academy: Part 35

Lilah

Asher

A/N: A quick update for you all. Someone inquired about the book's remaining length, which I've been hesitant to disclose to avoid spoilers. However, as we approach the climax, I'll share some details (skip ahead if you don't want spoilers).

On another note, I had planned to upload three chapters this week, but due to an impromptu family vacation, I need an extra week to prepare the next chapters. I apologize and will update again on Tuesday or sooner if possible.

Thank you for reading and supporting this story. I hope you have a fantastic week, and I'll return to deliver new content as soon as I can.

All my love,

Elle

Rockstar Bay Academy: Part 34

Lilah

A/N: Okay, I know that was a pretty heavy-drama episode. Actually, I never planned for Asher and Lilah's r'ship to come out like this, but sometimes characters go rogue and so I went along for the ride. I promise, things do get better.

The next episode is written. Is it edited? Somewhat. Does it need tweaking? A little. I'm aiming to post three more chapters next week, with the next update being on Tuesday.

Thanks for reading, and I hope you have an awesome weekend.

All my love,

Elle

Rockstar Bay Academy: Part 33

Lilah

Sorry for the late post. I wanted to post this yesterday but knew it could be better. I’m happier with it today and can confirm the next episode is already good to go, so that update will be tomorrow.

Hope you all had a good break.

XOXO Elle

Rockstar Bay Academy: Part 32

Lilah

A/N: Thanks for reading, everyone. Due to the long weekend, the next update will be on Wednesday. I’ll make it up. See you then. Hope you’re having a good one. XOXO

Rockstar Bay Academy: Part 31

Lilah

A/N: I plotted this story between writing the third and fourth episode, and Ethan and Ainsley were always meant to break up, but the timing of their break-up changed while I was writing it. What did you think of this case of bad timing?

Rockstar Bay Academy: Part 30

Lilah

To be continued…

Rockstar Bay Academy: Part 29

Asher

Rockstar Bay Academy: Part 28

Lilah

Rockstar Bay Academy: Part 27

Lilah

Rockstar Bay Academy: Part 26

A/N: This was not the episode I'd intended to write and publish today, but it is the one I have. Definitely mature content next episode. I wanted to include it in this episode, but it just got too long.