Mac looked around the dressing room she’d shared with Jazz for the past five years, taking in the shelves and counter tops devoid of their usual perfume bottles, photo frames and knickknacks. Jazz had taken all of her bits and pieces home with her last night, and today Mac had spent the better part of the afternoon packing her belongings into boxes. Now the area was ready for the next actor to move into and decorate however they saw fit.

It was never easy saying goodbye, but Hart’s Valley had had five spectacular seasons before Blainesworth had pulled the plug.

“It’s better to go out on a high note,” Blainesworth had said when he’d informed them of his decision. “Leave the audience wanting more. Never make them happy to see the back of you.”

The ratings for the show had broken records throughout each season, and so had the DVD sales. The characters of Hart’s Valley wouldn’t leave people’s hearts anytime soon. The writers had ensured each character had grown and changed and found their happy ending. Mac smiled as she thought about the emotional finale they’d just filmed, in which the now happily married Stone and Brianna had given birth to their first child.

Just as Jazz had predicted, Stone and Brianna were endgame.

And even though real life never guaranteed a happy ending, Mac couldn’t help feeling like she and Ryan were endgame, too. They’d been together for three and a half years now. It hadn’t been smooth sailing all the way. Between the press and the men and women who had done their best to come between them, there had been some difficult moments. Not to mention managing his mother’s care had been a constant strain on Ryan. Two years ago, Mindy had taken up part-time work in Morwell, so she was only part-time carer to their mother, and Ryan had hired a lot more help. Ryan was also making more regular trips to support his sister in looking after their mother.

But for the better part, the past three years had been filled with a lot of joy and too many happy memories to count, including moving in together and adopting a Dalmatian they’d named Loopy.

Ryan had brought up the topic of marriage several times over the years, but they’d both agreed that while they both liked the idea, they just didn’t have time right now. Not only had Ryan been busy with Hart’s Valley, he and Brad had written a few episodes of a TV show – a satire centred around the lives of six actors who starred together on an Australian drama show called “Sunset Dreams.”

While Ryan and Brad were currently busy trying to source money to make the pilot for their show, Vanessa had landed a role on the newest “twenty-something” drama show on TV. Jazz had been offered several television roles, but had yet to accept any of them. In fact, she was talking about taking some time off. Mac suspected that might have something to do with the fact that Jazz was four months pregnant and still suffering terribly with morning sickness.

After years of dancing around the attraction between them, Jazz and Brad had finally given in to what they felt and gone for it. Both were over the moon about the fact they were going to be parents in a matter of months. Well, Jazz was over the moon when she didn’t have her head stuck in the toilet.

Matt’s character was killed off in the third season. He was currently in Los Angeles and had been a sidekick in a B-grade action movie. He kept in touch regularly and always assured them that the next role he landed would be ‘the big one’.

Lyndel had opted to leave Hart’s Valley half-way through this final season so she could travel. She’d grown close to Jazz, Vanessa and Mackenzie over the years and they’d missed her terribly when she’d left.

Lyndel and Matt weren’t the only stars who had come and gone over the years, but the original cast members had always remained close, and they all felt as though they’d been part of something special.

No matter how sad she was to see the end of Hart’s Valley, Mac knew this change was merely the opportunity to take another path and see where it went. And even though she didn’t know what the future held for her yet, she was excited. She’d won a Logie last year – a career highlight – and could probably find another job easily enough when she was ready to look. She had friends – friends who would last a lifetime – and she was with the man of her dreams.

“Mac! You’re needed on set right now.”

Mac looked up to see Jazz standing in the doorway, as breathless as if she’d run the whole way from the set to their dressing room.

Ex-dressing room.

“What…?”

“Mitch doesn’t like the last scene we shot yesterday. We have to re-shoot it.”

“But-”

“Just come on,” Jazz demanded, motioning for Mac to follow her.

The urgency behind Jazz’s words and actions was more than a little puzzling. They were done with shooting. Yesterday had been it, the finale had been finished, and the staff party was tonight. Everyone who had been part of the Hart’s Valley team over the years was invited. Moreover, yesterday Mitch had said that they’d absolutely nailed the last scene.

“Wait a minute,” Mac said, coming to an abrupt halt. “Mitch liked the scene yesterday, and my clothes are in wardrobe, and I haven’t had my hair and make-up fixed.”

Jazz turned, and this time Mac didn’t miss the twinkle of mischief in her friend’s eye.

“Jazz, what’s going on?”

“Don’t make this any more difficult for me, please,” Jazz pleaded. “You’re needed on set right now. Just follow me and don’t ask any more questions, okay?”

Feeling even more confused than she had been a moment ago, Mac silently followed Jazz. Her confusion only increased further when she walked into the darkened studio and saw Ryan standing on the stage, bathed in the golden glow of a solitary spotlight. Every member of the cast and crew was gathered around him, but they all parted as Mac walked into the room.

The moment Ryan saw her standing there, he smiled. It was a smile which looked far too nervous for Mac’s liking. Like a volcano, nerves erupted inside her and her stomach suddenly felt as though butterflies had taken over and were trying to wing their way through the rest of her body. Ryan crooked his finger at her and motioned for her to join him up on stage.

Mac looked at Mitch, wanting to know if he’d asked her to come here, but their director just shook his head, grinned at her, and waved her up to the stage. Clearly, there wasn’t going to be any more filming today. So why was Ryan standing on stage? And why was everyone here? Why was everyone watching them?

Anxiously, Mac made her way through the crowd and up the steps at the front of the stage. The combination of the large spotlight and the fifty pairs of eyes trained on her made her thankful she’d put deodorant on this morning. She was starting to feel the heat.

As soon as she was in front of Ryan, he caught both of her hands in his.

“What is this?” she asked breathlessly. “What’s going on?”

“I thought you and I had one final scene to play out in this studio.”

The intensity of Ryan’s gaze made her whole body tingle and her blood pound so hard she felt dizzy. And when he dropped down onto one knee in front of her, she felt dizzier, still.

“Mac,” he said, still holding her hands. “Before I met you, I couldn’t imagine wanting to spend my life with one person. I couldn’t imagine loving someone for the rest of my life. But you changed all of that for me. Now I know without a doubt that I want to spend the rest of my life with you, loving you, and making you happy every day of our lives. Mackenzie Lauren, will you do me the honour of becoming my wife?”

Her tongue felt as if it had been super-glued to the top of her mouth. He was proposing! The man of her dreams was in front of her, on bended knee, asking her to share the rest of her life with him. She wanted to pinch herself to make sure she wasn’t dreaming, but Ryan still held her hands.

“Say yes!” someone shouted.

Startled to realize they were not alone, Mac looked out at the crowd surrounding them, before she locked eyes with Jazz and her friend mouthed, “Say yes!”

“Mac?”

Her gaze jerked back to Ryan’s, and even though he was smiling, his eyes were anxious, reminding her she had yet to give him an answer.  

“Yes! God, yes,” she said, her throat tight with the tears she was trying not to cry. “Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.”

The entire studio burst into applause as Ryan took a black velvet box out of his pocket and slid a large solitaire diamond onto her ring finger. And then he was standing and she was in his arms being so thoroughly kissed that they were serenaded by wolf whistles.

When they finally came up for air, Ryan looked at her, his eyes happy and bright as he held her against him still. “You gave me a fright,” he whispered in her ear. “For a moment I thought you were going to say no.”

“The guy whose poster I used to stare at on my wall when I was fifteen just proposed to me,” she whispered back. “I needed a moment to make sure it was real.”

He threw back his head and laughed, and they had a moment together before they were mobbed by the crowd of well-wishers.

“Congratulations,” Jazz told her, first in line to throw her arms around Mac and then Ryan, before oohing and ahhing over Mac’s ring. Brad followed suit, giving Ryan a man-hug before hugging Mac hard and whispering how happy he was for the two of them.

“Can I tell her now?” Brad asked when he’d let her go.

“Tell me what?” Mac asked.

“We got it,” Brad said.

“Got what?”

“We got the funding.”

“Seriously?”

“Yep. Bank approved us today. You’re looking at the producers of Sunset Dreams,” Ryan told her.

“Oh my God!” Mac hugged both Ryan and Brad again. “Congratulations. I’m so pleased for you both, and so proud, too.”

“It’s amazing,” Vanessa said as she walked up the stairs, followed by Matt. “Such an accomplishment.”

“What are you doing here?” Mac asked as Matt hugged her. “You’re supposed to be in Hollywood.”

“I had to come and see Romeo down on his knees in front of a woman,” Matt said with a laugh.

Vanessa nudged him. “That’s disgusting, Matt. Some things don’t change.”

“That’s not the only reason he’s back,” Brad said happily. “He’s signed on to be one of the leads in Sunset Dreams.”

Matt grinned and shrugged. “They said they’d make me the next big thing. Besides, I’ve missed my mates.”

There was a lot of “Aw, shucks,” before Matt blushed and told them all to shut up.

“Jazz also reckons she’ll put in an appearance for us,” Brad said.

“I was told I was no Emma Stone, but I’d do in a pinch,” Jazz said, rolling her eyes.

Brad grinned and threw an arm around her shoulders, before rubbing Jazz’s tiny baby bump. “Jazz knows she’s equal with Emma when it comes to being the love of my life.”

Jazz hit him playfully in the stomach.

“So…” Ryan said, looking at Mac. “We still have several unfilled lead roles if you want to work together again. Though, this time I’d be your boss.”

“You want to work together again?”

“It worked out so well this time,” he said, wrapping his arms around her once more.

She couldn’t agree more. “Yes, it did.”

“Is that a yes then?”

“I think it’s a maybe.”

The sound of Ryan’s laugh poured over her, drenching her in happiness. The idea of working with Ryan again sounded fabulous, but they probably needed to talk about some things first, especially if he was going to be her boss this time round!

“Aw, Romeo, I think you might have to spend some time convincing your fiancée.”

“Fiancée,” Ryan said, clearly liking how the word felt on his tongue.

“Everyone!” Blainesworth called. “I want to get a picture.”

Mac, Ryan, Brad, Jazz, Vanessa and Matt huddled together with their arms around each other and grinned for Blainesworth and his camera.

“All right, now I just need one of the happy couple,” Blainesworth advised, before snapping a couple of photos of Mac and Ryan.

Out of nowhere, someone shone the spotlight on the two of them.

“Lights,” someone called.

“Camera,” Blainesworth said, laughing and motioning to the camera in his hands.

“Kiss me,” Mac said, grabbing Ryan by the lapels of his shirt and pulling him down into their last staged kiss.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS/AUTHOR’S NOTE

I want to thank everyone who has read, commented, and voted for this story. I want to thank everyone who added it to their reading lists. Essentially, I want to thank everyone who helped this story hit the ‘what’s hot’ list.

Chapter One received one-hundred reads and eight votes in its first week. It’s come a long way since then. We reached #1 on the Romance list (for a few hours anyway, lol), and #1 on NTF. And when I say ‘we’, I mean me and YOU. Without people to read and support a story, it goes unnoticed.

So thank you, my dear readers!

I have to thank Daisy for reading every single chapter of this story before anyone else did.

Daisy, you always find the time to encourage me. I hope you know how much that means to me. And I loved meeting you in June. XOXO

I have to thank Liliane Grouse and Jenn for their editing suggestions and tips for improvement. They helped to make this a smoother and higher quality read for you guys. I owe them one.

Liliane and Jenn, I hope to keep learning from the two of you. You’re both wonderful authors with an exceptional understanding of how language should flow.

I have to thank Bex for her feedback on the first few chaps.

Bex, you went AWOL on me and I miss you. If you ever come back and read this, I hope you’re doing okay XOXO.

To everyone who has fanned/followed, I thank you. Seeing the number of followers continue to rise has been very encouraging.

Lights, Camera, Kiss Me has received some lovely comments over the months it’s been up. It has also seen its share of constructive feedback. I know I’ve made mistakes with LCKM. The language isn’t as smooth as it could be in places, and there are one or two changes which could improve the story line. But I’m a better writer after taking this journey, and I hope that here, on Wattpad, there are people who will enjoy the story regardless of its flaws.

I also hope that most of you will come back and read my next story and share in my journey as I attempt to sharpen my writing skills.

Lastly, I know I might not be the fastest writer out there, or the best, but I do pour my heart and soul into my works and it makes it all worth it when I see those votes and comments. So if you can spare the time, please click the ‘vote’ button.

With much love,

Michelle

A/N: Thanks to Jenn and to Liliane Grouse for their editing suggestions, and to Daisy for pre-reading. This is the last "chapter" and I feel like I have a lot to say, but I'll save it for the epilogue which will be posted after the weekend. 

Just a quick note. Mac uses a contraceptive. It was alluded to a few chaps back, but since there was such a break between updates, I thought I'd better put it here in my author's note :D 

Anyway, happy reading, and I hope you all have a great weekend!

                 _____________________________________________

It took approximately two days after they’d returned from Morwell for Mac’s relationship with Ryan to hit the news. After a brief moment of panic when she spotted the first picture of herself and Ryan on the cover of News Weekly, Mac quickly reminded herself it was her life and her choices. Besides, the first headline was harmless enough: Ryan and Mackenzie: Are they dating?

The following headlines focused on whether Ryan was giving up his bachelor status for good. Was he off the market? Or just having fun?

Every article mentioned the fact that Mac had spent time with Ryan in his hometown, visiting his mother. Since her relationship with Ryan had to come out at some point, Mac wasn’t particularly perturbed by it.

One week later, Blainesworth announced that Lyndel Craig had joined the cast of Hart’s Valley. In the same week it also became public knowledge that Lyndel’s character, Kayla Vermont, would be involved in a love triangle with Stone and Brianna. Immediately the tabloids jumped to the conclusion that Lyndel might be a threat to Mac’s relationship with Ryan.

Mac rolled her eyes as she read the first two magazine covers after the news about Lyndel broke.

“Ryan’s former leading lady returns to give Mackenzie a run for her money.”

And,

“Australia’s Romeo torn between his two leading ladies?”

They were silly, but to be expected. And it was impossible for Mac to feel insecure when Ryan took every opportunity to tell her he loved her. Not to mention the fact he could barely keep his hands off her. Pictures of the two of them out together were splashed across the magazines at the checkout of every supermarket in Melbourne. Ratings were soaring, and Blainesworth had never been happier. In fact, recently he’d appeared overjoyed by Mac and Ryan dating.

All in all, things were going remarkably well. At least until one morning, four weeks after Lyndel’s welcome party.

Mac looked up as Jazz walked into their dressing room with a copy of Women’s Daily News tucked under her arm, her mouth set in a grim line.

“Ryan and Lyndel get close. Worries of Mac losing it again echoed by cast mates,” Mac read out loud as Jazz held up the cover.

“They’ve gone too far this time,” Jazz said.

Mac shrugged and did her best to appear nonchalant, but she felt as if she’d been hit in the stomach with a frying pan. The picture on the cover was one of Lyndel and Ryan standing outside the studio talking. Mac knew there was nothing at all suspicious behind their interaction, it was the purported concern of her cast mates that bothered her.

“You know none of us would say anything like that,” Jazz assured her, pacing the dressing room.

“I know.”

The false claim shouldn’t have bothered her, but it did. Because if absolutely nothing at all had been said, the magazine wouldn’t have printed it. The tabloids had no problem with twisting someone’s words, but they rarely left themselves open to be sued for slander. Which meant that someone, somewhere, had said something, and Mac didn’t like the idea of not knowing who it was.  

The only person who stood out in her mind as a possible suspect right now was Lyndel, but while her behaviour over the past few weeks could hardly be described at friendly, it had been professional. Just a few days ago, Lyndel had even surprised them all by accepting Jazz’s invitation to go out for dinner with the rest of the cast.

At the time, it had seemed like the newest addition to the Hart’s Valley cast was finally making an effort to settle in. Now, however, Mac couldn’t help but wonder if the effort had been genuine. If Lyndel hadn’t said something to the press, who had?

“Don’t let it get to you,” Jazz said.

Mac nodded and threw the magazine into the trash. The whole idea of someone she worked with talking about her sat uneasily with Mac, but she wasn’t going to allow herself to be wound up by the article. There was nothing between Ryan and Lyndel, and Mac had no intention of ‘losing it’ again, so Women’s Daily News would be very disappointed if they expected her to. She was tougher than she had been eighteen months ago. No gossip rag was going to scare her into hiding again. If people wanted to believe what was printed about her, then that was their problem, not hers.

Unfortunately, the day didn’t get any better from there.

When the scripts for next week’s episode were handed out, Mac quickly discovered that Lyndel and Ryan would be sharing a lot more than a kiss in a few days. They’d had a sex scene written for them, and even though Mac had done a reasonable job so far of not worrying about Ryan and Lyndel’s characters becoming involved, she suddenly felt as if her stomach was tying itself in knots.

The timing just couldn’t have been any worse. Between the headline earlier this morning and the discovery of Lyndel and Ryan’s upcoming steamy scene, she was worried people were going to start tip-toeing around her and throwing her sympathetic looks in case she cracked at any moment.

When Jazz and Vanessa showed up in the dressing room with Chinese takeaway, Mac knew they were there to suss out how she was coping with the day so far. At least they didn’t bother trying to pretend they were there for any other reason than checking in on her. They got straight to the point.

“I just can’t believe it’s a sex scene,” Vanessa said. “I mean, Stone and Brianna haven’t gone to bed together yet.”

“I can’t see them having Stone and Brianna sleep together any time soon,” Jazz said. “Their romance is a major audience draw. The writers are going to take their time with the build-up, and that includes them throwing Kayla Vermont at Stone.”

Vanessa scoffed loudly. “You mean they’re going to keep Stone and Brianna’s first time up their sleeve as a ratings boost for later?”

“Well, yeah,” Jazz said, taking out her phone and holding it out for them to see while she googled ‘Brione’. “Have you guys seen this?”

“Brione?” Vanessa queried.

“Ship name for Brianna and Stone,” Jazz explained.

Mac could hardly believe what she was seeing. “There’s over a million results.”

“That’s pretty impressive,” Vanessa admitted.

“They’re all over Tumblr and Twitter. And this site,” Jazz said, clicking on the fifth result down, “even has a petition against Stone and Kayla hooking up.”

Mac ran her eye over the list of names, amazed by how many people had signed up to pledge their support for the romantic relationship between Stone and Brianna.

“No one cares about Kayla and Stone,” Jazz said. “But the more they hold out giving the people Stone and Brianna, the more the people want it. Kayla is just there to delay Stone and Brianna getting together too quickly, because Brione are endgame.”

Vanessa laughed. “Okay then. Brione are endgame. But can I ask why you’ve been googling Stone and Brianna?”

Jazz shrugged. “Brad and I were playing around with something on my computer the other night and we just stumbled across this.”

Vanessa suddenly looked sly. “I’ve noticed you and Brad have been spending a lot of time together lately.”

Jazz immediately threw Vanessa a look. “Don’t go there. We’re just friends.”

Mac couldn’t keep the grin off her own face. “Are you sure I haven’t set a precedent for dating a Hart’s Valley co-star?”

“Hardly.”

“And speaking of dating co-stars,” Vanessa turned to Mac. “How are you feeling about the fact Ryan and Lyndel are going to be acting out this sex scene next week?”

“Wow, you just jumped right in there, didn’t you?” Mac asked.

“We just want to know how you’re dealing,” Jazz said.

“I’m dealing fine, thank you. I mean, I knew this was coming. Situations like this come with the territory. I mightn’t like the idea of Ryan pretending he’s having sex with Lyndel, but it’s really not a big deal.”

“Okay, now that you’ve told us what you think you should say, why don’t you tell us how you really feel?” Vanessa said bluntly.

“I’m not happy about it, but I’m certainly not going to lose it,” Mac replied tersely.

“No one thinks you’re going to lose it,” Jazz said gently. “But watching the man you’re in love with stick his tongue down someone else’s throat is never fun, no matter how professional you are.”

“Thanks for that stunning visual,” Mac retorted.

“Especially when he’s had a sexual relationship with that person,” Vanessa added.

“Look, I appreciate the concern, but this is my job, and everything is great between Ryan and me. I have no reason to doubt him or the way he feels about me.”

“Of course you don’t,” Jazz said, squeezing her hand.

“But you’re still checking up on me?”

“Because no matter how good things are between you and Ryan, we thought you might still be a little worried after everything that happened with Danny,” Jazz told her. “Or did we get it wrong?”

Mac desperately wanted to tell Jazz and Vanessa that they did have it wrong, but she couldn’t bring herself to lie to her friends. No matter how convinced she was that Ryan loved her, the physical response she’d had to the idea of Ryan kissing Lyndel suggested there was still a small amount of fear there. And her fears had nothing to do with Ryan. This was her issue; a leftover wound that hadn’t quite healed over after she’d watched Danny fall in love with their co-star on Junction Hospital. Maybe she needed to say it out loud and then just let it go.

“Mac?” Vanessa prompted.

“No, you don’t have it wrong. I trust Ryan, but…but what if he really likes kissing Lyndel?”

“He’s kissed her before,” Vanessa said.

“He’s had sex with her before,” Jazz added.

Vanessa gave Mac a pointed look. “And he never went back for seconds, did he?”

“That’s true,” Mac agreed. She hadn’t thought of it quite like that before.

“And,” Jazz said, “you told me you knew Danny felt something for Angel – something more than chemistry, didn’t you?”

“Yes…”

“Which means you have excellent instincts, Mac.”

That was also true. Her instincts had been spot on. She just hadn’t listened to them.

“See?” Vanessa said, smiling. “Nothing to worry about.”

“But what if…what if I see Ryan kiss Lyndel, or anyone else for that matter, and I see what I saw with Danny – I see him falling for someone else?”

“Well, that would suck,” Vanessa said carefully. “But you’d deal with it, wouldn’t you?”

Yes, she would, Mac reminded herself. People dealt with far worse every day. She could deal with a little heartbreak. And her friends wouldn’t let her deal with it alone.

“We’d deal with it,” Jazz told her, giving Mac the impression her friend could read minds.

Vanessa nodded and put her arm around Mac’s shoulders. “Babe, we’ve got your back.”

Jazz put her arm around Mac from the other side so that the three of them were standing together. United. Mac felt the tell-tale prickle behind her eyes and knew she was close to tears. She felt so blessed right now – blessed that she’d found friends like Jazz and Vanessa. Friends like Brad and Matt. And, of course, she couldn’t forget Ryan. She’d found her place with people she cared about and who cared about her in return. She’d never felt so much a part of something in her life before, and it felt amazing.

“You guys rock,” Mac said, wrapping her arms around her co-star’s waists and squeezing them hard.

“Aw, we love you too,” Jazz told her, squeezing her back.

The sound of Ryan clearing his throat from the doorway made Mac try to focus through the thin sheen of tears.

“Am I interrupting something?” he asked.

The smile tugging at his lips suggested he was amused, but Mac didn’t miss the concern in his eyes. There was no way he didn’t know what this was – that she hadn’t just been worrying and fretting over his upcoming love scene with Lyndel. The knowledge was all there in his expression. And with her co-stars arms around her, she felt totally caught out. Why couldn’t he have arrived just a few minutes later? After she’d hugged her friends and got her act together?

Of course Ryan would have known how she was feeling even without witnessing this moment regardless, but at least it wouldn’t have been written all over her face like it was right now.

Feeling utterly exposed, she let go of her co-stars. Jazz and Vanessa packed up what was left of lunch and quickly said goodbye.

“How you doing?” Ryan asked once they were alone.

“I’m fine,” she assured him with a smile. “All good. Move along. Nothing to see here.”

“Mac…”

His look was so knowing that she couldn’t hold back.

“Okay, so I might have had a very small moment where I wigged out, but Jazz and Vanessa were here and talked me through it. Crisis averted.”

She was smiling so hard that it hurt. He reached out with one arm and pulled her towards him. As he stared down into her eyes, she found she couldn’t hold her smile any longer. It felt too fake and he’d seen right through it, anyway.

“It’s okay that you’re not okay,” he told her.

No, it wasn’t. Because he was wonderful and amazing and he hadn’t done anything to deserve her doubt. He was paying for Danny’s mistakes and that wasn’t fair to him. With Jazz and Vanessa’s help she’d been able to rationalize away all her fears – something she hoped she’d be able to do on her own from here on out. She’d be fine. No matter what happened, she’d be fine.

Or at least she would be if he’d stop looking at her the way he was right now. He was making her feel as if she was wearing her heart on her face.

“What is it about the scene with Lyndel that’s wigged you out?” he asked.

She shrugged. He already knew what her fears and insecurities were, and she already felt horribly transparent. Did she really need to open herself up to him further, so he could see everything?

“Mac,” he said, taking her chin between his thumb and forefinger and lifting her face until she looked at him. “Tell me. Please. I really want to know.”

She closed her eyes and let her words rush out. “I’m afraid you’re going fall for someone else and I’ll be forced to watch.”

Admitting that small and stupid insecurity just about killed her. She was working through it. It wasn’t anything he needed to worry about. It certainly wasn’t the side of her she wanted him to see. Even if he knew it was there, she couldn’t help feeling it was too ugly a thing for him to witness.

“Look at me,” he commanded.

She opened her eyes as he let go of her chin and cupped her face.

“I can’t imagine ever feeling for anyone else the way I feel about you,” he told her. “I need you to know that.”

His eyes never left hers as he stroked his thumb over her cheekbone. She swallowed, feeling her heart swell with so much love for him it felt as if it was about to expand right out of her chest.

“The idea of not having you in my life makes it near impossible to breathe. I can’t imagine not being with you, Mackenzie. I can’t imagine not loving you anymore.”

Her breath caught in her throat and her body trembled in reaction to his words.

“But if I do stop loving you,” Ryan continued. “I swear to you, I will tell you the minute it happens. I will not let you doubt you or me or us, or let you wonder and string you along. I give you my word you’ll know right away. We’re still friends. You need to trust me on that.”

She nodded. They were friends and he had always been honest with her. She had to trust him. If she couldn’t do that, then she needed to let him go right now, and there was no way she was letting this perfect man go.

“I do,” she told him.

“Good,” he murmured.

Then he was kissing her, his tongue sweeping into her mouth in a way that was so hot and possessive he had to hold her up to stop her from melting onto the floor.

She just about sobbed when he let her go and leaned his forehead against hers. “I love you, Mackenzie. Take that knowledge with you and hold on to it tight.”

And hold on to it she did, through the rest of the week and into the next. Mac managed to push Ryan and Lyndel’s love scene from her head right up until the day it was scheduled to be shot.

“Are you going to go down and watch?” Jazz asked her half an hour before filming was set to begin.

“Yes.”

Ryan had asked her to be there, and since it had seemed important to him, Mac had agreed.

“Do you want Vanessa and me to come down with you?”

Mac shook her head. “No thanks, I’ll be fine.”

“Just let me know if you change your mind, okay?”

“Thanks, I will.”

Jazz nodded and left her alone, and Mac did her best to bury her head in a book until it was time to go down to the set.

She walked into the studio and took a seat up in the back just as Mitch called, “And action!”

“You need to forget about Brianna, Stone,” Lyndel said, picking up from where yesterday’s scene had ended, right after Brianna and Stone had had a massive fight in front of Kayla, over something Brianna had incorrectly thought Stone had done.

Brianna was still, in all honesty, playing hard to get, and she was going to suffer for it now. Mac knew her character well enough to know Brianna would be devastated and jealous as hell when she realized Stone and Kayla had become lovers.

“She’s not here,” Lyndel told him. “But I am.”

“Mmm,” Ryan said with a smirk. “Yes, you are.”

“And I’ve wanted to do this for so long.”

Lyndel walked up to him and slipped her hand behind his head and pulled her lips down to his.

Mac waited for the jolt to go through her. She waited for her heart to twist painfully. She waited to feel something other than the calm which had filled her after Ryan had asked her to trust him. Even as Lyndel unbuttoned Ryan’s shirt and Ryan tore Lyndel’s clothing off before throwing her onto the bed on the set, Mac felt nothing but relaxed.

He didn’t look at Lyndel the way he looked at Mac. He didn’t kiss Lyndel the way he kissed Mac. He didn’t touch Lyndel the way he touched Mac. He didn’t love Lyndel the way he loved Mac.

And for the first time, Mac really wondered how Lyndel must feel about that. Mac didn’t know if Lyndel still had feelings for Ryan, but it was certainly a possibility. Kissing him would be difficult for her if she still cared for him. To be that close to someone who didn’t belong to you was painful, Mac knew. If it wasn’t Lyndel who had spoken to Women’s Daily News, and if she really did want to fit in with the rest of the cast, Mac would let bygones be bygones. She could be friends with Lyndel Craig. If Lyndel would let her.

When the scene ended, Mac clapped along with the rest of the crew. As soon as the lights went on, Ryan looked over at Mac and she could see the relief on his face as she smiled at him and gave him two thumbs up. Hopefully he could see that she finally understood what he’d been telling her all along. What happened up on that stage wasn’t real, but his love was. His heart belonged to her.

***

Just over a week later, Mac was sitting on the couch facing Star Ellis on the set of Sunshine Mornings once more. However, this time it wasn’t Ryan sitting beside her, it was Danny. Their appearance on the morning show was part of the promotion for the few episodes of Hart’s Valley that Danny had been part of. The first episode that Danny had guest-starred in was due to air this week.

This time around, Mac felt a lot less nervous. Gone were the butterflies and slightly sweaty palms. Gone was the fear of being thought of as a dumb hick or country girl. She knew she wasn’t. Her friends knew she wasn’t. That was far more important than what a stranger might think about her.

The only thing that made her feel slightly jittery was the fact that Danny had his arm resting behind her on the couch, and he kept touching her shoulder. Even though it was the first time she’d spoken to him since he’d finished his stint on Hart’s Valley, Danny had been a little too warm and friendly this morning, giving her a kiss and hug which lasted way too long.

“So, what’s it been like for the two of you to work together again?” Star asked.

“It’s been great,” Danny replied.

Star smiled and shifted her gaze to Mac. “After the events that unfolded on Junction Hospital, what’s it been like for you, Mackenzie?”

“I found it easy enough to move past our history,” Mac said.

Star’s smile widened, showing off her perfectly white teeth. “And would that have anything to do with your new, hot, romance with Ryan Moore?”

Mac could practically feel the irritation leaping off Danny at the question, but she ignored him and focused on what she needed to say.

“Things were over with Danny when I left Junction Hospital. In the time since, I gained some perspective and I realized our break-up was for the best.”

Star nodded. “What would you say to the people who’ve labelled you unprofessional and crazy for dating a co-star again?”

This interview was supposed to be about the upcoming episodes of Hart’s Valley, not Mac’s love life. Still, she’d half expected this, so she smiled and shrugged casually. “I’m happy. In the end, my happiness outweighs all else.”

“Life’s too short to be unhappy,” Star said.

“Yes it is,” Mac agreed. “I think I’d be crazier spending time worrying about what other people think of me than doing what makes me happy.”

Star’s smile was genuine. “I couldn’t agree more. I mean, he’s Ryan Moore.”

Danny’s outrage was so palpable now that Star quickly dropped her smile and focused on asking the rest of her relevant questions. Mac and Danny gave their answers in a perfunctory manner and then the interview was over.

“Well that was fun,” Danny said through gritted teeth as they walked towards the studio exit together.

A generous helping of sympathy and regret whipped through Mac and she was tempted to apologise, but the interview veering off course hadn’t been her fault.

“You know what those interviews are always like,” she said conversationally, trying to ease him out of his mood. “They can’t resist poking into your personal life.”

Danny swung around and glared at her. “No, they can’t resist poking into your personal life because you’re insistent on making the same mistake twice. You’re going to lose it all over again.”

Her feet stopped moving and she froze, anger holding her captive. “It was you, wasn’t it? You were the one who spoke to Women’s Daily News!”

“Someone asked me what I thought. And I told them the truth.”

She was so mad that her entire body felt as if it was pulsating with waves of rage. She shook her head, wanting to tell him exactly what she thought, but she just didn’t have words. He wasn’t even a co-star for Pete’s sake, and the damn tabloid had taken his words and printed them as if he was! Moreover, Danny seemed totally unapologetic. He knew from the time they’d dated that she’d hated being in the headlines, hated people talking about her. Even if she’d overcome it now, Danny didn’t know that.

“I’m not going to lose it. And you know why? No matter what happens between Ryan and me, I know he would never do to me what you did. He would never pretend to love me and then break my heart by jumping into bed with our co-star.”

He stepped forward. “Mac, I said I was-”

“Sorry. I know. And I forgave you, but you can’t compare what happened between you and me then to what’s happening between Ryan and me now. He’s a friend and a lover. You never cared about me, not really.”

“How can you say that?”

“Easily. Goodbye, Danny.”

When she walked out of the studio and onto Toorak road, Ryan was standing there, lounging against a parked car. Happiness crested inside her as he walked towards her and hugged her, and she quickly forgot Danny.

“Hey,” she said. “What are you doing here?”

“I know how much you love these early mornings and I thought you could do with a surprise.”

“You have no idea how right you are,” she said, wrapping her arms around his middle. She laid her head on his chest, revelling in his warmth and his scent and everything that made him unique and special.

She felt the rumble of his laugh before she heard it.

“You haven’t noticed yet, have you?” he asked.

She looked up at him and when he motioned towards the road, she saw the car she’d bought a few days ago.

“But they said she wouldn’t be ready till the weekend.”

He looked at her sheepishly. “Brad insisted he give it the okay before you drive it, so I took him to see it last night. When the guy told me the car was ready, I asked them let me take it so I could surprise you.”

Last night had been the first time she hadn’t spent the night with Ryan since they’d started dating. He’d told her he and Brad had planned a boy’s night. She’d never imagined their boy’s night would involve Ryan showing Brad her car.

“You let Bitsy crash your boy’s night?” she asked, using the name she’d already given to her little blue Honda.

He grinned. “You owe me.”

“Yes I do.”

Through loving Ryan she’d found the courage to face down public opinion. She’d learned to value her own opinion over others. She’d discovered how to believe in herself again and to trust in herself. She owed him a lot.

Standing on tippy-toe, she brushed her lips against his. Once, twice, on the third time his lips parted under hers and she took advantage of the fact and slid her tongue over his. The feel of him against her, the taste of him, awoke every nerve and cell in her body, making her feel more alive and more awake than she had any right to feel at this time of morning. When he moaned into her mouth and pulled her closer, heat rushed through her so fast she thought she might combust.

She held onto his shirt as she broke their kiss, trying to stay balanced on legs that had just turned to jelly. She was vaguely aware of the people around them stopping to snap pictures as they stood there, but Mac didn’t care. A picture was worth a thousand words. They could put any headline on this that they liked; it was her smile that told the most important part of the story.

Thanks to Jenn and to AJ for their editing suggestions, and to Daisy for pre-reading this chapter.

I know I said there would only be 21 parts to this story, but I changed my mind and decided to write an epilogue to follow the final chapter. Hope you guys won't mind reading the extra part ;)

                __________________________________________

The car ride to Morwell Private Hospital was a quiet one. Only the light rock music playing on the car stereo hampered the silence. Mac wasn’t making any attempt at conversation and Ryan was only too grateful for it. He had no idea what he’d been thinking when he’d asked Mac to come with him tonight. It hadn’t been his intention, but when she’d opened the bathroom door and asked him what was wrong, it had just sort of popped out. She’d looked so worried and he’d immediately felt comforted by her concern. The swift surge of desire to have her there beside him had been too strong to ignore.

Now that he’d actually had enough time to think about it, however, he was worried this meeting between Mac and his mother was happening too soon. The idea of Mac knowing how much resentment his mother harboured towards him made him feel uneasy. It was something he’d never shared with the women he slept with. Then again, Mac was so much more than any of those women in his past had ever been.

After a drive which felt both too long and too short, he found the first available spot in the hospital car park and eased his car into it. They both exited quickly, and as they strode towards the emergency entrance, Mac slid her hand into his. He squeezed it, silently thanking her for her presence.

Mac pointed to the woman huddled at the entrance of the emergency section of the Morwell Private. “Is that Mindy?”

“That’s her,” he answered tightly, taking in the fact that his sister was smoking – something she only did when she was extremely stressed.

“Mindy,” he called, trying to get her attention.

Mindy dropped her cigarette on the ground and stubbed it out with her foot before running towards him with a relieved smile on her face. He hugged her tightly.

“How’s mum?” he asked as he let her go.

“God, Ry, I feel so bad. I totally screwed up. I don’t know how to handle this.”

“We’ll get through it. It’ll be okay.”

Mindy frowned suddenly as she looked over his shoulder. “Mackenzie Lauren?”

He hadn’t forgotten Mac was there, but for a moment he had forgotten he needed to introduce the two of them.

“Mac, please,” Mac said, steeping forward. “I’m so sorry about your mother.”

Mindy’s assessing gaze darted between Ryan and Mac.

“Mindy, this is my girlfriend, Mac. Mac, this is my sister, Mindy.”

“Girlfriend?” Mindy asked, her eyebrows shooting up towards the sky.

“Yup.”

“Wow, Ry. I don’t think I’ve ever heard you use that term before.”

Ryan felt a small smile slide across his face. “What can I say? I’ve never felt the urge to before.”

“Well, it’s a pleasure to meet you, Mac,” Mindy said. “Though I wish the circumstances were better.”

Mac nodded. “Me, too.”

Mindy looked back at Ryan. “Mum’s regained consciousness. They’ve just moved her out of emergency and into a ward.”

“Do you know which one?”

“Yep. Come on, I guess it’s time to face the music.”

Ryan put a hand out to grab Mindy around the wrist. “Hey, Min, this wasn’t your fault.”

“I don’t even know how she fell out of her wheelchair.”

“You can’t watch her twenty-four seven.”

“I know, but… this isn’t the first incident, Ry. There have been others.”

“What? When?”

“Over the past few months.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because I didn’t want to bother you. I know you don’t like dealing with her.”

“Yes, I hate dealing with Mum, but I never wanted all of her care to fall on your shoulders.”

“Hey, I told you I wanted to do it. I haven’t forgotten that and I’m not blaming you.”

“But it’s not working out anymore?”

“I don’t know, Ry. It’s so much more full-on than I was expecting. Mum’s the worst kind of patient at the best of times and she’s getting more and more difficult by the day. Maybe I just need some help.” Mindy glanced at Mac again. “Let’s go inside. Mac looks frozen.”

“I’m fine,” Mac protested.

They went inside anyway, but not before Ryan told his sister that they weren’t done with the topic of their mother’s care. That particular conversation was long overdue. His sister sounded as if she’d reached her breaking point. He wished Mindy had talked to him about what was happening sooner. Yes, he found it difficult to spend any great deal of time with his abusive mother, but that didn’t mean he wanted Mindy to suffer in silence.

If only Mindy would let him pay for someone to come in and help her…or perhaps for someone to come in full-time so she could leave Morwell. Of course Mindy would feel guilty for leaving their mother in someone else’s care. He would, too. Then again, he was so used to feeling guilty when it came to things concerning his mother that it really wouldn’t be any different than normal. 

Whatever Mindy wanted, he’d make it happen.

The three of them walked down to the elevator quickly. Mindy pressed the up arrow and when the doors slid open, they stepped inside.

“Level two,” Mindy instructed.

Ryan hit the button because he was closest to it. They stood in silence until the doors opened at their level.

“Room 209,” Mindy said.

As they drew nearer to the room, Mac slowed down.

“I should probably wait out here for you guys,” she told him.

He looked at her for a moment, trying to work out whether to ask her to come in with him or not. She looked more than a little hesitant and he understood why. This was an unusual situation. Introducing her to his mother like this would have been strange if he’d had a normal relationship with his mother. But their relationship was anything but normal.

“Come in with me,” he said to her after a moment’s thought.

Mac’s anxious gaze slid to Mindy.

Mindy nodded at her. “No more than two visitors at a time. It’s fine. I’ll wait out here for a bit.”

“Oh no,” Mac said. “I don’t-”

“Stop,” Mindy told her, putting a hand up to halt Mac’s refusal. “Be there for him. He needs you.”

“If you’re sure…?”

“I am.”

Ever since she’d walked out of the bathroom at Lyndel’s welcome party, Mac had been unsure what she should say. Until today she’d known very little about Ryan’s mother, other than the small pieces of information he’d offered up sporadically, like the fact that his mother was sick and that was why he’d never left the country. Mac also knew that his mother was part of the reason Ryan had steered clear of commitment. The brief conversation Ryan and Mindy had had outside the hospital, however, had been enlightening…and disturbing. The relationship between mother and son was clearly severely damaged.

Ryan held his hand out and Mac took it. His warm fingers closed around hers as they walked into the pale pink room. She felt her adrenaline start to kick in as her gaze swept over the frail-looking woman in the bed in front of her.

His mother’s hair was short and grey, with the occasional streak of brown in it. Half of it stood up in tufts; the other half was matted to the side of her face – a face which was so lined that if Mac hadn’t known the woman was Ryan’s mother, she might have guessed her age to be seventy-something. The clipboard at the base of the bed read: ‘Janet Moore’.

Mac was certain Janet must have heard their footsteps, but she didn’t look up to see who had come to visit her.

“Mum,” Ryan said gently.

“Where’s Mindy?” Janet rasped.

“She’s waiting in the hall.”

“Typical of your sister to just stand idly by. You’re both useless. I’d be better off on my own.”

Mac stood in stunned silence as the bitterness in Janet’s weak voice pierced her. She saw Ryan visibly flinch, but he didn’t look at her. He kept his eyes trained on his mother.

“I’m sorry you feel that way, Mum, but we’re both here anyway.”

“Am I supposed to feel grateful? Mindy should have been watching me. She let me fall.”

“I’m going to look at getting her – getting both of you – some help.”

“Typical of you to try and saddle someone else with your responsibility. Every day I wonder what I did to deserve such a pathetic excuse for a son.”

Mac’s sharp intake of breath caused Janet to twist in her bed and look at Mac, her eyes narrow and unfriendly.

“Are you a nurse?”

“This is Mackenzie,” Ryan said. “She’s my girlfriend.”

Janet muttered something about bastards and Ryan’s father.

“That’s enough, Mum,” Ryan said harshly, before glancing at Mac, his eyes full of apology.

Mac didn’t know why Ryan should be the one looking apologetic. The deliberately cruel comments made by Janet were the last thing Mac had expected, even after the conversation Ryan and Mindy had exchanged in front of the hospital earlier.

What kind of mother referred to her son as pathetic and useless before having a go at him for being like his bastard father? Whatever the relationship was between Ryan and his mother, he was still here. He’d still come. And he’d definitely been worried. But Janet was clearly furious, and Mac was pretty certain it had absolutely nothing to do with anything Ryan had or hadn’t done today.

The urge to rush to Ryan’s defence was almost overwhelming. Mac had to bite her lip to stop herself from saying anything. She didn’t know Janet, and the woman had just had a fall. Janet might be bitter and angry because of the past, but she was probably feeling shaken and vulnerable, too.

Besides, Mac couldn’t imagine that Ryan would appreciate her intervening on his behalf. He’d obviously been dealing with his mother’s criticism for a very long time. He might have wanted Mac by his side, but he would never expect her to fight his battles. What he needed was her support, and he had that in spades.

A middle-aged nurse walked into Janet’s room, her face lighting up when she saw Ryan. “Well, if it isn’t Morwell’s superstar!”

Ryan’s smile was equally warm as he greeted the nurse by name.

“Nella has been one of mum’s nurses on and off for the past couple of years,” Ryan explained to Mac.

“Try the last five,” Nella corrected.

“Has it really been that long?”

“You betcha it has.”

Janet’s mouth curved into an almost-smile. “Feels more like twenty.”

Mac braced herself for the nurse’s wrath, but instead of being upset by the comment, Nella merely grinned. “You can say that again, you old chook.”

After a beat of silence Mac realized Nella was studying her with interest. “It’s Mackenzie Lauren, isn’t it?”

“Sorry,” Ryan said straight away. “Nella, Mackenzie. Mackenzie, Nella.”

Mac smiled politely. “Hello.”

Almost immediately there was a speculative gleam in the nurse’s eyes that hadn’t been there before. Mac felt her stomach dip. The fact that people would see Ryan and hertogether had been the last thing on Mac’s mind. Anyone might have seen her walking though the hospital with Ryan.

Her mind raced ahead to all the different scenarios that might be printed in the Monday papers if someone decided to talk about them, but then a sense of calm stole through her.

They haven’t walked in your shoes. They don’t have to live with your decisions.

It didn’t matter what people thought. Not anymore.

“I’ve got the doctor coming around to talk to you and Mindy,” Nella told Ryan. “Where is Mindy, by the way?”

“She’s not in the hall?” Ryan asked.

“I didn’t see her there.”

“I’ll go look for her if you like?” Mac suggested.

Ryan nodded. “There’s a waiting room around the corner. She might have gone to sit down there.”

Mac walked out of the room and followed the corridor around until she saw a group of seats in front of a large window. Mindy was sitting there, staring out into the darkness. Mac walked over and sat down next to her. Mindy had to know she wasn’t alone anymore, but she was clearly off in a world of her own.

“The doctor wants to talk to you and Ryan,” Mac said softly, not really wanting to intrude on the quiet, reflective moment Mindy seemed to be having.

“Thanks,” Mindy said, standing up. “Are you coming?”

It was late in the evening and the rule was two visitors at a time. Mac didn’t want to push her luck with the staff since she technically wasn’t family and Mindy and Ryan would have each other there for support.

“I’ll wait until you’re finished speaking with the doctor. I’m afraid the room might be too crowded otherwise.”

“Okay. We shouldn’t be too long.”

***

Around twenty minutes had passed when Mindy reappeared holding two cups of coffee.

“Oh, you didn’t have to do that,” Mac said as Mindy held the cup out.

“Ryan’s orders,” Mindy explained. “He said to tell you he’s almost done here.”

“He doesn’t want to stay?”

“There’s not much else either of us can do right now. He and I need to discuss a few things, so I think he wants to talk to you about spending the night in Morwell.

“Of course,” Mac said, nodding. “What did the doctor say?”

Mindy sat down beside her. “Mum can go home tomorrow. She had a concussion so they’re keeping her in overnight. Aside from the broken wrist and concussion, she’s okay.”

“That’s good.”

Mac stared at her feet, not sure what else to say. Normally, small talk was something she found easy enough, however now didn’t really seem like the time for throwing around the mundane.

After an awkward moment, Mindy finally broke the silence. “Do you know you’re the first girl he’s ever brought home?”

“I know I’m the first “girlfriend.”

“He’s always avoided the whole relationship thing. Until now. I think Mum’s constant criticism, manipulation and emotional blackmail made him wary getting too close to anyone.”

“You think he’s afraid of being manipulated by someone else?”

“Maybe. I’m no psychologist. Whatever his reasons, Mum’s comments burned him pretty badly. Because Ryan was male and Mum was angry at Dad, Ryan copped most of the abuse. I’m so proud of him. He took the pain and hurt he felt and channelled it into acting. He’s a survivor, my brother.”

Mac had always admired Ryan, but now she admired him even more. He’d taken a personal tragedy and a childhood filled with abuse, and he’d found a way to use it. He’d triumphed. As Mindy had said, Ryan had survived.

And Mac would, too.

Earlier this evening she’d been questioning whether she would fall apart on Ryan if they broke up, but if Ryan could get over a miserable and abusive childhood, she could get over a break-up. It was that simple. Yesterday she’d decided she would borrow from Ryan’s strength, but she didn’t need to borrow from him anymore. She could use the bad and she could use the good. And the bad, like her break-up with Danny, only made her appreciate just how special and how good this new relationship with Ryan was.

“He’s pretty amazing,” Mac agreed.

Mindy started to say something once more, but trailed off as Ryan walked towards them.

He looked as though he had the world on his shoulders as he stood there, running a hand over his face, his stance tense. He glanced first at Mac, then at Mindy.

“I’m done,” he said. “I’m thinking of taking Mac to the Morwell Motel. She’ll be more comfortable there.”

It was on the tip of Mac’s tongue to say she didn’t care about comfort, wherever he wanted to stay was fine. However, she suspected it was Ryan who would be more comfortable spending the night somewhere other than in his childhood home and Mac wasn’t going to question him for it.

“Okay,” Mindy said easily, standing up. She gave Ryan a kiss on the cheek and, once Mac had risen, Mindy gave Mac one, too. “It was nice to meet you, Mac.”

“Likewise.”

Mindy’s comments about Ryan and meeting his mother had been enlightening. Even if the reason for them coming here was a negative one, the outcome for Mac was positive.

“Call me tomorrow,” Mindy told Ryan.

After Mindy had walked away, Mac walked up to Ryan, wrapped her arms around his middle and laid her cheek against his chest so that she could feel his strong, steady heartbeat. He sagged against her and when his arms came up to wrap around her, she had the feeling he was supporting himself and trying to stay upright as much as he was hugging her back.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered as he kissed the top of her head.

“I’m sorry, too.”

She looked up at him, but before she could tell him he had nothing to be sorry for, he surprised her. “I didn’t think about the fact that anyone could see us here together. This could end up in Women’s Daily News.”

“I don’t care.”

Despite the fact that he looked so tired he might fall over at any tick of the clock, he managed to look surprised. There was no reason he shouldn’t be a little bit sceptical, she supposed. Hours earlier he’d witnessed her fear of attending a work function where her work colleagues would see them together. But her fear of public scrutiny had dissipated this evening, along with all the doubts she’d once felt.

“It’s the truth,” Mac told him. “I don’t care who sees us, or what Women’s Daily News prints. Bring it on.”

His lips twitched. “Let’s get out of here.”

“You look beat. Do you want me to drive?”

It had been a very, very long time since she’d driven a car, but she wanted to take care of him tonight.

“Can you drive stick?” he asked.

“It’s been a looong time, but yes I can.”

He handed her the keys. “Take me away then.”

***

The following evening Ryan pulled into the Morwell Motor-Inn looking for the small yellow Holden Mac had hired from the car rental place a few hours ago. Originally the plan had been to head back to Melbourne this afternoon, but he hadn’t wanted to rush the conversation with his sister. With that in mind, the decision to stay another night in Morwell had been made, and Mac had decided to use the extra time to visit her parents in the neighbouring city of Traralgon.

He finally spotted Mac’s hire car and parked next to it before scraping together enough energy to climb out and walk to their room. 

The door opened just as he was about to slide his key in. He drank in the sight of his girlfriend in short denim shorts and a flannel shirt, the tension in his chest easing for the first time since she’d left his side.

“I, ah, picked up some clothes from home. Congrats, you get to see me in my farm wear.”

He couldn’t have kept the grin off his face if he’d tried. “Very cute.”

“If you say so,” she said with a brief laugh before growing serious. “How did your conversation with Mindy go?”

“We’re going to get someone in to help with Mum. I still think Mindy needs to get out of there and start living her life again, but she doesn’t want to leave and I guess I can understand that. I just…I hate this. I feel so guilty. Mindy’s done her part looking after Mum, but I just can’t do it, Mac. I don’t want to take a turn at it. I can’t be in that house, day in, day out with someone who despises me because she sees my father in me. I’d…I’d end up hating her for it.”

Mac could hear the frustration, the anger, and the resentment in Ryan’s voice and her heart ached for him. She ran her hands along his arms.

“I hate the way I feel when I’m around her, Mac – this constant feeling of failure and disappointment.”

Last night Mindy had mentioned she thought Ryan was afraid of being emotionally manipulated again, and maybe she was right, but it was clear that Ryan had other fears, too.

Mac cupped his face in her hands. “You are the least disappointing man I’ve ever met and the farthest thing from a failure I’ve ever seen.”

He smiled. “You’re pretty spectacular yourself.”

She had the distinct impression her compliment had barely registered on his radar. “I’m serious. I tried so hard not to fall in love with you, but it was impossible because you are simply that awesome.”

His smile grew, but she wasn’t done yet. “Last night, at Lyndel’s party, she called me stupid for choosing to have a relationship with you.”

The smile he’d just been wearing was immediately replaced by a scowl, but Mac held her hands up to stop him from saying anything.

“It was the best thing that could have happened to me, Ryan. Because I realized something. I realized that being with you is the right decision for me, and that anyone else in my shoes would have made the same choice, Lyndel included. No one in their right mind would turn down the chance to be with the man they love. No one would turn down the chance to be with you.”

“I don’t know about that.”

“Well, anyone who would is an idiot. You’re gorgeous and sexy and-”

“Gorgeous and sexy, huh?” he asked, wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her against him.

She looked up into his eyes. “And you’re an amazing actor, a wonderful friend. You love your sister and you try and do the best thing by her and your mother, even though the situation is so…difficult.”

He smiled down at her, obviously appreciating her tact.

“You are not useless. You are not a bastard. And you could never disappoint me. Never. I love you.”

Ryan felt raw emotion clog his throat as Mac spoke. Her words were so unexpected and yet they’d filled a hole – a hole he hadn’t even known existed. And now he had no idea what to say or how to thank her for being here with him this weekend – for being his soft place to fall.

As if she sensed the internal turmoil twisting inside him, Mac slid one hand behind his head and pulled his mouth down to hers. She stroked her tongue over his, causing pleasurable shocks to spread through every part of his body, the warm, heavy pull of desire settling in at the base of his spine and vibrating through to the pit of his stomach.

There was no way he should be capable of experiencing arousal after everything that had gone down this weekend, but Mac was so soft and warm in his arms, and she smelled and tasted of whatever she must have eaten at her parent’s farm – something with cinnamon and vanilla in it. The need to lose himself in her grew stronger with every kiss and touch they shared, as did the need to forget the day’s events, if only for a brief interlude.

His stubble must be harsh against her soft skin, since he hadn’t shaved this morning, but she didn’t push him away. Instead she pulled him closer and whimpered softly when his hands stroked down her back to settle over the curve of her backside. He was helpless to stop himself from responding to her, and her small needy whimper and the press of her hips against his only encouraged him.

She said nothing as he undid the buttons on her shirt. When he saw the red and black lace material cupping her breasts, his excitement increased ten-fold. She let the shirt fall off her shoulders and then undid the catch on her bra, exposing herself to his gaze.

Her nipples were just as hard as the erection currently straining against his zipper, begging for release. And when she pushed her shorts and matching underwear off her hips and stood naked before him, he wanted her so badly he didn’t know where to touch first.

She moved closer to him and kissed him so tenderly that he stopped thinking. He lost himself in her kiss for several sweet, long moments before moving on to press his lips to her jaw, her neck, only stopping to suck on the spot where he could feel her pulse beating wildly. She moaned lightly and pushed her breasts against his chest. The feel of her naked body pressed against his left him trembling.

“Take me,” she whispered as he parted her thighs to find her slick and ready.

It was all the encouragement he needed. Desperate to sink into her lush body, he walked her backwards until she hit the wall, all the while undoing his belt and the catch on his jeans. He freed his erection and picked her up. The moment she went to wrap her legs around his waist, he slid his aching shaft along the seam of her sex, before he positioned himself at her entrance and slowly inched his way into her waiting heat. He was rewarded by the tight fit of her sex and he grunted as she squeezed him with her legs and pulled him deeper inside her.

His heart rate tripled as he surged forward and filled her completely. “Mac. You feel way too good.”

He gripped her hip with one hand and braced the wall with the other. She was wrapped around him so tightly that it was impossible to do more than thrust shallowly, but with the angle he had, his length rubbed against her bundle of nerves and her slick walls clenched around him with every movement. Her body was so responsive that he found himself barrelling towards satisfaction far too quickly.

He tried to slow down and take it all in - the hot, quick rush of his blood, her excited gasps, her ragged breath, the feel of her nails scratching down his back - but when she cried out and climaxed around him, he couldn’t hold back any longer. He claimed her mouth again, his tongue sliding against hers as he gave in to the urge to deepen and quicken his movements. He drove them harder and faster, until she was coming again.

When the pleasure finally became too much and his body tightened in preparation for his release, she whispered into his ear how much she loved him, how much he meant to her. He exploded instantly, spilling himself inside her, giving her all of him while taking back a part of himself he’d thought lost forever.

As they stood there together, unmoving, he couldn’t shake the feeling that Mac made him feel complete in ways he’d never thought possible.

Thank you to Jenn and AJ for proofing this chapter, and thank you Daisy for pre-reading.

      _____________________________________________________

As she left Blainesworth’s office, Mac contemplated everything their producer had just said to her. Was he right about the reasons for her lack of confidence? Was that why she hated being mentioned in the tabloids? Because they just echoed the fears and insecurities swimming around in her head?

“I think if you had any faith in your relationship with Ryan, you wouldn’t give a damn what I, or anyone else thought about it.”

Blainesworth was right. If she actually believed in her choices she wouldn’t give a damn about what anyone else thought of her. She needed to find some confidence in herself and ‘own’ her decision to be with Ryan. The question was: how did she do that? How did she completely accept the fact that she might be throwing away her career for a relationship that had all the odds against it?

She walked in the direction of Ryan’s dressing room, knocking twice before opening the door. Ryan’s gaze swung around and landed on her immediately. The warmth in his eyes caressed her face and made her heart trip over itself. He had to know their relationship would probably end sometime, just like Blainesworth had said, yet he didn’t seem to care. He had every confidence in his decision to be with her. Ryan believed they were worth the risk. So maybe, just for now, she could take her strength from him.

“Maccas!” Brad exclaimed, sweeping her off her feet and up into a hug. “You survived the meeting with Blainesworth?”

“Yes I did,” she laughed.

When Brad finally lowered her to the ground, Mac realized Jazz was standing in the dressing room, too.

“Jazz. Hi.”

Mac had planned to tell Jazz about everything that had happened with Ryan last night, once the meeting with Blainesworth was done and dusted, but the fact that Jazz was here now meant there was a good chance her friend already knew what was going on. Was Jazz mad at her for keeping her in the dark once more, and for going against her advice?

Mac searched her friend’s face for the answer. Jazz didn’t look upset. In fact, she looked thrilled.

“Mac,” she said with a wink. “I want to catch up with you, but right now Brad and I are needed on set.”

“We are?” Brad asked.

“We are,” Jazz confirmed, practically pulling him out of the room behind her.

Before she could ask Ryan about what Jazz knew, he was standing in front of her, his eyes worried yet hopeful as he ran his hands along her arms. “How did it go? What did Blainesworth say?”

“Everything you’d expect him to say.”

“He told you that dating me was a bad idea?”

“Pretty much.”

“Is that all he said?”

She shrugged as casually as she could. “He reminded me that the tabloids would probably have something to say about us.”

“Yes, they will. But you shouldn’t listen to what they say.”

“I know. I don’t want to.”

He traced her cheekbone with his thumb, sending shivers through her. “So don’t. Every time you feel doubt creeping in and you feel scared, remind yourself that I love you. I’ll be right beside you, taking this chance with you. I’m just as nervous about the way things might work out as you are.”

This was his first attempt at a permanent relationship. She had no idea what had caused him to shy away from anything that wasn’t casual in the past. Possibly it had something to do with his mother - he’d inferred as much over dinner last night - but she really didn’t know.

She wanted to know. She wanted to know the man she loved. And now she had her chance.

“I told Blainesworth that nothing was going to stop me from…doing this.”

Ryan’s smile was enormous and Mac knew she’d said the right thing. He was willing to give up everything to be with her. He didn’t deserve her doubt at all. She might not be entirely confident that getting involved with Ryan wouldn’t lead to disaster, but she could feel confident, at the very least, that he loved her.

“Does Jazz know something about us?” she asked Ryan as he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her to him.

“Brad filled her in.”

“Oh.”

“I was worried she was going to join the campaign against us,” he said.

“But she isn’t?”

“She isn’t,” he confirmed. “She and Brad are threatening to follow us if we leave.”

“No!”

“Yes.”

“I’m surprised…”

She didn’t want to tell Ryan about Jazz’s tirade on his inability to commit yesterday, but he seemed to know what she was thinking anyway.

“Jazz knows I love you, Mac.”

The way his gaze softened on hers made her breath catch.

“Did Blainesworth say anything else I should know about?” he asked.

Mac shook her head. “Nope.”

She felt a little guilty about not repeating everything Blainesworth had said to her, but Ryan didn’t need to know that Blainesworth had seen just how scared she felt about taking this chance.

“In that case,” Ryan said, sweeping her off her feet and carrying her over to the couch in his dressing room, “I feel the need to celebrate.”

***

“I’m seeing someone, and it’s serious.”

This probably hadn’t been what Lyndel expected when Ryan called her yesterday and told her that he wanted to catch up, but Lyndel’s welcome party was this evening and Ryan wanted to get this conversation out of the way.

“Wow,” Lyndel said, looking as if she’d just been smacked between the eyes.

It was Friday morning and they were sitting inside the Red Jacket, having an early breakfast before he had to go into the studio.

It had taken a lot of willpower to climb out of Mac’s bed this morning so he could meet Lyndel in time. And it had taken even more willpower to tell Mac he was meeting Lyndel. Despite the fact that Mac had told their producer that nothing was going to stop her from dating her co-star, Ryan couldn’t help feeling a little bit…worried. He knew a bad headline might spook her and make her run. And if she thought he might rekindle his on-screen spark with Lyndel, well that could also make Mac run.  

He wished he could just relax and enjoy what was happening between them, but he didn’t feel like he could just yet. Hopefully, once Mac saw how serious he was, her concerns would fade and he’d stop worrying.

“I have to admit I’m a little shocked,” Lyndel said.

“Yeah, the whole…falling in love thing kind of took me by surprise, too.”

“I don’t suppose it’s possible you’re just imagining it?” Lyndel asked him sweetly.

He laughed. There was no chance he’d imagined the way he felt about Mackenzie.

“Definitely not. Which is why I asked you to come here this morning. I think that it’s great we’re going to be working together again, but I wasn’t sure if you were looking to…”

“Rekindle our great love affair?” Lyndel finished for him.

He nodded. He hadn’t been in a relationship with Lyndel, and there was a good chance he was coming off as an arrogant jerk right now, but he’d always been a straight up and honest kind of guy. At least he tried to be.

And Jazz was right. He needed to make sure he didn’t lead Lyndel on or allow her to believe he was available, romantically speaking.

“I was looking forward to a repeat of my last night in the country,” she admitted. “But don’t worry, I’m not too heartbroken. I haven’t been waiting all these years.”

“Of course not.”

“Besides, Blainesworth doesn’t like his co-stars dating anyway, right?”

Damn, this was going to be awkward. “That’s true,” he admitted carefully.

“So, are you going to tell me who the lucky girl is?”

“Mackenzie Lauren.”

Despite her abilities as an actress, Lyndel didn’t quite manage to conceal her surprise.

“Our co-star, Mackenzie Lauren?”

“Yep.”

“But Blainesworth…”

“He does have a guideline about co-stars dating, but Mac and I talked it over with him.”

“So, he’s actually okay with…this?”

“I wouldn’t exactly say he’s happy about it. But he’s dealing. He’s not killing us off in any Hart’s Valley accidents yet, anyway.”

Lyndel smiled, though it didn’t quite reach her eyes. “I’m surprised Mac’s risking it. I heard about what happened to her on Junction Hospital.”

“Needless to say she’s a little cautious, but she knows how serious I am. I’ve pushed her for this. I want to make a real go of it with her.”

“Wow, you really are smitten.”

He gave her a self-deprecating grin. “I’ve fallen hard, yeah. She’s amazing, and I think you’ll really like her if you take the time to get to know her.”

Her smile was forced. “I’m not here to make enemies, Ryan.”

“I never said you were.”

“Maybe not, but you’re sitting here telling me you want me to be nice to your girlfriend.”

“The whole cast is really close and it would be great if we could keep it that way.”

“I didn’t take the job to cause waves.”

It was on the tip of his tongue to ask why she did take the job, but he didn’t.

She lifted her glass of orange juice and tipped it in his direction, her eyes cool and her voice even cooler. “To you and Mac.”

He wasn’t sure how Lyndel and Mac would interact, but he’d find out at the party tonight. With any luck, things would go smoothly, but if they didn’t, Jazz would look out for Mac. And so would he.

***

Lyndel’s welcome party was an elegant but quiet affair in one of the large meeting rooms on the same level as the producer’s office. Immaculately dressed wait staff circulated with hors d'oeuvres. A bar sat in one corner of the room and a man wearing the same uniform as the wait staff stood behind it, serving drinks.

Mac swept her gaze over the small group of executives bunched up near the entrance of the room, before turning her attention to her fellow cast members. Vanessa, Matt, Brad and Ryan were standing near the back of the room, engaged in conversation with Lyndel.

Mac and Jazz were late to arrive, both of them required for the last scene that had been shot today. The two of them had left their evening outfits in their changing rooms so that they didn’t have to go home before the party. Jazz had donned a red, sequined, Jessica Rabbit-style gown, while Mac had chosen a turquoise and black slinky dress, black high heels, and turquoise jewellery to match her dress.

“Are you ready?” Jazz asked.

“I think so.”

Normally, a small gathering like this wouldn’t be a big deal. These types of small parties were quite common in the studio. However, this one was different. While news about her romance with Ryan had spread quickly through the grapevine, this was their first appearance as a couple. Even though the public wouldn’t be there to watch them, the cast and crew were.

“Look at me,” Jazz instructed. “Everything is going to be fine. Everyone knows you and Ryan are together and everyone supports you.”

Mac shook her head. It was true that Matt and Vanessa were just as supportive as Brad and Jazz, but this still felt like a really big deal. Once she went out there, she couldn’t go back. That was how she felt. Walking into that party and greeting Ryan as a lover felt like she was about to dive off the end of a pier and into shark-infested waters.

“Mac?” Jazz prompted her.

At that moment Mac saw Ryan turn and look across the crowded room, his eyes finding hers immediately. The heated approval in his gaze as he scanned her dress warmed her immediately. When his eyes returned to hers once more they were filled with confidence and reassurance, as well as a silent question: Want me to come over there and rescue you?

Mac shook her head. He was definitely her knight, but she didn’t want him to think she needed rescuing.

She turned to Jazz. “I’m ready.”

“That’s my girl,” Jazz said encouragingly, before linking her arm through Mac’s and taking the first step with her.

***

After two glasses of champagne, Mac felt her nervousness begin to dissipate. Ryan had kissed and hugged her when they’d greeted each other, and even though they’d both kept it fairly tame because of where they were, the excitement they’d both felt at being together in public was unmistakable.

The rest of the crew and several of the executives had all stopped to make comments and jokes. The director’s remarks had embarrassed Mac a little.

“Wednesday’s kiss has to be the hottest scene I’ve ever shot,” Mitch had said. “I hope the two of you can start to exert some control over your libido so the rest of us don’t spontaneously combust when we watch you.” 

Ryan had laughed, but Mac noted he looked as if he might have actually been blushing. She knew she was!

Lyndel smiled throughout the evening, making polite conversation while still managing to remain somewhat aloof. Mac noted the actress made the effort to talk to each of her co-stars, including herself. However, it was obvious Lyndel seemed to prefer the company of the males in the room. Ryan and Brad were the two people she was most content talking to, and she was making a good effort to get to know Matt, too.

Ryan’s hand remained warm and steady on Mac’s lower back the entire time, reminding her he was there, yet not demanding any more than just her presence beside him.

After listening to Ryan and Brad reminisce about a trip to Vegas they’d gone on a couple of years ago, Mac excused herself to go to the bathroom.

Lyndel was standing at one of the sinks in the executive suite, applying lipstick as Mac finished up and went to wash her hands.

Apprehension tied her gut into a knot, but Mac willed herself to relax. Ryan had told her about his conversation with Lyndel this morning and she had been polite tonight.

“So I hear you and Ryan are sleeping together,” Lyndel said casually.  

The dismissiveness of the other woman’s words didn’t go unnoticed. Mac and Ryan were more than sleeping together, and Lyndel knew it.

“We’re in a relationship, yes.”

“Considering you were fired for getting involved with a co-star and failing to keep your emotions in check, I can’t decide whether you’re very brave or very stupid.”

There was no doubt in Mac’s mind that Lyndel was leaning towards the latter. Mac hated confrontation and she really didn’t want to discuss Ryan with Lyndel, but it seemed inevitable it’d come up sooner or later. Better to get it over and done with. Besides, Lyndel wasn’t the only person in the industry who would accuse Mac of being stupid, and this was a good opportunity to work out the best way to deal with it.

Since no smart or witty retort sprung to mind, Mac decided to try for honesty instead. “Fear of being thought stupid was what stopped me from acting on my feelings for so long.”

“You’ve overcome your fear now though, have you?” Lyndel asked, raising an eyebrow and sounding doubtful.

“I’m in love with him. I never thought he would feel the same way I do, but he does. If I hadn’t taken this opportunity I would’ve regretted it for the rest of my life.”

“Now you’ll just regret losing your job instead.”

“Hopefully it won’t come to that.”

“Ryan’s never wanted a relationship before. I can’t imagine this phase will last very long.”

“He’s never been in love before,” Mac returned. “I don’t think love counts as a phase.”

“Love doesn’t last long in this business, Mackenzie,” Lyndel said, drawing out her name patronizingly. “You should know that after-”

“Then why were you willing to throw away a perfectly good job overseas to be with Ryan?”

The question was out of Mac’s mouth before she could think twice about asking it. Referencing the things Ryan had shared about Lyndel hadn’t been Mac’s intention, but it didn’t change the fact that Mac wanted an answer to her question.

Years ago Lyndel would have given up the job opportunity of a lifetime to stay in the country and be with Ryan. So, who was Lyndel Craig to imply Mac was stupid? In fact, if their positions were reversed, there was no proof at all that Lyndel wouldn’t make exactly the same decision Mac had. Maybe Lyndel had come to work on Hart’s Valley with the hope of snagging another chance with Australia’s Romeo.

And Lyndel wasn’t the only person who would make the same decision in Mac’s position, either. How many people could resist the chance to be with the man they loved – to be with Ryan Moore – if he loved them back? How many people would choose their job over the love of their life, no matter how fleeting that love could be?

People could say what they wanted, but they didn’t have to live with her regret or her choices. They had no right to judge her until they’d walked in her shoes.

There! She’d finally gotten behind her decision.

Feeling a surge of confidence unlike anything she’d experienced before, Mac stared Lyndel down and waited for her to say something.

“I could have loved Ryan without demanding anything but his commitment in return,” Lyndel said coolly. “I certainly never would have threatened to fall to pieces on him when it ended between us.”

Mac opened her mouth to say something, but before she could, Lyndel flounced out of the room.

Needing a quiet moment before she faced off against Lyndel again, Mac walked over to the plush purple sofa in the executive bathroom suite and sat down.

Lyndel’s last comment had been…unexpected. Mac had no intention of demanding anything from Ryan. Commitment was enough. As for the inference Mac would fall apart on Ryan when it ended…well, Lyndel’s comment was more valid than Mac wanted to admit.

Falling in love with Danny and being dumped by him had been embarrassing. Humiliating. But the worst part had been her reaction to him breaking up with her. She’d failed to get her act together – literally – and get past the break up. She’d fallen in a heap. She’d lost her job.

She had nothing to guarantee it wouldn’t happen again, but she was older this time round. Smarter.

Blainesworth had told her yesterday that she needed to keep her expectations realistic, and that had been good advice. When her relationship with Ryan ended, she would walk away without a scene or a fuss. This time, instead of believing she was part of some fairy tale, she’d be reminding herself things were temporary. That was all she could do for now. Hopefully it was enough.

A sudden, sharp knock on the door sounded through the small room just as she stood up.

“Mac? Are you in there?”

Unease fisted in her gut at Ryan’s urgent question. She sprang off the couch and walked towards the door.

“I’m here,” she said, as she exited the bathroom.

Ryan’s face was pinched tight, his body tense.

“What is it?” she asked immediately.

“My mum’s had a fall. My sister called me from the hospital. I have to go,” he said, sounding as if he really didn’t want to. “Please…will you come with me?”

     ________________________________________________

I can't believe it's been six months since I updated! Actually, I can. It's been one heck of a year so far. There have been three deaths in my family and plenty of other challenging and stressful situations. I am pleased to announce, however, that this story has two more chapters left and they are both finished. I'll be posting chapter 20 this week. 

To all of you who are still reading, sorry for the wait, and I hope you enjoy the rest of LCKM!

A/N: Thanks to LilianeGrouse and Jenn for their editing suggestions, to Daisy for pre-reading, and to kiddo127 for prompting me to post this chapter.    

        _____________________________________________________

Mac couldn't do anything but stare at the man in front of her. Danny couldn't be serious, could he? He'd been pining after Angel for the last three weeks. Okay, so he might not have spent as much time talking about Angel over the past week, but she still couldn't believe he'd had such a quick change of heart. And the kiss Mac had shared with him on set yesterday had been all right, but there hadn't been any fireworks. Not from her point of view, anyway. The only fireworks she'd experienced lately were when she was kissing Ryan. Or touching Ryan. Or doing anything else. With Ryan.

"Listen, Mac," Danny said. "I know I screwed up when we were together, but I promise that this time around things will be different. I'll treat you right. I'll treat you better."

"I'm sorry," she told him. "I really don't understand what's happening here. You've been talking to me this whole time about how much you want to get back together with Angel. This is so out of left field…"

"I thought I was still in love with Angel, but when I spoke to her I didn't feel anything except anger. I didn't even want to see her. I don't know. I don't think I can ever feel the same way about her that I used to."

This was the first time Mac had heard Danny express anger over the way Angel had treated him. So, maybe Danny was starting to get over his ex, but he wasn't completely over her yet. And now it seemed like their kiss yesterday had triggered some kind of nostalgia on his side and he was looking for a rebound.

"And when I heard about your kiss with Ryan yesterday, I felt…jealous," Danny added.

"Wait. You're here because you're jealous?"

She wasn't sure if that explanation made more or less sense. Nostalgia was one thing. Not wanting her to be with someone else because he'd been with her first was quite another.

"These past few weeks you've been a really good friend to me," he said. "I realized a little while ago that I've really missed you. You're great. You've always been great. I want a second chance."

"Dan," she said gently. "What we had was over a long time ago. I think you might be confusing friendship and nostalgia with something else."

"I don't think I'm confusing anything."

"I'm sorry. I can't go back. I don't want to get back together."

"Is that because of our past and the fact I hurt you, or because of Ryan Moore?"

"My decision isn't about Ryan."

She was deeply in love with Ryan, but she would have come to the same decision regardless.

"Then it's not true what I heard about your R-rated kiss with Ryan on-set yesterday?" Danny asked her. "From what I heard, you two were basically going at it in front of everyone."

Mac tried to choose her words carefully. Soon enough everyone would know that she and Ryan were together, but there was no reason to flaunt it to Danny right now.

"Things did get a little heated," she told him. "Yes."

"Are you really going to do it again, Mac?"

"Do what again?"

"Fall for the guy you're kissing on stage?" he asked her with a touch of sadness in his voice. "That's what happened with us, wasn't it? You fell for me after we started hooking up on screen."

"It's different with Ryan," she told him. "I started falling in love with him long before he kissed me."

Danny sighed heavily and then took a seat on the sofa in the room. "Are we friends, Mac?"

She chewed her lip nervously, running through all the possible directions this conversation could go in if she answered yes. "I think we were starting to be," she eventually told him.

"Then, as your friend, I need to tell you something about Ryan Moore."

She opened her mouth to tell him to stop, but he didn't take any notice.

"Moore is a player. He has a reputation. He hooks up with a woman for a bit and then he dumps her and moves on to the next one."

It was laughable that Danny believed she didn't already know about Ryan's reputation.

"I don't think player is the right word."

"Okay, how about this? He has the attention span of a gnat."

"I know what I'm getting myself into."

"I'm worried you're going to get hurt, Mac. I know I hurt you, and I'm sorrier for that than you'll ever know, but if-"

"I appreciate your concern, Dan, but I'm a big girl. I'm aware of the potential for things to go wrong here. I'm not the same naïve actress I was when I dated you."

"You know he has a history with Lyndel Craig, right?"

How on earth did Danny know about Ryan and Lyndel? Forget it. She didn't want to know. She'd heard everything she wanted to hear about that hook-up from the horse's mouth already.

"I have to get ready for a scene," she told him, ready for their exchange to be over.

"Do you think it's any coincidence that Mick hired Lyndel after the story broke about you and Ryan?"

Don't ask. Don't ask. Don't ask. "What are you talking about?"

She hated herself for biting. She wanted to pretend she had no interest in whatever it was he was going to say, but she couldn't help herself.

"Lyndel. She's worked with Ryan. She's worked with Brad. She's worked with Jazz and Vanessa, too."

She'd had no idea Lyndel had worked with Jazz and Vanessa before, but she still wasn't sure what Danny was trying to say.

"So?"

"So, she could end up being your replacement here, Mackenzie," he said impatiently. "In a close-knit cast like the Hart's Valley one, bringing a stranger in to replace you would go over like a lead balloon, but using someone who already knows the other cast members - someone who already has an established relationship with the leading man – that's an important move for the producer. Don't you think?"

A new cast member had been on the agenda since the end of last season. She really didn't want to believe Lyndel was here because of the headline Blainesworth had questioned Mac about three weeks ago. She'd knuckled down since then. She'd barely said a word to Ryan until yesterday. If Blainesworth had gone ahead and acquired her back-up, the only conclusion she could draw was that her boss was completely certain she'd screw up.

"I can't believe he'd do that," she said, sounding more certain than she felt.

"This is television, Mackenzie-"

"Don't lecture me. I'm not stupid."

"Of course not."

He put a hand out but she shrugged it off.

"He'd hired Lyndel before my kiss with Ryan. She can't be here because of me. I haven't done anything wrong."

That he knows about. Yet.

Any minute now, Ryan was going to finish his scene and he was going to expect that they would go and see the boss and tell him they were together, just like they'd planned.

"Listen, if everything stays as it is between you and Moore, I'm sure you'll have nothing to worry about, but if not, you could risk being written out of the show. I just felt like I should warn you."

And did his warning have anything to do with the jealousy he'd confessed to, minutes ago? Was he trying to scare her away from Ryan? Could Danny be so…desperate that he'd make something like this up to drive the fear of God into her? She didn't want to believe her ex-boyfriend was an even bigger dick than she'd originally thought. But the alternative was that he was right – that Blainesworth was going to push her out the door at the first hint of her being anything less than 100% professional.

"I meant it when I said I don't want to see you hurt again," Danny told her. "And if a friend is all you want to be, then I'll take it, Mac. I want you in my life."

They were interrupted by a quick rap on the door before Ryan walked into the dressing room. His expression changed from light to dark the moment he saw Danny standing there.

"Westlaker," he said stonily.

"Moore," Danny said just as coolly.

Mac cleared her throat. "Well, thanks for the advice, Dan."

Danny leaned in and gave her a kiss on the cheek that lasted a few moments too long. She looked up to see Ryan's eyes a shade of green she'd never seen before.

"Take care of yourself. And be careful," Danny whispered before he left the room.

"Why was Westlaker here?" Ryan asked immediately.

"He…" she trailed off, not entirely sure exactly what she should tell Ryan.

"Mac," Ryan said warningly, as he stalked towards her. "He doesn't have a scene today. Why was he here?"

"He…said he wants to get back together with me."

"I knew it," Ryan said, eyes narrowed, mouth pulled into a grim line. "I saw the way he looked at you yesterday."

"I had no idea. I thought he was still in love with Angel."

"And what advice did he give you?" Ryan asked.

She took a deep breath. "Apparently, Blainesworth hired my replacement when he hired Lyndel. If I date you, I'm going to be forced to leave, and she'll essentially have my job. She's worked with everyone except Matt and myself, and she'll fit right in. God, she's probably your new love interest."

"Breathe," he instructed, putting his hands on her shoulders.

"I am."

"The guy's a dickhead. Lyndel is not going to replace you. You have nothing to worry about when it comes to her, either as a threat to your job, or as a threat to us. Do you understand me?"

"But what if Danny's right? Do you think she was hired in-case I screw up? Do you think she's Blainesworth's fall-back after the headline about us?"

"Mac, people are written in and out of shows all the time. No one is safe. You know that. And even if he did write you out, he'd be an idiot to get rid of such a popular character. Not to mention that if he loses you, he loses me, too."

"But-"

"Mac, you said it yourself. He's going to find out about us eventually. It's best to be straight up with him now. You know we have to do this. You. Know. This."

"You're right."

He put a finger underneath her chin and tilted her face up so that she was looking at him.

"Trust me. Will you trust me?"

She nodded before she leaned into him, comforted by his embrace. What did it say about her that she was ready to end her career – again – over a man? Did that make her every bit as weak and pathetic and foolish as the tabloids had once claimed she was? Well, at least this man is worth it.

"You know what it means once we're out in the open with our relationship, right?" he asked her. "It means I get to take you on a date."

She smiled against his chest.

"Now," he said. "Let's go talk to Blainesworth."

                                                             ***

"I'm sure I've made my position clear on this already."

Mac breathed in deeply and exhaled slowly. Their producer stared at them, anger etched into his features. It was taking all her courage not to tell him that this was a big joke and bolt for the exit. Her heart was going a million miles an hour. She couldn't remember the last time she'd felt this…terrified. She opened her mouth to say something, but no words came out.

"You have made your position clear," Ryan said, taking her hand in his and squeezing it. "Which is why Mac and I have been fighting this thing between us so hard."

"I suppose you're going to tell me that you just can't fight it anymore?" Blainesworth asked sardonically.

"For the past few months we've tried avoiding each other outside of our scenes together," Ryan told him. "It seemed like the only way we'd have any hope of making it go away. But what I feel hasn't gone away. I've been miserable, and if Mac hadn't agreed to talk to you about our potential relationship, I don't know what I would have done."

Blainesworth's features softened slightly as he looked at Mac. Ryan was throwing her the credit for talking to Blainesworth? She didn't deserve it. This was Ryan's doing, and if Blainesworth was impressed, it should be Ryan getting the credit. Her co-star was the one who had convinced her they had to be honest.

"It was Ryan's suggestion, actually," she told him.

"Which Mac readily agreed to," Ryan said, jumping in. "She didn't want to deceive you, and neither do I. We want to be together and we want your approval to date each other."

It felt like he was asking her father to date her. But maybe his approach was working, because Blainesworth was looking a lot less angry and slightly more…approachable.

"Do you know why I have this…guideline about my actors dating?" Blainesworth asked.

"Obviously, if the relationship ends-"

"Not if, Ryan. When. These relationships always end, and they rarely end well. And when the fall-out occurs, it's the show that always loses."

"What if we signed something saying the show wouldn't lose?" Ryan asked.

Blainesworth leaned forward. "You want to sign a contract stating your break-up won't affect my show?"

"We could sign a contract stating that no harm will come to Hart's Valley as a result of our romantic relationship."

"While I implore your ingenuity, Ryan, what am I supposed to do when my show is inevitably affected by your romantic relationship – or rather, the end of it? Sue you?"

"But what about all that the show has to gain from us being together?" Mac asked.

"Yes, I'll admit there would be a surge in viewers and a happy audience…while it lasted, Mackenzie. But, you see, I can't possibly imagine that it will last. No word from you, no signed contract, not even the promise of your first born, could assure me of that. "

"Okay, well what about all the show has to lose from us walking away from it?" Ryan asked.

Blainesworth's eyes narrowed dramatically. "Are you threatening me?"

"It's not my intention or desire to do that, Sir, however, I'm in love with her. I'm not sure how I'd…cope, should we be forced to stop seeing each other."

"Mr Moore, you've been in this business a long time. I don't need to tell you that that remark is completely unprofessional. But I'm afraid you're barking up the wrong tree here, anyway. If the two of you decide this is the direction you want to proceed in, I won't stop you. I can't. Legally. The person who gets the final say as to whether this disaster goes ahead is actually you, Mackenzie."

"Me?"

"Yes. And I'd like to speak with just you for a moment. Ryan, could you shut the door behind you on your way out, please."

Ryan squeezed her hand again before he reluctantly stood up. She had to resist the urge to pull him back down. He was seriously going to leave her alone with their boss? His expression told her he didn't want to, but neither of them really had a choice about this. Was Blainesworth going to threaten her again while Ryan was gone, or would he just work on persuading her that this was a bad idea?

Once she heard the thunk of the heavy door of Blainesworth's office close behind Ryan, Blainesworth began to talk.

                                                           ***

"Dude, you're killing me."

Ryan looked up as Brad walked into the dressing room they shared. Desperate for a distraction from the anxiety he was feeling over leaving Mac with Blainesworth, Ryan had been trying to play Brad's guitar. The last time he'd attempted to play the instrument, he'd sucked. Badly. From the expression Brad was wearing now, Ryan hadn't improved any.

"How was dinner last night?" Brad asked.

"It went well."

"Then you and Mac are…?"

"Together. I think."

"You think?"

Their producer was more than likely trying to talk Mac out of pursuing a romantic relationship with him right this second. Chances were good Blainesworth would play on her fear of the tabloids. And, if that wasn't enough to drive him around the bend with worry, the fact that Westlaker had deliberately set out to scare her into thinking Lyndel might be her replacement was!

"She's still thinking about running?" Brad guessed.

"I don't know. She only agreed to talk to Blainesworth. She never actually said, 'Let's do this.'"

"You're kidding me, right? You guys actually went to Blainesworth?"

"He was going to find out eventually."

"You know Mac's biggest fear is losing her job."

"Yeah, well, Blainesworth can't fire us."

"Romeo, you might have waited till you guys had been dating for a little while before you did that."

"Someone was going to see us soon enough. Mac was freaking out about it. It would have been the only thing on her mind unless we came clean with the boss."

"Yeah, but…" Brad stopped and shook his head. "How did she take the news of your history with Lyndel?"

"I don't think it's going to be anything that stops us from being together at the moment."

It's more Blainesworth's and Westlaker's fear mongering he had to worry about right now, Ryan thought.

"You did tell her everything, didn't you?" Brad asked.

"Of course I told her."

"And she isn't worried? I mean after Westlaker…"

"I love her. She knows that. I don't love Lyndel. I never did. And I have no interest in rekindling anything there. Besides, my brief tryst with her was really only one night, and I don't even remember it. She doesn't need to be worried."

"Knock, knock."

Ryan barely managed to reign in his irritation as Jazz opened the door and stepped into the room without waiting to be invited in. Yesterday, she'd been in Brad's ear, asking him to talk Ryan out of going after Mac. If she was here to repeat that suggestion, there was a good chance he'd tell her to go to hell.

"Relax," Brad said, interpreting Ryan's glare correctly. "I told Jazz you love Mac and you're not going to hurt our friend."

"I have to admit I was a little sceptical at first," Jazz said.

"But with a little help from yours truly, she's coming round," Brad said, an ear-to-ear grin plastered across his face.

"Especially since Brad promised to let me at you if you hurt Mac," Jazz added.

It was with some exasperation that he told her, "I have no intention of hurting Mac."

"It's not your intentions that have me worried. It's your love 'em and leave 'em attitude-"

"So, what are you going to do about the Lyndel situation?" Brad asked, cutting Jazz off. "Jazz thinks she's going to be trouble."

Ryan shot a look between the two of them. How much time had Jazz and Brad been spending together talking about this?

"She's a jealous cow," Jazz said.

"Jazz worked with her on Beach Blues," Brad informed him.

"Yes, and I can't say I'm looking forward to working with her again. She was a complete and utter bitch to all the girls. I'm worried she's going to get stuck into Mac the moment she finds out about the two of you."

"And she'll find out soon enough," Brad said. "Since you've gone to Blainesworth."

"You went to Blainesworth?" Jazz asked incredulously.

"Yep," Brad answered for him. "Mac's still in a meeting with him."

"You left her alone in there?" Jazz asked him, her glare accusing.

"Trust me, I didn't want to," Ryan said through gritted teeth. "I wasn't given much choice about it. And Blainesworth already knows that he can't afford to lose Mac and me."

Jazz's eyes widened. "You told him that?"

"We're a package deal."

"If you guys left the show, I don't think I'd be far behind you," Brad said.

"Neither would I," Jazz said. "Hart's Valley would be over."

"Don't be ridiculous. You guys aren't going anywhere."

"Solidarity," Brad said.

"He can't afford to lose four of us," Jazz said.

Ryan shook his head, but he was smiling. As ridiculous as his friends were being, their show of support was touching.

"It's not going to come to that," he told them. "Mac would be more likely to give up the idea of us than give up her job."

"I told her not to break your heart too bad," Brad advised him.

"Thanks so much," Ryan threw back at him.

"Let's focus on Lyndel for a minute," Jazz said. "You should tell Lyndel you're with Mac. It's probably best she doesn't find out from someone else. I mean, if the two of you used to date and she's looking to-"

"We never dated."

"Whatever it was, she needs to hear you're with someone now, and it should come from you. That's the fairest thing to do. Of course, she's still going to come after Mac with both guns blazing, but at least then I'll feel justified slapping her face if she does."

"Mac can take care of herself," Brad said.

"I'm not going to let Lyndel pull any of her proprietary crap this time around," Ryan said. "It used to drive me up the wall when we worked on Wild Horses."

"You have to let Mac stand up for herself, though," Brad said. "She won't want to hide behind you."

"So," Jazz started. "We let Mac deal with her, but if she crosses the line I'm jumping in. The staff party is on Friday night, right? Ryan, can you talk to Lyndel before then?"

"I suppose," he agreed resignedly. "Why before Friday?"

"Lyndel needs to see how close we all are. She needs to see we support you and Mac being together. Friday night is a good opportunity to do that," Jazz told him.

"Providing Mac still actually wants to be with me when she leaves Blainesworth's office."

                                                          ***

"Mackenzie, I'm sure you're already aware of the fact that the tabloids will have plenty to say about this recent development with Ryan."

Blainesworth's stare was hard, but Mac didn't look away. "Yes."

"How do you feel about that?"

"No-one likes to be talked about."

"Some people don't mind and others just don't care."

"I wish I knew how to be one of them."

"Do you know the key to being comfortable with being the subject of criticism, Mackenzie?"

"I guess I don't."

"It's confidence - confidence in who you are and what you're doing."

"I'm an actress. I should be confident."

"I've seen many actors in my time who were extraordinarily talented, but also extremely insecure. They rely on the limelight to show their best possible side, but the moment anyone says a bad word about them they fall to pieces."

"And you think I fall into that category?"

"I think you're frequently unsure of your own step. It comes from making bad judgements in the past and not having any faith in your ability to avoid repeating them in the future. What I'm trying to say is, I think if you had any faith in your relationship with Ryan, you wouldn't give a damn what I, or anyone else, thought about it. But that's not the case here, is it, Mackenzie?

"Of course, it's in your hands if you proceed with this relationship or not, but I would think your hesitations are the best guide to whether this is really a good idea. As I mentioned, I can't fire you."

"But you can write me out of the script."

He gave her a small smile. "I can. But I'd rather not. So far you've been a credit to our production, and it doesn't make sense to do that until I've at least reaped the benefits that you being with Ryan will bring us."

She wanted to ask him whether he had hired Lyndel as her replacement, but couldn't bring herself to. He might be an opportunistic bastard, but as of right now she still had her job.

"I know you said you wanted me to make Hart's Valley my number one priority, and I know it appears as if I haven't," Mac told him. "I just wanted to say, I do love this show. So much."

"Just not as much as you love Ryan Moore?"

"I wish I knew how to make a different decision, but I don't. And even if I did...I don't know how Ryan and I would work together anymore."

"Ah, young love," he sighed. "Always so dramatic. Let me say this, Mackenzie. If you haven't learned anything else from your experience with Danny Westlaker, then learn this now, and learn this quickly: keep your expectations realistic. Don't expect the impossible. Know that your relationship with Ryan will end one day, and be prepared for it when it happens. And even if your heart is breaking, remember what I pay you for: to act your ass off."

"Thank you, I will."

"Oh, and Mackenzie," he said, when she stood up. "If your decision is to follow through with this relationship with Ryan, then own it, have faith in it. Don't make excuses for your actions and wear the consequences proudly."

She swallowed. "Consequences?"

"Whatever happens going forward. Shut the door behind you, please, Mackenzie."

Thank you to @LilianeGrouse and Jenn for their editing suggestions, and to AJ and Daisy for time they spent pre-reading.

Now. I've had this chapter written for a while, I just haven't been happy with it until recently. Your comments and support have all been so encouraging. And thanks to all of you who contacted me to say you were still waiting for this chapter. I'm pleased to say the next chapter is written, and I'm actually pretty happy with it already, so no long delay on that one.

I don't think this chapter is rated 'R', but others might disagree with me. It does contain some mature content. If that kind of thing isn't your cup of tea, I recommend you skip part of the chapter. Dedication is for TheChameleon, for the wonderful cover she made me. *Hugs*. And Happy New Year!

Lots of love to all of you,

Michelle

     ________________________________________________________

Mac stood in the kitchen the following morning, waiting for her toast to pop up. She was acutely aware of the sexy, spicy scent of Ryan's cologne as he stood beside her. Heat curled through her as she inhaled it. She couldn't remember the last time she'd been invited by a man to stay for sex and breakfast. Danny had always used the excuse of having an early morning to get her to leave the night before.

"I think we'll be fine, Mac," Ryan said.

She watched him spoon coffee and sugar into two mugs. "I really don't think it's a good idea."

"I've given you a ride into work plenty of times before."

"Yes, but it's different now."

"Why? Because we had crazy, monkey sex all night long?" Ryan asked, a knowing smile tugging at his lips.

Mac felt herself blush as his gaze met hers. He looked so sexy with dark stubble dotting his jaw. She inhaled deeply as raw need settled in low in her belly.

"Yes. Because we had crazy, monkey sex all night long."

"You do look like you've been…well loved," he said smugly.

She was definitely looking a little worn out today. She'd had two hours sleep last night, tops, before she'd forced herself out of Ryan's warm and comfortable bed. The fact that she hadn't expected to spend the night meant she hadn't brought anything with her to wear this morning. After her shower she'd climbed into a pair of Ryan's old sweatpants and a jumper – sans underwear. It certainly wouldn't take a genius to figure out what they'd been up to.

Getting up early was the only way to make sure the media didn't catch sight of her. She couldn't, however, be certain that his neighbours wouldn't decide to whip their phones out and snap a photo of her if they were up. Staying the night had been a bad idea, but she'd been too consumed by him; too caught up in a whirlwind of pleasure that had never let up from the first kiss.

The conversation she'd promised herself she'd have with him had never happened. She was no closer to believing this could work than she had been when she'd sat down to dinner with him last night. Now the morning had arrived, and with it the glaring reality of her impossible situation. If she walked away from this – from him – she'd regret it, and it would break her heart. And if she lost her job because of what was happening between them, she'd regret that too.

"I know you love catching trams," Ryan said jokingly, "but you should really let me give you a ride home."

Yes, public transport was definitely out. There was no way she was doing a public walk of shame. But being caught out with her co-star at seven am in the morning wasn't much better, was it?

"I need a car," she said impulsively.

He laughed. "Finally, she admits it. It's only taken how long for you to see the Melbourne public transport system isn't all it's cracked up to be?"

"Yes. You were right. I should have bought a car a while ago."

It was the first time she'd ever admitted the novelty of using trams and trains had worn off. She'd put off looking for a car because she didn't know anything about buying one. Ryan had always been the most logical choice to help her with car shopping, but she'd been avoiding him for the past three weeks. Now, however, she wished she'd just asked Matt or Brad to help her, because not having a car this morning might really be about to land her in hot water.

"We can go look at cars this weekend if you want. Of course, my expertise doesn't come free," he told her, wrapping an arm around her waist and sliding her along the bench, so she was standing in front of him.

If she wasn't photographed with Ryan this morning, then there was a good chance the two of them would be photographed together if she went car shopping with him on the weekend. Clearly, however, he wasn't thinking about that. How can you expect him to remember what's at stake, when you lose sight every time he touches you?

"I…I don't know, Ryan."

He stopped smiling. "Matt and Brad will probably want to come, too, if you're worried about people seeing us together."

"I don't want to make the headlines again. And we never did any talking last night."

"No. We didn't."

Perhaps that had been a mistake, Ryan thought. They'd been so busy enjoying and exploring each other all evening that they hadn't discussed the things they'd needed to. He couldn't remember ever being as insatiable as he had been last night. He couldn't remember the last time he'd needed a woman so badly. Being in love had increased his libido exponentially. He hadn't been able to get enough. The night had been incredible, maybe even the best of his life, but now if felt as if the moment of reckoning was upon them.

He hoped he'd persuaded Mac that they were worth taking a chance on, because he had no idea how he was going to react if she turned around and said she didn't want a relationship with him. He felt as if his heart was hanging in the balance. It wasn't a feeling he was familiar with, or comfortable with – this feeling of utter vulnerability. He wondered if she really understood just how much she affected him, how much he loved her and how much he wanted to be with her.

"I don't know how this relationship can work without us being seen together by anyone, without us getting caught," she said to him, looking down. "Without me losing my job."

He took her chin between his thumb and forefinger and raised her gaze to meet his. "The question is, Mac: do you want this to work out between us?"

"Of course I do. But how can this possibly end well? I mean, Blainesworth…"

"Yeah, he's not going to like it."

"Ryan, I really don't want to lose my job."

Fear gripped him. Did that mean she didn't even want to try? He knew her history. He knew that there was an immense amount at risk here. He understood why she was scared. But she wasn't the only one who was afraid here, damn it. Yes, their relationship wouldn't be a walk in the park. And yes, there would be risks and complications, and a boss who wouldn't like it. But he was game. He was ready. He wanted this. He wasn't letting go.

"Listen, Mac," he said, sweeping the hair off her forehead and tucking it behind her ear, "I know you're afraid-"

"Yes, I'm afraid. Anyone could see us together. We got so caught up in rushing to bed last night that I didn't even think once about the fact that someone might see me leaving with you this morning. I just didn't think. At all. All it will take is one photo of us together and my career is potentially over. "

There was a slightly hysterical element to her voice. She wouldn't lose her job if he had anything to do with it, but she was right about one thing. Blainesworth would inevitably find out about them sooner or later. Trying to pull the wool over their producer's eyes wasn't going to work for them. They had to be smart about this.

"Well," he said, pausing for maximum impact. "What if we go straight to Blainesworth this morning and tell him about us?"

She was looking at him now as if he'd lost his mind. "Do you remember what he said to me when he saw the headline about us? He's going to fire me, Ryan. He's going to ask me to leave because I couldn't keep my 'priorities' in order."

"He won't."

"It's what he-"

"He can't fire us. We're not in breach of contract, and we haven't done anything wrong. In fact, if we go forward this morning and clue him in to what's happening, if we explain that we want to be open and honest with him, then he can't do anything. We're acting with integrity. We're not trying to fool him. We're not trying to pull a fast one on him. In the interest of full disclosure, we're revealing our romantic relationship and he'll have no option but to accept it – begrudgingly or not."

"I don't-"

"Can you imagine the fuss if two Hart's Valley stars were fired for falling in love?"

"Ryan," she said softly, "I don't think you're in any danger of being fired."

"I'm not going to let Blainesworth fire you. I told you before – if you leave, I leave. If you're not there, I don't want anything to do with the show. I'd walk out on Blainesworth in a heartbeat if he pulls anything."

"I don't want you to have to do that. I don't want you to lose your job. Not because of me."

"And I'm hoping it won't come to that, but if it does, I'll deal with it. There are plenty of ways to make a living in this world, Mac. There's only one woman I'm in love with."

Mac had no idea how she was supposed to respond to that. The man she loved stood before her, so strong, so sure, so willing to sacrifice everything. For her. He was ready to take any of the potential consequences that being together might bring. So, why wasn't she?

Because you don't want to be the actress known for making the same mistake twice.

Brad had told her a month ago that she needed to toughen up and forget what everyone thought about her, and she knew he was right, of course. But she was still working on it – still working on ignoring the media, and the idea of having to endure a second round of public humiliation for dating and then being dumped by her co-star was simply terrifying. And with Lyndel back…

And that right there, Mac realized, was the crux of the problem. She still expected this romance – which felt like it had started overnight – to crash and burn at any given moment. Ryan was Australia's Romeo. The three month man. Mr. Casual. Sure, right now he loved her, but how long would that last? How long would they be a couple for before it all went south? Their relationship would end up being very public, and therefore so would a break-up. And with Lyndel Craig back on the scene, the chances for a repeat of the incident on Junction Hospital became much higher.

But he doesn't love Lyndel Craig. He loves you, Mac. How can you turn away from a man who's willing to do anything for you? He's not like Danny at all. This isn't history repeating itself.

"I love you, Mac," he said. "I'd never try and convince you to do anything I thought would hurt you. Please trust me with this."

His gaze caught and held hers. Impossible. It was all just so impossible. How could she stand there and tell him she wasn't sure she believed in them – in him – as much as he did? She couldn't. She could only take a giant leap of faith and pray she didn't lose everything in the process.

"You really think Blainesworth will accept us being together if we talk to him?" she asked him hopefully.

"If Blainesworth actually removes his head from his ass, he'll see that us dating is a good thing for Hart's Valley. Our relationship would be better publicity than anything he could pay for."

"Providing everything works out between us," she said, before she could stop herself.

He stared deeply into her eyes. "It will, Mac. It will."

Her fear was so palpable that Ryan could practically feel it radiating off her. She was clearly terrified of talking to Blainesworth, but she had to know he would never steer her wrong. He hated seeing the doubt in her eyes. He hated the fact she was afraid. But most of all, he hated the fact that she seemed to be so unsure about whether things would work out between them. Of course he couldn't guarantee they'd live happily ever after, but she needed to start trusting in him, trusting in them. And the sooner, the better.

"Okay," she said softly.

"You're going to trust me?"

"Let's talk to Blainesworth."

The relief coursing through him right now was so strong it took him over. He pulled her into his arms and kissed her. Her response was a little tentative at first, but soon she was kissing him back and, as usual, he was left feeling dizzy and breathless. He was so caught up in her; it was crazy. Every kiss, every touch, drew him in so much deeper. He swept his tongue along hers as his hands skimmed inside the elastic of the pants he'd loaned her. When he realized she wasn't wearing any underwear, all the available blood in his body rushed south, making him so hard it hurt. He deepened the kiss and palmed her sweet ass.

"God, Mac."

"We'll be late," she said as she ground her hips against his.

"Don't care," he replied.

Mac knew her thoughts should be on getting to work and the inevitable meeting with Blainesworth, but all she wanted right now was to be possessed by Ryan, to feel him inside her, filling her up. The last few weeks had been so full of turmoil, and being in Ryan's arms, feeling his heat, his body against hers, was exactly what she needed right now to feel okay.

"Mackenzie," he whispered, as he pressed a kiss to her neck.

She lifted her arms up in the air and Ryan whipped the jumper over her head. Reaching behind herself with one hand, she unclasped her bra. As soon as it landed on the ground, it was replaced by Ryan's hands cupping her breasts. He rubbed the already hardened peaks with his thumbs, before lowering his head and drawing one into his mouth. She ran her hands through his hair and arched her back as incredible sensation after sensation raced through her.

"Condom," she said to him.

"In the bedroom," he replied as he pushed the pants off her hips.

She wrapped her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck, very aware of the way her hot, naked centre was pressed against the hard length of him through his jeans. The moment he laid her on the bed, she reached out and trailed her thumb lightly over his face. He looked at her tenderly for one long moment before he kissed her again. She felt herself growing slicker as his tongue stroked hers. The smell of him, the taste of him, the rasp of his stubble against her – it all interfered with any rational and logical thought.

Then he suddenly pulled away. Needing him to come back, needing to touch him, she reached out, but he had other ideas on his mind. He licked his way down her belly, then across her hip, before finally settling between her legs.

"Ryan."

Her body lifted off the bed the moment he set his tongue in motion there. Her hands fisted in his hair as he pleasured her, and as her orgasm approached she couldn't stop her hips from moving under his mouth. He held her hips still as the vibrations of his laugh propelled her towards the finish line. She felt her whole body tensing up; felt the heat inside her build and build, making her burn and tingle all the way to her toes.

"Ryan," she pleaded. "I'm so close."

His lips closed around the bundle of nerves between her legs before he gave her one final flick with his tongue and sent her soaring. Fireworks exploded in a million different colours behind her eyes as she cried out. She became vaguely aware of Ryan shucking his clothes in the background.

"Mac."

Ryan couldn't resist getting Mac to look at him as he readied himself to take her. Her bright blue gaze locked with his as he began to sink into her, inch by inch. She was still tight, still pulsing with the aftershocks of her orgasm, and he was unbelievably close to finding his own release as her body gripped his in welcome. Her arms came up to wrap around him and pull him down to her, and then his mouth was on hers as he slid the rest of the way inside her.

She moaned into his mouth and moved her hips urgently against his. He was so close to losing it, and he was nowhere near ready for this to be over yet.

She yanked her mouth away from his suddenly. "Condom," she panted.

He swore. He never forgot to put a condom on, but he had just now. There was nothing between them. The thought made him even harder; pushed him right to the edge as he moved and felt her silken walls caress him. He'd always believed it was better to be safe than sorry, but for the first time in his life he really didn't want to use one. Not with Mac. Being with the woman he loved, like this, was the closest thing to heaven he'd ever experienced.

"Do we need one?" he asked.

"I'm protected. Are you…"

"I'm clean."

"Be with me then," she whispered, before dragging his mouth back to hers.

Her legs came up to wrap around him, anchoring him to her. It was all the encouragement he needed. Unable to resist giving them both what they needed, he drew back and pressed forward, thrusting as deeply as the position would allow.

Mac could scarcely breathe as Ryan's hot gaze caught and held hers. With every stroke of his body into hers, she felt her climax nearing. He was close too, judging by the way his muscles were tensing under her hands. He pumped into her as he held her tightly. And as she hit her peak a second time, Mac knew she'd made the right decision. No matter how long this relationship lasted, it would be worth it. Risking everything might be a mistake, but missing out on this would have been the biggest mistake of her life.

                                                         * * *

Mac paced around her dressing room. Ryan had driven her home and then to work, and after he finished filming his first scene for the day, they were going to go up and talk to Blainesworth. She was so nervous she couldn't concentrate on the script she was supposed to be reading, and now that Ryan wasn't around to make her feel better with his positive talk, she was questioning whether talking to Blainesworth was really the right move.

Their producer had made his position on the relationships between his stars obvious. And he'd gone out of his way to warn her that involving herself with Ryan would be a very bad career choice. She wanted to believe what Ryan had said, about Blainesworth would see the silver lining in the situation – but what if he didn't?

At least she'd avoided Jazz this morning. She could just imagine the disappointed look on her friend's face, and hear her comments about Ryan's inability to commit, when she realized Mac had gone against her advice and decided to date Ryan anyway. Of course she was going to tell Jazz what had happened. She just couldn't deal with her friend's doubts and comments about Ryan right now.

A sudden knock on the door stopped her pacing. She rushed to open up, hoping it was Ryan. Instead, however, it was Danny standing there in the doorway.

"Danny. Hi. What are you doing here?"

They didn't have a scene today. In fact, she was pretty certain Danny was done with his scenes for the week.

"I had to talk to the boss about something. While I was here I thought I'd just swing by; see how you're doing today. Can I come in?"

Mac stood to the side and he walked past her. Instead of taking a seat on the couch like she'd expected him to, he remained standing.

"What's up?" she asked him.

"I've been an idiot, Mac," he said, shaking his head. "I've been waiting for Angel to come round, hoping she'll eventually realize she wants me back."

"I know."

"But then she called me last night, and when she mentioned getting together and talking, I couldn't think about anything other than how much…how much I really liked kissing you again yesterday. It was just like old times. I think letting you go might have been the biggest mistake of my life. I think…I think I want you back."

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A/N: This author endorses safe sex, lol. My characters are fictional and therefore aren't at risk. 

Of course I'd love to know what you thought of this chapter. Please feel free to comment/vote if you liked it ;-) 

Thanks to LilianeGrouse for proof-reading, and to Daisy for pre-reading.

Apologies for putting this story on hold. I had a project that I was working on - a story on another site which I hadn't updated for far too long. In the spirit of NaNoWriMo I tried writing 50,000 words for the story, in the hopes that I might be able to finish it for those people reading it, but alas I did not succeed. But that's not your problem :D

I now declare Lights, Camera, Kiss Me offically off hold!

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"You made it."

Mac decided she wasn't going to tell Ryan how close she'd been to not coming this evening. Instead she lifted up the brown paper bag she'd been holding against her with one arm.

"I wasn't sure what we were having, so I brought red and white wine. The white is already chilled."

He took the wine from her. "Perfect. Either will go fine. Come on in," he said to her, stepping back.

Her heart picked up in anticipation as she walked past him, but he didn't touch her.

"I hope you're hungry," he said as they walked into his apartment.

"I am."

Almost immediately her eyes settled on the large floor to ceiling window in his lounge room. All of their friends were jealous of Ryan's apartment. He had a stunning view of the city. The lights in the room had been dimmed; making the sight of the Melbourne skyline all lit up that much more spectacular. To the side of the large window sat a table for two which had been set for dinner. A single blood-red rose stood in a vase in the middle of the table, on top of a crisp white linen tablecloth.

"Dinner is prepped, but I didn't want to start cooking till you were here. It won't take me long."

Mac turned around to see Ryan disappearing into the kitchen opposite the lounge – along with her wine. She needed a glass of liquid courage right now. She couldn't remember the last time she'd been this nervous on a date – probably because she'd never been this nervous before. The whole way over to his apartment she'd had Brad's words circling in her head.

"If you do decide the cons outweigh the pros, don't break his heart too bad."

The idea of breaking the heart of Australia's Romeo seemed preposterous, but Brad had sounded so serious when he'd said it. The concern in his voice had been obvious. He was worried about his friend. And, as if that alone hadn't been enough to confuse her, Brad had mentioned that Ryan was thinking about quitting Hart's Valley; that he was worried about the future if things didn't work out between them.

Her head was a mess. Her confession to Ryan and their R-rated kiss on set, followed by Ryan's declaration of love and Lyndel's sudden appearance had all happened in a very short period of time. She was still trying to wrap her head around the day's events and she hadn't quite managed to do so yet. Tonight she'd come to dinner with the intention of making a decision about whether she wanted to pursue a relationship with the man she was in love with, but she had no idea how to start working it out.

Ever since she'd left the set all she'd wanted to do was ask Ryan about Lyndel, but at the same time she was absolutely terrified of bringing up the other actress. What would Ryan say when he found out his former co-star was back? Would he be happy and excited? Or would he give the appearance of not caring? Would he tell her there was nothing between them now and then dump her weeks later when he realized there still was?

Brad had told her more than once that she needed to talk to Ryan about all of her concerns and worries. As horrified as she was at the idea of laying all her insecurities bare, Brad was right. They needed to talk. They needed to understand each other. If Ryan really was in love with her then she owed it to him to talk things through before she made a decision.

She walked into the kitchen and watched as Ryan pulled several bowls and jars out of the refrigerator. He still hadn't mentioned what they were eating, but judging by the ingredients he was placing on the bench-top, she was going to take a guess and say they were having spaghetti carbonara.

"Can I help?" she asked him.

"Ah, the garlic bread needs to go in the oven, and the wine needs to be opened and poured."

"I can do that," she said quickly.

He looked at her with a knowing smile. "Nervous?"

Hell yes! "Just a little."

He grinned. "Wine glasses are on the table."

Mac quickly located the garlic bread in the fridge and opened it before sliding it out of its packaging.

"There's already a tray in the oven. Mitts are in the cupboard above the oven."

Skipping the mitts, she opened the oven door and carefully put it on the tray. Then she went to retrieve the two wine glasses.

"White or red?" she asked him as he poured oil into a frying pan.

"You pick."

"Red then? It'll go with pasta."

"Great."

Mac undid the screw-cap on the bottle and poured it straight away. Once she'd handed a glass to Ryan she took a long sip of her own wine. Maybe after she'd had a full glass – on her currently empty stomach – she'd feel confident enough to ask about Lyndel; confident enough to find out exactly how Ryan expected a relationship could work between them when their boss was dead set against it.

She watched and admired Ryan as he worked quickly and neatly in his small kitchen. Dressed in black trousers and a black and silver striped dress shirt, open at the collar and rolled up at the cuffs, he looked handsome and perfect, and every part the TV star and heartbreaker she knew him to be.

After he'd stirred in all his ingredients he asked her about the final scene she'd shot with Brad and Vanessa, and then he announced dinner was ready.

"The garlic bread should be ready," he said to her. "It only takes eight minutes."

Right, she should be concentrating on the small task he'd given her, rather than appreciating the view in front on her. She pulled the mitts out of the cupboard above the oven and pulled the garlic bread out, before putting it on the plate that Ryan had waiting.

She carefully opened up the foil. "The top isn't brown."

She'd been too busy staring at Ryan to remember to open up the foil for the last minute or two that it had been in the oven.

"I can put it back in for another minute," she added.

"Forget it," he said as he served the pasta into the large pasta bowls he'd taken out of the cupboard. "It's all good. I'm all set to eat now."

Ryan picked up both bowls of pasta and she grabbed the wine glasses and followed him to the table. After he'd placed the bowls on the table, he pulled her chair out for her and laid the cloth serviette across her lap the moment she was seated. He then returned to the kitchen to bring out the wine and garlic bread.

"This is service I could get used to," she made the mistake of saying as Ryan sat down opposite her.

"That's the idea," he said.

It was the first mention he'd made to the non-casual nature of their dinner date. The nerves which had been pushed into the background suddenly returned in full force, stealing her breath and making her stomach drop to her toes.

He raised his glass. "To us."

Her hand was shaking ever so slightly as she touched the rim of her glass against his.

"To us," she repeated.

"Dig in, before it gets cold," he instructed.

Relieved to have a reason to look away from his intense gaze, she picked up her fork and wound some of the spaghetti around it before putting it in her mouth.

"Amazing," she said when she'd finished the mouthful. "Hands down, best spaghetti I've ever had."

"Brad was worried you were going to get spaghetti on toast."

"I'll be sure to sing your praises when I see him tomorrow."

"I'd be relieved if you did. He'll worry otherwise."

She laughed.

"He called me, you know," Ryan said tentatively, pausing briefly before he continued. "After your scene was finished tonight."

"Oh?"

Mac felt her heart rate speed up. Had Brad told him that Lyndel was back? Did he know she was their new co-star? Had Brad told Ryan anything about the conversation they'd had before she'd left the studio? She reached for her wine and took a large gulp.

"He told me Lyndel is joining the show."

So, he knew? He knew about their new co-star. She studied him, trying to get a read on what was going through his head, but he was studying her just as intently, obviously trying to do the same thing – work out her reaction to the news.

"Blainesworth brought her down to the set so she could catch up with you and Brad," she said, unwilling to give anything more away right now.

She needed more of Ryan's reaction to the news. Unfortunately, he remained annoyingly silent on the matter.

"The three of you used to work together on Wild Horses, right?" she asked. Probed.

"We did."

Ryan had hoped that once he brought up the topic of Lyndel, Mac would ask him something about his relationship with the other woman and they could ease into a conversation about the concerns he knew she had about their new co-star. He wanted to put her mind at rest. So far, however, Mac just looked uncomfortable and kept reaching for her wine. He was just going to have to start this ball rolling and hope that Mac decided to start talking when he opened up.

"We slept together," he told her. "Lyndel and I."

Mac just nodded and reached for her wine again. He fought a surge of frustration. I'm trying here. Work with me, Mac.

"I figured as much," she said. "You guys had great chemistry."

"It was only once, and it was a mistake. A big mistake. She'd been pushing for a relationship between us the whole year we worked together."

"But you didn't want one?"

"I didn't," he confirmed. "As you know, I've never been interested in having a relationship before."

"Why? I mean, why haven't relationships ever interested you before now?"

"Ah, aside from the fact that I've never been in love before, it probably has something to do with some stuff that happened when I was younger."

He could see he'd clearly piqued her interest, but he'd prefer to keep this conversation about Lyndel. His mother's hatred towards him and his father wasn't exactly his preferred topic of choice at dinner.

"Maybe we can save that conversation for another time," he added.

"Okay."

There were other logical reasons why he'd chosen never to get involved before. However, he didn't think that discussing the opinions he'd once held on long-term functional monogamous relationships was the way to go – not when he wanted to convince Mac that he wanted to be in a relationship with her. Besides, falling in love had definitely made a dent in some of his cynicism, and he wanted to believe happy long-term relationships weren't fairy-tales. Hopefully, that didn't make him a complete idiot.

"So, you slept with Lyndel, despite the fact that you didn't want a relationship with her, and she did want one with you?" she asked, returning to the topic of Lyndel.

He sighed. "We weren't shooting on set anymore. Lyndel and I didn't have any more scenes. She had her flight booked and was supposed to be leaving the country a couple of days after her farewell party."

"And you decided to sleep with her since she'd be leaving the country soon?"

Mac made him sound like a jerk who had taken advantage of someone who had feelings for him, but that hadn't been the case at all. And Mac should know him better than that by now.

"No. The night of her farewell party came and I…had a lot to drink. I don't even remember going to bed with her. I don't remember having sex with her. All I remember is waking up next to her the morning after, and her telling me she didn't want to go to America anymore. She wanted to stay here in Oz so we could see if things between us worked out. Then she told me she was totally in love with me."

"Whoa," she said. "What did you tell her?"

"I told her I wasn't looking for a relationship and that she would resent me if she gave up the opportunity to stay here. I told her I didn't think it would work out between us."

"Was she upset?"

"Very."

"When she came looking for you today I never would have guessed all this. She seemed excited to see you – really happy to be working with you again."

He squirmed in his seat. "The day she left the country she showed up here. She told me again that she loved me and then she asked if I could ever see anything working out in the future between us."

"What did you say?"

"I didn't know what to say. I'd never led a woman on and I wasn't about to start, but I already felt like such a prick after sleeping with her that I didn't want to be too harsh with her."

"So…?"

"So I told her I really couldn't see us together. At all. But I'd never say never."

"Oh my God," Mac said. "She's come back here to work on Hart's Valley hoping you'll have changed your mind and be ready for a relationship with her?"

"I really hope that isn't the case, but I'm worried it might be."

"She's still in love with you."

"She's been gone for years. She can't still be in love with me, Mackenzie."

"But if she is?"

"I'm not interested. I wasn't then and I'm certainly not now. Lyndel is a beautiful woman but there was nothing else about her that appealed to me. Sometimes she was a real bitch to the other females we worked with, and I found her a bit shallow. We were never friends – just two people who worked together and were attracted to each other. Besides, there's only one woman I want now," he said, giving her a pointed look.

"Now that the two of you are working together again, though, there's always a chance that the chemistry you once had will be there in the scenes you shoot together."

"To be honest I don't think there's any chance of that happening. Not on my part."

"How can you be so certain? I mean, you haven't seen her in years, and you haven't worked together in just as long. I don't understand how you can be so-"

"Mac, we've always been friends, you and I. Do you really think I'd do something that I know would hurt you like that?"

"Not intentionally, no."

"Brad and Jazz would kill me."

"They wouldn't be happy, I know, but…chemistry is chemistry. It's hard to deny these things."

Deciding that gut-wrenching honesty was the only option here, Mac continued. "I don't want to watch you kissing somebody else. I don't want to see a spark between you and Lyndel, or watch the chemistry you used to have with her come between us. I'd find it really difficult to deal with. It would leave me wondering when you were going to act on it."

"Do you have any idea how hard it has been for me to see you with Westlaker?" he asked her. "Mac, knowing you used to be with him and thinking something might start between the two of you again has been an ongoing tortuous nightmare for me. And watching you kiss him today…"

He didn't have to say anymore. Mac knew that watching the one you love kiss someone else was hard. Very hard. She hadn't given any thought to how Ryan might have felt about her kissing Danny, but that was because she hadn't known how he felt at the time. And she was still coming to terms with it even now; still trying to get her head around the fact that Ryan Moore was supposedly in love with her.

"Plus," he continued, "you seem to have a thing for your leading men. I might be worried that you'll fall in love with the next man you're involved with on set."

It was ludicrous. Sure, it had happened twice in a row, but she'd fallen in love with Ryan for reasons which were different to the reasons she'd fallen in love with Danny. Not that she believed Ryan was really worried. He was obviously trying to make some kind of point about the absurdity of her fears. She got it. She was being insecure and she didn't like that about herself, but fears were irrational.

"I don't see that happening," she told him.

"But it might. I could say, 'why wouldn't it?' You fell for Danny. You fell for me."

"Those were two completely different scenarios."

"How were they different?"

"With Danny I was caught up, swept away. I was unable to separate what I felt on stage with reality."

"And that isn't the case with us?"

"No, it's not."

It most definitely wasn't. This whole time she'd been beating herself up for making the same mistakes she'd made on Junction Hospital, and whilst she had technically fallen for her leading man twice in a row now, the circumstances were different. She'd really started falling in love with Ryan well before they started kissing on set.

Their friendship and attraction had been building into something from the first moment she'd met him. She'd cared about him, respected him, and liked him from the start. And the attraction she felt towards him as a woman, combined with the fantasies she'd built around him as a teenager, had been too difficult to ignore. If she'd met him through a friend or through any other avenue, her response would have been the same. It wasn't an on-set thing. What she felt for Ryan was much, much bigger.

Which only means there is so much more potential to be hurt here.

"Did I ever mention that I used to have a poster of you up on my wall when I was fifteen?" she asked him before she could think better of it.

Ryan shook his head as a slow, cocky grin spread across his lips. She was blushing furiously now, and it had nothing to do with the effects of the wine.

"Why? Are you saying we're acting out some fantasy you concocted as a fifteen-year-old?"

Mac didn't think it was possible to blush even harder, but she did. She sounded like some kind of infatuated fan-girl. Why had she mentioned it? Amazingly, he wasn't looking like he wanted to push her out the door. He just couldn't seem to keep the smirk off his face.

"When I found out I'd be working with you on Hart's Valley I was nervous and a little excited, but more wary. I didn't want to risk my career after everything that had just happened with Danny, and I knew I couldn't afford to re-visit the days of my…crush. But I was…attracted to you from the beginning. And when we got to know each other and started hanging out as friends, I came to care about you. A lot. And then the attraction and everything else just…overwhelmed me. My point is, it was nothing like the slight adoration and stage-chemistry I had with Danny."

"I see."

She'd just poured her guts out and embarrassed herself talking about her stupid teenage crush and that was all he was going to say?

"Are you finished?" he asked, motioning to her pasta bowl which she'd abandoned a long time ago because of the nerves making her tummy jump up and down.

"I guess."

"Good," he said, standing up and offering a hand out to her.

"What about…" she trailed off as she saw the naked lust burning in his eyes.

They needed to keep talking, didn't they? They shouldn't be doing that until they'd sorted everything out, and she still had no idea how they were supposed to carry on a relationship when her boss was against it and she could lose her job.

"Forget the pasta, forget the dishes. Forget everything," he said, as he pulled her up from her sitting position, and hauled her against his chest.

She felt the breath leave her lungs as his eyes searched hers for a moment. Finding whatever answer he was looking for, he lowered his mouth to hers and kissed her. You're supposed to be talking. You really need to talk this through. So much danger. So much potential heart-ache. How on Earth can this possibly work? You need to figure that out before you sleep with him again.

She opened her mouth to tell him so, but then his hands went to her hips and he was lifting her so she could wrap her legs around him, just like she had when she kissed him earlier in the day. Instead of telling him they needed to stop, she made a noise so needy and pleading that he deepened the kiss until she was shaking with need and supremely grateful for the fact that he was holding her. Who was she kidding? She was never going to be able to think anything through until she'd slaked the fire he'd started inside her.

Ryan had known from the moment he'd opened the door and seen Mac standing there in her little black dress that it was going to be a hard task keeping his hands off of her. He'd made it through most of dinner, and that was to be commended, because it had taken a lot of effort not to think about her like this – with her long, perfect legs wrapped around his hips, her body awaiting his.

Seeing her blush and acting all embarrassed over the fact that she'd had a poster of him on her wall at fifteen was about the cutest, hottest thing he'd ever seen in his life. And now she was in his arms and there was no way he was letting her go.

He didn't know how they were going to work out this thing between them. He didn't know how they'd deal with Blainesworth or her insecurities about Lyndel, or anything else for that matter, but right now he couldn't stop himself from believing that everything was going to work out anyway.

She loved him. She was in love with him, and he was in love with her, too. The attraction and friendship between them had turned into something so much more for her – something that overwhelmed her – and he understood that all too well, because it was so much more for him, as well. It overwhelmed him, too.

"I know we still have things to talk about," he said to her. "But will you spend the night with me, Mackenzie?"

"Yes," she said.

Her answer was music to his ears and filled his heart with hope. It was all going to work out. It had to.

This chapter ended up a little long, so I hope most of you don't mind a longish chapter. I hate my readers to get bored. On another note, a few of you have mentioned you're NOT a fan of cliffhangers. Um, is there any other way to end a chapter? LOL. Teeny-tiny cliffy this chapter, depending on how you define a cliffhanger.

Thanks to @LilianeGrouse and Jenn for their wonderful editing suggestions. Goodness knows I need 'em! <3 Thanks to Days for pre-reading, too.

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"What?"

"I said I'm in love with you, Mackenzie."

Mac shook her head and opened her mouth, ready to refute what he'd just said, but the words failed to come. He leaned forward slowly and swept a lock of hair off her forehead, before he tucked it behind her ear. His eyes were as close to green as she'd ever seen them as he studied her, the tenderness and warmth in them enough to take her breath away and make her heart beat that much faster.

"Have dinner with me tonight."

His voice was so low she shivered in response. She had no idea what she should say. Every argument she'd made, every defence she'd shored up against him had melted away the moment he'd told her he was in love with her. She'd wanted nothing more these past few weeks than to hear those words come out of his mouth and now that they had, she'd lost the capacity to speak – to even think.

"Mac?"

He was waiting for her to say something. If only she knew what it was that she should say to him. Was this how he'd felt when she told him she loved him?

"This is, ah…I'm really surprised."

"You're not the only one," he said, before chuckling softly. "I've tried to avoid feeling like this about anyone, but I just couldn't avoid it with you. I've fallen so hard for you, Mac. I know it screws up everything. I know the risks you have to take if we decide to be together, but I want it. I want it so much. I want you and me. Together. I've never wanted anything more."

"The risks," she repeated, her mind tripping over and then clinging to the word.

For the past three weeks she'd done everything she could to keep it together, to not fall apart – to put her job first.

"Aren't you glad you don't have to choose between following your heart and keeping your job?"

At the time it hadn't at all seemed like a blessing, but Jazz had been right – it had been a small blessing. When she'd been sure Ryan didn't reciprocate her feelings the only choice had been to focus on her job. Now, however, he was handing her everything she'd ever secretly wished for and her head was reeling from the whirl of thoughts and questions flying through it. Could they do this? Could they have a relationship when their boss was completely against it? Would Ryan really give up his womanizing ways for her?

"I know. Your job's on the line. Trust me, I get it. All I'm asking for is a chance to talk this over with you – to discuss the situation and whether we could ever make this work between us. Where we go from here is up to you. I just want to talk about it. That's all."

He made it sound so harmless. A little talking. Some dinner. But dinner might lead to sex. Even as she had the thought she felt her insides quiver with anticipation. Her body was still thrumming with sexual energy after the kiss they'd shared on stage. As if he could read her mind his eyes darkened and his gaze dropped to her lips.

She'd never stopped wanting him, even after they'd just had sex in her kitchen. Ryan had tried to persuade her that sleeping together once would never be enough. Oh, how right he'd been!

But you only wanted to limit sex to the one time because you were worried that sleeping with him would make you fall in love with him. Idiot. They'd only slept together once but she'd fallen in love with him anyway. And it seems he's in love with you, too.

The thought made her head spin even harder. Her first instinct might have been to deny that he loved her, but why would he lie? He had to be telling the truth. Nothing else would explain why he wasn't running from this, or from her. Nothing else would explain the fact that he wanted something from her that he'd never wanted from anyone else – a proper relationship.

"Please, Mac."

It was the desperation in his voice and the pleading way he looked at her that made her nod her head slowly. "Okay."

He took a breath and then let his forehead rest softly against hers. "Thank you."

It's just dinner, she reminded herself as her nerves and doubts kicked into high gear. Dinner that could lead to sex and a relationship with Australia's Romeo, and the end of your career. But sure, tell yourself whatever makes you feel better.

"We should get back to the set," she told him, more aware than ever that they were alone in a dark hallway.

He pulled his head away from hers and studied her. For a moment she thought he was about to kiss her, but he didn't. Thank god. Her heart was beating so loudly she could hear nothing but the thump of it in her ears, and she was breathing so fast it was a miracle she wasn't hyperventilating. She didn't know if she could handle another kiss like the one they'd shared on set without spontaneously combusting.

"I can't go back to the set yet," he told her.

"Ryan-"

"I know. I might just wait another minute or two before I go back. I almost lost it up there, Mac. If Mitch hadn't stopped us, I have no idea just how far I would have gone."

And she had no idea just how far she would have let him go, because when Ryan had his hands and mouth on her she wasn't very good at thinking straight. Note to self, don't let Ryan near you tonight. Close proximity to the man prevents all logical and rational thought.

"We'll be fine this time," she said to him, with more confidence than she felt. "We just can't forget where we are again."

"It's not that I forget where we are. It's that I don't know how to stop."

She blushed as his dark eyes caught and held hers, and she knew that if she didn't get out of there now, he'd kiss her and all hell would break loose.

"I'm going to go back to the set. I'll see you in a few minutes."

She started to walk away, but Ryan caught and held her arm.

"Come to my place for dinner tonight, after work. I'll cook."

"I'm shooting a late scene with Vanessa and Brad. I won't be able to make it until nine-ish."

"No worries. I don't mind a late dinner."

She nodded and he grinned at her. She grinned back at him and then forced herself to walk away. The hesitations and doubts were still swirling through her, but there was a decent dose of excitement suddenly there in the mix, too. He wanted to cook for her. She'd never had a man cook for her before. She also couldn't deny she was looking forward to enjoying the stunning view of Ryan's apartment. His apartment was the envy of all their friends.

If she started a relationship with him, they'd be seeing the inside of each other's places a lot, she reminded herself. They certainly couldn't go out in public without it ending up splashed across the front page of every magazine in the country. And there was the danger. You can't afford to forget that, Mac. The question was; how did she make herself remember what was important when they were alone together and all she could think about was how much she wanted him to touch her?

                                                            * * *

"I'm thinking about heading to Manny's tonight. You in? It's been too long since I've killed you at pool."

Even if he hadn't already made a date with Mac, Ryan wasn't sure whether he would have been interested in taking Brad up on his offer. Like Mac, Brad had hardly spoken to him over the past three weeks, unless it was to have a go at him about something. Yet his friend had walked into his dressing room and invited him out to play pool as if he'd never threatened to end their friendship three weeks ago.

The invitation was completely out of left field, but Ryan didn't have the mind to work out what was behind it right now. His dinner with Mac was all he could think about. It had taken another two takes before their director had deemed his kiss with Mac acceptable. Mac had headed off to her dressing room straight after. Despite the fact that Ryan had wanted to follow her, he'd held back. He'd wait until they had some privacy before they started talking about this.

"I can't tonight," he told Brad.

"Why not? Hot date?"

"I have plans."

"Plans with Mac?"

Ryan looked at him warily. Here it came – the reason behind the invitation.

"Jazz thinks you've lost the plot. Apparently you offered Mac some kind of permanent relationship thingy? I told her she must have dreamt it. The Ryan Moore I know doesn't do permanent."

'Permanent relationship thingy'? What had Mac said to Jazz? And what had Jazz said to Brad? It didn't matter, Ryan decided. It wasn't going to deter him from going after what he wanted. If Mac decided she didn't want a relationship then he'd respect that, but he wasn't going to stand there and listen to Brad berate him for pursuing the one woman he'd managed to fall in love with despite himself. Neither Brad nor Jazz had any idea how he felt about Mac – or how important she was to him.

"I thought you were trying to stay away from her, man," Brad said.

"Yep, I was."

"What happened?"

What was the point in keeping it to himself? He had no idea what Mac had said to Jazz, or what Jazz had said to Brad. Obviously they were all talking. Keeping secrets from his cast-mates was close to impossible. Maybe if Brad heard why he wanted to be with Mac he'd shut up and leave him alone.

"I fell in love with her."

"You did not."

Ryan didn't say a word.

"Are you fucking serious? You think you're in love."

"I don't think. I know."

"You hate love."

"I never said that."

"You hate proper relationships. I definitely remember you said that. You said they never led to anything but disappointment and then bitterness and resentment."

"Maybe I changed my mind."

"Maybe you changed your mind? That's a pretty big one-eighty, Romeo."

"Are we done, or are you going to attempt to throw a punch and warn me off her?"

"Geez, you're prickly. Is it that time of month for you or what?"

"I just don't need you going off at me today about how I should stay away from her. You've already made it clear our friendship is over if I hurt her."

Brad held up his hands in surrender. "I come in peace."

"Bullshit. You came here because Jazz's been talking your ear off about something neither of you have any idea about."

"So, then, tell me about it. You want to be with Mac?"

"These past few weeks have been the worst weeks of my life. I've been in hell – just because she put a little distance between us. I couldn't eat or sleep. I screwed up on set twice last week, and I messed up when I had to kiss Mac on set today. I couldn't stop kissing her."

"I heard about that."

Ryan didn't stop to ask who he'd heard it from. It could have come from anyone. Everyone on the set and in the crew talked to each other.

"My point is, I'm a fucking mess without her in my life."

"Except she is in your life. You have to work together. And your problem isn't just that Blainesworth is likely to find out about the two of you and send Mac packing. Have you heard the expression, 'don't shit where you eat'? We've both slept with people we work with before, and we didn't do it again because it's a nightmare when it's over."

"Maybe it will work out between Mac and I."

"Yeah, and maybe pigs will fly and I'll marry Emma Stone. You can't do this. It's going to ruin everything. It won't last."

"You don't know that."

"Come on, Romeo. Wake up and smell the coffee. Relationships that start on a TV show like this don't last. When Brianna and Stone are finished, when Hart's Valley is finished, it will be curtains for the two of you. I'm begging you not to go through with this."

Ryan sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He'd been telling himself the same thing since he'd met Mac and felt the pull of attraction. Despite the frequent lectures he'd given himself, however, his feelings had grown, and grown, and grown. Now he was in love with her. What he felt was too big and too strong to walk away from, ignore, or deny.

"I don't think I can work with her and not be with her," he told Brad.

"Sure you can. We'll go out. You'll pick up a beautiful woman like you always do. You'll get over Mac. She'll get over you. You guys will go back to being friends. Everyone can be happy."

His friend was a deluded man.

"If I don't pursue this thing with Mac, or she decides she doesn't want this, I'm leaving the show. I'm out. I can't do this."

"Of course you can. You're one of the best actors in the business. It will be hard, but you'll manage."

"I don't want to manage. I don't want to see Mac every day, knowing I can't be with her, feeling the way I feel right now."

"Blainesworth would never let you go easily," Brad said, changing tactic. "You'd be in breach of contract. He could sue you, or worse, he could stop you from getting another role. Think this through, man. What would you do if you weren't one of Australia's favourite TV stars, Romeo? Acting is the only thing I've ever really seen you passionate about. I just can't see you working in the McDonalds down the street. Can you?"

"Of course not. I've invested some money over the years. Maybe I could produce something. Or write something."

"You have no idea what's involved when it comes to either of those things."

"Then I'll find out. We talked about making a movie together once."

"We joked about it."

"Whatever. I'll find something to do."

"You, my friend, have gone off the deep end."

"Maybe I have. What I feel for Mac…it's crazy."

It seemed as if Brad had run out of steam as he stood there and stared at him. After what felt like a full minute of silence, Brad finally spoke again. "You really are in love with her."

Ryan almost laughed. Despite the fact Ryan had been telling him that for the past ten minutes, Brad sounded so shocked

"Yes. I'm really in love with her."

"Shit," Brad said, plopping down on the couch in Ryan's dressing room.

"Yeah."

"You know this is going to be the biggest mistake of your life – a shit-storm of epic proportions. You're about to shoot your life to hell in a hand-basket."

He was still negative, but Brad's tone had changed from argumentative to accepting, and maybe there was a little bit of concern in there, too.

"Probably," Ryan said to him with a shrug.

"I know I gave you a hard time about this, but I don't know, maybe there's no other way. Maybe you do need to give things a try with Mac."

Ryan couldn't keep the grin from spreading over his face. Was Brad actually telling him to go for it?

"I can't see how it could possibly work out," Brad continued.

"But you're going to give me your approval?"

"I didn't say that."

Ryan was still grinning as he raised an eyebrow at him.

"I don't want to end our friendship over this. That's what I'm saying," Brad told him. "And if you really love Mac-"

"I do."

"Then…I guess I hope it works out for the two of you."

"Me too," Ryan said, plopping down on the couch beside him.

"If you break her heart I'm still going to kill you though."

"You have my full permission to kick my ass if I screw this up."

"Like I need your permission," Brad scoffed.

"You're a good friend, both to Mac and to me."

"Don't let it go to your head, but I've kind of missed you these past few weeks."

"Aww, shucks."

"Shut up. I know you missed me, too." He paused for a moment, both of them lapsing into comfortable silence.

"I feel like we should have a beer right now to toast your fall," Brad said, finally.

"Another time?"

"I guess it'll have to be. What's the plan with Mac tonight?"

"She's coming over for dinner after she shoots her scene with you and Vanessa. I'm cooking."

"I hope she's a fan of spaghetti on toast then."

"Real funny, McDay. I make a mean Carbonara sauce."

"You better hope so. If she knows what's good for her, she'll turn you down."

"Then I guess I better hope my Carbonara sauce is too perfect for her to pass up."

"Yeah, you better hope so."

                                                               * * *

"I'm so sorry."

After shooting her scene with Brad and Vanessa, Mac had been in such a hurry to leave the set that she'd walked straight into someone.

"Mackenzie," Blainesworth said warmly, as she stepped back. "I'm pleased to introduce you to our newest member of the Hart's Valley cast, Lyndel Craig. Lyndel, this is Mackenzie Lauren."

The name helped her to focus on the face of the stunning-looking blonde in front of her. That was who she'd just smacked into? Lyndel Craig? The actress had starred alongside Brad and Ryan on Wild Horses and her character had been involved in a scandalously hot romance with Ryan's character for the first season. She'd left the show after landing a role on the American daytime soap, The Rich and the Cunning.

"I used to watch you on Wild Horses," Mac said. "It's great to meet you."

Lyndel smiled politely, but her brown eyes were blank and she made no attempt to continue the conversation or trade niceties.

"We're going to be having a small welcome party on Friday night on the executive level. A formal introduction will be given to all of the staff," Blainesworth told her. "Lyndel was just hoping to have an early reunion with her Wild Horses co-stars."

"Brad's around," Mac said.

"And Ryan?" Lyndel asked.

There was a slightly possessive note to her voice that had a knot forming in Mac's gut.

"Ah, here comes Brad now," Blainesworth said. "I'll leave you two to catch up while I speak with Mitch."

"Brad!" Lyndel cried before throwing herself at him.

Well, the greeting Brad received was certainly warmer than the greeting she had received from Lyndel, Mac thought. Was the other actress always so cool with people she didn't know?

"Lyndel," Brad said with a grin, as she pulled back to look at him. "What are you doing here?"

"Meet the newest member of Hart's Valley," Lyndel said, before doing a little twirl.

"You're joining the show?"

Lyndel nodded. "Your producer was looking for someone who'd fit in with all of you. He thought I was perfect for the part. After all, you and I work well together, and Ryan and I have great chemistry. Speaking of Ry…I was hoping to catch up with him today. Isn't he in the studio? He always used to stay late on set."

"Nope," Brad said, suddenly looking a little awkward as he shifted from one foot to the other. "He went home early tonight. He has a date he wants to impress."

"Oh," Lyndel said, her disappointment evident. "I was really looking forward to catching up. He's going to flip when he sees me."

"He probably will," Brad replied.

"So, ah, he's seeing someone then?" she asked.

"I don't know too much. It's pretty new."

"It'll never last. Relationships with Ryan never do," Lyndel said with a tight smile on her lips.

"You never know," Brad said, looking tense. He looked at Mac before he looked back at Lyndel. "I'm assuming you've been introduced to Mac?"

Mac smiled as Lyndel reluctantly looked at her. "Is it Mac or Mackenzie?" she asked.

"Mackenzie, but my friends call me Mac."

"Mac is a guy's name, isn't it?" Lyndel asked, a cool smile on her lips and an eyebrow quirked questioningly.

Mac had the distinct impression that the other woman was looking down her nose at her.

"Sometimes," Mac said with a casual smile and a shrug. "I like it, though."

"You used to work on Junction Hospital, right?"

"Yeah."

"Mmm."

Lyndel's verbal acknowledgement was minimal, but judging by the expression she was wearing, she'd heard about what had happened on Junction Hospital – even while she'd been overseas. Mac could practically hear her thinking – so, this is the actress who was fired for her meltdown after she was dumped by Danny Westlaker. If Lyndel hadn't been looking down her nose at her before, she definitely was now.

There were plenty of people in the industry who would look at her the same way. Maybe she deserved their judgement. She was an actress after all. Plenty of her peers had claimed she was a below average actress because she hadn't been able to conceal her heartbreak. Working with Danny after their break-up had been impossible for her. She'd been unable to act as if it hadn't mattered. She couldn't undo that, change it, or fix it.

Brad had told her not so long ago that she needed to toughen up. Enduring this kind of professional criticism wasn't something she would complain about. That said, however, she wasn't used to it from the cast of Hart's Valley. They'd all accepted her – faulty past and all. Lyndel Craig, it seemed, did not.

Mac had always found it easy enough to get along with people, and she'd been looking forward to gaining a new cast member, but right now she wasn't feeling overly happy about the arrival of the other woman. And it didn't help that Lyndel seemed far too keen to see Ryan again. The two of them had shared some serious chemistry on Wild Horses. It didn't take much imagination to think about them taking all that chemistry between them off set and climbing into bed together. The knot in her gut grew bigger at the thought.

"Will you tell Ry I said hi, and that I'm excited to be working with him again?" Lyndel asked Brad.

"I'll tell him."

"Great. I'll see you Friday," Lyndel said before she walked away.

"Friday?" Brad repeated to Mac.

"Proper welcome for our newest cast member," Mac explained.

"Well, that was unexpected," Brad said.

"Happy?" Mac asked, making sure there was no-one else close enough to them to hear the question. "You liked working with her?"

"I always got along well with her. So did Romeo."

"Did he…? Were they…together?"

"Ah…"

Brad was wearing that deer-caught-in-headlights look, which could only mean one thing. She shut her eyes briefly as a wave of jealousy rushed over her. Not a good sign, Mac. The sudden spurt of jealousy, insecurity and possessiveness reminded her of how she'd felt about Danny when they were together, and that was enough to make her want to run from this idea of a relationship with Ryan – run away at warp speed.

She'd never been prone to jealousy before Danny. It was an ugly emotion and one that didn't have a place in her profession. However, her relationship with her ex had been born out of a spark on stage, and when she'd watched that same spark flare between Danny and Angel she'd been slightly worried. Danny had denied that he felt a spark with Angel initially, but within weeks of having that conversation he'd dumped her. Being swapped for another leading lady was something she never wanted to experience again.

Ryan had said he loved her and she had no good reason to doubt it was the truth, but there would always be temptation, especially in this job. If he started hooking up with Lyndel on stage and their spark was reignited, it could lead to something off-set. She'd promised herself she'd never end up in that position again, and yet she knew that if she did date Ryan there was a huge chance of history repeating itself.

"You're best off asking Ryan about that. You're heading over to his place for dinner now, right?"

"You know? About our…date?"

"Yes."

Mac waited for Brad to continue – waited for his imminent lecture to come. She was being silly. This would be the end of her career. That was what he should be telling her, but he wasn't. He was just standing there, watching her, waiting for her to say something.

"It's a bad idea, isn't it? I shouldn't have said yes."

"It's a bad idea, yes," Brad agreed.

"I know. You're right. I should cancel-"

"But," Brad interrupted. "It's real for him, Mac. This thing between you is the biggest thing I've ever seen happen to him. He loves you."

"But it can't work, can it?" she asked helplessly.

"Chances are that it won't, yet I find myself desperately hoping that you two find a way to defy the odds and surprise me."

"I don't know what I'm doing," she admitted. "I don't know what I should do."

"Mac, you need to tell him this, not me."

"But I need advice. I want…what he's offering me, but I'm so scared of history repeating itself, even more so now with Lyndel turning up."

"Okay, firstly, he never really felt anything for Lyndel, except a desire to sleep with her. And I can tell you that as a red-blooded male, we want to sleep with every half-decent looking woman out there. So, I wouldn't call it a big deal. What Ryan feels for you is something big enough to make him consider quitting Hart's Valley."

"What?"

"Don't tell Ryan I told you," Brad instructed. "Let's just say you're not the only one worrying about how this will affect you long-term. Love is a new emotion for him and it's kind of messing with him a bit. It's knocking him for six."

She was trying to absorb what Brad was saying, but she was still in shock. Ryan had really thought about quitting? But what about his contract? What about Hart's Valley?

"Secondly," Brad said, jerking her out of her thoughts. "You don't need my advice. You know what's at risk and now you need to work out whether the pros outweigh the cons. I think maybe you should have some faith that you can deal with this. You're not the same inexperienced actress that you were on Junction Hospital. I know the whole thing with Danny was a mess, but is running from this thing with Ryan really going to make it any easier?"

"I'm not running."

The lie was out before she could think better of it. Brad just raised an eyebrow.

"Come on. You were thinking about it."

"I…okay, yes, I was."

"How about you run to dinner instead? You'll be late otherwise and Romeo is probably thinking you've stood him up."

Mac opened her mouth to tell him that that wouldn't be the case, but closed it when she saw the stern look on his face.

"And Mac," he said, when she began to walk away. "If you do decide the cons outweigh the pros, don't break his heart too bad."

                                                            * * *

Ryan looked at the clock. Nine-thirty and Mac still hadn't shown up yet. Shooting often ran over the allotted time, but he was starting to worry. She wouldn't stand him up, would she?

When he heard his phone ringing loudly on the kitchen counter, he raced to get it, thinking it might be Mac. It wasn't.

"What's going on, MacDay? Have you guys finished shooting yet?"

"Yeah we finished. I've just said goodbye to Mac."

Relief washed through him. Mac hadn't decided not to come. The last scene of the day had just run over time.

"Great, thanks for letting me know."

"That's not why I'm calling. Listen, Romeo, you owe me one."

"What are you talking about?"

"Mac was thinking about cancelling. Lucky for you I'm such a great friend. I talked her out of running."

A moment ago he'd been relieved. Now he felt disappointed and let down. She'd been going to cancel on him? She'd agreed to the evening so they could talk things over, but Brad had had to talk her into coming. It didn't bode well, did it?

"You there?" Brad asked.

"Yeah, I'm here."

"I don't think she had any intention of cancelling until our new cast member showed up on set."

"New cast member?"

"Lyndel is back from the U.S."

"Lyndel's back?"

"Yup. And she made it clear she was extremely disappointed you weren't on set. She's very excited to catch up with you, Romeo."

Ryan groaned and covered his face with his hand. Sleeping with Lyndel Craig had been a huge mistake. A mistake he'd only made once, but a mistake nonetheless. She'd made it clear she wanted more from him than he was willing to give, so he'd ignored her constant attempts to get him into bed. Unfortunately, the night of her going away party he'd drank too much and wound up sleeping with her. And now she was their new co-star...

"Did Mac ask about her?"

"She did, and I told her to talk to you about it."

"She's going to think the worst."

"I didn't know what to tell her and I don't want to be stuck in the middle. But she knows something happened. She's scared you're going to pull a Westlaker and history is going to repeat itself with Lyndel."

"Did she say that?"

"She did. Again, I told her to talk to you about it. If you want a relationship the two of you need to learn how to talk to each other. That's what relationships are about, after all – lots of blabbing and a general lack of sex. You sure you want one?"

Ryan laughed. "With Mac, yes."

"She should be there soon. And I mean it, you owe me for stepping in."

"I'll give you the leading role in my movie."

"Make the leading lady Emma Stone and I'll be happy."

"No promises on that front."

Brad laughed. "I'm going. Good luck."

"Thanks."

Ryan ended the call and put the phone back on the bench beside him, torn between annoyance and worry. He was annoyed that Mac thought he might pull a Westlaker on her, and worried because he knew it would be hard for her to start a relationship if that was what she thought he was going to do. He had to take Brad's advice. They had to learn to talk to each other – be honest with each other. It was the only way a relationship would work between them.

When he heard the knock on the door and he felt his heart-rate sky-rocket, he reminded himself that talking was the first order of the day. Before they went to bed together again, there were things they had to discuss. However, as he pulled the door open and saw her standing there in a little black dress, eyes smoky, and lips pink and pouty, he realized just how much willpower that was going to take.

           __________________________________________

To the people voting, commenting and fanning, I love you guys! My first chapter started off with about 100 reads and I'm amazed at how many people are reading it now. I don't consider myself a newbie writer, but I'm still learning many things about the craft of novel writing. If you've made it this far through the story, you've endured some of my silly mistakes and are to be commended for you patience *giggles*.  

I've received some wonderful comments over the chapters. Please know that all of them are appreciated and read over and over again :D Please vote and comment. It really makes my day and keeps me going, even when my characters are driving me nutty. Thanks so much for reading. Have a great weekend everyone <3

A/N: Here's the next chapter. Finally! Sometimes I equate writing a story with playing chess. You're trying to think about ten steps ahead while making your current move, lol. At the moment I believe there will be 18-22 chapters, including an epilogue.

I know this story has been frustrating in parts. I fear the first part of the chapter might frustrate you again, but hang in there. Everything is about to change! *Grins happily.* Thanks Jenn for your wonderful editing suggestions <3

                  ____________________________________

"Okay, are you going to tell me what that was I walked in on back there with you, Ryan and Danny? Or am I going to have to torture it out of you?"

Jazz had sat and watched their make-up guru, Denise, make Mac look 'fab, fab and more fab' – Denise's words, not Mac's. It had been obvious that Jazz was itching to ask her something. Thankfully, her friend had held back her questions until they'd left the room. Their make-up artist was brilliant at making up faces. She was also brilliant at repeating the gossip she heard while doing her job.

"You didn't walk in on anything."

She'd told Ryan how she felt. Instead of rejecting her, like she'd expected him to, he'd offered her a proper relationship. She'd asked him why. For just a moment she'd foolishly allowed herself to hope he might love her. Pointless devastation and disappointment had followed when she'd realized he did not love her. Then Danny had thankfully interrupted them.

"Come on Mac, Ryan looked like he was about to rip Danny's throat out."

"You know he wasn't happy when I agreed to working with Danny."

It was the truth, but it was hardly the only thing Ryan was unhappy about right now. She'd turned down his offer of a permanent relationship. He was probably hurt and confused. It was a big deal for Ryan to offer something like that. Mac wouldn't pretend otherwise or patronize him, and no doubt they weren't close to being done talking about it. But she couldn't allow herself to be moved on the issue. If she did, it could be the end of her job.

So. When you do talk about it again, you need to stay strong. You have to say no until he accepts it. And if he doesn't accept it, you'll explain why you can't agree. It would never work out. It just wouldn't. It couldn't. There are too many obstacles in the way. Not to mention that he might like the idea of a permanent relationship now, but no relationship lasts past three months with Ryan. Sure, there is a first time for everything, but why should things be any different with you?

"Danny is an ex who screwed you over," Jazz said. "None of us were happy about it, but Ryan looked more than unhappy. He looked downright scary."

"You're exaggerating," Mac said.

"Trust me, I'm not."

Maybe she should have sent Danny away – asked him to come back later, but she'd needed the break from the emotional upheaval she'd been experiencing. When Ryan approached her to finish their conversation she would apologize and do her best to set everything straight between them. She wouldn't allow herself to become flustered and hopeful this time. She'd plan out their conversation first.

"Come on Mac," Jazz pleaded when Mac remained silent. "I'm dying to know what Danny could have said that would make Ryan look as if he were about to murder him."

"It was really nothing. Danny just wanted to know if we could go over our scene together," she told Jazz.

"Your kissing scene?"

"Yes."

"So, Danny wanted to go over your kiss and Ryan got all pissed about it? Do we have our own love triangle happening on-screen and off-screen?"

"Danny is still in love with his ex. I'm in love with Ryan. Ryan wants me, but doesn't love me. There's no triangle."

Mac worried at her bottom lip as she waited for the truth bomb she'd just dropped to detonate. Three-two-one.

"God, Mac."

"I know, I know. I'm such an idiot."

"Not just that. Why didn't you tell me earlier? The headline was true, wasn't it?"

Mac nodded glumly.

"I can't believe you kept this from me. Trying to get anything out of you lately has been like pulling teeth. I know you like to keep your cards close to your chest, but I'm your friend. We used to talk all the time. Now you barely say anything unless I badger it out of you. Don't you trust me?"

It appeared she wasn't done feeling like a bad friend today. First, she'd hurt Ryan by choosing to avoid him for the past three weeks instead of coming straight out with the truth, and now she'd hurt Jazz by attempting to keep her romantic mistakes to herself.

She did trust Jazz, but Mac was more than a little embarrassed about falling in love with her co-star. Moreover, talking about her feelings for Ryan had the potential to change the dynamics between everyone – make them feel like they had to pick sides, or feel awkward around the two of them. Keeping her mouth shut had seemed like the best idea for everyone. However, with Ryan now in the know, and her decision to avoid him at all costs, Jazz needed the truth.

"Of course I trust you. But this was...embarrassing. Humiliating."

"I knew there was something going on between you and Ryan because Brad has hinted at it more than once, but every time I ask him about it he says that I should ask Ryan."

It wasn't the first time that Jazz had indicated that Brad knew something about what was going on, but Mac had never sought more information because she hadn't wanted to shine any more light on the subject, or field any more questions. Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies.

Jazz blew out a breath. "I should have pushed this earlier. I knew there was more to it when the two of you always had an excuse to miss so many of the things I invited you to, and you never seemed to be at the same group things, but I tried to talk myself out of thinking it was true."

"You wanted to credit me with more intelligence than this current predicament would suggest I have, right?"

"I don't mean it like that, but after Danny I had hoped that this wouldn't happen. Blainesworth…"

"I know. He doesn't like co-stars dating. He's already warned me that I should make my career my number one priority here."

And she had. Mac mentally gave herself a pat on the back for that. Her methods had been hurtful and she regretted that now, but they'd been effective. She'd successfully worked with someone she was in love with – someone who didn't return her feelings. For the past three weeks she'd nursed her heartache and managed to get through each day without 'losing it'. That was a big step forward for her. Ryan would probably be proud of her, if he chose to forgive her for the way she'd behaved toward him the past few weeks.

She hoped he would. It would be awful if Ryan stayed angry with her. When they talked again, she had to end their friendship the way she should have done before, with no secrets between them. This time Ryan would know exactly how she felt him and why she was doing it.

"And he's right," Jazz said. "You need to put your energy into your work."

"I am. But even if I wasn't, I'd be okay. I don't have to worry about anything happening between Ryan and I, because he doesn't feel the same way I do."

"He knows, then?"

"He knows," Mac confirmed. "He was hurt and upset because I've been avoiding him lately. I had to tell him why."

"Did he give you his whole 'let's keep it casual, I'm not in it for the long haul' talk?"

"No," Mac sighed. "He told me he wanted to try something permanent, something serious."

Ryan had looked and sounded sincere as he'd told her he didn't want anything casual – that he wanted them to be together so they could see where things went. Her heart twisted in her chest as she thought about what she would be missing out on by rejecting his offer. Your job. You have to think about your job. The chances that a real relationship with him would work out are slim to none. Then you'd have thrown it all away for nothing.

"That…doesn't sound like Ryan at all," Jazz said, frowning.

"It was the last thing I was expecting." Mac paused for a moment before adding, "Just for a moment, I thought maybe he loved me back. But when I asked him why he wanted to jump into a committed relationship, he had no answer."

"Oh, sweetie," Jazz said sympathetically. "Ryan is a great guy, but he's never going to be the man you take home to meet your mother. He doesn't do commitment. I know he said he wanted permanent, but I'm not sure he even knows what that means. It would have been a disaster in the making."

"I know. It's why I tried so hard not to fall for him," Mac told her.

"You can't stop yourself from falling in love."

"Well, that's not fair. You should be able to."

Jazz laughed. "Maybe you can, but I don't know how. Do you know how much heartache I could have saved myself if I knew how to stop myself from falling in love with the wrong guys?"

Jazz had had her share of romantic blunders. Not with her leading men, but she'd certainly dated a few losers and Mac had heard about them over the past year.

Mac nodded. "I do."

"I know it might not sound like it right now, but maybe there's a silver lining in all of this," Jazz said. "If Ryan felt the same way you did, it might be close to impossible to resist getting involved with him, and you know how Blainesworth would feel about that."

"My job would be over. My career would be over."

"Exactly. Aren't you glad you don't have to choose between following your heart and keeping your job?"

"Yes," Mac said.

Now if only Mac could convince herself it was the truth.

                                                            * * *

Ryan stood on the side of the set, script in hand. He didn't bother trying to do a last minute read-through. He was too angry to concentrate on his lines. Mac had ignored him and avoided him for three weeks without any explanation, and when he'd finally cornered and confronted her about it, she'd dumped that giant-ass bombshell on him and left before he'd had the appropriate time to respond!

No, that wasn't quite true. He'd put himself on the line – offered her more than he'd offered any other woman. He'd told her how much he cared about her, and she'd all but dismissed it, and him, the moment her ex-boyfriend had turned up! She'd made it perfectly clear she'd rather be kissing the man that had broken her heart than give any thought to his suggestion that they try something permanent.

Damn it, he knew he hadn't said that he loved her, but if she would have given him half a chance to figure it out before she decided they had no future together, he would have told her. And yes, he knew Blainesworth was an issue. And yes, he wasn't deluded enough to believe love conquered all, but shouldn't she have given what he offered just a little thought?

The anger built inside him until he felt as if he was about to turn into The Hulk at any given moment – not the best way to go into a scene they had to do together. The last thing he wanted was to screw up his lines and have to re-watch Mac kiss Westlaker, but if he couldn't get his anger temporarily under control and remember his lines, he just might have to. Wouldn't that be the cherry on top of the last three shittiest weeks of his life?

"Ryan."

Ryan looked up to find one of the writers, Kelly, in front of him.

"We've made an amendment to the scene you're about to shoot."

Great, he didn't have his head around the lines he had so far and now they were changing the scene on him. This just kept getting better and better.

"It's a relatively small add-on," Kelly told him. "A kiss."

Ryan looked at the revised script Kelly placed in his hands, reading through to the end quickly. After Stone interrupted the kiss, he kissed Brianna himself.

"There's no change to the dialogue, just to the way things end between Stone and Brianna. Ending the scene with a kiss will leave no doubt in Brianna's mind that Stone is serious," Kelly added. "When we started writing next week's episode, we realized we needed something more between the two of you right here."

"Has Mac seen this yet?"

As if the question had conjured her, Mac walked in with Jazz. She was freshly made up and looking good enough to eat in her formfitting, dark purple knit dress. It didn't seem to matter that he was pissed at her, his body responded to the sight of her anyway. His heart raced and he felt breathless. Lust had made him its slave, and now it seemed love was doing the same.

Mac looked up and met his gaze for a moment. She gave him a small smile. Or maybe it was an apologetic smile? Before he could analyse it too much, her eyes flicked over to Kelly.

"Ah, she's finally back from make-up," Kelly said. "I'll go fill her in now."

Ryan read over the scene to himself. The kiss they'd added was even more passionate and intense than the last one they'd shared, and his libido was off and running before he could stop it. Maybe he was biased, but he couldn't help thinking that the extra kiss was exactly what was needed here. This felt more in character for Stone. And his jealousy and the need to claim Brianna as his was something Ryan could relate to far too easily.

He waited on the sidelines until the director called him up. Mac and Westlaker went through their lines while Ryan was forced to watch. The moment Westlaker slid his arms around Mac and pressed his lips against hers, Ryan wanted to dive onto the stage and break them up, but he managed to hang in there for the required amount of time and then he used the jealousy pummelling at him to make his entrance.

"I see you're making a habit of kissing men in Hart's Valley, Brianna."

Mac sprang away from Westlaker quickly, looking appropriately shocked, annoyed and guilty all at once. The scene was supposed to be taking place at a house party. Brianna and Luke – Westlaker's character – had slipped off to one of the empty bedrooms.

"Stone," she addressed him tightly. "I don't think kisses under duress should count."

"I hope you're not counting our kiss as that. I can't remember the last time I was with a woman who enjoyed me kissing her so much."

Mac's eyes glittered with fury as heat poured into her cheeks. God, she was so beautiful.

"And what does that tell you, Stone? Perhaps your other women don't enjoy your kisses as much as you think they do."

"Doubtful," he smirked. "But, for the record, there haven't been any other women. Not since I kissed you."

Her mouth fell open in response, but Westlaker spoke before she could.

"Was this interruption necessary?"

"I assure you you'll thank me for it later," he said, looking at Brianna. "This woman might seem warm and willing, but she's only using you to make me jealous."

Mac's outraged gasp was perfectly timed.

"Besides, Sawyer and Yvette are waiting for you at the bar downstairs. Apparently you have business to discuss?"

"Yes. We do. Brianna, could we continue this another time?"

"Yes. I would like that."

Her smile was suitably forced. Westlaker nodded and then, after a beat, he left them.

"How dare you!" she yelled, the moment the two of them were alone together. "You…you…pig!"

"He's not right for you, Brianna."

"And you are?"

"He's not one of us. He's not staying here in the Valley."

"He could change his mind."

"You're delusional. You're so busy running from us-"

"Us?" she cried. "There is no us, Stone."

"You're wrong, Brianna. When are you going to stop denying what's between us?"

"I'm not denying or running from anything!"

"No?"

"No!"

"I want you. You want me. This thing is going to happen between us – hell, it is already happening between us. You're leading Luke on."

"You're delusional. You can't stand the fact that I turned you down and you hate seeing me with Luke-"

"Yes," he bit out. "I do. Is that what you want to hear?"

She seemed shell-shocked by his admission. Stunned.

"I wanted to kill him when I saw him touching you. I had to get rid of him before I did something stupid."

"Stone," she whispered, as he came towards her.

They stood toe to toe, and as the silence went on, neither of them moving, the tension increased and his excitement at what was coming skyrocketed. He might have been more than a little cross over the way the last conversation between them had ended, but he was somewhat placated right now by the fact that he was going to be able to kiss her. He'd never been in love before, had never kissed someone he loved.

His gaze locked on her lips. He could feel the tension suddenly radiating from her as she stood still, and when his eyes flicked back up to meet hers, he could see the vulnerability in them. She was clearly terrified of what was coming, of kissing him. He forgot everything except the need to reassure her that she wasn't in this alone. He felt it too. She loved him and he loved her right back.

"Brianna."

He slid his hand around the nape of her neck, drawing her so close he could feel her body against his, igniting his desire for her further. Her blue eyes turned smoky as they clung to his, and he allowed himself to stare into them a moment before he lowered his mouth to hers and took what he wanted so badly. The kiss was supposed to start off slow and gentle and then escalate quickly, but the moment he tasted her he lost the ability to take it slowly.

Her lips parted under his immediately and then his tongue was in her mouth, stroking along the length of hers as he backed her up against the wall. She clung to him as he ground his hips against hers, conveying just how much he wanted her. His hands went to her hips and he lifted her slightly off the floor so he could move between her legs. She moved her thighs so that they were gripping his hips. Feeling the heat of her against his throbbing erection was all it took for him to lose his mind.

Keeping her pinned in place with his hips, he allowed himself to touch her. Every whimper she made, every slide of her tongue against his, reminded him of what it had been like to be inside her – her hot, wet heat encompassing him, her fingernails digging into him as his body had stroked in and out of hers. It was all he could do to stop himself from ripping aside her underwear and taking her against the wall. He settled instead for sliding the peak of his erection against her and deepening the kiss when she gasped.

There were people watching them. That thought was there, trying to swipe through the fog in his head, but it failed to make a dent. His hands slid under her dress as she sucked on his tongue.

"Cut!"

It took more than a moment for the thick fog of lust in his head to clear, and by that time Mac was already sliding her legs from his hips. But he wasn't ready to let her go – not even close. Unfortunately, he had no choice. He let his hands fall from her and stepped away.

"That was practically pornographic," Mitch called out to them, before his face split into a wide grin. "I love me a good skin flick, but I'm not in the habit of filming them. Let's try the scene again, turn down the heat a fraction, and keep your hands where I can see them."

There was no way Ryan could kiss Mac again and turn down the heat. He ran a hand through his hair. "Can I have a moment, Mitch?"

Mitch smiled knowingly. "Five minute break enough?"

An hour-long cold shower wouldn't be long enough.

"Can I have ten?" Ryan asked.

"Knock yourself out."

Mac was already leaving the stage, walking into one of the empty hallways that led away from the set, her back to him. He followed her. He had no idea where she was going or what was going through her head after that out-of-control kiss they'd just shared, but he had to find out. More importantly, he had to tell her how he felt about her.

"Mac."

When she didn't respond, he reached out and grabbed her arm, turning her around. Thank god there was no one around. One look at her dark eyes and kiss-swollen lips and he was incapable of keeping the distance between them. He was moving in and caressing her lips with the pad of his thumb before he even realized he was doing it.

Looking torn between fear, arousal and anger, she turned her face away from his touch and put her hands against his chest to stop him from getting any closer.

"You shouldn't have followed me. Not after…after that. We lost control. Everybody saw it."

She was clearly upset. His first instinct was to comfort her and reassure her that everything would be fine, but he wasn't at all sure he'd be telling her the truth. He'd kissed her without showing a lick of restraint, and she'd responded with just as much abandon. He suspected Mac believed he should have found the strength to hold back. Despite the knowledge that their attraction was mutual she saw him as the less affected party. She was clueless.

His feelings for her were so overwhelming, so potent, and he didn't stand much chance of keeping them under control. He'd never acted so recklessly before. He had to tell her how he felt and then work out how to proceed from here.

"I know, but we need to talk, don't you think?" he asked her.

"Yes. We do."

"Have dinner with me tonight."

"I can't."

"You can't, or you won't?"

"We do need to talk, but not over dinner."

"Mac-"

"Ryan, no, it's too much like a date. We can't do that. I can't do that. It would never work out. I could lose everything. My job. You have to understand."

"I do," he said to her.

And he did. He understood only too well. After all, this wasn't the first scene he'd screwed up these past few weeks. This whole thing between them was messing with him. The lack of sleep, the lack of appetite, the feeling as if nothing in the world was right anymore. For the first time in his life, he was really starting to worry about his own ability to perform properly.

He honestly had no idea how he could work with her, day in, day out, if they weren't together. However, he was hardly going to tell her that. Blackmailing a woman into a relationship was not his style. Whatever decision Mac made he would respect – providing she took his feelings into account. He was in love with her.

Right now she seemed determined to run, to stick to her decision to dump their friendship and avoid him, but he was about to play his trump card. He hoped to God it made a difference.

"I'm sorry, Ryan. What you offered-"

"Is something I've never offered anyone else before."

"I know. And it's a great offer, but you don't do permanent relationships."

"I do now. I want a permanent relationship and I want it with you," he said to her.

"It would never last."

"Ask me why," he demanded.

"Sorry?"

"Ask me why I suddenly want a permanent relationship with you. You asked me earlier. Ask me again."

She stared at him for a beat before she sighed and gave in. "Why do you suddenly want a permanent relationship with me?"

"Because I'm in love with you, Mackenzie."

                ________________________________

A/N: I've had some really wonderful comments from readers - comments that make me really think over how I'm telling this story and whether it is working or not. The last few chapters I've seen "I'm on Mac's side," or, "I'm on Ryan's side." For me there is only one side. The side of RyMac :D

There was one comment, however, that I did want to address here and that was about Mac leading Danny on. In Mac's mind Danny is still hung up on his ex. I hope this chap cleared that up :) Thanks for reading, and please vote and comment <3  

Thanks to AJ and Jenn for their editing suggestions. Thanks to Daisy for pre-reading and for her suggestions. And thanks to all my lovely readers who voted and commented and told me not to rip my hair out. This chapter started out tough to write in the beginning, but it got easier. Hope you enjoy <3

                        _______________________________

It was Westlaker who looked up first, and Ryan took a small amount of satisfaction in the fact that the man didn't look happy to see him. Ryan might have resolved to tolerate Westlaker's presence for Mac's sake, but he didn't have to like him. He would never like him – not when he'd hurt Mac the way that he had. Not when he had Mac's love and he really didn't deserve it.

"Moore," Danny said tightly.

"Westlaker," Ryan returned, just as tightly.

Since their first meeting outside of Blainesworth's office, there hadn't been a friendly word uttered between them. The rest of the cast had accepted the other actor's brief role on the show. Well, they had once Mac had explained she was just doing it to get Blainesworth off her case. None of them had been happy about it, but they were all on better terms with Westlaker than he was.

"Mac," Ryan said gently.

"I have to head back to the studio," Westlaker announced.

"I should head back too," Mac said quickly. "Sorry we can't stay."

Ryan wrapped his hand around her wrist. "You can't sit and talk to me for five minutes?"

"I'll talk to you later, okay?" Westlaker said to Mac, pushing his chair back.

Becca came over with Ryan's coffee just as Westlaker walked away.

"Refill, Mac?" Becca asked.

Mac smiled politely at the waitress. "I'm fine."

In other words, she couldn't wait to get out of there as soon as possible – couldn't wait to get back to Westlaker. She moved and he caught a whiff of her strawberry shampoo. Desire swung through him. The urge to pull her into his arms and touch her was overwhelming, but she'd made it clear she didn't want any kind of relationship with him anymore. Which was why he was sitting here, he reminded himself. He had to find out why and what he'd done.

"What's going on, Mac?" he asked her, as soon as Becca had walked away.

"What do you mean?" she responded, not quite meeting his eyes.

"Come on, Mac. Are you really going to pretend you don't know what I'm asking? You won't look at me. You won't talk to me, unless we're on set and we have a scene together. I know you're still hung up on Westlaker, and sure, I don't approve. I think the guy is a fucking moron, and if he hurts you again I'll beat the shit out of him. But I never wanted to stop being friends because of it. Our friendship meant something to me. I thought it meant something to you, too."

Mac couldn't help but be moved by what she saw in Ryan's eyes. He was glaring at her, but she could see the hurt under the surface. She'd never meant to cause him any pain – had never set out to upset him like this, but she obviously had. She'd been so busy looking out for herself, trying to protect her heart and do her best to get over him, that she had avoided him and his every attempt to talk to her off the set for the last three weeks straight.

Ryan believed she still had feelings for Danny, and she had purposefully let him think that, but she was head over heels in love with Ryan. Her feelings for Danny were purely platonic. Maybe Danny was on the verge of becoming a friend, but that was all. She hadn't even planned to have coffee with him today. She'd been complaining about being tired and needing caffeine and he'd told her he was swinging by the café. She'd never thought she'd run into Ryan here.

"I know that headline freaked you out, and you didn't want Blainesworth to think there was anything between us, but our producer hasn't given us a second thought since you agreed to work with Westlaker," he said to her.

He sounded so confused and Mac felt guilt claw through her. Maybe she should have seen this confrontation coming, but she hadn't. She'd put all of her energy into making it through each day without falling apart…and she'd succeeded. She was nailing her scenes. She wasn't letting her feelings for Ryan get in the way of doing her job. All she wanted was to be the professional that she'd failed to be on Junction Hospital. But at what cost?

She loved Ryan, and even though she was hurt by the fact that he would never love her the same way, making him feel as if she didn't care about him at all had never been part of her plan. Of course she'd known he wouldn't like how she was behaving, but she'd assumed he'd just get over it, get over their sudden lack of friendship and move on and start dating again.

Now, however, she realized she'd been idiotic for assuming she could act the way she had towards him for an ongoing period of time and expect Ryan to say nothing. He was never going to let their friendship go without good reason. Keeping her pride and dignity had been so important to her, but she couldn't lie and make him believe that she didn't care about him anymore – that their friendship had meant nothing to her. She had to tell him the truth.

That should send him running for the hills. Once she explained why she'd been acting the way she had been, things would be very clear to him. He would understand why she no longer wanted the same level of friendship they'd once had. Ryan would then let her go and keep his distance. No matter what feelings he might have for her, or how much he might care for her, he wouldn't let himself get involved when she wanted more than something casual from him.

Ryan was bound to be disappointed; disappointed that their friendship would have to take a back-seat for the moment, and disappointed that she'd made such an epic mistake, twice in a row – especially when he hadn't led her on! But she just needed him to see that some distance and time would help her get over him. He would probably be more than happy to oblige, she thought painfully.

"I don't want to do this here," she told him quietly.

"We're not going anywhere until you tell me why we're not friends anymore."

"I'm sorry. It's not you, it's me," she said standing up.

"Funny, I've never had a woman use that line on me before. I hate it even more than I thought I would."

Mac walked up to the counter, knowing Ryan would follow her. She paid for her coffee and Danny's, since he'd bought hers last time, and then she walked out the door of the café. Ryan would catch up with her easily, just as soon as he'd paid for his coffee – a coffee he'd barely even started. She felt more guilt sliding through her, but she'd needed to get out of there.

It was one thing to throw away her pride and tell a man she was in love with him, knowing he didn't feel the same way. It was quite another to sit there opposite him, look him in the eye and watch understanding dawn, followed by the pity and the disappointment that she knew would naturally follow. So, she would do it on the run. If that made her a coward, so be it. Surely she was allowed this one small grace under the circumstances.

It didn't take long for him to catch up with her as she strode purposefully towards the studio. She noticed he'd transferred his coffee to a takeaway cup.

"Start talking," he said to her.

"The headline," she started, quickening her pace. "Three weeks ago you asked me if I was…losing sight of anything. Do you remember?"

"Yeah, I remember," he said tightly. "You said you weren't."

She licked lips that suddenly felt too dry and put up a hand up to shield her eyes from the midday sun.

"I know that's what I said, but I…I lied."

She swallowed, her heart knocking against her rib cage. She continued on before she lost her nerve and took it all back.

"Well, I mean, I didn't technically lie. I hadn't actually lost sight of anything, but I knew you were asking if I was falling for you."

"So, you did lie? Or you didn't lie? I'm confused, Mac."

Dammit, her nerves were completely taking over now. She was losing it. She was losing her resolve to tell him. Her heart was beating so fast that she could barely hear the busy traffic over the sound of the blood rushing in her ears. This had seemed like a good idea a few minutes ago, but now she couldn't imagine going through with this.

He stopped walking and reached out to pull her to a stop along with him. Aware that it was the middle of the day, and interested people once again surrounded them, Mac pulled her arm free as discreetly as she could.

"Are you going to answer me?"

She might not want to go through with this, but she didn't have any choice now. She'd set the ball in motion and there was no going back. Just do it, Mac! Stop being a giant wuss. Like a band-aid. Tear it right off.

Mac allowed herself to meet his eyes properly for the first time since he'd walked into The Red Jacket. "I lied."

"Are you saying-"

"I was falling for you." I am in love with you. Hopelessly, desperately in love with you.

She started walking again, relieved that he didn't stop her and doubly relieved that the studio was only another minute away. This had been the longest five minute walk of her life and she was more than ready for it to be over. It was done. The worst was over, she tried to tell herself. Now they could both move on and past this and he would leave her alone. Finally.

Ryan forced himself to keep moving along with Mac. The sooner they were inside the studio where they could talk freely, the better. He just couldn't believe the last three weeks from hell had been all because his co-star loved him. He'd been twisted up in knots about how he couldn't be with her and here she was, telling him that she'd been falling for him.

His first instinct was to deny it was true, that she was making it up, but why would she? He'd seen how hard this confession was for her to make. It had taken three long weeks for him to get the truth out of her but he finally had. Three long weeks during which she had ignored and avoided him. From the moment the headline had come out she'd had "don't touch me" written all over her.

"Working with Danny will get Blainesworth off my back. That's all I care about."

She'd been more than a little worried over losing her job. While he'd understood that then, this new information put her worry in a whole different light.

Her desire to work with Westlaker hadn't been because she'd had feelings for her ex-boyfriend. It was because she had feelings for you, you moron. She was afraid, terrified of anyone knowing the truth – so scared that she'd let him believe she did have feelings for her ex. Despite the fact that he understood why she'd kept it from everyone else, he couldn't help but feel hurt that she'd kept it from him.

Surely she knew just how much he cared about her. More importantly, they were friends. Good friends. But she'd lied to him. Lied big time. Okay, so according to her she hadn't technically lied, but she'd mislead him on purpose. She hadn't wanted him to know the truth. She hadn't trusted him enough to tell him. And if he hadn't cornered her today he'd be none the wiser. She'd still be ignoring him while he floated around miserably wishing they could be together.

He was suitably pissed off by the time they reached the studio. If she'd actually told him this three weeks ago it would have saved them both some heartache. Still, he had the truth now. He wasn't going to waste another day wishing they could be together when they were finally on the same page.

"Dressing room," he said to her, once they walked through the studio doors.

"They'll need me in make-up any minute."

"Then we'll be quick."

She tried to stop, but he kept his hand around her arm and pulled her along.

"Ryan," she whispered desperately, as the people inside the studio shot them curious glances.

Now he stopped. "We can do this here if you want…"

She pursed her lips together and shook her head as she took in the look on his face.

"I didn't think so. Your dressing room or mine?"

"Mine, though I don't understand what we could still have to talk about."

"Plenty."

They reached her dressing room not a moment too soon. She opened the door and he quickly followed her in, locking it behind them.

"Where's Jazz?" he asked her.

"I don't know. She could be back any second. We should do this another time."

Clearly she hoped he'd let her off the hook and forget about this whole thing. Not likely.

"You should have told me the truth when I asked you."

"Why?"

"Why?" he repeated. "Because we're supposed to be friends. Because I care about you. Because I've been in hell for the past three weeks. Because instead of spending the last three weeks avoiding me, you could have spent it with me."

She shook her head. "All you want is something casual. I can't do that, Ryan. I can't be with you, knowing that our time will be up in three months. That would break me – watching you walk away from me and into the arms of another woman. I know I wouldn't be able to take it."

"I don't want casual, Mac."

"You don't?" she asked him in disbelief.

"I don't," he confirmed.

She had every right to be dubious. As much as he wanted her, wanted whatever it was they could give to each other, he was suddenly uncertain about his next step here. She had more to lose than he did. It was her job they'd be putting at risk. He'd already told her he would walk out of his job if it ever came down to it, and he'd never meant anything more, but he knew that didn't take away her fear. This wasn't his choice. It was hers. He had no say here. All he could was be honest with her about what he felt.

"Listen, I know the past three weeks have been hard on you," she said to him. "And I'm sorry for hurting you, but I think we need to continue putting some distance between us so I can get a handle on what I feel."

"So you can get over me?"

"Yes."

"I don't want you to get over me," he told her. "I want us to be together. I want to see where this goes, but you have more here to lose than I do. I know that. It has to be your choice, but I want to be with you, Mackenzie."

"But you don't do permanent. You've told me that so many times. And you don't lead girls on. I don't understand this sudden change."

"You're right, I've never done permanent."

Over fifty percent of marriages ended in divorce, and the marriages that didn't end in divorce weren't always happy ones. In the profession he worked in there was a lot of temptation. He worked in a job where he regularly made out with some of the most beautiful women in the country, on a weekly basis sometimes. Anyone who was remotely insecure or jealous wouldn't like it.

Despite all these more than valid reasons, Ryan knew there was something else which had always factored into his decision to stay single. And he didn't need Vanessa, the psychologist-in-training, to know why. He wasn't an idiot. No one suffered through the kind of abuse he had as a kid and wound up completely unscathed. The idea of being on the receiving end of uncontrolled bitterness and hatred and anger was about as appealing as stabbing himself repeatedly with a blunt object.

Keeping things light and casual had meant avoiding women's overly emotional and unreasonable reactions. Did he believe all women were like his mother? Ready to turn on a man at the drop of a hat? No. But he was wary. Cautious. Getting heavily involved with someone had the potential to result in a horrid and painful experience he could do without. But there was something about Mackenzie that made him want to believe that he could handle a long-term relationship, that he could take a risk – and that it would pay off.

"But you want to now?" she asked.

"With you, yeah. I want to try."

"Why?"

That was the million-dollar question. He could tell her it was because she was different from any other woman he'd been with. He could tell her it was because he couldn't stop thinking about her, or wanting her – that he hated the idea of her with any other guy. But that wouldn't be enough for Mac. If she was going to put her job on the line – if she was going to risk it all and possibly suffer through the same fate she had on Junction Hospital, she needed a whole lot more than 'I like you a lot.' She needed to know if he loved her.

She was looking at him intently. The guarded expression she'd been wearing since they'd started talking was finally gone and he could see the hope in her eyes. As the seconds ticked by and he remained silent, however, the hope faded and hurt took its place. Damn it, why couldn't he just say the words? Because you don't know if you love her, idiot. You should have figured it out already. It's kind of important.

Knock. Knock.

"Mac, you in there? Open up. Let me in."

Mac turned around quickly, trying to get a grip on her disappointment as she answered the door to Danny. Ryan wanted to be with her – despite of the fact that she loved him. Australia's Romeo wanted something permanent, and he wanted it with her. He wasn't turning her away and he wasn't rejecting her. She should be happy with that, right? God, she wished she was, but she wasn't.

What did you think, Mac? That Ryan loved you after all, the way that you love him?

Yes. For a moment she had believed that, but too quickly she'd realized she'd been dreaming. The words had never come, and they would never come. Now all she felt was crushing disappointment. As much as she wished otherwise, she now knew she couldn't settle for anything less than his love. What he'd offered her was more than she'd ever expected, but it just wasn't enough.

If he didn't love her then she wasn't any different to the other women he'd dated. And if she was no different to the other women he'd dated, how long could they possibly make their 'permanent' relationship work for? His track record was worse than appalling. He'd never been with a woman for longer than three months. He lost interest and grew bored quickly. How long would it be until he grew tired and bored with her?

How long would it be until he lost interest and moved onto the next thing he wanted? How long would it be until his name hit the headlines with the party twins again? Or the next model or actress he dated? Or worse, what if they gained a new co-star and he suddenly took a fancy to her? She would be left shattered. Ryan would never set out to hurt her, but she had to be serious here.

If she gave into her desires now and began a relationship with Ryan there would be issues with Blainesworth and her job. She had no idea if they could really keep their relationship a secret from their producer for any great length of time. And once their relationship was over she might be fired by Blainesworth. Could she still count on Ryan to go in to bat for her when they were through?

It would be the end of her job, just like it had been last time. It could even be the end of her career. And it would be because of a man. If she was going to put her career on the line again surely she deserved a man who loved her the way that she loved him? As painful as it was to admit, Ryan wasn't that man.

She opened the dressing room door, but it took a moment for her to focus on Danny through the tears which had sprung up out of nowhere.

"Hey," Danny said to her. "Are you alright."

She nodded, not trusting herself to speak.

"I was wondering if you wanted to go over our scene."

Ryan's teeth had been set on edge the moment he'd heard Westlaker at the door, but hearing her ex tell her that he wanted to go over their scene together made Ryan grind those same teeth together. If Westlaker had actually read his lines he'd be prepared. The whole "let's go over our scene-kiss" routine was an old trick Ryan had used a few times, but he didn't want to see Westlaker employing it on Mac right now. He didn't want to see Westlaker employing it on Mac, ever.

Her ex strolled into the room as if he owned it, stopping short when he saw Ryan standing there.

"I can come back if now's not a good time," Westlaker said to Mac.

"Come back later," Ryan said.

"Now's fine," Mac answered at the same time.

Ryan glared at her. Really? They were in the middle of something serious. Okay, so he hadn't gotten around to telling her what she wanted to hear, but was it wrong that he'd wanted to take a moment to think about it? He'd never lied to a woman before and he sure as hell wasn't going to start with Mac. Maybe if he'd ever been in love before, he would have had an answer ready. But he hadn't been in love before. This was all undiscovered territory to him.

"We can talk later," Mac told him, obviously trying to get rid of him.

There was no way Ryan wanted to leave Mac alone with Westlaker. He knew better than anyone how crazy and out of control a kiss could get. The memory of kissing her in her kitchen one Sunday morning sprang to mind immediately. Fortunately, Jazz walked into the room at that moment, joining the party and saving the day.

"Mac, you're supposed to be in make-up."

"I guess we missed our chance, huh?" Westlaker asked.

Ryan was about to make a gloating remark but stopped himself in time. Gloating would get him nowhere. He watched Mac shoot Westlaker an apologetic smile before she turned around and walked out. He didn't miss the appreciative look in the other man's eyes as he ogled her ass. Ryan clenched his hands to his sides and fought against the urge to beat her ex to a pulp.

Maybe Ryan should have been worried less – now that he knew how Mac felt, but he wasn't worried any less. Mac and Westlaker had a history. They'd become awful cosy the past few weeks and it was clear that her ex still wanted her. What if Mac kissed him and realized she wanted him, too? Westlaker would be working on another show soon enough. Being with him wouldn't threaten her career. The thought made him grind his teeth together again.

Once the wave of nauseating jealousy had rolled through him, Ryan thought about how he'd been on edge for the past three weeks. He'd suffered a loss of appetite, insomnia and depression. She may have spent the last three weeks ignoring him, but Mac still brought out a fierce protective streak in him he never knew existed. He'd never desired anyone the way he did her, and he'd never wanted a relationship with anyone before her. Was he in love with her? Yeah, there was a damn good chance that he was – hook, line and sinker.

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Mac is in love. Ryan is in love. Let the fun begin. Please vote/comment/fan, and thanks for reading <3

A/N: Eleven drafts. I'm just going to go ahead and repeat that. Eleven. Drafts. Hardest. Chapter. To. Write. Ever! I completed this chapter, in full, three different times. I have to thank my cheerleading squad, AJ and Daisy, for talking me through my tantrums. I love you girls. Were it not for you, I may have never walked back to my computer and got on with the job. Glad I did because the show had to go on ;)

Thanks to LilianeGrouse for her editing suggestions, and thanks to Daisy for all her pre-reading. Dedication is for the wonderful Shana who has read every story I've posted over the past couple of years <333

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It hurt. The sudden realization that she was in love with her co-star actually physically hurt. Mac felt as if someone had knocked a hole through her chest, leaving her with an ache so strong it was a struggle to draw a breath. She'd been half way in love with Ryan for goodness knows how long. She had desperately hoped that the knowledge and understanding of her own feelings would stop her from falling the whole way in love with him. But no, she'd fallen head first despite everything.

Mac concentrated on trying to breathe as she gripped the table next to her, willing herself to keep standing. She wanted to slump to the floor and cry, but she was still working. They didn't have the go ahead from the director to go home yet. Several minutes had passed since they'd finished the scene and the entire crew were standing around waiting to know if they had to do any re-shooting.

Ryan suddenly appeared out of nowhere with a bottle of water in his hand. Mac was unable to stop herself from sweeping her gaze over the strong chest and body she'd had her hands on just minutes earlier. She watched as he unscrewed the cap and took a sip before offering it to her. She shook her head, aware as she did so that he was studying her carefully.

"Are you okay?"

No, she felt as if she could fall apart any at any moment. "I'm fine."

"We survived," he said to her.

She stared at him blankly, not having a clue what he was on about.

"The kiss," he elaborated.

"Oh."

He'd survived. She had had a shocking, life changing realization, and now she had to deal with the fall-out.

"I mean, I didn't want to let you go," he said, his eyes darkening. "I like kissing you. A lot. In case you hadn't figured it out already."

She felt the automatic clench of desire – the warmth spreading to the pit of her stomach. Her heart pounded. God, the response she had to this man was hectic and crazy and absurdly fast. And the fact that she was in love with him meant she wouldn't be able to control it any time soon.

"Mac, are you sure you're okay?"

She gripped the table tighter as she heard the concern in Ryan's voice. "I'm fine."

She would be fine. Just as soon as she could get out of there and work out what she was going to do about this…disaster – just as soon as she could put some distance between them.

"I'm just tired," she added.

"Let's get you out of here," he said, before calling out to the director. "Mitch, are we done?"

Mac looked over at the director, who was watching the footage they'd just shot on his small monitor. He looked up and nodded, before sticking his thumb up in the universal sign for 'yes, all good'.

"We don't need another take. Go home. Get some rest. We'll see you bright and early tomorrow morning. Don't forget to drop your gear off tomorrow," Mitch said, motioning to the outfits they were wearing.

Relieved they didn't need to re-shoot the lines she'd stumbled over or go back to the studio to get changed, Mac gave a grateful smile to the director and thanked him. All she wanted was to get out the door and away from Ryan. The day had been enough of a rollercoaster without adding to it the realization that she was in love with a man who didn't feel the same way she did – for the second time.

Idiot. Why did she have to fall for men who didn't love her? Men who didn't want anything more from her than just casual sex? Okay, so she knew Ryan valued the friendship they shared. He didn't just want the sex, he wanted friendship as well. Maybe the thought should have consoled her. It didn't. Instead the thought twisted the knife in her heart just a little bit further. She wanted so much more than that from him.

"I'll see you tomorrow," she told Ryan, before starting for the door.

"Wait," he said, reaching out and taking hold of her arm and pulling her round to face him. "Where are you going?"

"Mitch said we could go home."

"How are you getting there?"

"Umm, tram."

If she hadn't been so close to falling apart she might have been sort of amused by the shocked expression on his face.

"You're obviously exhausted. Let me give you a lift."

"Don't worry about it. I'm sure you're exhausted too. You should go straight home."

"I'm not leaving you to catch a tram," he said, sounding horrified.

"I'll be fine."

"Mac, you're so tired you can barely stand by yourself. Are you telling me you'd rather catch a midnight tram than get in the car with me?"

"It's not like that," Mac said.

But it was like that, Ryan thought. He was trying not to feel hurt by Mac's obvious reluctance to accept a ride from him, but it was useless. He did feel hurt. A lot of things had changed in the past few months, but her sudden lack of desire to spend time with him or be around him was definitely the hardest to handle.

Last year she wouldn't have hesitated to let him drive her home. Now, however, it seemed as if she'd rather walk the dark Melbourne streets alone, or catch a tram, than get in the car with him. No matter how well he understood the reasons she had for wanting to avoid him, he couldn't help but miss the easy moments of friendship they'd shared before everything had become so damn complicated between them, especially when he was feeling just as tired as Mac looked.

Of course, part of his exhaustion came from the constant battle he was having with his feelings towards his co-star. He'd done his best to push them down, but when he'd kissed her they'd come raging to the surface again, demanding he listen to them. The kiss had damn near knocked him silly, just like the rest of the day had.

Holding Mac in his arms, kissing her and touching her and then having to let her go had been so hard that he almost hadn't. He wanted her. Not just as a bed buddy. He wanted…more. He needed more. Unfortunately, however, 'more' was out of the question. Mac didn't want to be in any kind of relationship with him. She didn't want to fall in love with him. What Mac wanted was to avoid him.

With her job on the line and Blainesworth breathing down her neck it was understandable, but it still sucked. The idea of Mac becoming his girlfriend had grown on him out of nowhere. Maybe it was the crazy-ass day they'd had; or maybe it was the feelings he had for her which kept surfacing without his permission. He didn't know. And it didn't matter, because it wasn't what she wanted.

It was probably for the best, Ryan tried to tell himself. The chances of them lasting for any period of time in the industry that they worked in were unlikely. To believe anything else would make him delusional. Ryan hadn't yet had a relationship last beyond three months. He might suspect – hope – things would be different with Mac, but he didn't know. He couldn't be certain.

Asking her to risk it all for something that may or may not work out would make him a selfish prick, and despite the fact that his mother had accused him of being one on multiple occasions, he wasn't. Or at least he tried really hard not to be. Which meant his only course of action here was to keep trying to push away the feelings he had for her.

"I just…I could use some thinking time," Mac said to him, looking uncomfortable.

What she meant was, she wanted to avoid him and she wanted to think about Westlaker and his potential guest spot on Hart's Valley. Ryan didn't care how much Mac wanted to avoid him right now, she could survive a ten minute car ride in his presence, surely. As for Westlaker, Mac could think about him when she was home, safe and sound.

Besides, now that the kiss scene was over and done with, and she wasn't focused on reading through her script, Ryan really wanted to talk to her about Danny. Mac had made a comment earlier about the fact that it was her job that had been threatened, not his, and she was right. The way she'd been treated today was more than unfair. He had to let her know that if it ever came down to it, he'd walk out on his job for her. In a heartbeat.

What Blainesworth was doing – the threats he'd made – were wrong, and Ryan had no intention of standing by and letting her be pushed out of a job she'd worked so hard on. No wonder she was so tired tonight, she'd been put through the ringer. And he'd allowed it. He'd stood by and done nothing while she'd suffered. Sure, he might have made it worse by choosing to say something to Blainesworth today, but that didn't make it okay to stand back and do nothing.

"Okay, so, you want thinking time," he said to her. "Let me drive you home and then you can think somewhere nice and safe."

And then I can tell you I have your back and maybe we could go back to being the friends that we used to be. I might not be able to have you in my life as anything else, but I'm not giving up on our friendship.

"It's fine, really."

"Would you just let me drive you home? Please? I'm not dropping this. I'm not risking my extremely talented co-star to public transport, as much as you purport to like it."

The idea of walking to her destination and using public transport, after having to drive everywhere on the farm, had been a novelty to his co-star when she'd first moved to Melbourne. Though he was sure the novelty must have worn off a while ago because she'd always said yes to a lift when he'd offered. Well, until now.

"I need to get a car," she mumbled as he put his hand on her lower back.

Mac closed her eyes and tried not to lean into Ryan's touch as he placed his hand on the small of her back. Her skin tingled from the heat and her heart skittered and jumped. She knew her reluctance to accept a ride from him must have seemed strange, and Ryan had almost seemed hurt by her refusal, but she just couldn't explain why she didn't want to spend time with him right now.

She didn't want him to know that she was in love with him. She didn't want him to know that being around him at the moment hurt so much. She didn't want to screw up their working relationship or friendship any more than she already had. What she did want was to go home and try to forget the fact that she'd fallen in love with her co-star.

Unfortunately, Ryan had made it impossible for her to refuse his offer of a ride home. It would have taken more effort to stand there and argue with him than to give in. The sooner she got in his car and he drove her back to her place, the sooner she could put some distance between them.

She was relieved to find his car right out the front of the pub, waiting for them. Ryan unlocked the car with his remote before he opened the door for her and she slid inside.

"It's been a crazy day," he said to her after they'd been driving for a minute.

"Yeah," she agreed. "It has."

"Especially with Danny turning up."

Anger burned through her. She should have known. She should have known that his insistence on taking her home wasn't just about his concern for her safety. Ryan had been itching to talk about Danny before their scene, and now that their scene was over it appeared he was desperate to continue the conversation. Well, she wasn't having it. The day had been bad enough without hashing over her decision about Danny's guest spot.

"Blainesworth should never have put you in this position," Ryan continued.

"It's been a long day. I really don't want to talk about Danny," she told him tiredly.

"Why not?"

"It's really none of your business, Ryan."

If she hadn't been feeling as if she'd just been duped, she might have worked a little harder to make sure those words had come out sounding less angry and bitter than they had. Why couldn't he drop it?

"I thought we were friends," he said to her.

There was no mistaking the hurt in his voice. She forced herself to ignore the twinge of grief his hurt caused her. Right now she was going to hold on to her anger because it felt a hell of a lot better than the misery and rejection she'd be feeling without it.

"It's my decision," she said.

"Of course it is. I just don't want you to think you have to make this decision alone if you don't want to. Your friends are here for you."

"I know that," she said. "But Blainesworth isn't threatening anyone else's job-"

"And he shouldn't be threatening yours. The headline was a big load of crap."

It was what Mac had deliberately led him to believe when they'd talked in her dressing room earlier, but it wasn't crap. It was anything but crap. As much as she didn't want to, she was going to have to agree to Danny's guest spot. It wouldn't just placate Blainesworth. It would ensure everyone was watching her with Danny, instead of her with Ryan.

Right now she needed to do everything she could to make people forget about that damn headline. Danny was the distraction she needed to save her herself. Her career. Her ass. She could say no, and piss of Blainesworth, or she could say yes, and take give herself some breathing space and help push the headline from everyone's mind.

"But he is threatening me," she told him. "I don't want to lose this job, Ryan."

"He can't fire you when you haven't done anything wrong."

She was pretty sure that Blainesworth would consider her falling for her co-star "wrong."

"Working with Danny will get Blainesworth off my back. That's all I care about."

"I can't believe you're really thinking about agreeing to this."

"It's my career on the line. I'm sure you can understand that."

Mac turned in time to see his jaw clamp shut and a muscle twitch near his eye. She had no idea why it meant so much to him, but he would just have to get over it. Danny would be around for two to three weeks tops, and if she could get over the idea of having to work with the ex who had screwed her over, then her friends should be able to, too.

"I wouldn't let Blainesworth fire you, Mac. I would walk out if he did. You don't have to do this. I'm not going to let anything happen to you or your job."

She was so shocked that she sat there in silence for a full minute. How could he casually talk about throwing his job away like that? Guilt. That was why he was bringing it up. He felt guilty – about the headline, about sleeping with her, about the feelings he had been worried she had for him. That was all this was. He turned to look at her and she stopped staring at him and looked out the windshield again.

It was a really sweet gesture, but she didn't want him to lose his job for her. This was her fault, her problem, and she could do something about it. Ryan might not like her methods, but she didn't need him to get involved, or fight her fight for her because of some misplaced sense of responsibility.

"Listen, I appreciate you saying that, but-,"

"I'm not just saying that. They're not empty words. If it ever came down to it, if I ever needed to, I would walk out on my job for you, Mac."

"But if I agree to Danny's guest spot then neither of us have to face the axe," she said.

"Neither of us should be facing the axe at all, but you've already made up your mind, haven't you?"

"Yes. I have."

He turned the car into her apartment complex, slipping into one of the guest spots before he turned the car off.

"You still have feelings for him."

She could hear the anger in his voice and it was on the tip of Mac's tongue to deny she had feelings for Danny, but what then? Then, Ryan would insist on knowing and understanding exactly why she was agreeing to Danny's guest spot, and she would be at risk of exposing her real feelings. She'd asked Ryan to drop the subject. She'd told him she didn't want to do this now. If he wanted to believe she had feelings for Westlaker, then she would let him.

"Thanks for the ride," she said to him, unbuckling her seatbelt. "I'll see you at work tomorrow."

She opened her car door, hoping to get out of there before Ryan could say anymore, but she wasn't fast enough. He reached out and grabbed her wrist so she couldn't go anywhere.

"Mac, he hurt you. He betrayed you. He led you on. Please don't fall for him again," he pleaded with her.

She sighed quietly, allowing herself to meet his concerned gaze. She just needed to get out of there. "Goodnight Ryan."

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Three weeks later Ryan cursed under his breath as he walked into The Red Jacket. Bitterness, hurt, betrayal and rejection all washed through him at once as he took in the sight before him – Mac sitting with Westlaker, laughing and talking and drinking coffee. The Red Jacket was where Ryan used to come with Mac, back in the days when they were actually friends.

Despite the fact that the two of them had never actually dated, and despite the fact they'd slept together only once, the last three weeks had felt like the break-up from hell to Ryan. Mac didn't return his calls. She refused to speak to him, except for the times they had a scene together, and even then she wouldn't look him in the eye unless the script called for it.

Ryan had never been more miserable in his life. Mac had told him she was over Westlaker months ago, but she wasn't. He didn't know if Mac had lied about her feelings then, or whether her feelings had just come rushing back when she'd seen Westlaker again. But it didn't make a lick of difference because the point was – she still loved Westlaker.

Realizing that Mac still had feelings for her ex-boyfriend had left him feeling utterly devastated. He was barely sleeping. He had no appetite. He'd messed up several of his scenes last week, and he had no idea how he was going to get through his scene today.

Blainesworth hadn't wasted any time having Mac's ex-boyfriend written into the script. Of course they'd gone for the angle that would entertain viewers most – a love triangle. Three weeks ago Ryan had held Mac in his arms and kissed her. Today, it would be Westlaker holding Mac in his arms and kissing her. Ryan didn't want to watch the scene, but he had no choice. It was his scene too. Stone was supposed to catch them making out.

With the scene looming over his head, he'd taken a walk to clear his head and wake himself up. The café he used to frequent with Mac had never been the intended destination, but somehow he'd ended up here. He'd never expected to find Mac and Westlaker here together.

As if she sensed him watching her, Mac turned around and saw him standing there. Pain sliced through him as he took in the expression on her face. She really wasn't pleased to see him. Confusion finally broke through the surface of the grief and anger that had dominated his thoughts over the past three weeks.

Blainesworth was off her back now. Their producer was ectastic about their performance in the ratings. So, why the hell was Mac still avoiding him? The headline was old news, and since Mac still had feelings for Westlaker, it wasn't like they needed to keep their distance anymore. It wasn't like they needed to fight an attraction when she was so obviously hung-up on her ex.

It was completely laughable that Ryan had actually asked her if there was any truth to the headline. If she'd ever had feelings for him, she didn't anymore. That thought actually hurt so much it made him suck in a breath. He had to get out of there before he did something stupid, like demand Mac talk to him, or put his fist through Westlaker's face.

Before he could turn around and hightail it out of there, however, their usual waitress spotted him standing by the door and sped over.

"Ryan, hey. It's been a while."

"Sure has," he told her, giving her a smile and shoving his hands in his pockets.

"I'll bring your coffee over," Becca told him.

His confusion must have shown because she nodded in Mac's direction. He was about to tell the waitress that he would get his coffee to go, but she darted off before he could.

Ryan was just debating whether he should leave anway when Mac looked back at him again. He stood still as he watched vulnerability and pain flash in her eyes. Then it disappeared when she resumed her conversation with Westlaker. Just what the hell was going on? For a moment he thought she was upset over something Westlaker had said, but she seemed fine now.

The only explanation Ryan could come up with was that he must have done something wrong. He'd hurt her – somehow. He had no idea what it was, but he had to find out. He deserved the chance to apologize and fix it, didn't he? As devastated as Ryan was about the fact that Mac still had feelings for Westlaker, he would do his best to get over it. He might still have the chance to put their friendship right – a friendship he'd been missing far, far too much.

Decision made, Ryan walked through the café and pulled a seat out at the four-seater table where Mac and Westlaker were sitting. He wasn't going anywhere until she told him what he'd done wrong. If that meant he had to spend time with ass-clown Westlaker, then he would. Ryan wanted Mac back in his life – anyway he could have her.

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A/N: I tore a great chunk of hair out over this chapter. Please make me feel better about the condition of my scalp and vote/comment/fan :D Love to you all. Thanks for reading <3

Thanks to @LilianeGrouse for her wonderful editing suggestions. <3 And big hugs and thanks to everyone who reads, comments, votes and fans. You keep me working hard :D I know I take a while to update sometimes, but I'm always working on this story. I really believe you deserve the best chapter I can put up, and if it takes me a while to write it, I always hope the wait is worth it.

I hope you enjoy the chapter <333

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Ryan felt his head spin so fast he was worried it was going to fall off his shoulders. Westlaker was here? Wasn't he supposed to be headed to Hollywood to shoot his big movie?

His confusion was replaced with fury as Ryan took in Mac's shocked expression.

"Mac, are you okay?" Jazz asked.

"I'm fine. Just…surprised. What could he want with Blainesworth?"

"There's something else I have to tell you," Jazz told her.

"Do I need to sit down?"

"On the same day the headline came out about you and Ryan, there was a story about Danny and Angel. They broke up. I would have said something earlier, but I thought you had enough on your plate at the time."

"Right."

"Besides, I wasn't sure whether you would be interested or not…"

"That doesn't explain what Westlaker is doing here," Ryan growled.

For some reason he couldn't bear to hear whether Mac was interested or not. She'd told him months ago that she was over Westlaker. He sure as hell hoped it was true. He didn't want to think about his co-star still having feelings for her prick of an ex.

Jazz gave him a pointed look. "I have an idea, Ryan. Why don't you go find out?"

He knew Jazz was just trying to get rid of him so she could quiz Mac on her reaction to Westlaker's sudden appearance, but he didn't care. It was a damn good idea.

"I think I will," he told them.

He strode out of the dressing room before either of the two women could say anything else, and he walked through the hallways and up the stairs to the floor where the executive offices were situated.

There was a sudden loud rumble of laughter as a door was wrenched open and then Westlaker stood in the doorway of Blainesworth's office.

"It was great to see you again, Mick," Danny said.

"Come back as soon as you've talked to Mackenzie."

It was all Ryan could do not to grab the guy by the collar and tell him that if he put a foot anywhere near Mac, he could consider himself as good as dead. Westlaker pulled the door closed behind him.

"Hey, how's it going?" he said to Ryan, sticking out his hand. "Danny Westlaker."

They'd both attended the Logies and the various after parties for many years, but Ryan couldn't recall a time when they'd ever actually spoken to each other before now. He hadn't had a thing against Westlaker until he'd heard about what had happened with Mac. Now, he couldn't stand the guy. The dick in front of him hadn't just treated Mac badly, he'd broken her heart. And it wasn't just infuriating – it was completely baffling.

Mac was pretty much the perfect woman. She was sweet-natured, beautiful, caring, gentle, and a damn fine actress. The blonde who Westlaker had dumped her for had nothing on Mac. Nothing. It was Westlaker's loss, Ryan tried to tell himself, but it didn't stop him from having to curl his fingers into his palms so that he wouldn't beat Mac's ex-boyfriend to a bloody pulp.

Perhaps it was best he didn't ask Mac's ex why he was here. The potential for the conversation to end in violence was just too high. The other man might look as if he knew the inside of a gym well enough, but he was two inches shorter. Ryan could take him easily, should it ever come to that. The thought eased some of the tension in his neck, shoulders and chest just a little.

"I know who you are," Ryan told him, ignoring his outstretched hand. "Stay away from Mac."

He left Westlaker standing there and knocked on Blainesworth's door a couple of times, before he opened it and stuck his head in.

"Ryan, son, come in, come in."

Blainesworth waved him in. Ryan knew that he was supposed to make an appointment with Amanda, Blainesworth's assistant, for any visits which might take more than a few minutes, but this wouldn't take long.

Ryan sat down in the chair opposite the producer. "I hope you don't mind my dropping by."

"Not at all. What can I do for you?"

"I was wondering what Danny Westlaker is doing in this neck of the woods."

Blainesworth sat back in his chair and appraised him carefully. "And would your interest be personal or professional?"

Aware of the conversation their producer had just had with Mac, Ryan didn't really want to admit it was personal. He didn't want to give Blainesworth any reason to go after Mac, or believe they were involved. Now that he was here, Ryan still wanted to explain the article to the producer, but drawing any more attention to the subject seemed stupid, especially when Mac had told him she wasn't falling for him.

"Professional," he answered finally.

Blainesworth continued to study him. "You know, I had Mackenzie in here earlier today. She assured me that the two of you aren't seeing each other."

"She was telling the truth," Ryan confirmed.

"Good. I'm sure you already know I don't approve of involvement between cast members, and Mackenzie spiralled badly when her last relationship ended."

"Yes I do," Ryan acknowledged before he took a breath. "Which is why I don't understand what Westlaker is doing here. He was the one who pushed her into that spiral."

"I'm afraid those questions would be better directed at Danny himself. He has his reasons for being here and it's not my place to share them."

"Then, can you tell me he's not going to be working with us on Hart's Valley? Mac isn't the only person who'd have a problem with that. I think I speak for the whole cast when I say we'd all find that…unacceptable."

"I'm well aware of the way the cast of Hart's Valley has knit together and formed close bonds and I have no intention of offering Danny a permanent spot on the show. However, Hart's Valley isn't the only production I may or may not have up my sleeve right now."

"Okay," Ryan said.

So it sounded like Blainesworth had another show in the pipeline and he was looking to hire Westlaker for that. Ryan would have been infinitely happier if the other actor had left the country and was safely far away from Mac, but at least Blainesworth wasn't expecting them to work together.

"Danny and I were, however, discussing the idea of him doing a brief guest spot on Hart's Valley," Blainesworth said to him. "But only if it was something Mackenzie felt comfortable with."

"You're joking, right?"

The words were out before Ryan could pull them back.

"Just for one or two weeks," Blainesworth said. "She might decide she can put the past behind her. In fact it could be the best thing for her. Give her a chance to show her critics her mettle."

What a load of bullshit, Ryan thought. This was about nothing more than ratings and exploitation. How many of their viewers, and Junction Hospital viewers, wouldn't tune in to see if Mackenzie Lauren and Danny Westlaker still heated up the screen like they used to? The idea of them having any on-screen spark left at all made him feel like retching.

"You can't ask Mac to work with him again," Ryan told him.

"The decision is hers," Blainesworth told him. "And hers only. If she doesn't want to work with him all she has to do is say no."

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"Are you really okay?"

Mac nodded. It must have been the fifteenth time that Jazz had asked her. At first Mac hadn't been sure whether she was okay or not, but now that the shock of hearing her ex-boyfriend's name had worn off, Mac could honestly say she wasn't as disturbed as she might have been some months ago.

Danny's presence didn't change the fact that she still had to kiss Ryan tomorrow, nor did it change the fact that her job was on the line. In other words, Danny was the least of her worries.

"Because this must have come as a shock."

"I guess it was, but I'm over it now."

Jazz looked at her in disbelief.

"I shouldn't give him a second thought until we know for sure why he's here, right?"

"So, you don't want to talk about this?"

"I really don't."

"Okay then. If we're done talking about Danny, can we talk about your meeting with Blainesworth?"

"I told you-"

"Or what's going on between you and Ryan."

"There's nothing going on between us," Mac said dismissively.

"Then why did Brad say this morning that Ryan was supposed to be keeping his distance from you?"

"What?"

A hesitant knock sounded on the door.

"Hang on," Jazz instructed, holding up her hand before she walked to the dressing room door and pulled it open.

"Hey, is Mac here?"

Mac knew who it was without seeing his face. There was a time when Danny's voice would have sent shivers down her spine and make her buckle at the knees. Thankfully, those reactions were completely absent now. It was hardly surprising, she supposed, considering how she felt about Ryan. Feeling completely caught up and overwhelmed by two men would be enough to send her off the deep end.

"Mac, it's for you."

Mac stepped around the door to see Danny standing there. His voice hadn't affected her the way it used to, but she had still expected to feel something when she saw him.

She took in his short sandy blond hair and his deep blue eyes, and all she felt was…sadness. She'd been so taken with this man that she'd almost thrown her career away over him. He'd told her they had something special, led her to believe he cared about her the way she cared about him. Then he'd taken his fill of her and dumped her for his next leading lady.

"What are you doing here?" she asked him.

"Can't an old friend just drop in to say hi?"

He gave her a lopsided grin that might have sent her heart into overdrive not so long ago. Now it simply made Mac feel wary.

"We aren't friends. We were never friends."

"Mac, if you don't need me, I'm going to go and hunt down some sugar and caffeine," Jazz interrupted.

Mac nodded to her, letting her know she would be fine by herself.

"I'm sorry," he said to her.

She shrugged. She didn't care for his apology. It was so overdue now, and he was only here because he wanted something. She just wasn't sure what that was yet.

"I've moved on," she told him.

"To Ryan Moore?"

He took one look at the outraged expression on her face and put his hands up quickly. "There are rumours," he told her.

She crossed her arms over her chest. "There always are."

He had no right to ask her anything about her personal life.

"I bumped into him when I came out of Michael's office. Honestly, I thought he was going to knock my teeth out. Then he told me to stay away from you."

"I wish you'd taken his advice," she told him.

"Mac, can we, you know, try and move past what happened between us?"

"I haven't heard from you since I got dumped from Junction Hospital, Danny. Why are you here? What do you want?"

He sighed. "I don't know if you heard, but Angel and I broke up."

"I heard," she said unsympathetically.

"I know you probably don't care to hear this, but I was very much in love with her." He corrected himself. "Still am in love with her."

"You're right. I don't care to hear that."

"She left me for one of the extras on Junction Hospital," he offered her with a wry smile.

"My heart bleeds for you," she told him, though she was quietly amused.

She could only imagine the blow that would have been to his ego. Danny Westlaker had considered himself to be in a league above all of his co-stars when it came to acting, including herself and Angel. Being dumped for an extra would have been something he couldn't have expected.

"She cheated on me, and when I caught her she broke it off, kicked me out of the house we'd just bought together, and told me she didn't love me anymore."

"Do you expect me to feel sorry for you?" Mac asked him.

He sighed. "Can I come in? Please?"

Mac really didn't want him in her space, but he obviously needed to talk to her about something. Reluctantly she moved aside.

"Thank you," he said, walking past her and taking a seat in the sofa in the room. "You know, I never knew. I never knew how hard it must have been for you…to work with me, until I tried working with Angel after she dumped me."

"It wasn't easy, and in the end I couldn't," Mac said, turning around to face him.

"I'm sorry for the pain that I caused you."

He really was sorry, Mac observed. His eyes were full of genuine sympathy – his expression remorseful.

"I can't work with her," he told her. "I've tried, but I can't. My contract is up and I don't want to renew it."

"Well, I guess it's lucky you have your movie deal."

"It fell through."

She looked at him blankly. "I thought the contract was ironclad."

"I did too. But then Bryce Webster came back to them after reconsidering the role and decided he wanted it. Turns out those Hollywood lawyers can work magic when they want to. Bryce is in. I'm out."

Was she really feeling sorry for him now? Maybe. Just a little bit. It sounded as though he had suffered quite a lot lately. And he did seem genuinely sorry for what he'd put her through.

"I'm expecting it to be all over the news tomorrow," he told her.

"At least you're prepared for it," she said to him.

It was easier to deal with the headlines when they were expected. When they came out of left field it wasn't just the damage they left behind that one had to deal with, it was the shock too.

"As prepared as I can be. Anyway, I'm pained to admit it but I'm here to ask the enemy for my next job."

Mac smiled. The rivalry between Junction Hospital's production company, and Hart's Valley's production company was well known in the business. Now that Danny Westlaker was essentially back on the market again, Blainesworth would be itching to get his hands and cameras on him.

Did that mean she would have to work with him again? She might have felt a smidge sorry for the guy, and he might have apologised, but she didn't want to be his co-star again.

"You want to work on Hart's Valley?"

Danny shook his head. "Blainesworth has something else lined up." He paused for a moment. "He did mention something about a guest spot on Hart's Valley, though. Depending upon whether you agree or not, of course."

"A guest spot?"

"Just until they start shooting the pilot I signed on for."

Mac shook her head.

"Just think about it," he asked her. "Blainesworth said he wants an answer within forty-eight hours."

"Did he?" she asked coolly.

The producer had hauled her into his office this morning to grill her about her relationship with her current leading man, and now he wanted her to work with the previous leading man she'd "lost it" over? She wanted to barge into his office and call him something that would no doubt land her in a lot of trouble.

"He thought you might want a chance to undo the some of the negative press that stemmed from our break-up."

Mac didn't believe for a moment that was it. Executive producers only cared about one thing – ratings. He was probably sitting in his office right now, rubbing his hands together gleefully as he thought about outdoing Junction Hospital in the ratings. All at her expense. She knew people would be interested to see the two of them working together again.

"It would just be for two to three weeks tops, Mac. Will you think about it?"

Did she even have a choice? Sure, she was being asked first, but if she said no, would that put her in even more trouble with their producer? Would her job be at risk if she said she didn't want to? She didn't want to say yes, but was it worth it to get Blainesworth off her case? It had been a long day – emotionally draining, and she couldn't think this through properly right now.

"Give me the forty-eight hours," she told him tiredly.

                                                                                * * *

Mac bit her bottom lip and tried to focus on the script in her hands. She'd counted on being at home when she did her last read through for this scene. However, her kiss with Ryan had been rescheduled at the last minute due to a location issue. Instead of them shooting first thing tomorrow morning, it had been moved forward so that it was the last scene they were shooting today.

Now, it was eleven o'clock at night and they were sitting in the Pint and Elephant Pub in South Yarra waiting to shoot. The director, Mitch Davis, would call them over at any moment and Mac didn't feel she was ready or prepared at all. She didn't have the scene down pat. She was on edge because she had no idea how she was going to react when Ryan kissed her. If the past kisses they'd shared were any kind of indication of what would happen, then she was in trouble.

As it was, she was too scared to look at him because every time she did she couldn't stop from staring at his mouth and remembering the way he'd kissed her while he was buried deep inside her. She felt her lower belly contract with desire at the memory now. God, what if she said Ryan's name instead of Stone's on set? You have to focus, Mackenzie. Focus!

"You should have said no straight away."

As if she didn't have enough to deal with, Ryan hadn't stopped hassling her about the fact that she'd agreed to think over Danny's guest spot. Mac hadn't had to tell Ryan what Danny had wanted because their producer had already filled him in. Then Ryan had filled everyone else in! It was impossible to keep secrets for very long when they were all friends. How much longer would it be until the whole cast knew how she felt about Ryan?

"I don't understand why you're thinking about this," he said when she remained silent.

"Maybe that's because your job hasn't been threatened in the past twenty-four hours, Ryan."

Mac immediately regretted the sharpness of her tone, but she was tired and grumpy, and after the day she'd had she didn't want to talk about Danny with Ryan. She knew Ryan cared about her – as a friend only, of course – but it really wasn't any of his business whether she agreed or not.

It didn't affect him. He had nothing to lose and nothing to gain either way. They weren't together. She wasn't his girlfriend, and he'd made it clear he wanted nothing more than casual sex, though that offer had pretty much been withdrawn when the article had come out.

"Blainesworth can't fire you for not working with Westlaker."

"I know that, but he can make my life difficult, and maybe I just want to get him off my back."

"Mac-"

"Listen, I appreciate your concern, but we're about to go on set and I don't want to talk about my ex-boyfriend now."

Ryan clamped his mouth shut. Mac clearly didn't want to hear anything he had to say on the matter, which was frustrating as hell, because he had plenty to say about it. He knew he didn't have any right to expect a say in the matter, but he wanted one anyway. Her reluctance to talk about this was only adding to his bad mood.

Ever since he'd talked to Blainesworth, he'd found his anger and frustration boiling away. He was furious – with this entire situation. The longer he thought about Blainesworth threatening Mac, the angrier he felt.

Where did their producer get off? He had no right to threaten Mac when her methods and her performances on set were always phenomenal. Their personal lives were none of Blainesworth's business. It shouldn't matter what Mac's relationship was with him, or what her feelings were, providing that she could still function at work properly and no harm came to the show.

To hear Mac say she was considering working with her ass-clown ex-boyfriend because she felt like her job was under attack made him feel…enraged. The scene they were shooting was in a small pub. He knew he should be doing a last minute read-through like Mac was, but what he really wanted to do was get behind the bar and start breaking things.

Perhaps, Ryan thought, there was an advantage to feeling the way he was right now. He was so mad that he wasn't worrying about the fact he had to kiss Mac in a few minutes. His focus was entirely on the completely messed up situation Mac was in. Not to say that he hadn't taken a second look when Mac had walked out of make-up and appreciated the jacket and short skirt she was wearing, but his anger was overriding everything else.

"Ryan. Mac. Let's go," the director shouted at them.

Well, it was until Mac shot him a nervous look, which suddenly made him feel nervous too. In fact, he thought he could feel butterflies in his stomach. Butterflies? Really? He was a man. He wasn't supposed to get butterflies. Then again, Mac had a way of making him feel things he'd never really felt before.

When her gaze slid to his mouth he felt lust pour through him. Her eyes darkened and she traced her lower lip before her gaze flicked back up and met his.

"We'll be fine," he said to her.

Hopefully she had no idea he was trying to reassure himself as much as he was trying to reassure her. Judging by the uncertainty in her eyes, however, she might have guessed.

"Ready?" the director asked them.

Mac wanted to shake her head. She wanted to bolt for the exit and not look back, but she couldn't. There was one advantage to the shoot being brought forward at least. Everyone who wasn't needed for the take had gone home. It was just her, Ryan, some extras, the director, and their camera crew. No Blainesworth. No co-stars. She could do this.

Mac took her position sitting on the bar stool as instructed and waited for them to call action. Her heart started to beat erratically as Ryan came to sit down beside her, but as soon as her eyes locked with his she could feel the change she always felt when they both stepped into character. She stumbled a little over her first two lines but no-one called cut and they continued to push through the scene.

Soon enough Mac felt herself slipping into the easy pattern she and Ryan usually fell into while they worked together. She did her best to look jealous as the female bartender flirted with Stone and walked away.

"Well, it wouldn't be a normal day in Hart's Valley without every woman in town fawning all over you, would it?"

"Is that jealousy I detect in your voice, Brianna? Because you know, just say the word, and I'll show you what you're missing out on."

"Pfft, why would I be jealous of them, Stone? If they knew you, they'd stay away from you like I try to."

He looked at his watch. "You've chosen to sit here and talk to me for the past twenty minutes. You can't think I'm too bad," he said with a grin that made her legs feel wobbly.

"I have no idea what I was thinking," she said.

"You know, Brianna, you used to sound a lot more convincing when you were pretending to hate me."

"I never pretended."

Mac hopped down from her stool but Ryan followed her, grabbing her arm so she couldn't leave.

He stroked the back of one finger down the side of her face. "Are you sure about that? Are you sure you're not trying to cover how you really feel? What you really want?"

"And what would that be?"

"This."

Ryan lowered his mouth to hers. She froze before she wrenched her mouth from his and tried to push him away, just like the script suggested she was supposed to.

"It's pointless to fight this. Trust me, I've tried," he told her. "This is bigger than us."

Then his lips were crashing down on hers and Mac forgot to breathe. She forgot to think. She forgot what was in the script and the fact that they had an audience. Her blood rushed around her body and her heart went crazy. Her hands clutched at his jacket so she could pull him closer.

One of his hands tangled in her hair, so he could hold her in position while he deepened their kiss. The hot wet slide of his tongue against hers caused her to shake from the violent need surging through her. And when she felt his body harden against hers, she couldn't hold back her moan of approval. She couldn't hold back at all!

She let her hands stroke over his chest, caressing and touching the hard muscles, before moving up to grab his broad shoulders. She didn't know when she could do this again. She didn't know when he'd be back in her arms again.

All too soon he was pulling away from her, their kiss over. "Are you really going to stand there and deny how you feel about me, Brianna? After that?"

"You're an arrogant jerk," she said nowhere near as coolly as she was supposed to say it. "That's how I feel about you."

"You can lie to me, but don't lie to yourself. You're better than that, Brianna," he told her, before he walked away from her.

At least she hadn't forgotten her lines, Mac thought, which was lucky considering Ryan's words had hit her like a punch in the gut – even if they were Stone's. Could she stand there and deny how she felt about him? Could she lie to herself? No, not anymore.

She wasn't falling in love with her co-star. She was in love with her co-star. She was one-hundred percent, truly, deeply in love with her co-star Ryan Moore. And as soon as he got over this attraction he felt towards her and he moved onto the next woman, she already knew he would leave her shattered worse than Danny ever had.

Heavy applause brought her back to earth with a crash. They were applauding – the director, the extras, and the crew were all clapping. She might be destined for heartbreak, but at least she'd nailed her scene.

Thanks to my pre-reader Daisy for her feedback, and to LilianeGrouse and Jenn for their editing suggestions <3

I have tweaked this chapter within an inch of its life and now I have no idea if it makes sense, but I really hope it does. *Fingers crossed*. Please enjoy! :-)

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"Where's Mac?"

It was the first question that popped out of Ryan's mouth once he'd finally made his way onto the set on Wednesday morning. They were supposed to be shooting a scene together with Brad and Jazz very shortly, but he couldn't spot his co-star anywhere.

He knew she was avoiding him. After their once-off, and the headline which had broken about her on Sunday, she'd had 'stay away from me' written all over her whenever he went near her. Guilt over his inability to keep his hands off her had made him do just that, but this wasn't like Mac. She was never late on set. He couldn't remember a time in the past year where he'd been on the set before she had.

Jazz looked up from the scripts she was reading. "She got called into Blainesworth's office," she told him.

"What? When?"

"Ten minutes ago," Brad answered, not bothering to hide the fact that he was pissed off to the max about it.

Ryan's guilt-meter went through the roof as Brad glared at him. He'd hoped like hell that their executive producer wouldn't listen to the gossip, but with Mac's history he'd known there was a possibility Blainesworth would be interested in the content of the article.

Brad had thought so too, and he'd pulled Ryan aside during the barbeque on Sunday to tell him in no uncertain terms that if Mac ended up hurt through any involvement with him, it would be the end of their friendship. It had been a shitty conversation to have. Ryan cared about Mac more than anyone else, except his sister. Hurting her was the last thing he would ever want to do and Brad should have understood that.

"You should have seen her face, Ryan," Jazz said to him. "It was awful."

"That would have meant Romeo actually had to be here on time," Brad said snidely.

After tossing and turning all night, Ryan had fallen asleep around five am and slept through his alarm this morning. It was the third morning in a row that he'd done so. His head was a mess. His first on-set kiss with Mac was tomorrow and he hadn't stopped worrying about how they were going to tackle that with the way things were between them now.

The only thought he'd been able to draw any comfort from was the fact that the article hadn't seemed to catch their executive producer's attention. But he couldn't comfort himself with that anymore. Fear clutched at him as he thought about all the things Blainesworth might say to his co-star. He had to fix this.

He might not be able to go back in time and change the fact that he'd been photographed with Mac on Friday night. He could, however, explain to their producer that it had been a misunderstanding and that there was no need to give another thought to the article that had been published by the popular gossip magazine.

"I'll be back shortly," he said.

Brad put his arm out to stop Ryan from going anywhere.

"He doesn't want to see you, Romeo," Brad told him. "Just Mac."

"Well, he's going to see me anyway," Ryan shot back at him.

"You go storming in there and you'll only make everything worse. You'll give Blainesworth even more reason to be suspicious."

"I can't stand here and do nothing."

"Yes, you can. You've done enough already, don't you think?"

"Brad," Jazz said sharply. "There's nothing going on between them. Right, Ryan?"

Brad shook his head. "If that's the truth, then why the hell is she in Blainesworth's office right now?"

"Mac was drunk. We all know she could barely stand by herself on Friday night," Ryan told him. "Someone took a photo and made a few accusations and now it's all being blown out of proportion. And if you let me go right now, I can actually explain that to Blainesworth and stop this from going any further."

"One, Mac can say all that herself. Two, get your head out of the sand. It's not the photo he's going to want to talk to her about," Brad said angrily. "The last time she had a relationship with someone she worked with, it didn't work out so well. Or don't you remember that?"

"Of course I remember, but we're not having a relationship."

"So you say," Brad told him.

"You think I'm lying?"

"I don't know man. You were suppposed to keep your distance."

"Wait," Jazz said. "Why would Ryan be keeping his distance?"

"Ask Ryan," Brad instructed.

Jazz turned to him. "What's he talking about?"

Ryan glared at Brad, but he didn't show any remorse for his slip, he just glared back at him.

"Nothing," Ryan told her.

He didn't know how to explain what was going on between him and Mac. He had done everything he could to keep his distance. Nothing had worked. The pull had just been too strong – for both of them. Jazz wouldn't understand, couldn't understand how hard he'd tried to make sure this didn't happen. If she found out he'd slept with Mac, she'd probably try to kill him – and then he wouldn't have a chance to fix this.

"Our friend isn't here right now," Brad said to him. "If anything happens to her, it will be because of you."

"You're not being fair," Jazz told him.

"Nothing's going to happen," Ryan said, though inside he could feel the fear gripping him tighter now, squeezing his insides and making him feel as if he couldn't breathe properly.

"How can you be sure?" Brad asked both of them. "Have either of you actually asked her if there was any truth to the headline?"

"What am I supposed to say to her? Hey Mac, are you falling for me?"

"Yeah. Maybe. I don't know," Brad admitted. "But if she is, she's as good as finished here. What happens when you start dating someone new? Or your name hits the headline with the party twins again? She's going to spin out."

"You're not giving her enough credit," Jazz told him. "Mac is a different person to the one she was when Danny broke up with her. She'd never let it affect her the same way. And I'm sure Ryan hasn't led her on or encouraged her."

"I would never deliberately hurt her. Surely both of you know that," Ryan said.

"Then I guess you can sleep peacefully if Mac does end up losing her job," Brad flung at him.

The insinuation that he would sleep at all if Mac got fired sliced through him. If Ryan tried to imagine, even for a second, Mac not being there to work with…well, he just couldn't. He couldn't imagine working with someone else. He couldn't imagine Hart's Valley without Mackenzie Lauren as part of it. He couldn't imagine his life without her in it. Shit. What did that mean?

"I need some air," Brad told them.

"If there's any truth at all to what Brad said, you have to fix this, Ryan," Jazz told him as they both watched Brad disappear. "I swear, if you break her heart the way Danny did…"

With that said, Jazz walked away from him too.

                                                                                   * * *

"Mackenzie, do you know why I wanted to see you this morning?"

Mac wondered if this was some kind of trick question. She'd spotted the Women's Daily News magazine on the large maple desk the second she'd walked into Michael Blainesworth's sunlit office. So yes, she knew why she was here. When both Monday and Tuesday had come and gone and her presence hadn't been requested by their executive producer, she'd been lulled into a false sense of security.

It turned out, however, that he'd been out of the office, and that was why she hadn't heard anything. When his assistant had shown up on set this morning with a message that the executive producer wanted to see her, it had sent her into a tail-spin. Now she was doing her best to hold it together.

He couldn't fire her, could he? She hadn't done anything to jeopardize Hart's Valley. In fact, the publicity would probably give them a boost in the ratings considering the season two premiere was airing this week. This would be good for Hart's Valley. However, after what had happened with Danny, she'd gained a reputation for 'losing it' on set. Blainesworth would want to be assured she wasn't headed for another leading-man related meltdown.

"Yes, I know why I'm here," she said to him.

"Good. I'm just going to ask you straight out, Mackenzie. Are you involved in any way with Ryan Moore?"

"We're friends," Mac told him, relieved she didn't have to worry about the ethics of lying to her boss. She spoke nothing but the truth. "That's all."

Michael smiled at her, his blue-grey eyes crinkling at the corners; shaving ten years off his fifty-year-old face. "I'm very happy to hear you say that, Mackenzie. Whilst I couldn't stop you and Ryan from seeing each other, I would have been concerned about what it would mean for the future of Hart's Valley."

"I'd like to think that the mistakes I've made are in my past. I've learned from them."

He smiled at her and nodded. "You fit in here very well, Mackenzie. Your character is well-liked by our viewers, and we have a very exciting storyline planned out for Brianna and Stone that will boost your popularity even further."

"Thank you."

"But make no mistake; the future of Hart's Valley will always be my number one priority."

"Of course."

"Whilst your character is popular, and the chemistry between you and Moore is palpable, no-one is irreplaceable."

"I understand."

"After what happened on Junction Hospital, some would have said that choosing you for the role of Brianna Davis was somewhat risky. In terms of risk, I'd say it's paid off so far, but should that change… Take my advice, Mackenzie. Make your career your number one priority while you're working on Hart's Valley. Am I making myself clear?"

Mac swallowed and nodded. "Yes. Absolutely."

She didn't need it spelled out. If she was to become involved with her leading man, or her work suffered from any kind of involvement with her leading man, she would lose her job.

"Good."

He smiled at her again, as if he'd never threatened to rip the rug out from underneath her and end her career.

"Now, I believe you're expected on set soon."

"Yes."

"Then I best let you get back to it. There is another pressing matter I need to discuss with you, but that can wait until later. Have a good day, Mackenzie."

                                                                                      * * *

Mac glared at the door of the dressing room she shared with Jazz and willed the person currently knocking to stop and leave her alone. Jazz was on set shooting another scene, and Mac was enjoying the quiet and taking some time to process the meeting that she'd had with Blainesworth.

After she'd left his office this morning, her co-stars had all asked her how the meeting had gone. She'd given them a vague sort of answer before they'd had to start shooting. She'd been extremely grateful for the distraction. They'd all seemed so worried that it hadn't been that easy to brush off their concerns, especially Ryan's.

She was pretty sure that his concern was interspersed with guilt, but Ryan didn't need to feel guilty. She was the one who had chosen to drink so much on Friday night that she couldn't walk by herself. She was the one who had asked him for a ride home, resulting in him having to walk her to the car and the photo being taken. And she was the one who hadn't been able to keep her feelings out of the equation. This was her fault. Just hers.

The knocking persisted, followed by the rattle of someone trying to open the locked door.

"All right, all right, I'm coming."

"I was starting to think you weren't in there," Ryan said to her when she pulled the door open.

She immediately felt herself thrown off balance by the sight of him. He was still in the grey suit pants and white shirt he'd been wearing earlier on set, but he'd lost the jacket. His sleeves were rolled up and the top two buttons of his shirt were open, giving him a sexy-casual air that turned her knees to mush. The white of the shirt he wore was a stark contrast to his tanned skin and it made his hair and eyes both seem darker than usual.

"Is it okay if I come in? I need to talk to you, Mac."

Mac ignored the punch of his aftershave and the shiver of awareness she felt as he walked past her. Would she ever get over this? Would she ever get past this cellular memory of his mouth and hands on her? Despite the fact that the dressing room wasn't terribly small, it felt like it was the size of a shoebox as she closed the door behind them and turned around to face him.

His hazel eyes locked with hers immediately, the green in them standing out more than usual right now. She had the strangest feeling he was drinking her in as if it was the first time he'd seen her in months, instead of the couple of hours or so since he'd seen her on-set. His gaze slid down to her mouth and Mac felt her heart begin to thump heavily in her chest.

Without the distraction of a script to follow, or people around them, the longing, the desire, and the deeper emotions she felt for her co-star were rushing through her with such force it was painful.

She'd done her best to avoid him since the barbeque on Sunday, because she knew resisting him after she'd slept with him would be ten times more difficult than it had been before. Not that he wants to sleep with you now that he suspects you're in love with him. She flinched at her own line of thought.

"What's up?" she asked him, thankful her voice sounded stronger and firmer than she felt right now.

"I wanted to be with you in that meeting you had with Blainesworth earlier, but Brad said it would look bad if I made an appearance."

"He was probably right."

Of course it hadn't escaped her attention that Ryan hadn't been called into their meeting. Blainesworth didn't give a fig what Ryan Moore did. Australia's Romeo was one of the best actors still in the country. Their producer would never let him go. Moreover, Ryan was as professional as they came – not that he had any reason not to be. He wasn't the one falling in love with his co-star.

"How did it go? What did the boss have to say?" he asked her.

Mac shrugged. "Just that I should make my career my number one priority while I'm here. He doesn't want to see my work suffer."

"None of us do," Ryan told her. "I mean, you're part of Hart's Valley – our friend. I can't imagine not working with you, Mac."

His words were so sincere and they brought tears to her eyes. She didn't want to lose her role on Hart's Valley either. However, that wasn't the reason her eyes were stinging. He couldn't imagine not working with her. Well, that said everything about how he felt about her now, didn't it? She was just his co-star – someone he enjoyed working with and someone he'd wanted to sleep with. There was nothing underneath that for him. She was nothing more to him.

Pain ripped through her, making her feel as if she were about to tear at the seams. She turned around and busied herself with organizing the make-up on the ledge along the wall furthest from her, underneath the large mirror.

This was good, she told herself. She needed the cold hard slap of reality to bring her life back into clear focus. Blainesworth had essentially threatened her job today, yet here she was, desperately hungry for more from Ryan than he wanted to give her – than what would be good for her.

The entire feminist movement would probably be outraged if they could hear her thoughts right now. Where was her strength? Where was her pride? She could do this. She would get through this. Being rejected by a man wasn't the end of her world. She'd thought it had been the end of the world when Danny had rejected her, but she'd survived then, and she would survive now.

"Providing I don't…lose sight of what I'm doing here, I should be fine," she told him.

She felt his warm hand on her shoulder, felt him standing behind her, but she didn't turn around. She fiddled with the perfume bottle in her hands.

"Are you…losing sight of anything?"

Mac knew what he was asking. Obviously after her meeting with Blainesworth, Ryan had decided he now needed to know how she felt about him. Like their producer, he was probably worried she was headed for a meltdown. She could feel his eyes on her in the mirror, but she couldn't bring herself to look up and meet his gaze. She really didn't know what to say. She didn't want to discuss this with him.

She knew how the conversation would go if she told him that she was indeed falling for him. He would either point out her job was at stake, and use that as the reason they shouldn't be together, or he would explain kindly that he didn't feel the same way about her. Either way she knew it would hurt like hell. The alternative was that she lied to him. Could she do that?

"Mac?"

Ryan felt as if his whole world was standing still as Mac finally looked up, her eyes locking with his in the mirror. He hadn't known exactly what he was going to say to her when he'd knocked on her dressing room door, just that he needed to know she was okay – that they were okay. He needed to make sure she knew how worried he'd been – how much he cared about her.

Despite Brad's suggestion this morning, Ryan hadn't intended to waltz in here and ask his friend and co-star if she was falling for him. The question had just slipped out. But he did want to know. He realized that now. He'd tried to push the question to the back of his mind, but as soon as she'd closed the door it had been the only thing he could think about.

He held his breath as she turned around and faced him.

"No," she said to him. "I'm not losing sight of anything."

She wasn't falling for him. Obviously nothing could have come of it if she was, so this was better, wasn't it? Mac was going to be fine. She wasn't going to lose her job over him. He should feel overjoyed. But he didn't. Instead he felt as if someone had taken a sledge hammer and whacked him in the stomach with it. Repeatedly. He felt devastated. What the hell was wrong with him?

She hadn't lied to him, Mac tried to tell herself. Of course she knew how Ryan would interpret her answer, but that wasn't her problem. She'd told the truth. She wasn't losing sight of anything. She knew where she stood with him. She knew how he felt about her. She could see everything perfectly. Her omission was probably a relief to him.

Fortunately she didn't have time to hear him say as much because Jazz walked into the room right then. Mac's immediate instinct was to run at the other woman and hug her for interrupting any further talk on the matter, but that changed when she took in the way Jazz was biting her lip and the worried expression on her face.

"I have to tell you something," Jazz said to her.

The last time Jazz had said something like that, she'd been carrying the Women's Daily News in her handbag. Surely her name hadn't hit the headlines again already? So why did Jazz look so worried?

"Danny's here," Jazz told her.

"Danny," Mac repeated after a moment. "As in…?"

"As in her dick of an ex-boyfriend? As in Junction Hospital Danny?" Ryan ground out.

"Yes," Jazz nodded. "Danny Westlaker is here and he just walked into our executive producer's office."

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What is Danny doing there?! Shouldn't he be heading to Hollywood to shoot his movie soon?! I know I'm throwing a lot at poor Mac here, but I promise I won't throw more at her than she can handle. Thanks for reading, and please vote/comment <3

Thanks to Bex and Daisy for their feedback on this chapter, and to LilianeGrouse for her proof-reading skills. This chapter is dedicated to dutch_treat for the amazing and constructive comments she leaves, which often provide me with food for thought <3

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Mac knew she needed to move. Their friends would be here any tick of the clock and the cast of Hart's Valley would get one hell of a shock if they walked in and saw her stuck to her co-star like a limpet. Then, once the shock had worn off, they would call her an idiot. And who could argue with them? She was an idiot. She seemed determined to make the same mistake twice in a row.

Ryan's face was buried in her neck, and her arms and legs were still wrapped around him. The bench was digging into her back but she didn't want to move. She couldn't think of anywhere she'd rather be, but that was too bad for her now, wasn't it? Their quick but passionate union was a one-time-only deal.

Her toes might still be tingling from the most earth-shattering sex of her life, and she might have felt more connected to Ryan than she had to any other human being before, but it was over now. It didn't matter how much she wanted to do it all over again. It didn't matter how much she didn't want to let him go. If she didn't let him go then he would let her go. He would break her heart – a heart which was balanced precariously on the verge of loving him.

Feeling her trying to pull away, Ryan finally untangled their bodies and stepped away from her. For a second she thought he looked just as reluctant to break their connection as she felt – but decided it was her imagination, and even if it wasn't, it wasn't something she should dwell on. She had to hold strong. This couldn't happen again.

She picked up her underwear and slid them back on as she glanced at the clock. Ten thirty-two.

"They're late," Ryan said to her.

"Yep," she agreed, trying but failing to keep her eyes off his body as they both dressed.

She almost cried with disappointment as he put his shirt back on and covered that incredible chest of his. She felt desire tugging at her as her eyes caressed his perfect male body. Crap. Couldn't she at least have some kind of grace period from her Ryan-induced-lust now that they'd just had sex in her kitchen? It seemed not. Two orgasms had apparently not been anywhere near enough to satisfy the craving she had for her co-star.

She startled when Ryan came to stand behind her so he could zip her back up. She shivered as his hand brushed against the sensitive skin on her back. When the zip reached the top of the dress he pressed a soft kiss to the nape of her neck. The slight contact sizzled and desire beat out a vicious rhythm inside her. She moaned softly and he slowly turned her around in his arms. Her breath lodged in her throat as she took in the scorching heat in his gaze.

"We messed up, Mac. I think I want you even more now than I did before."

With that he dipped his head and claimed her mouth with his. Her body melted against his immediately as if it had a mind of its own. His mouth was hot and insistent as he kissed her, as if he were trying to drive all ideas of earlier-on being a once-off from her mind. The feel of his arousal pressing against her made it perfectly clear that he wanted her just as much as before. Dear. God.

This was crazy, Ryan thought. He'd just had her, but one taste of her sweet lips and he was burning up with the need to be with her all over again. He should never have agreed to her once-off idea. Surely she could see now that that decision had been a mistake. There was no way they could shoot the scenes that they needed to for Hart's Valley and keep this thing in check.

She was driving him out of his mind. He'd glimpsed something spectacular in her arms before, and he was desperate to repeat the experience. Their one time had been like the smallest sip of water to a man who was parched from being in the desert for too long. He tilted her head back so he could deepen their kiss, and her little moan shot heat straight to his groin. Far. Out. He was too damn hard.

He needed an ice-cold shower. He needed to cool down before their friends walked in on one hell of a show. He mustered the last remaining shreds of his control, and tore his mouth away from hers.

Mac couldn't stop the little noise of protest from escaping as Ryan pulled away from her, his hand sweeping though her hair as his eyes clung to hers.

"This isn't even close to being done," he told her.

"It has to be. It can't happen again," she told him.

She knew her voice sounded weak. Her words lacked conviction.

"Mac, if we take this thing on set…"

Mac had desperately hoped that surrendering to the desires which fuelled them both would help relieve some of this tension between them, and reduce the impact of having to kiss him on set. But she knew now that she'd been deluding herself. She'd been too caught up in her need to be with him to see that sleeping together once would only make things worse.

The tension between them had been building for a very long time. They'd kept the beast caged for the past year, but giving in had opened the door and now the beast was out. They could never hope to capture it and contain it again. Every searing touch, every hot and fiery kiss they'd shared, was burnt into her memory. He'd left his imprint on her. Her body knew the pleasure his could bring her. She wouldn't be able to stop herself from responding to him, on-set, or off, ever again.

It was an impossible situation. She didn't want to put her heart in the firing line again, but she didn't know how to deal with this thing between them any longer. Mac thanked her lucky stars when she heard someone knocking on the door. The reprieve from her turmoil, however brief, was extremely welcome. She turned to answer the door, but Ryan grabbed her arm before she could walk away.

"I'll get the door," he told her.

"There's no need. I can get it."

"If you answer the door right now everyone will know what we've been doing."

Mac ran a hand through her hair, feeling it tangle in her fingers. She'd been so caught up in her thoughts that she'd forgotten she probably looked as if she'd just had her wicked way with her co-star. She needed a mirror.

"Okay," she agreed. "Thanks."

Ryan nodded, before leaning in and giving her another quick kiss. "I'm not done talking about this."

Mac walked into the bathroom and shut the door behind her before she leaned against it. It would take very little for Ryan to persuade her to sleep with him again. She wanted to. Okay, that was the understatement of the century. If she closed her eyes it was too easy to imagine herself back in his arms, his mouth on hers, their bodies moving together. The visual was enough to make her breathing ragged, and her body grow ready for his all over again.

She took a deep breath before she crossed to the mirror. Her eyes were glazed over. Her cheeks felt hot and were quite obviously flushed. Her lips looked swollen from his kisses. What she felt – the need that gripped her whenever Ryan was near – was as plain as the nose on her face. Would her co-stars see it? Would their executive producer? How could they not see it when she kissed him on set this week?

Ryan walked as slowly as he could towards Mac's front door, willing his body to chill out and settle down. By the time he opened the door his desire wasn't obvious. Even if it had been, however, the person waiting at the door probably wouldn't have noticed, he acknowledged. Jazz was standing there in the hallway, fidgeting, and when she realized he was the one letting her into the apartment her back went rigid and she scowled at him. What the hell?

"Where's Mac?" Jazz asked him as she walked in.

"It's great to see you too, Jazz."

Ryan frowned when he took in the dark expression on Jazz's face. She was usually one of the most genuinely happy people he knew. She stopped to glare at him briefly, before she walked into the lounge room and took a seat on the sofa.

"Where's everyone else?" he asked her.

"They're supposed to be getting here at eleven. I sent you a message asking you to do the same. Didn't you get it?"

The message was more than likely sitting unopened in his phone. He hadn't been aware of anything other than Mac for the past half hour.

"What are you doing here?" she asked him.

"I arranged this barbecue, remember? Why did you change the time? What's wrong?"

She sat there watching him carefully for a moment. "I came here to ask Mac something, but since you're here I'm worried I already know the answer. Ryan, please tell me there's nothing going on between you and Mac."

Ryan blinked and his mouth fell open. It had been the last thing he'd expected her to say to him. He was normally quick on his feet mentally, but for the life of him he couldn't work out how he should answer her.

"God, it's true isn't it? How could you be so stupid? How could both of you be so stupid? At first I thought there was nothing to it, but then I started thinking about how one of you has been absent at every get-together we've had. I should have seen this earlier."

"What's going on?" Mac asked, behind him. "Where is everyone?"

Jazz sighed heavily. "I told them to get here at eleven. I wanted to get here first and warn you."

"Warn me about what?"

"About this."

Mac held perfectly still as she watched Jazz pull her handbag onto her lap, unzip it, and then extract the Sunday edition of the Women's Daily News. She felt something cold and miserable slide through her as she took in the photo on the cover, and the caption that went with it. It had been taken on Friday night, just after she'd left the restaurant with Ryan, obviously by a passer-by who thought it would be fun to destroy her life and make a quick buck from it.

It was the second time that she'd made the front cover of the Women's Daily News. This time, however, was definitely much worse than the last. The picture showed Ryan's arm around her waist, holding her close, as he whispered something in her ear. And it was more than obvious to Mac just how affected she'd been by his proximity.

Frequent upgrades made to camera phones meant that the desire she felt towards her co-star had been captured with perfect clarity. Mac recognized the signs of her arousal because she'd just seen them a minute ago in the bathroom mirror. She might be able to blame the glazed eyes and flushed cheeks on the alcohol she'd consumed that night, to anyone who might listen, but she knew better.

It was the caption at the top, in big yellow writing, however, that had Mac wanting to climb under a rock and firebomb the Women's Daily News headquarters simultaneously.

It read; "Summer Heat – Is Mackenzie Lauren falling for her leading man? Again?"

Mac couldn't bear to look at Ryan. She didn't want to know what he thought. Even if he shrugged it off, or played it down – it didn't change the fact that the answer to the question was a big, fat yes! And to have that exposed so publicly was just mortifying. She rubbed at the sudden dull throb in her temples.

Of course Ryan's feelings weren't in question. Because they weren't there. He desired her. He liked her as a friend, but there was nothing special about the way he felt about her. And to think he'd been worried about how the headline might read. If she hadn't been off-her-face-drunk at the time, she would have told him that he had nothing to be afraid of – nothing to lose. Meanwhile, she had everything to lose. Everything.

The worst part of all of this was that she'd tried so hard not to repeat the mistake she'd made last time.

"The article is much worse," Jazz told her quietly.

"Then I don't want to read it," Mac said to her.

When the story had broken about her and Danny, she'd tortured herself by reading every insult and speculation that the magazine had thrown out about her. She wouldn't do that this time. She could easily guess as to what aspersions they were casting about her character now, and she didn't need to hear it.

"Maybe you should," Jazz said her. "Blainesworth might."

Mac felt herself pale at the mention of their executive producer. She knew it was a possibility, but she had to hope that he would pass it off as rubbish. Considering her history, and the way he felt about co-stars dating, however, she could be headed straight for his office first thing tomorrow morning.

"He won't pay attention to anything that trivial," Ryan interjected. "He has better things to do than read that crap. And if he says anything, I'll tell him the truth. Mac was drunk. You asked me to take her home. I did. Then I returned to my date."

Ryan was trying to play it cool, but inside he was giving himself a good ass-kicking. He'd been a jerk. Mac's reaction to their executive producer's name, and the magazine cover, had really driven that truth home. He'd felt so helpless as he'd stood there and watched the blood drain out of her face.

Ever since he'd kissed Mac he'd been asking her to give in to this thing between them with little to no regard for what it would all mean for her. He hadn't been thinking with the head on top of his shoulders. He'd been a man consumed with a basic drive, and he'd hardly spared a thought for her, or the situation it would put her in. Guilt clawed its way through him.

She'd told him straight up that one time was all she wanted – that she didn't want to go down the same path that she had with Danny, but he hadn't listened. He'd tried to seduce her into changing her mind.

The headline suggested that she was falling for him. With his strong desire to keep things casual, and the line of work they were in, it could lead to some very messy problems if she was. He was again reminded of the conversation they'd had on Friday night, as he'd tucked her into bed. She'd essentially told him she had feelings for him – feelings that he'd ignored today because he'd wanted to be with her so badly that he couldn't think through the thick fog of lust between his ears.

If he had a lick of decency in him, he'd stop this, just like she'd asked.

"Are you telling me there's nothing going on between the two of you?" Jazz asked.

Ryan looked at Mac, but she was deliberately avoiding meeting his gaze.

"That's exactly what I'm saying," Ryan told her.

Mac's eyes snapped up to meet his. She'd made her decision, and now he was going to respect that. Even if he wanted her more than his next breath – even if he'd felt his whole world tilt of its axis while he was inside of her, this had to be her choice. If they slept together again, it would be because she wanted to – because she felt comfortable to, and because she'd decided she could handle something casual. It wouldn't be because he couldn't keep his hands off her long enough for her to think about what they were doing.

A knock on the door sounded. Mac hurried off to let in whoever was at the door.

"I hope you're telling me the truth," Jazz said to him. "Because you know she wouldn't survive another public heart-break."

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Mac felt Brad's arm slide around her shoulders, as he sat down beside her on the picnic bench at Fawkner Park. It was the perfect day for a barbeque, but her mood would have been better suited to grey skies and rain, rather than the cloudless blue above her.

She felt Brad study her for a moment before he sighed heavily.

"You're letting the article get to you, aren't you?" he asked you.

"I'm trying not to."

"You need to take a cup of concrete, Maccas."

"Pardon?"

"Toughen up. Harden up. Shit like this happens all the time. You can't take it personally. You can't let it get you down."

This was the third or fourth time that the magazine had published something to put her down in the public eye. It sure as hell felt like they had it in for her. She still remembered the first interview she'd had in Melbourne, after she'd been given a small guest spot on Neighbours.

They'd basically called her a dumb hick because she'd made a stupid comment about shovelling cow patties on the farm. It had shaken her confidence terribly, and she hadn't been entirely comfortable in her interviews ever since then. She didn't enjoy being the girl everyone laughed at.

"It feels personal," she told him.

She let her eyes wander over to where Ryan and Matt were at the barbecue, cooking the meat. Jazz and Vanessa were at the Coles down the street, buying tomato sauce. Out of all the things to forget for a barbeque…But her thoughts hadn't exactly been on food the past few days.

"I know it does, but we've all experienced it before. Do you remember when TV's Hot News claimed Vanessa was having a relationship with her female co-star? Or when I had that HIV scare?"

Mac nodded. She did remember that.

"My girlfriend dumped me," he continued. "It took ages for it to blow over. And what about when Matt's high school friend gave an interview about Matt being a stoner? Or Jazz got nabbed for drink-driving, and she lost her license for a year? The only thing you need to worry about is whether it is true or not, and if it is, what you're going to do about it."

She knew he was indirectly asking her if there was anything to it, but she chose to ignore the question. It was better he didn't know the answer.

"I love acting," she told him instead. "But I hate this. I hate being scrutinized and criticised. They don't know me."

"Exactly. They don't know anything about you. So why would you let anything they say worry you?"

"Because people will see it and think that it's the truth."

Brad looked at her. "So what?"

"What do you mean, so what? Everyone is going to think I'm in love with my co-star."

"So, let us suspend reality for a moment and pretend that everyone believes what they read in those mags – and everyone in Australia now believes you're in love with Ryan. So what? You know what I'm trying to say?"

"I hear you," she told him.

She knew he was right about the fact that she needed to toughen up a bit. It shouldn't really matter what people thought of her if she could do her job and do it well – if she believed she was a good person, and endeavoured to live up to her own code of ethics. And she wasn't the only target here, as Brad had pointed out. No-one had ever been quite so blunt with her before, and perhaps she needed the wake-up call.

The misery she was feeling right now, however, had more to do with the fact that the article had shone a light onto something she had desperately wanted to keep in the dark. The way she felt was her business; her personal, private business. She felt as if someone had read her diary and printed it for everyone to read. The rest of the country had been given insight into the feelings she had for her co-star, before she'd had time to process them...and get over them.

Mac was hoping that Ryan had forgotten the headline on the cover already. Ever since he'd seen the article he'd given her the impression that he was backing right off. Maybe she should see that as something positive. However, she couldn't help feeling as though he was backing off because of what the magazine had suggested, rather than because she'd told him earlier that one time was all she wanted.

She knew Ryan's history, and so maybe she should have expected as much, but the thought that her feelings made him want to run for the hills actually made her heart hurt and her insides feel as if they were twisting inside-out. She blinked several times as she felt the prick of tears behind her eyes.

"Girls are back. Lighten up. They found tomato sauce," Brad said to her, before he nudged her shoulder with his playfully. "Come on, what could be better than this? The sun is shining, it's our day off, and we're surrounded by friends. This is the life, Maccas. Live it. Enjoy it."

Mac nodded and tried to smile as she watched Vanessa and Jazz stroll through the park towards them. At the same time, Ryan and Matt finished up at the barbeque and made their way back to the table. Jazz and Vanessa took a seat opposite her and Brad, and Matt joined them, leaving her shuffling over a little so that Ryan could sit down next to her.

As he sat down his knee touched hers and Mac jumped as if she'd been electrocuted. The man had just been inside her for Pete's sake, but it felt as if she'd just been zapped. Her body was humming – her libido kick-started. She felt her nipples pebble and the too familiar ache ignite low in her belly. Her whole body felt as if it was flushing. She suddenly wished she had a fan. Her cheeks were hot enough to melt ice-blocks.

She piled her plate with food and when her arm brushed along Ryan's, she tried and failed not to remember how strong his arms had been as he'd held her up and taken her. She couldn't eat from excitement. With Ryan sitting next to her, her body was too busy reliving every moment of their one time to think about food.

"Hey, are you okay?" Ryan asked her softly, as she pushed her coleslaw around on her plate.

Did he care? Of course, she told herself. Just because he didn't feel the same way that she did, didn't mean they weren't friends. At least his question hadn't been, 'hey, are you falling for me?'

"I'm fine," she told him.

What had Brad said? This is the life. Live it. Enjoy it. That was what she wanted to do, more than anything. But all she could think about right now was the fact that in less than a week she would be kissing the man next to her on set. She didn't know how she was going to get through that scene. He might have decided to back off, but it didn't change the fact that she was falling for him. And she couldn't stop herself from responding to him.

With the story that had broken about her today, she had no idea if their executive producer would be gunning for her or not, but the timing was bad. Anyone who was looking for something between her and Ryan would be able to see it. She wouldn't be able to hide how he affected her in front of the cameras. Even if she managed to pull it off this time, it wouldn't be the only scene of this nature that they'd have together this season.

She listened as Matt cracked a joke. Everyone laughed, and Mac forced herself to join in. These were her friends. Hart's Valley was her job. This was her life. Now she just had to get past the dreaded sinking feeling in her gut that she was about to lose it all. This is the life. Live it. Enjoy it.

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I know this chapter was a little heavy. We'll be back in the studio next chapter. If you like the story please vote/comment. Thanks for reading <3

Thanks to C for proofreading, and Daisy for her feedback, and faerie15 for her library material discussion, lol.

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Mac closed her eyes just as Ryan’s lips touched hers. His kiss was soft and gentle at first, but utterly, utterly perfect. Had she expected anything less from Australia’s Romeo? Absolutely not. She felt her toes curl, and her heart lurch. Lust ripped through her centre like a rocket ship taking off; the heat it generated making her feel as if she were about to melt into the floor. 

She removed her hands from the front of his shirt so she could wind her arms around his neck and bring him closer to her. And that was when everything changed. His kiss went from soft and teasing to hungry and possessive in the blink of an eye. Her lips parted underneath his, allowing his tongue to slide along the length of hers, stoking the fire already burning low in her belly.

His hands wrapped around her waist, pulling her snugly against him and she could feel the long, hard proof of his desire. Satisfaction swept through her as he moaned and deepened the kiss even further; his mouth and tongue doing the most sinfully wicked things to her. Her knees wobbled underneath her, which was hardly surprising since her entire body felt as if it was made of jelly. 

He tore his mouth away from hers to take a breath. “I knew it would be like this,” he said to her, backing her up against her kitchen bench so she wouldn’t fall. Then his mouth was on hers again.

She didn’t need to ask him what he meant. It was as if he couldn’t get enough of her. And she understood that feeling all too well. She couldn’t get enough of him, either. She’d waited a long time for this moment. But this was about more than the poster she’d had on her wall at fifteen. This was about more than the crush she’d had on Ryan before she knew him.

The man in her arms was someone she respected and admired greatly. A friend. Someone she cared about deeply. Too deeply. She already knew she was dangerously close to falling in love with him. She’d tried so hard not to make the same mistake that she’d made with Danny, but it was hopeless. She couldn’t stop this. Her head snapped back with the force of her thoughts, exposing her neck. She shivered and clung tighter to him as his lips grazed the sensitive skin just under her ear before trailing them down her neck. 

Ryan knew things were far too heated. He was already too worked up. His whole body felt as if it was on the verge of exploding. The need to merge his body with hers was so strong he didn’t know how to resist it. He’d held himself back from her for so long, denying what he wanted – what he needed; and now that she was finally in his arms, he had no control left to stop what they were doing.

He felt her tremble. He tasted the perfume on her neck. It was all one giant turn-on. Every resolve, every rule – every determined thought he’d had about resisting her was crumbling rapidly. He’d done everything he could to avoid giving in, but the truth was that he just couldn’t do it any longer. He couldn’t kiss her and touch her and not need more. If she didn’t want this then she had to be the one to stop them.

Her cheeks were rosy and her eyes were filled with lust and more than a hint of vulnerability as he pulled away to look at her.

“Mac, I want you too much. I can’t stop this.”

She should walk away from this, Mac thought. She knew she should. But how much longer could she fight this for if she did? One week? Maybe two if she were lucky? It had been an uphill battle from the start. The only reason she’d made it this far was because Ryan had been fighting the attraction too. Now it appeared he was done fighting it.

But if they slept together now, how would he treat her afterward? What could she expect after their heated moment was over?

“What is this, Ryan?” she asked him huskily. “What are we doing?”

Ryan swallowed. She had every right to ask; every right to know, but he didn’t know what to tell her. He had no idea what they were doing – what he was doing. 

“I don’t know, Mac,” he told her. “I know that I should, but I don’t. I just know that I can’t seem to be around you anymore without wanting to be with you. I’ve tried staying away from you, but I miss you so damn much. We have these scenes coming up and…I don’t know what I’m doing or what this is.”

Mac felt her disappointment crash through her so fast it left her reeling. She didn’t know what she’d expected him to say, but it hadn’t been that. She knew up front that Australia’s Romeo never stuck around for more than three months. He didn’t fall in love. He wasn’t interested in forever. She realized all that. But to hear him say he had no clue what this was, or what he wanted it to be, left her speechless.  

“I don’t know how to handle this thing between us,” he said to her.

Well that made two of them, didn’t it? Bitterness and sadness swirled around inside her. At least he wasn’t lying to her about it, though. She supposed that was something. Danny had let her believe she was special to him in some way – that there was promise to their future. Ryan wasn’t trying to pull a fast one on her. He wasn’t telling her what she wanted to hear so she’d go to bed with him. His honestly didn’t make her feel any better, but it did make it impossible for her to lie to herself about what was happening here.

“So this is a once-off?” she asked him. “A way to let off steam before our upcoming scene this week?”

Everything he said was coming out wrong, Ryan thought. She made it sound as if he wanted to use her, but he didn’t. That wasn’t what this was. Okay, he didn’t know what this was, but it definitely wasn’t that. She wasn’t a quick screw. Mac obviously needed him to put a name to what they were doing, and he could appreciate that. After what had happened between her and Westlaker, he supposed it was the sensible thing to do.

“I’m trying to stop you making the same mistakes with Brad that you made with Danny.”

“That’s very noble of you, but Brad’s not the one I’m likely to make the same mistake with.”

Guilt clawed at him. He knew that sleeping with her wouldn’t have a good outcome, but he just wasn’t strong enough to stop this anymore. He’d tried. Over and over again he’d tried. They both had. He’d reached his limit.

“This isn’t a once-off,” he said to her. “I don’t want it to be a once-off. If you want to call it something, then call it a casual relationship.”

Ryan wished he could tell Mac that this was more – that this thing between them was special, but he wouldn’t. He wanted her. He cared about very much, but whatever they started would be casual, just like every other relationship he’d had.

"I shouldn't feel the way that I feel about you."

He tried to push the gnawing doubts aside as he remembered Mac’s drunken confession. He was being honest with her right now. If she agreed to go along with this, then that was her decision. She wouldn’t agree to something if she didn’t think she could handle it, would she?

“So you want a fling?” she asked him. “A casual relationship?”

“Yes,” he said to her.

Ryan Moore’s Three-Month-Special, Mac thought. Well, it would be three months if he didn’t grow bored with her before that time.

“I mean, if you want that too,” he said to her.

Mac didn’t want that. Perhaps sleeping together had been on the cards since day one because she was both weak and foolish when it came to her leading men, but she couldn’t do a fling with him. If she agreed she would be looking around the corner all the time waiting for the moment he decided he’d had enough; that he was walking away – that he was bored with her. It would tear her apart.

A once-off was something she would very rarely consider. Even a moment ago it had seemed like the worst idea, but that was before he’d suggested a fling. She already knew she was going to sleep with him. That seemed inevitable right now. However, if she had a choice between a once-off and a fling, she had to choose the option less likely to break her heart, didn’t she?

“No,” she said to him. “We do this once, and once only.”

Having sex with him once wouldn’t shatter her the way a casual relationship would when he ended it. Well, that was what she was choosing to believe right now. It was her only hope of walking away from this thing between them without her heart being obliterated.

“Once?” he questioned her.

“Once,” she confirmed. “You can’t fight this anymore and neither can I. But I don’t want to go down the same path that I went down with Danny. So…I think we should just do it. Then maybe we can move past this.”

“Move past this?” he repeated.

“Go back to being friends and co-workers. Maybe it will be easier to do that after we…you know.”

She was crazy. Ryan was quite sure of it. There was no way that having sex once was going to be good for them. What would a once-off do to their friendship and their working relationship? But he could see the determination in her eyes; her resolve not to go down the same path as she had gone down with Danny. How could he fault her for her logic? He couldn’t.

He had to be honest though.

“I don’t think once is going to be enough,” he said to her. Not to mention that the level of awkwardness between them would go through the roof if they did this.

“It has to be enough,” she told him.

There was a hint of desperation in her voice that he didn’t like – as if sleeping together right now was some kind of Hail Mary pass to something he didn’t completely understand. His gaze slid to the clock on her kitchen wall. Seventeen past ten. Maybe she needed more time to think this through. Hell, they could both benefit from a moment here.

“We should do this later.”

“No. Now,” she said to him.

It had to be now, Mac thought, while she still felt like she had some semblance of control over this situation; while she still felt as if she was the one calling the shots.

“We only have thirteen minutes,” he told her.

“Then we’ll have to be quick,” she told him. “I thought you said you couldn’t stop.”

Ryan was well aware he’d said that, but doing this right here and right now was going to shoot everything to hell.

“Mac…”

Mac had had quite enough of talking about this thing between them. Now that she’d decided to act on it, she was just going to jump straight into the fire. What was the point in waiting any longer? She was done pretending she didn’t want him in her bed. She threw herself at him, kissing him with everything she had.

He was slow to respond, and for a moment she worried he might push her away, but in the end he returned her kiss in a heart-slamming, bone-liquefying, earth-moving way that left her completely breathless. Yes. This was what she’d wanted. His power, his strength, his sheer masculinity had tantalized her from the very beginning, and right now it was hers to explore and appreciate. Finally.

She let her hands slide down his body before slipping them under his t-shirt so that she could finally touch the muscles she’d admired so many times before. They tightened and tensed underneath her fingertips and he moaned into her mouth.

“Take it off,” she demanded between kisses, her hands going to the hem of his T-shirt.

Ryan knew this was wrong. So wrong. She would regret this. They both would. But hearing the raw need in her voice had the remaining vestiges of his restraint snapping. He whipped the shirt over his head, nearly losing his mind when her hands found his chest like heat seeking missiles, roaming over his body as if she couldn’t get enough of him.

The wild abandon with which she was attacking him released something hot and primal and fierce inside him. He could have her. Finally, he could have her. He didn’t have to hold back a moment longer. He cupped her breasts, feeling the outline of her hardened peaks beneath his thumbs. She pushed her breasts into the palms of his hands and he felt even more of his blood rush south.

He found the zip at the back of her dress, dragging it down as far as he could. She shrugged the straps off her shoulder so that her dress fell to her waist. Desire hammered him as he took in the lacy, light blue bra with dark blue bow that she was wearing. He knew with utmost certainty that her underwear would match. His heart was racing so fast, and his blood felt thick and hot as he undid the catch on her bra. She let it slip off her arms.

“Ryan,” she cried as he took one of her ripe peaks into his mouth.

He circled it with his tongue and tugged on it gently. She moved her hips against his throbbing erection, just about killing him with the sensations that it caused. His hands skimmed down her sides and disappeared under her dress. He groaned when she spread her legs for him; a shameless suggestion that he should touch her. He’d never seen her like this before – so uninhibited and free. She wanted him and she wasn’t afraid to show it. He’d never been more turned on his life.

He ran a finger over her through her underwear, his body literally jerking with the need to be inside her when he realized just how ready she was for him. He ran his finger over her again, and she moaned again more loudly and spread her legs even further apart.

“Yes,” she said to him as he slid her underwear over her hips and they dropped to the floor.

Mac closed her eyes, colours exploding behind her eyelids as Ryan touched her where she wanted him to. Her hands gripped the bench behind her, doing her best to hold herself up as he slipped his thumb back and forth over the bundle of nerve endings between her legs; all the while his mouth and tongue continued to lavish attention on her breasts. She felt the tension mounting inside her; felt it winding tighter and tighter and tighter, until she could climb no higher. Her body burned and tingled everywhere for a second and then boom – fireworks! 

Ryan looked up as he heard Mac shout out in pleasure. Her eyes were closed. Her head was thrown back. Her chest was rising and falling rapidly, and her whole body was shaking. With her breasts exposed and her dress still around her hips, she was a vision. He’d never seen anything more beautiful. He’d never wanted anyone so much. He was so achingly hard he couldn’t wait another minute to be with her.

“You’re so beautiful, Mac.”

Mac opened her eyes. The aftershocks of her climax were still rocking through her, but the mere sound of his voice – husky and thick – made her body feel as if it was starting to spark all over again. And when she took in the hungry look on his face; the midnight-black colour of his eyes, she felt the coil of desire pull tighter. He hauled her against him and kissed her hungrily.

“Condoms,” she said against his mouth, her hands going to the fastening of his shorts. “In the bedroom.”

Ryan never stopped kissing her as he took his wallet out of his pocket, and retrieved what she assumed was a condom. He slapped it on the bench behind her.

“Here?” she whispered.

“And now,” he told her.

Mac’s anticipation of what was coming soared. She quickly unfastened his shorts and pushed them off his hips before she freed him from the boxers he was wearing – an extraordinary feat considering how unsteady her hands were. His erection stood out proudly. There was no denying he was impressive. She stroked her hand along the length of him, gliding her thumb over the tip of him.

His hips jerked forward as he moaned her name. She reached behind her with her spare hand and grabbed the condom Ryan had placed there a moment ago. She tore her mouth away from his so she could concentrate on what she was doing. She ripped the foil packet quickly and then rolled the condom down his length, his hand on top of hers, guiding her the whole way.

“I can’t wait any longer, Mac,” he told her as his hands slid under her dress again and he lifted her up by her hips. He positioned himself to take her.

“Please,” was all she said to him as she grabbed his shoulders.

It was all Ryan needed to hear. His heart was like a jack-hammer as he thrust forward, joining them together. He heard her cry out at the intrusion. He felt her fingernails dig into the skin of his shoulders, but he barely registered either incident. All he could focus on was how good it felt to be surrounded by her tight wet heat. He’d never felt more complete, more whole, more alive, than he did in that moment.

Her eyes, which had closed as he filled her, now opened and latched onto his, creating a connection that felt far too intense. God, they shouldn’t be doing this. They were friends. They cared about each other. They worked together. This wasn’t some random hook-up or some girl who wanted a shot at him because of who he was. This was Mac.

“Ryan,” she whispered softly, clutching at his shoulders.

But it was too late to stop it now, and he didn’t want to stop this – couldn’t stop this. He’d never felt this good before.

She did her best to rock her hips, obviously ready for him to start moving. He leaned in and kissed her; sweeping his tongue along hers as he started to move, which only served to intensify everything he was already feeling. Every stroke of his body into hers, every small whimper and moan she made into his mouth, every pleasurable sensation that stole through him told him that this was something bigger than he’d ever experienced before.

And when he felt her body find its release around him, and his name tumbled from her lips, he felt his whole world shake as he went over the edge with her. 

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Should you have any concerns about the rating please let me know. To everyone who is commenting, voting and fanning, I appreciate the support tremendously! <3

Thanks to my proof-reader, Jenn. I acknowledge any mistakes in this chapter are mine and not yours. Thanks Bex for your always fabulous feedback

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"Don't say that," Mac begged. "You can't say that."

He couldn't do this to her, not now, Mac thought. She was drunk and consequently defenceless when it came to him. She'd been fighting this thing between them for too long. If he touched her she'd melt, and she couldn't afford to melt – not when he had a woman waiting for him. Not when all that she felt for him had the capacity to screw up her ability to do her job again.

She pushed her forehead against the cool glass of the car window. Even in her drunken state, she couldn't lie to herself. As much as she wished her feelings were just lust, infatuation, and the remnants of a teenage crush, they weren't. And sitting here in the dark with him, in his car outside her apartment building, surrounded by silence, she acknowledged she was dangerously close to falling in love with him.

She needed him to be the strong one here – to keep resisting her. Was it fair? No. Was it right? No. Not at all. But it didn't change the fact that that was what she needed.

"You can't give up," she told him. "You have to keep fighting."

"I've tried, Mac. I really have."

"You have to try harder."

He laughed a self-deprecating laugh. "You have no idea how hard I have been trying. This keeping our distance thing…it's not working for me. And I don't think it's working for you either. Your friends are worried about you."

"I'm fine."

She rubbed her temples, feeling her head start to pound. She wasn't fine, but she didn't need her friends to worry about her. She was worried enough about herself. If the loneliness she'd felt lately wasn't enough to alarm her, the depth of what she felt for her co-star was. Her life was like a train about to derail at any moment, and she had no idea how to stop it. This thing between them was out of control.

She felt queasy.

"Really?" he asked her softly. "Getting drunk and looking for sex? That's you being fine, is it?"

"I overdid it tonight," she admitted. "It was stupid, but I'm hardly the first person to let loose a bit too much."

"Mac."

"You have your distraction, Ryan. Let me have mine."

"That's the problem, Mac. I don't want you to have a distraction."

She swallowed, feeling the anger boiling up within her. He had no idea how hard tonight had been for her. It had been emotionally exhausting sitting across from him and pretending she hadn't been swallowed up by jealousy. But he didn't want her to have a distraction. Was it the anger or the alcohol making her feel violently ill right now? Why was everything spinning all of a sudden?

"That's not fair," she told him, holding onto the car seat for dear life. "You know that's not fair."

Of course Ryan knew it wasn't fair. None of this was fair. It wasn't fair they'd had to cut their friendship off at the knees because of this attraction between them. It wasn't fair that he couldn't touch her without feeling desire rush in and overwhelm him. It wasn't fair that he'd done everything he could these past few months to get on top of what it was he'd felt for her and nothing had worked. Nothing! These feelings weren't going away.

"You have Cindy," she said to him. "She's nice. I like her. You're going to break her heart."

"She knows this is nothing serious."

"I'm sure that will be a comforting thought when she's crying her heart out over you in the middle of the night."

Ryan stared out the windshield. The women he saw knew what the deal was from the beginning. He made sure they did. It wasn't like he led them on or promised them the world. They knew from the get-go that he never wanted anything serious. He hated expectations; he hated the disappointment that always inevitably came with them. Avoiding that feeling of letting someone down – of not feeling good enough, had always worked for him. He hoped spelling it out for the women he saw worked for them too, but hearing Mac say he was going to break Cindy's heart made him feel like a heel.

Cindy was supposed to be his distraction and his cover when it came to his friends, but here he sat, completely undistracted. He was going to have to end things with her. Mac was right. Cindy was nice, and even if she had agreed to what he'd offered it didn't mean she wouldn't end up wanting more from him. Just like Mac would.

Mac would want more from him than a quick fling, and because he liked her so much – cared about her so much – he would try and give it to her, too. When he failed, she'd be disappointed, or angry, whichever one came first. And he'd be left feeling like crap because he'd let her down, because he'd hurt her just like Westlaker had, when he'd promised himself he wouldn't.

So, was he really done fighting this? No. He had to keep fighting this. For Mac. He wouldn't do what Westlaker had done – use her until he grew tired of her.

"I'll…try and keep fighting it," he said to her. "But that still leaves us with a problem."

He still couldn't touch her and keep everything he felt for her in check. He never got to explain this to her, however, because she suddenly threw open the car door and puked her guts up. He was out of the car and by her side in a flash.

"It's alright," he told her, helping her out of his car.

Mac was very thankful that she missed stepping in the pile of her vomit as she clutched her purse to her and took a step away from Ryan's car. Vomiting in front of the hottest guy on Aussie TV was pretty damn humiliating, but stepping in it – that would have been the cherry on top of the worst night she'd had in a while.

When they got to the stairs, he scooped her up so that he was holding her bridal style. She'd told him not to come up, but she hardly had to worry about him making a move on her now. She probably smelled gross and looked worse.

"Put me down now," she mumbled, once they reached her door.

He put her down, but kept his arm wrapped around her when it became obvious to both of them that she couldn't stand by herself. He took her purse off her with his spare hand and fished about for her keys. Instead of finding her keys, however, he found the strip of condoms she'd thrown in there earlier.

"Geez, Mac. Six? Really?"

"It's been a while," she told him. "I thought I might need them."

It was so damn messed up, Ryan thought. He was holding up a woman who was completely trashed and he still wanted her – he felt the swing of lust like a good, hard kick to the gut. He had it bad. He had it so, so bad. He quickly put the condoms back in her purse and went back in for the keys. As soon as he got them inside her apartment, he threw her purse onto the couch and started walking her towards the bedroom.

"Uh-uh," she said to him. "I want to brush my teeth."

"You can't even stand."

"I'm not going to bed without brushing my teeth."

He helped her walk in to the bathroom where he sat her on the edge of the bathtub while he put toothpaste on her toothbrush for her.

"Water. Can you get some water please?"

Ryan went into the kitchen to look for a water glass. Once he found a cup he filled it before walking back into the bathroom with it. She looked so down, so vulnerable and sad as she sat there, balanced on the edge of the bathtub, that he felt something wrap around his heart and squeeze it. He put his arm around her and helped her walk out, guiding her into her bedroom where he sat her on the bed.

A wave of tiredness crashed through him. It had been a long day and he felt far too tempted to get into the bed with her. But as much as he wanted to sleep right now, he knew it wouldn't stay that way for long. She lay down on the bed and he picked up her feet and laid them across his lap so he could take off her shoes.

"I'm sorry," she said to him as he fiddled with the buckle on her shoe. "About the vomiting, and the drunkenness. About asking you to drive me home when you're on a date."

"Don't worry about it. What are friends for?"

"Are we friends?"

Her eyes were closed, shutting him out of her head. He’d give a lot to know what was she was thinking at the moment. He'd suggested they should keep their distance, and at the time he'd believed it was for the best. Now, however, he couldn't help thinking that staying away from her had been a big mistake. The desire he felt towards her had only grown with the distance he'd kept between them, and after hearing what Jazz had said tonight, he suspected Mac missed him just as much as he missed her.

Even if he'd decided he had to continue to fight what it was he felt for her, he didn't want to keep his distance anymore. He didn't know how he could be around her and not act on the attraction between them, but he had to try. Besides, if she was going to do things like get drunk and go out looking for sex, she'd need someone to watch her back, someone to look out for her. She needed him around.

"Of course we're friends, Mac," he told her firmly.

"Friends that don't see each other?"

"That's going to change," he promised her.

She didn't say anything. Had she gone to sleep? He went back to trying to get her shoes off.

"I'm lonely," she said to him.

"You'll find a distraction," he said to her.

"I hated it…seeing you with Cindy."

Ryan felt his chest squeeze tight once more. Jazz had been right. Mac was sad; sad and lonely, and he'd managed to make her feel ten times worse by bringing someone with him tonight. Guilt clutched at him.

"I know I'm not supposed to care," she said to him.

He wanted to comfort her, hold her. But that would lead to more – the type of more that would satisfy both of them short term, but nothing that would lead to any good long term. She was vulnerable and probably not entirely with it at the moment. She likely wouldn't even remember this conversation in the morning.

"Shh. Try and get some sleep," he told her.

"I shouldn't want to be with you," she said to him. "I shouldn't feel the way that I feel about you."

Did his stomach just do a somersault? Ryan couldn't remember the last time someone had made him feel as nervous as Mac did. He was just debating the ethics of asking her exactly how she felt about him when he heard her start to snore softly. Ridiculously disappointed, he finally worked one shoe loose, then the other, before he slid out from underneath her feet and covered her with the sheet and blanket on the bed.

"Night, Mac," he said to her, unable to resist the impulse to sweep the hair off her forehead.

His gaze lingered for a moment on her mouth before he reluctantly turned and walked away.

* * *

Saturday was a complete write-off for Mac. It was a good thing she wasn't needed in the studio because she didn't think she could have made it out of bed if her life depended on it. She'd been relieved to wake up and see that she was still dressed. She was going to assume that Ryan had helped her into her apartment and put her into bed because she didn't remember much past leaving the restaurant.

Late in the afternoon Jazz called to check up on her.

"I'm sorry I didn't make it to the club," Mac told her.

"I never expected you to. You were so drunk you couldn't walk properly."

"I know."

"I've never seen you drink like that."

"And now I know why I usually don't do that," Mac said, rubbing her temples as she spoke. "So, how was the rest of the night? You guys went without me right?"

"Yeah…we actually ended up at Dolls House because Vanessa wanted somewhere closer than The Spice Club, and we assumed you weren't going to make it. Anyway, the music was too loud and it was so packed we couldn't dance. You would have hated it. We didn't stay for long."

Mac suspected Jazz was playing down the evening, but Mac loved her for it. The last thing she wanted to hear was that they'd all had an absolute blast without her.

"Did Ryan make it there okay?" Mac asked.

"Yeah, though he and Cindy left a few minutes after he got here."

Mac nodded. The idea of Ryan and Cindy going home together made her feel like throwing up all over again.

"Speaking of Ryan," Jazz said to her. "I was talking to him earlier today and he suggested we do a barbeque tomorrow. You up for it?"

"Oh…um…"

"He thought we could go to your place and then on to Fawkner Park, though it's supposed to be hot so we'll need to do it early on in the day."

"Ryan suggested you should come here for a barbeque?" she asked, feeling poleaxed.

"If that's alright with you. He said he's been missing hanging out. Can you believe it?"

No, no she couldn't believe it. Ryan had been avoiding her for the past few months and out of the blue he'd decided he missed their get-togethers and wanted to hang out.

"Mac?"

"I'm here."

"So, tomorrow?"

"Yeah, tomorrow is fine."

She had to talk to Ryan and find out exactly what was going on.

"Great," Jazz said to her.

Mac finished making the arrangements for tomorrow, said goodbye, and then hung up. She hadn't even put the phone down when it rang again. Ryan.

"Hey," he said to her, when she picked up.

"Hey," she said to him, feeling a slight wave of nostalgia.

She couldn't remember the last time he'd actually called her. It felt far too good to hear his voice down the phone line.

"You're up," he said to her.

"Yeah."

"How are you feeling?" he asked her.

"Um, better than I was this morning."

"Good."

"Thanks for taking me home last night," she said to him.

"You already thanked me for that," he said to her. "Do you remember?"

"Ah…no."

"Do you remember anything from last night?"

"Not very well."

"You don't remember what I said to you in the car last night?"

There was something in the tone of his voice that triggered a rush of memories from last night. She remembered their walk from the restaurant. She remembered his arousal and her own heated response to his proximity. She remembered how they'd sat in his car talking. Slowly, snatches of their conversation began to emerge through the fog in her brain.

"I remember," she breathed out. "You said you didn't want to fight this anymore."

"Yeah," he said to her. "I did say that. And you told me I had to keep fighting it. So, I'm going to keep fighting it, Mac."

It was ridiculous that his words made her feel disappointed. She should feel relieved. She could never resist him if he decided to give in and pursue this thing between them. Her feelings for him were already overwhelming.

"But I don't want to keep my distance anymore," he added. "I want us to go back to hanging out again. We're friends and I don't want to stay away from you anymore. I miss you Mac."

His voice was soft and gentle and his words wrapped around her like a warm and comforting blanket. He missed her. Just like she missed him.

"I miss you too," she said to him.

"I know," he said to her. "And I don’t think staying away from each other is helping."

She nodded. Avoiding each other hadn't changed how she felt about him. "I agree."

"So, have you spoken to Jazz yet?"

"She said that you wanted to do this barbeque thing tomorrow – that you wanted us all to hang out."

"Yeah. Though I do have an ulterior motive. I need to see you. I need to talk to you about something."

"What?"

"Our upcoming kiss."

She swallowed, heart racing while butterfly wings flapped madly in her belly.

"What about it?" she asked him.

"I'm anticipating a problem."

"What kind of problem?"

There was a long pause and Mac found herself holding her breath. "Every time I touch you…I react. I'm worried about what's going to happen when we're in front of the cameras."

"You want to give it a test-run?"

"You guessed it."

"Tomorrow? With everyone here?"

"I'll come over before everyone else arrives. What time is Jazz going to be there?"

"Ten-thirty."

"I'll be there at ten then."

"I…I don't think that's a good idea."

"Maybe you're right, but having no idea how we're going to react to each other on set is dangerous. We have to make sure we're in control of this. We have to make sure we can stop when they say cut. And knowing that we'll have company in half an hour will hopefully stop things from going…too far."

"You set up this whole thing so you could kiss me?" she asked him.

"Actually, I thought spending Sunday with everyone would be fun. But yes, there's an opportunity here and I think we should use it."

"An opportunity?"

"You know I can't wait to kiss you, right?"

She could hear the smile in his voice and her pulse skittered and jumped, before tapping out a frantic beat. She stood up and walked towards the open window in her lounge room, hoping to cool down a little.

"I have high expectations," she told him, smiling too.

"Aw, Mac, you're making me nervous now."

She laughed. "I'm making you nervous? Australia's Romeo nervous to kiss a girl? I don't think so."

"You're not just any girl, Mac."

"I'm not?"

"You're not," he declared.

She could hear no smile in his voice now. All she could hear was toe-curling sincerity. For a moment the pleasure of his words made her feel as if she were floating on a cloud. Then she remembered something.

"And will Cindy be coming tomorrow?"

"It's over with Cindy," he told her.

The relief she felt was like a weight being lifted off her. It was over between them. It shouldn't matter. But it did.

"Was she okay?" she asked him.

"No, she was pretty crushed."

"I'm sorry," she said to him, because she wasn't sure what else to say.

And she was genuinely sorry. As jealous as Mac had been of the other woman, Cindy had been nice and hadn’t deserved to be hurt.

"Yeah, I was too. Anyway, I'll see you tomorrow."

"I'll see you tomorrow, Ryan."

                                                           * * *

Mac was grateful that she had a long list of things to do to get ready for the barbeque. When Ryan had told her he was coming over to kiss her she'd felt more than a little nervous, but with every hour that had passed her nervousness had grown exponentially. She'd day-dreamed about kissing Ryan Moore since she was fifteen. Without the distraction of cleaning, she might have hyperventilated and passed out.

Once she'd finished cleaning, she showered and dressed in a blue and white sundress. She brushed her teeth twice, gargled some mouthwash and by the time she'd finished applying her make-up it was five to ten – which gave her five minutes before he was due to arrive. She used the time to pace back and forth, unable to stay still.

It's just a kiss! You need to stop freaking out.

At ten o'clock on the dot she heard his knock. She opened the door, immediately catching a scent of clean, fresh male. Her eyes travelled up over his perfect chest, to his broad shoulders, to his hazel eyes – eyes she was sure were twinkling at her, before dropping down to his mouth. That was when her stomach dipped all the way down to her toes.

"It's just a kiss."

He smirked at her. "Well, it's all we have time for."

She flushed, realizing she'd spoken out loud. All these nerves had obviously cut off the oxygen supply to her brain. She couldn't be sure she was breathing at all right now.

"Can I come in?" he asked her.

She moved aside quickly to let him through and he walked straight into her kitchen. It was then that she realized he was holding a shopping bag.

"Snags, beer and bread," he said to her, taking out the sausages and beer and putting them in the fridge.

If she didn't know better she'd say he was moving in slow motion. Everything was happening far, far too slowly.

"When are you going to kiss me?" she blurted out.

"We still have time if you want to wait a bit," he said to her.

She shook her head. "I want to get it over and done with."

"Now that makes me feel good," he said to her.

"I mean, I'm nervous."

"So, relax," he said to her. "It'll just be like two friends kissing."

"If you really believed that you wouldn't be here right now."

"Okay, so it might be a little more than that. Do you want to do it now then?"

She nodded. "Where should we…"

Ryan looked around him. The kitchen was small. There was limited bench space. Perfect. No bed and no couch around them, nowhere he could comfortably do more than kiss her.

"Here," he told her.

"Here?"

"Yep. Here."

Of course this was more than two friends kissing, Ryan thought. He was nervous as hell, sweating already. In fact he couldn't ever remember being this nervous about kissing a woman before. Because Mac was different. She was special. He knew that, even if he didn't understand why. He'd barely been able to sleep last night. He was more excited than a boy about to unwrap his Christmas presents.

He should have arrived a little later. Thirty minutes was still long enough for things to spiral out of control. But she was desperate to do it and get it out of the way, and he was desperate to get his hands on her. He heard the quiet warning sounding out from somewhere within him that said he wanted this too damn much, but he ignored it. He had to know if he could do this. He had to know if he could stop.

Mac stood completely still as Ryan took the two steps that put him smack bang in front of her. She could feel the blood rushing through her veins; she could hear her heart pounding viciously in her rib cage. Head spin. She reached out and put her hands on his chest, grabbing two fistfuls of his shirt, before she looked up at his face. His eyes held a mix of heat, affection and tenderness, and she was relieved she didn't have to share this moment with their viewers. It was hers. Just hers.

His thumb came up to glide over her cheekbone. "I've wanted to do this for a really, really long time," he whispered, before closing the distance between them.

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*Ducks for cover.* I know this cliffhanger is a little evil and I'm sure you guys are going to hunt me down if I don't upload the next part of this soon, so I'm going to get back to writing. Please vote and comment. Have a fabulous weekend, and thanks for reading!

Really, really nervous about this chappie :S Thank you Jenn, for proofing this for me, and thank you AJ and Daisy for your feedback <3

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Mac searched through her wardrobe for the perfect outfit for the evening. She wasn’t sure exactly what she was looking for until her gaze landed upon the royal blue dress she’d bought a few weeks back. The colour of it matched her eyes, and the silk would feel nice against her skin in the summer heat. The large dip between her breasts made it more revealing than the outfits she usually wore, but she knew she looked good in it. And whilst she hadn’t mentioned it to them yet, she was hoping to go out clubbing with Jazz and Vanessa after dinner.

Ever since she’d heard about the kiss in next week’s script, Mac had felt like there was a ticking time-bomb hanging over her head. She hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it, and every time she did, she felt longing and yearning clutching at her. She wanted it too much. She wanted him too much. Mac was starting to think she might need her own distraction, someone to take her lust out on. If Ryan could date and sleep his way through the city of Melbourne, then why couldn’t she?

Okay, so she had a healthy fear of STDs, but she needed to do something. It had been too long since she’d been with a man, and the need constantly pounding at her was making her feel reckless and edgy. She was ready to do about anything to make this feeling stop, and since she couldn’t ‘do’ her co-star, she was left looking for another option.

And now that she was back at work, she was again too busy to devote time to finding Mr Right, or even Mr Right-Now. After getting over her disappointment that Mac and Dr Dale hadn’t hit it off, Jazz had offered her matchmaking help once more, but nothing had come of it yet. It was time to take matters into her own hands. A one-night stand was something everyone did at least once, and she needed to get laid.

Right before Mac was ready to leave her apartment, she looked in her bedside drawer. She didn’t know whether to laugh or cry over the fact that her unopened box of condoms expired in less than a month. She pulled out a strip of six and threw them into her handbag.  

She arrived at the restaurant five minutes late. As if pulled by some magnetic force, her eyes were drawn automatically to where Ryan was sitting. She stood there in the doorway and watched him while he remained oblivious to her presence. On set, he’d filled out the suit he’d worn to perfection. Tonight he was sitting there in a casual green t-shirt with white stripes, and he still looked good enough to make her heart skip a beat, or several.

Her gaze slide to the beautiful blonde he was sitting with. She’d known that seeing Ryan with a date wouldn’t be the easiest thing in the world to endure. Hearing about him with anyone else was hard enough. But now she realized she’d underestimated just how difficult it would be. Her heart twisted in her chest as she watched him smile at his date.

As if he sensed her eyes on him, he turned his head so he was looking at her. She didn’t know if someone had told him she would be there or not. Suddenly afraid of what his reaction might be, Mac forced herself to look away from him before she could meet his eyes. She strode through the loud, over-crowded restaurant towards the table where everyone was sitting. It was in a secluded part of the restaurant that Gino, the owner, let them use while they ate there.

“Maccas!” Brad exclaimed as he stood up and gave her a hug. “Far out! You look freaking amazing.”

“Thank you,” she told him, smiling at him.

Jazz hugged her so tightly that Mac thought she might turn as blue as her dress. As everyone else greeted her warmly she felt some of her tension leave her body. She felt it return, however, when Ryan hugged her. She tried to shut out the emotions that went with the feel of his arms around her but failed miserably. The yearning for more almost overwhelmed her and panic clawed at her suddenly. Had she made a mistake coming tonight? No. She didn’t want to stay at home and be lonely.

“Mac, this is Cindy-Sue,” Ryan said to her, introducing her to his date.

Mac smiled politely at the woman sitting next to Ryan. There was one upside to Ryan bringing a date tonight. No-one would be able to talk about next week’s kiss between Stone and Brianna. Under the confidentiality clause they’d all had to sign when they started working on the show, they weren’t supposed to talk about anything related to Hart’s Valley while they weren’t on the set.

Of course there were times when they did talk about things off set, but only when it was the six of them. The first episode of the new season was airing this week, and if the news of Stone and Brianna’s new romantic plot hit the headlines before the show went to air, they would all be in a lot of trouble.  

“Cindy-Sue, this is Mackenzie Lauren,” Ryan said, finishing the introductions.

“Mackenzie, I am such a fan. Please call me Cindy,” Cindy said to her, extending her hand for Mac to shake. “When Ryan told me he was having dinner with the rest of the cast I begged him to bring me. He said you weren’t coming, but I’m so glad you did.”

Mac didn’t know what she’d been expecting Ryan’s date to be like, but it wasn’t the sweet and genuine woman in front of her. Apart from being warm and friendly, Cindy was also startlingly attractive.

It was would have been easier to see Ryan with someone who was fake, and superficial. Someone he would get tired of quickly and wouldn’t keep around. Would Cindy be hanging around for a while?

Mac felt her heart twist at the thought, a sensation that was growingly increasingly familiar when she thought about Ryan with someone. She hated the feeling. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. She wasn’t supposed to feel possessive of a man who didn’t belong to her. Envy stabbed through Mac as she shook Cindy’s hand. Even if Cindy and Ryan only lasted three months, it would still be more time than Mac would ever have with him.

“And you can call me Mac,” Mac said to her as she took her seat between Jazz and Matt – the seat opposite Ryan.

Mac picked up her menu and scanned the list of alcoholic beverages available. She bypassed the wine. She needed something else tonight. She needed liquid courage and a chance to forget the man sitting on the other side of the table from her.

She turned to Jazz, who was sitting on her left side. “I was thinking about hitting a club tonight. Are you up for it?”

Jazz looked surprised for a second, but her surprise quickly turned to excitement. “Hell yes. I’ve been asking you to come clubbing with me forever.”

“I know,” Mac told her.

“You didn’t even want to come out to dinner a when I asked you about it. What gives?”

Mac thought about the condoms sitting in her handbag. “I need…a distraction.”

“Distraction from what?” Matt asked her.

Suddenly aware of Ryan’s eyes burning a hole in her head, Mac shrugged. “My boredom.”

“Can I come?” Matt asked.

“Count me in,” Brad said to her. “You know I’d never say no to a chance to dance.”

“You mean to score,” Matt corrected him.

Great, Mac thought. She’d been hoping that tonight would end up being a girl’s night, but now Matt and Brad would both be coming.

“You in?” Mac asked Vanessa.

“Sure,” Vanessa said. “I won’t make it a late one since I need to be in the studio first thing in the morning, but I’ll come out for a couple of hours.”

“Excellent,” Mac said, nodding.

An awkward silence descended as Mac went back to studying her menu. She hadn’t asked Ryan and Cindy if they wanted to join them. As the silence continued, Mac felt her guilt grow. She really didn’t want them there tonight, not when she needed a distraction from Ryan himself, but if she didn’t ask them it would look peculiar.

“Do you guys, um, want to join us?”

Hopefully Ryan would say no.

“We’d love to tag along too,” Cindy said to her, looking relieved to be asked. “I mean, if you don’t mind.”

Mac gave her a strained smile and lied through her teeth. “No, I don’t mind at all.”

“Providing Ryan wants to go of course,” Cindy said, looking at Ryan.

Mac looked back at her menu, and held her breath as she waited for his answer. Please say no. Please say no. Please say no.

“What could be more fun that helping Mac find a distraction?” Ryan asked.

The way he said distraction implied he knew exactly what, or rather, who, she was looking for a distraction from. He had, after all, used the same phrase to refer to the women he’d been sleeping with. Was he making fun of her? Mac looked at him. Instead of his eyes glinting with the amusement she’d expected, they were hard and cold. His jaw was clenched shut and his displeasure was obvious. Well, that was too bad for him. If he could have his distraction, she could have hers. She needed it.

“Would you like to order some drinks?” a waiter asked them.

The evening was shaping up to be an absolute shocker, Ryan thought, as he listened to Mac order a Screaming Orgasm and flirt with their waiter. She was being so incredibly foolish. It seemed she was intent on doing something downright stupid tonight. He was going to have to spend his evening keeping an eye on her and making sure she didn’t get herself in trouble.

She was damn well dressed for trouble. Her dress was nothing but a tease. Aside from the fact that it showed off so much of her sun-kissed skin, the dip between her breasts had been playing havoc with his ability to concentrate since she’d sat down in front of him. And the thought of getting his mouth and his hands under that short little dress of hers was just too much. If his jeans got any tighter, they were going to pop open.

“Exactly what kind of distraction are you looking for?” Matt asked Mac.

“Just some fun, right?” Jazz asked Mac.

“Sure,” Mac dismissed.

It was on the tip of his tongue to call her a liar. Instead he just told her the truth. “Distractions don’t work for very long.”

He watched Mac blush as she caught his meaning, before she looked at Cindy-Sue and then gave him a pointed look. He supposed he couldn’t blame her for thinking that a distraction might work. He’d slept with a multitude of women over the past month, looking to dull the desire he felt for his co-star. It hadn’t worked yet. If Mac thought Cindy was any type of real distraction, she was wrong.

The only reason he’d brought Cindy with him tonight was because he’d thought the introduction of a new girlfriend might make everyone lay off him a bit. His friends had been both puzzled and annoyed over the fact that he hadn’t spent as much time with them this year. Only Brad knew why Ryan was keeping his distance. Not that staying away from Mac seemed to have changed anything. In fact, his need for her might have actually intensified.

When he’d read the script for next episode of Hart’s Valley, he’d been torn between relief and dread; relief that he could finally kiss her and touch her, even if it was scripted, and dread that he might not be able to stop with the one kiss that was in the script. He didn’t know how much longer he could fight this. He didn’t know if he wanted to keep fighting this.

Working under the same roof as her, day in, day out, and trying to resist the pull he felt towards her was taking its toll on him. Last year they’d lunched together regularly, had coffee together almost daily, and just hung out together between takes. He was really, really missing her company.

The combination of desire and friendship he felt towards her was more than he’d ever experienced with anyone else. And now that she was telling him she wanted to find some kind of distraction from him, the words ‘hell no’ kept flashing in his mind. He didn’t want her distracted from what it was she felt for him. And that right there was the most dangerous thought he’d had all night. 

***

“We should go to Heat,” Matt said.

“No way, we should go to Twister,” Brad told him.

“Doll’s House is my preferred choice,” Vanessa added

“Mac should choose,” Jazz interjected. “Where do you want to go, Mac?”

Mac finished her fourth Screaming Orgasm and put the glass back down on the table, almost knocking over Jazz’s glass in the process. Her vision was tracking everything a little too slowly, and she felt dizzy. Instead of drinking just enough to get tipsy and over-confident, she’d gone too hard too fast. Like the lightweight she was, she’d gone from sober to drunk in the blink of an eye, minus the happy feeling she’d anticipated.

It served her right, she supposed, for relying on alcohol to make her feel confident and for believing that it would numb the feeling of jealousy she felt over seeing Ryan with someone. She truly was a fool; a pathetic, lightweight, drunken fool – a fool who couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that she was going to have to kiss her co-star in a matter of days, despite the fact that she still didn’t have her feelings for him under control.

Now her friends wanted to know which club she wanted to go to, but she didn’t want to go clubbing anymore. She was just too drunk, too miserable, to enjoy herself tonight.

“Mac?” Jazz prompted her.  

“The Spice Club,” Mac told her, giving them the first club she could think of.

A chorus of agreement followed, and Mac tried not to think about the trek she’d have home from Crown Casino where The Spice Club was situated. It would be some kind of miracle if she could walk out of here without falling flat on her face, let alone make it home without breaking an ankle in the ridiculously high heels she’d chosen tonight.

“I’m going to have to go home and change,” Ryan said.

“Yes, there’s no way you’ll get into the Spice Club in jeans,” Cindy told him.

“Can you take me home then?” Mac asked.

Ryan looked just as surprised by the question as she felt. They hadn’t spoken to each other since she’d arrived, and they’d been dutifully keeping their distance for the past month, so what on earth had possessed her to ask him to drive her somewhere? He was the one she was trying to get away from – to find distraction from. But she’d seen an opportunity to escape, a way out without ruining the night for everyone else, and she’d ceased it with both hands. She’d slipped back into the habit she’d had last year of asking him to take her places.

“You need something?” Ryan asked her.

He was looking at her, watching her closely, and dammit, that yearning feeling was back again. This was such a bad idea, asking him take her home, but there was no way she’d make it back to her place by herself. Besides, it wasn’t like she would be alone with Ryan. Cindy would be there with them. The two lovebirds could give her a lift home and then go off and enjoy the rest of their night together, she thought bitterly.

“I forgot something,” she told him.

Ryan knew he should say no. He’d barely been able to stop staring at Mac all night. Images of perky breasts and puckered nipples had haunted him throughout dinner. While he was being hounded by his need to touch her, spending time with her and being close to her would be a pretty damn stupid idea. But she’d asked him. She wouldn’t have asked him without good reason.

“What did you forget?” Jazz asked her.

“Yes, what did you forget?” Ryan asked her. Maybe he could just pick it up for her.

“Um, ID.”

“Everyone knows who you are,” Cindy said to her.

“I should still have it though and I’d really appreciate the lift,” Mac said, looking at him without really looking at him. “Be back in a minute.”

Ryan watched Mac stand up. She wobbled profusely before grabbing onto the back of the chair she’d just been sitting on as if her life depended on it. She’d left her ID at home? She’d come out dressed to seduce, with distraction on her mind, and she’d forgotten her ID? He wasn’t buying it. She was drunk – too drunk to go out, and she knew it. She either wanted to pass out in his car, or she was going to get home and tell him to go to the club without her. At least her mission, find-a-distraction, wouldn’t be going ahead tonight.

“I don’t know what’s with going on with Mac,” Jazz said to him, once Mac wobbled off to the bathroom.

“She’s drunk,” Ryan told her.

“I know that, Ryan. But it’s more than that. Something’s wrong. I know it. And she won’t talk to me. Has she said anything to you?”

Ryan shook his head, but of course he knew what was bothering her. It was the same thing bothering him.

“She’s so distant, and…and she seems so sad tonight,” Jazz continued, before nibbling her bottom lip. “I’m really worried about her.”

Something squeezed inside his chest. He hated to think of Mac feeling sad. If she needed a lift – if she needed him to help her get home, he would do that for her. Providing he didn’t look at her, and providing they weren’t left alone, he could handle it.

“Cindy and I can take her home,” Ryan said to her. “Mac’s not up to clubbing tonight.”

Jazz nodded. “I’d argue with you, but honestly I don’t think the bouncers would let her in. Can you talk to her? Find out what’s wrong?”

“I could stay here…if you want,” Cindy said to him tentatively. “Give the two of you a chance to talk.”

“You can come with us,” he told her.

She had to come with them.

“Mac won’t talk to you with a stranger in the car,” Jazz told him. “No offence, Cindy. Why doesn’t Cindy come with us to The Spice Club? That way you can talk to Mac.”

“I don’t mind,” Cindy said to him, putting her hand on his.

Ryan believed her. Cindy had been very excited about meeting the cast and would love hanging out with them. But he didn’t want to be left alone with Mac. Unfortunately, Jazz seemed hell-bent on pushing them together so she could get her answers.

“She’s coming back now,” Jazz told them.

Ryan looked up in time to see Mac lose her footing on the small set of stairs that led to the area they’d been sitting in. She just managed to keep herself upright by hanging onto the bannister beside her. She was going to need help getting to the car and they were going to have to use the side entrance to exit the restaurant.

This was Melbourne, not Hollywood, but the city still loved a scandal. Hart’s Valley co-stars out dining together? Not that interesting. Hart’s Valley actress drunk and being carried out by co-star? Scandal! Unfortunately, helping her out of here would mean putting his hands on her. But it seemed he didn’t have a choice here. He had to help her. He silently cursed Jazz for suggesting Cindy not go with them.

“So, can I get a lift with you?” she asked him when she reached the table.

“I can give you a ride home,” he told Mac.

Mac sat back down on her chair because she simply couldn’t manage standing upright any longer. She’d almost slipped and broken her neck on the stairs and she was still feeling shaky.

“Whenever you and Cindy are ready,” she said to him, before she pulled money out of her purse and passed it to Jazz – the designated bill sorter when they went out for dinner.

“Cindy is going to come straight to the club with us,” Jazz told her.

“But-”

“Ryan will take you home.”

No. She couldn’t be alone with Ryan. She was too tired and drunk to keep pretending she didn’t feel what she felt. Mac looked at Ryan, hoping he would tell her that Jazz was joking, but he was looking at Cindy.

“Are you sure you won’t come with us?” he asked her.

“I’ll be fine. See you in a bit.”

Even if Cindy seemed like the nicest person on the planet, Mac hated her just a little bit right now. It should have been Mac going with Jazz to The Spice Club, not Cindy. Not only did Cindy get Ryan, but she also got her friends and her night out too. It was obvious from Ryan’s face that he didn’t want Cindy to stay. Jealousy stabbed through her for the billionth time that night.

“It was really nice to meet you, Mac,” Cindy said to her.

“Likewise,” Mac said weakly.

“Come on,” Ryan said to her, standing up.

“Where are you two going?” Brad asked her as she stood up and pushed her chair in.

“We’ll meet you at the club,” Ryan told him.

“You okay, Mac?” Brad asked, ignoring Ryan.

“I’m fine,” she told him.

He looked like he wanted to say more, but then Ryan was beside her, putting his hand on the small of her back, making her shiver as she felt the heat of his touch through the thin material of her dress.

“Side exit,” he said to her.

They made their way through the loud, clattering kitchen of the restaurant. It didn’t take her long before she stumbled. She felt Ryan’s arm wrap around her waist immediately.

“It’s okay,” he said to her. “I’ve got you.”

That was exactly what she was afraid of, wasn’t it? He had her. Done pushing him away, at least temporarily, Mac held onto the arm he still had circled around her waist, and concentrated on putting one foot in front of another.

“Oh my God,” she choked out, when she felt his burgeoning erection against her backside.

Once they were out of the restaurant, he loosened his grip, but didn’t let her go.

“You should let me go,” she whispered.

“Not yet,” he said to her, his voice tight. “I don’t really want, “Australia’s Romeo has a hard-on for Mackenzie Lauren,” plastered across the tabloids tomorrow. Do you?”

She shook her head, feeling utterly grateful that her own arousal wasn’t anywhere near as obvious as his. He might be able to see the goose bumps that his touch caused and see her quickened pulse, but he couldn’t see the way her nipples were hard little buds, scraping against her dress. He couldn’t see the damp heat inside her underwear. He couldn’t see the way her insides quivered, or see the steady beat of desire pulsing inside her.

He had a problem, Ryan thought, walking them as quickly as he could towards his car, and this problem had just moved to the very top of his shit-list. It was a big, epically bad, mind-blowingly stupid problem. He couldn’t touch her. He couldn’t touch his co-star anymore without getting so turned on he couldn’t think straight. There was no way he was going to be able to hold back when he kissed her. He wanted her too damn much. 

He ignored the people snapping photos of them and guided Mac down the laneway where he’d parked his car. Once he’d unlocked it, they both slid in quickly and he took off. Neither of them spoke until he’d reached her apartment building.

“I don’t think you should come up,” she told him as he turned off the car.

Ryan took the keys out of the ignition as she undid her seatbelt and picked her purse up off the floor of his car.

“You’re right,” he said to her. “I shouldn’t come up.”

She nodded. Her hand reached for the door handle, before he put his hand on her arm to stop her from getting out.

“I don’t know how much longer I can do this, Mackenzie.”

She went perfectly still as her eyes locked with his.

“I don’t think I want to fight this anymore,” he told her.  

_______________________________________________________________________

Yep, I know y'all were hoping they'd be in the studio by now. Trust me, we are heading towards the...intense stuff. *Grins* <3

Thanks Bex and Daisy for pre-reading XOXO

___________________________________________________________________________

Mac held her breath. This was it, wasn’t it? Ryan was going to tell her that they shouldn’t spend time together outside the studio anymore – just like she’d dreamed about last night. She’d had one chance to show him she could handle this thing between them; one chance to prove that his friendship was the only thing she really wanted from him, and she’d blown it. Hot humiliation swept through her.

“Brianna and Stone,” he said to her, “they’re getting involved next season.”

“What?”

“They’re writing us together; stepping up our romance.”

“No. It’s too soon.”

“I know it is, but it’s the direction they’re taking.”

“I thought…I thought they’d want to draw it out.”

He shook his head. “They don’t.”

Ryan’s hand was still wrapped around her arm. Mac would have pulled it free if she’d had any faith in her ability to stay upright. Her co-star was used to dealing with cool, calm and professional actresses, but cool and calm was the last thing she felt right now. Panicked and terrified were much closer to the mark. She wasn’t ready for this. She needed more time to sort out her feelings for him; to overcome the attraction she felt towards him.

“Are you sure?” she asked him. “How do you know?”

“Claire told me.”

“But we haven’t been in the studio this year.”

Was it possible Ryan had it wrong? Maybe he was only speculating.

“I know,” he said to her. “I found out last year.”

“Last year?”

“On our last day of shooting.”

“But…you never said anything. You didn’t tell me.”

“I was looking for the right time to tell you.”

“And that’s now, is it?”

“We’re back in the studio, so…I’m out of time,” he told her.

She couldn’t believe he’d waited this long to tell her. Did he think she was going to lose it and crack under the pressure? Even if things had been strained between them lately, he’d known since the end of shooting last year – before everything had become weird between them. So why hadn’t he told her? Why hadn’t he talked to her about it? Did he think her so inexperienced and incompetent that she couldn’t handle it?

Kissing her leading men was part of her job description. This shouldn’t have been a big deal. Goodness knows Ryan had kissed his share of leading ladies, but his eyes were filled with worry. He was probably waiting for her to have the inevitable meltdown he believed was coming, especially after what she’d said to him at Jazz’s party. Her co-star had always looked out for her, and she’d always appreciated it, but today she found it insulting.

Yes, she was attracted to him, and yes she was more than a little nervous about Brianna and Stone becoming involved, but she wasn’t so pathetic that she was going to fall in a heap and forget how to do her job. He’d proved he wasn’t going to let the attraction he felt towards her impinge on his life in anyway, hopping from one bed to another since their dance. She had to prove to him that she wasn’t going to let what she felt for him get the better of her. She could still do her job.

“Mac?”

“It’s sooner than I would have expected this to come, but it should be…fun.”

Ryan stared at her, unable to believe what he was hearing. Fun? He’d been freaking out over how to tell her for the last two months, and she’d coolly dismissed it as if it was going to be nothing but a frolicking good time. She just wasn’t getting it. Brianna and Stone were going to be hooking up. That was going to involve the two of them exploring some of their intense chemistry whilst trying to remember they were being filmed.

“Mac, I don’t think you understand,” he said to her.

“I do understand,” she told him, “but this shouldn’t be a big deal.”

“It shouldn’t be, but it is.”

“Why? This is our job, Ryan.”

“I’m well aware of that, Mac, but that doesn’t mean this isn’t anything to worry about.”

“Why? Because of what I said at Jazz’s party? Look, if I gave you the impression I was struggling with…what I feel, I was wrong to do that. I have this under control. You don’t need to worry about me. I can handle this.”

Ryan frowned. Did Mac believe she was the only one struggling with this thing between them? How could she possibly think that after the dance they’d shared? The more time he spent time with her, the more he wanted her, and the harder it was to resist her. He wasn’t sure how he was going to handle the scenes they were going to share this season. The potential for their on-set heat to become off-set heat was far too high.  

“It’s not just you I’m worried about,” he tried to tell her. “I don’t think you understand quite how much I want to act on this thing between us, Mackenzie.”

“You’re right,” she said to him. “I don’t understand. You’ve been ignoring me for three weeks, and sleeping with everything in a skirt. I’d say you’ve been doing a very good job of not acting on it.”

Mac silently cursed herself for giving away just how much she disliked the fact that he’d been spending his time in the company of other women. It wasn’t her business. She shouldn’t care. And she wasn’t supposed to be jealous, but he was acting as if he felt some uncontrollable urge to be with her when that clearly wasn’t the case.

“Is that what you think?” he asked her. “There’s not a day gone by that I haven’t thought about you, Mac.”

She swallowed and finally pulled her arm free of his grip, before taking a step back. “We’re supposed to be friends,” she said to him.

“Which is why I’m telling you this.”

“Yet you couldn’t tell me about Stone and Brianna’s romance next season until now?”

“No,” he said to her. “I couldn’t.”

“Why not?”

For some reason she was feeling like a masochist today. She wanted to hear him say it – he thought she couldn’t cope with it.

He took a step towards her. “Why do you think?”

“It’s because you think I can’t handle this – us; because you think I won’t be able to do my job,” she told him, unable to keep the hurt out of her voice. “Isn’t it?”

“What? No. How could you think that? I think you’re amazing. You’re better than the majority of the actresses I’ve worked with. I’m sure I’ve told you that before.”

Relief washed through her. He hadn’t kept it from her because he was worried she couldn’t cope. So why had he kept it from her?

He must be just as worried about this thing between them as she was – about how he would respond to her. She hadn’t believed it a moment ago. However now it seemed like the only possible reason he’d kept it from her.

A thrill of feminine satisfaction ran through her before the gravity of what it meant set in. If his desire for her was as strong as he was telling her, then the potential for her to screw up was that much bigger. And what about their friendship now? Was there any chance things could go back to normal between them?

“I wish things could go back to the way they were,” she confided in him. “I miss hanging out with you. I don’t want us to not hang out together anymore.”

“I know, but we can’t pretend that nothing is different when it is. I’m trying so hard to resist this. I don’t want what happened between you and Westlaker to happen between you and me.”

“It won’t,” she told him.

“How sure are you about that, Mac?” he asked her softly, taking a step closer towards her.

Mac went to take a step back, but she felt the kitchen bench behind her. Ryan took another step towards her, and then his arms came up to brace the bench on either side of her, trapping her in front on him. His lips were just inches away from hers, and his eyes were so dark that they were barely recognizable. His frame was filled with tension, as if he was only just managing not to close the distance between them.  

“If we sleep together it could mess up everything,” he told her. “Even if it would be… good between us.”

Ryan watched her lips part in surprise at his comment; watched the colour hit her cheeks as her blue eyes widened and latched into his. She was so beautiful. Irresistible. He couldn’t believe she’d doubted just how much she affected him. He wanted to kiss her, taste her. He watched as the wariness in her eyes was replaced with desire. Everything about her was so tempting, and he didn’t think she had any idea how much so. There was no way he’d get through one of their scenes together if she looked at him like that on set.

“You make it so damn hard to resist you, do you know that? You keep putting out these signals.”

“What signals?”

“Your eyes, your lips, your face; they tell me so much.”

“What do they tell you?” she asked him breathlessly.

“That you want me to kiss you.”

“Oh,” she breathed softly.

“They tell me you want to go to bed with me.”

“Ryan.”

“They tell me you want me inside you.”

She gasped, and Ryan pushed himself away from her. He’d just crossed the line. His blood had all rushed south; which at least partly explained why he wasn’t thinking straight. Mac was standing there looking so shocked, and sexy, and aroused. It would take so very little for things to explode between them. Did she see that yet? This was bad. He was in too deep. They both were. Their co-stars were in the other room, and yet he’d forgotten that fact for a moment. Mac probably had too.

Why did this have to be so damn hard? He cared about her. He didn’t want to hurt her. He knew they couldn’t be together while they were both working on Hart’s Valley, but every time he got close to her, the fact that they weren’t supposed to be together seemed less and less important.

“I’m sorry,” he said to her. “I know we’re friends. And I miss what we had too, but I think…I think we could both do with some distance here.”

Mac closed her eyes and resisted the urge to beg Ryan to change his mind. As much as she wished it wasn’t so, she realized now that this was the right course of action. His deliberately suggestive words and actions had left her feeling shaken, but not because they were inappropriate. No, she was shaken because of the intense need they’d sparked in her. Every time she was near him lately, he left her a quivering, needy, unsatisfied mess. This dangerous and potent mutual need that they had for each other was likely to end in pain and heartbreak – for her, anyway. She had to let him take a step back, and she needed to do the same.

“You’re right. I think we do need some distance,” she told him.

“What’s going on in here?”

She turned to see Brad leaning in the kitchen doorway, looking at them with more interest than was comfortable. She quickly returned to doing the dishes.

“Nothing,” Ryan answered.

It was nothing now, but a moment ago it hadn’t been nothing. In fact it felt as if it had been a whole lot of something. 

“We’re going down to the beach to play cricket,” Brad said. “You guys in?”

“I’m heading off,” Ryan said.

“Oh, come on,” Brad said to him. “The twins can’t wait? Numbers will be uneven without you.”

“Sorry,” Ryan said. “You’re going to have to find someone else to fill my spot.”

Mac tried to get through the last few dishes as fast as she could. She had agreed with Ryan that he should keep his distance, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t saddened by the fact that it had come to this. She’d been closer to Ryan than to anyone else in the city, and it wouldn’t be easy to get used to his absence. She wasn’t the only one who would miss him either. They all would.

The Hart’s Valley cast had enjoyed a tight-knit family dynamic throughout their first season. Maybe she had to do her bit and bow out of some of their group activities. It wasn’t fair that Ryan had to be the one being left out of group activities. They could take it in turns. If she had to endure some nights at home alone, then she would do it. Mac tried to shut out the sense of loss she felt at the thought.

She would have to make the most of the time she did spend with her friends if she wasn’t going to be hanging out with them as much anymore, she decided.

“Well, these are done,” Mac said, putting the last dish in the dish rack. “I guess I’ll get ready to go.”

Ryan watched Brad move out of the way to let Mac through. Once Mac was gone, Brad walked into the kitchen.

“What’s going on between you and Mac? And don’t tell me, ‘nothing.’ I know what I saw.”

Ryan sighed. “You didn’t see anything.”

“You sleeping with her?”

“No.” Not yet, anyway.

“Is that why you haven’t been hanging around lately? Because you slept with Mac and now you’re giving her the brush off?” Brad persisted.

“I haven’t slept with Mac,” Ryan told him.

“I really like this show,” Brad told him. “I really like this cast.”

“As do I.”

“We’re on a winner here with Hart’s Valley,” Brad persisted, giving him a hard stare. “I’m not going to mess with it. Are you?”

“I’m trying really hard not to,” Ryan admitted.

“Good,” Brad said. “Mac doesn’t deserve to be messed around again.”

“I know that.”

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but look at your track record. You haven’t dated anyone for more than a few months at a time.”

“I know,” Ryan repeated, this time through gritted teeth.

“You’d break her heart and then our show would be dust,” Brad continued. “The main reason people watch the show is because of Stone and Brianna.”

“They watch it because it’s good drama,” Ryan told him, not willing to take the credit for why their show had the following it did.

Brad laughed. “They watch it because they want to see the two of you get it on.”

“Yeah, well, they’re going to get their wish,” Ryan told him.

Brad looked at him blankly.

“Claire told me that things between Brianna and Stone are heating up this season.”

“Seriously? That’s awesome news,” Brad told him.

Awesome wasn’t the word Ryan would use to describe the situation. Disaster, calamity, mess, and catastrophe - they were the words that came to mind when he thought about it.

“Ratings are going to go through the roof,” Brad said. “And your little problem with Mac is solved. Everyone knows things only went screwy between her and Danny after their characters started sleeping together on Junction Hospital. She’d never get involved with her leading man again. All you have to do is tell her.”

“She knows.”

“And?”

“And I’m leaving,” Ryan said to him, clapping him on the shoulder. “You need to find another sixth for cricket.”

And for everything else until he had this thing with Mac under control, he thought sadly. If that was even possible.

***

One month after they started shooting the second season of Hart’s Valley, Ryan was still keeping his distance. Even though Mac hated it, she knew better than to try and stop him. Thankfully, their friends seemed to be clueless about the fact that they were avoiding each other.

Ryan had initially been reluctant to take her place when the group was getting together, but she’d insisted they accept invitations in turns. He’d eventually agreed it was for the best. After all, he would have found it difficult to keep putting their friends off. It was better this way, and it was all working out – well, except for the sense of loneliness which had made itself at home inside her.

Despite the fact that she was around people every day, she couldn’t seem to shake off the misery she’d begun to feel. Even today, both Jazz and Vanessa had commented on the fact that she didn’t seem herself. It didn’t help that tonight the gang was going out to eat at one of Mac’s favourite pasta restaurants in Melbourne. Ryan was going, so she wouldn’t be. She would be spending Friday night alone. 

Mac made her way towards the set where they were shooting the latest episode of Hart’s Valley. She slid into the studio via the back door as quietly as possible. She still liked to watch Ryan work. She’d made a habit of it last year, and try as she might, she just couldn’t seem to let the habit go. She sat down on one of the tables, in the shadows at the back where she had a good view of the set.

As usual, the sight of Ryan in his suit made her heart beat faster and her body grow warmer. The character he played, Stone, was a cool and calculating businessman, known for his ruthlessness both in love and in the boardroom. She hadn’t shared too many scenes with Ryan yet this year, but all that was about to change. Their romantic storyline was now being set in swing, though Mac couldn’t say she was entirely happy about the direction they’d decided to go in.

Vanessa was on stage with Ryan. She played Yvette Sullivan, Stone’s stepsister, and it was her line that kicked off the scene. 

“I can see you have a plan, Stone.”

“Indeed I do.”

“One that will involve trouble, I can tell.”

“Yes, but not for us.”

“For whom then, dare I ask?”

“Brianna Davis.”

“You’re evil,” Vanessa said.

“No, Yvette. I’m just desperate. We need her land.”

“She’s just lost her father.”

“Which means the land is hers to do with as she pleases.”

“How will you get her to part with it? She hates you. She’d rather see it go to Sawyer, than to you.”

“Well, you know what they say? There’s a fine line between-”

“Love and hate, yes I believe I might have heard that once or twice.”

“Brianna is going to realize she loves me.” Ryan’s voice was full of arrogance.

“A little cocky aren’t we?”

“Seduction is something I happen to do very well.”

“So you say.”

“Believe me. I’ll have Brianna signing over her land to us in no time at all.”

Mac had to hand it to the writers. She’d thought that throwing Stone and Brianna together would be a terrible move so early on in the show, but this storyline was going to be a winner. Their viewers would be desperate to see Stone seduce Brianna, despite the fact that love clearly wasn’t on Stone’s agenda. People would keep tuning in week after week to see if Stone could shatter Brianna’s heart into a million pieces.

Deciding that perhaps today wasn’t the best time to watch this particular scene, Mac stood up and slipped out the back door before Ryan walked off the set. She almost colliding with Jazz just outside the entrance. 

“Mac, there you are!” Jazz exclaimed. “I’ve been looking for you everywhere.”

“Here I am,” Mac said.

“It’s decided, you have to come tonight.”

“I can’t-”

“I know, you’ve already told us you have to call your father to make sure he takes his medicine, but we’ll just remind you to call him.”

It had been a lame excuse Mac had given her friend, she knew, but she was running low on half-decent reasons for avoiding her friends. At least this one had been the truth. Mac did intend to call her father and remind him to take his heart medication tonight, since her mother would be at bingo.

“Look,” Jazz said, taking out her phone, “I’ll set a reminder.”

“I really can’t. I’m sorry. I’m just tired.”

“No, you are not pulling that one on me again,” Jazz told her. “Do you know it’s been over a month since we’ve all hung out together? I will do anything to make tonight happen. Read my lips. Any. Thing.”

Mac smiled in spite of herself, and despite the conversation she’d had with Ryan a month ago, Mac found her resolve to let him avoid her beginning to crumble. It was just dinner, right? Mac didn’t have to stay long. What could possibly go wrong when she and Ryan were sitting in a crowded restaurant with their friends? It’s not like they could start stripping each other in public. Besides, Jazz wasn’t going to take no for an answer. If Mac gave in this time, Jazz might accept her excuse next time.

“Okay,” Mac said, hoping that Ryan wouldn’t be upset with her for agreeing to this.

Jazz squealed and hugged her. “Thank goodness. You’ve been so distant lately that I was starting to get worried I’d done something wrong.”

Mac shook her head. “Of course you haven’t.”

“It’ll be just like old times,” Jazz told her, before she rolled her eyes. “Well, except for the fact that Ryan’s bringing a date tonight.”

“He is?” Mac asked, her heart giving a painful squeeze at the thought.

Ryan was taking a date to dinner? Or was this woman more than that? He’d never brought any of his women to their dinners before. Mac supposed she should feel relieved he’d found yet another distraction to keep him busy, but instead of feeling relieved, she felt angry.

They were supposed to be keeping their distance so they didn’t act on the mutual attraction between them, but if he’d found someone to occupy his time with then danger wasn’t there anymore, was it?

She couldn’t be certain she knew what was going on in Ryan’s head or how he felt, Mac reminded herself, and it wasn’t fair to make assumptions. But if he was seeing someone, there would be no harm in the two of them having dinner with their friends, surely. 

“Her name’s Cindy-Lou, or something equally stupid,” Jazz said. “Ryan hasn’t told you about her?”

“Ah, no.”

“What’s going on with you?” Jazz asked her, suddenly serious. “You weren’t going to come out tonight, and you and Ryan don’t talk as much as you used to. Are you okay, Mac?”

“Yeah. I’m fine. I’m coming out tonight, aren’t I?” Mac asked when Jazz looked at her worriedly.

“Well, I’m due on set,” Jazz told her. “But I’m going to keep my eye on you, Mac. You’ve got me worried.”

“I’m fine,” Mac told her.

“A few drinks tonight, and you will be,” Jazz said with a wink.

Jazz started to walk away before she stopped and turned back to face Mac.

“By the way,” Jazz said to her. “I just looked through the script for the next episode, and you and Ryan have a big scene.”

“We do?” Mac asked, as she felt her adrenaline start to pump.

“Oh yeah, baby,” Jazz said to her, waggling her eyebrows suggestively. “Stone and Brianna’s first kiss. I can’t wait to see that.” 

         ____________________________________________________

Dedication this chapter is for the person who encouraged me to write in the very beginning, and to follow my dreams. She's always been there for me, and given me her guidance when I've asked for it (and helped me edit at times too <3). Votes and comments really make my day :)

Big hugs and thanks to my pre-readers, Bex and Daisy - for the time they spend reading my work. This chapter is dedicated to LokYa2046, for putting up with my neuroses on a daily basis, and being her awesome self.

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"I had a really nice time with you tonight, Mac." 

"Dinner was absolutely incredible, thank you."

Dale had taken Mac to Vue De Monde. Situated on the fifty-fifth floor of the Rialto tower, Melbourne, Mac had been more than a little impressed with Dale's choice of restaurant for their third date. An unforgettable dining experience at great heights had been promised, and had been delivered. The food and the wine had been the finest she'd ever had, and the view of the city had been breathtaking.

Dale had been the perfect dinner companion; keeping up a steady stream of conversation, but never forgetting to stop and ask her questions. Mac had been very comfortable in his company. Too comfortable. They'd just had a perfect, romantic evening out; but there was no breathless anticipation of his touch, or his kiss. He didn't make her heart race, or make her feel weak at the knees. He'd kissed her twice before, and those kisses had been…nice. But that had been all.

He needed to kiss her again. Tonight she'd consumed several so-called aphrodisiacs – oysters, champagne, and chocolate, to maximise her chances of feeling more than a friendly kind of affection towards Dale. With any luck, when she felt his mouth on hers, and his hands on her body, she was going to feel desire. Then she would live happily ever after with the doctor, and things with Ryan could go back to the way they had been before she'd opened her big mouth at Jazz’s party.

"Well," she said, pretending to fish in her handbag for her keys, and wishing Dale would get on with it.

Finally taking the hint she was ready, Dale stepped in and kissed her. One of his arms went around her waist, while the other hand cupped the back of her head. Determined to give this kiss her absolute best, she wrapped her arms around Dale's neck, and tried to enjoy it. She allowed him to deepen the kiss, and rub his tongue along hers, but unfortunately disappointment was the only thing she felt as he kissed her.

"Wow," he said to her when he pulled away.

"Wow?"

They obviously weren't on the same page, Mac thought. There had been nothing wow at all about that kiss. As if the lack of passion she felt hadn't been bad enough, she was going to have to break it to him that whatever he'd felt was all one sided. She felt terrible. He was Jazz's friend. Jazz had had such high hopes for the two of them. And there was nothing wrong with the doctor. He was perfect. There was just no spark. No, spark seemed to be reserved for a certain co-star who had been M.I.A for the past three weeks.

"That was bad, wasn't it?" Dale asked her.

"Pardon?"

"I mean, there wasn't really anything there at all, was there?"

"When we kissed?"

Was she hearing him right, or was she just being hopeful?

Dale nodded, and Mac felt relief wash through her. They were on the same page after all. That made this so much less awkward than it could have been.

"No," Mac admitted. "I'm sorry. There really wasn't."

"It was kind of like kissing my sister," Dale said.

"Oh, do you kiss her often?" Mac asked him jokingly.

"Only on special occasions," he said, smiling at her.

Mac laughed. "Jazz will be disappointed."

"She'll deal with it."

"She will."

"Perhaps we could go out as friends sometime," Dale said to her.

"That would be nice."

It would probably never happen, but it sounded nicer than, 'have a nice life. I'll probably never see you again.'

"Goodbye, Mac."

"Goodbye, Dale."

Mac opened her apartment door and walked inside, kicking off her high heels and dropping her handbag onto the couch in the lounge room. Her gaze automatically slid to the tiny Christmas tree, where the gift she'd bought Ryan still sat un-opened. She knew he'd been at his mother's over Christmas, but there had been several catch-ups at Jazz's since he'd come back, and he hadn't been to any of them.

Their cast mates believed that Ryan had been too busy hitting the sheets with models and international party girls to hang out with them, but Mac knew better. She closed her eyes as she remembered her slip in that moment of utter stupidity.

"Brad’s not the one I’m likely to make the same mistake with."

Ryan was avoiding her, keeping his distance. No doubt he thought he was doing the right thing by her, but she couldn't deny she felt a little hurt over the fact that he'd so easily broken off all contact with her. No phone calls, no coffee invitations, and he'd ignored the messages she'd sent him, other than to wish her a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year.

Things hadn't worked out with Dale. Did that mean Ryan was going to avoid her until she found a new prospect? They were back in the studio on Monday. They had to work together. She wished she could turn back the clock and take back what she'd said, but she couldn't. They were going to have to deal with it. They had to get past this. It didn't have to be awkward or strained, did it? They were adults, not horny teenagers who couldn't keep their hands off one another.

She picked up her mobile phone and scrolled down until she reached his number. Tomorrow was Sunday and Jazz was having a barbeque. Ryan probably had no intention of going, but he should come, and she was going to tell him so. She pressed the call button and waited for him to answer, but instead it went through to voicemail. She looked at the clock on the wall. It was after eleven. He was probably busy. She pushed down the questions about what he was doing, and who he was doing it with, and concentrated on leaving a message.

"Hey, Ryan, it's Mac. Listen…"

                                                                               ***

Mac bolted out of bed when she heard banging on her door. A bleary eyed look at the clock on the wall in the lounge room told her that it was twenty past two in the morning. Who would be at her door at this time?

"Ryan."

He didn't wait to be invited in.

"Is everything okay?" she asked him, as he walked past her.

"I got your message," he told her. "I'm sorry, but I just don't think we should spend time together anymore, outside of work."

She felt as if she'd just had the wind knocked out of her. His words were so blunt. "Oh."

"It's for the best," he told her.

Hurt swept through her. "I don't believe that," she told him. "We're friends."

"Are we?"

"Yes. Of course we are."

"Be honest. You want to be more."

"No. I want us to be friends."

"But you can't ignore it, can you?"

Heat crept up her neck and into her cheeks at the accusation she was too overcome by what she felt for him to push it aside.

"Us getting involved wouldn't be a good idea for you, Mac."

She knew that already, didn't she? She would be the one to come off second best if she allowed herself to pursue anything with him. She was the one with everything to lose. Should their executive producer find out that they'd become involved and decide to fire one of them, Mac already knew which one of them was more disposable. It wasn't the seasoned actor standing in front of her. It would be her. And her career would be over for good this time.

"I know that. I can ignore it," she told him.

Even as she said the words, however, she was questioning whether they really were the truth. Her gaze slid from his hazel eyes, which made her feel too warm, to his made-for-sin mouth, down to his chest. She knew what was under that shirt, didn't she? She'd studied each sculpted muscle, every defining line. She'd looked her fill and then some each night before bed, and then she'd imagined his body on top of hers, bringing her a pleasure that at fifteen she'd only been able to dream of. At twenty-three she had a much better idea of the things he'd be able to do to her.

He moved closer to her. "You're in denial," he whispered, his breath tickling her ear; his lips grazing her jaw.

The slight contact caused her to shudder. Her breath caught in her throat as he pulled away and looked down to where her breasts were straining against the thin material of her soft pink nightie. Her nipples pebbled, revealing just how much he affected her.

"You can't hide it anymore," he told her.

"I'm trying," she told him desperately.

She wanted to hide what she felt, but she couldn't. He put his finger underneath her chin, and lifted her face so that she was looking into his eyes.

"I know you are," he said to her. "But see here's the thing; when I see how much you want me, I can't hold back."

"Ryan…"

Before she had time to panic, he brushed his lips over hers. It was only the briefest of kisses, but the simple contact sent a bolt of electricity through her. The energy his kiss created reached every part of her. She'd never felt anything so intense. It was as if every nerve ending in her body was alive and tingling with anticipation, and she was having trouble standing. If the mere brush of his lips could make her feel like this, what pleasure could he make her feel if they went to bed together? She was suddenly desperate to find out.

He was watching her now, with dark eyes full of intent, obviously waiting to see if she'd make the next move. Her eyes never left his as her hands went to the shirt he was wearing. She ripped it open, scattering buttons everywhere.

"I don't want you to hold back," she told him, before she put her palms on either side of his face, and dragged his mouth back to hers.

Mac sat up in bed, a thin sheen of sweat covering her body, and her breath coming out in short, sharp bursts. She looked for Ryan beside her, but he wasn't in bed with her. It had been a dream. She'd left him a message telling him they could handle this thing between them, and then she'd promptly gone to sleep and dreamed about ripping his shirt open, and kissing him.

Her body was still hot from the memory of his lips on hers, and even though it hadn't been real – he hadn't actually kissed her – she'd been left craving him. Desire and need were still bouncing around uncomfortably inside her, making her feel too restless. Risking her career and her heart to go to bed with him would be the stupidest idea ever. She wasn't going to let herself forget that. She lied back down, closed her eyes, and tried to shut out the image of her ripping his shirt off.

                                                                                      ***

"Shall we fire up the barbeque?" Brad asked.

Five of them were sitting in Jazz's lounge room. Despite the message Mac had left Ryan last night, he hadn't shown up today. Disappointment gnawed away at her. She would see him tomorrow on the set, but she'd really wanted to prove to him that they could spend time together without it being awkward. She wanted their friendship to go back to the way it had been before their dance at Jazz’s.

"Moore's not coming?" Matt asked.

"He's too busy partying with Winona and Kira," Brad told him.

"You'd think he could have taken a day out from his…extracurricular activities, to hang out with his friends," Jazz said, rolling her eyes. "We're back at work tomorrow. He's got to be exhausted."

"Yeah, keeping the international party twins busy," Brad laughed.

Mac felt decidedly foolish as she listened to the conversation around her. While she'd been dreaming about ripping his shirt off, and kissing him, Ryan had been keeping himself busy – with twins! For a moment it felt as if jealousy might eat her alive. If she'd ever believed he was as affected by the attraction between them as she was, then she'd been an idiot. Ryan Moore could have any woman – or women – he wanted.

So what if he was attracted to her? One woman was as good as another to Ryan. He probably hadn't really thought of her at all in the past three weeks. He certainly wasn't worried about not being able to control himself around her.

Why does it matter? He's supposed to be your friend. That's what you want.

It was a good thing that he could so easily ignore what was between them. She could learn to do the same. There was absolutely no reason now why things shouldn't return to the way they had been.

"Knock, knock," Ryan called through the front door.

The sound of his voice through Jazz's front door made her heart beat so fast that she felt dizzy. Her temperature was rising, and her palms felt clammy. God, she was losing it.

Get it together, Mac. You can do this.

Today had to go well. She had to convince him that they could spend time in each other's company without it being too strained.

She watched him walk into the lounge, took in his recently showered appearance, and it was as if someone had pressed the re-play button on last night's dream. His eyes locked with hers as images of her ripping his shirt off flashed before her eyes. This had to stop. He had his twins, and she wanted things to go back to the way they were. She had to suppress, deny, and forget the sexual desire snaking its way through her middle. And even if she couldn't, she was an actress. Pretending was what she did best.

"Well look what the cat dragged in," Vanessa said.

"Threw up, more likely," Brad said.

Ryan listened to everyone crack their jokes. His cast mates all thought they were comedians today.

"You guys are hilarious," he told them, shaking his head.

He'd known he would have to endure some ribbing for disappearing the way he had. He laughed and smiled as the guys clapped him on the back. He kissed and hugged Jazz and Vanessa, and when he got to Mac, he embraced her quickly and then let her go. It was too easy to remember how good it had felt to have her pressed against him as they danced together – how responsive she'd been.

Apparently the time he'd spent away from her had done nothing to diminish the attraction he felt towards her. She was dressed for the summer heat in her tiny cornflower blue tank top and her short denim skirt. He swore she had the longest legs he'd ever seen. Just the sight of those sun-kissed legs was enough to send lust rocketing through him.

For so many months he’d been able to ignore the chemistry between them on and off the set. But it was as if the moment they’d stopped shooting the show, he couldn’t hold onto that professional boundary the way he used to be able to. Without work to focus on, his libido seemed to be the part of him most in control around his co-star. And as much as he’d like to believe things would go back to the way they were when they walked back on set tomorrow, he doubted he’d be able to switch of the lustful responses Mac elicited from him.

"I'm just going to put these beers in the fridge," he said, making an excuse to get away and get his thoughts under control.

For the past few weeks he’d stayed away from her and hoped to God that things were working out between her and the doc. He was trying to do his part to make sure they never crossed the line from co-stars to lovers. However, the voicemail message he’d found from her this morning had been a wake-up call. She'd done her best to cover it, but he could tell she was upset by the way he'd been avoiding her. So, here he was. He just hoped showing up today wasn’t a mistake.

"How are Kira and Winona?" Brad asked with a smirk, when Ryan returned from the kitchen.

"Don't know. I haven't seen them for a few days."

Despite the fact that there had been pictures of him with the Reilly-Adams twins splashed across newspapers and magazines, he'd only spent a couple of nights with the girls. They might have a certain reputation, but it wasn't deserved. He'd gone to the opening of their father's hotel with them, but it hadn't ended in the big bang Brad might have expected it had.

"Sure, sure," Matt said.

"Our Romeo is showing the girls a bit of Aussie hospitality," Brad joked.

Ryan laughed off his mate's doubts. It didn't matter whether they believed him or not. He had to have some excuse for not being around. He couldn't really tell them that he was totally hot for Mac right now, so the "party-twins" were a good excuse. He looked over at Mac, but she wouldn't meet his gaze.

Did it bother her? Did it bother her to think about him with other women the way it bothered him to think about her with the doctor?

Ryan was rarely jealous and had never felt the need to be before, but something about Mac brought it out in him. He didn't like the thought of her with anyone and he certainly hadn't liked thinking about her with Jazz’s doctor friend. But he needed it to work out between her and the doc. If Ryan couldn’t find a darn good reason to keep his hands off Mac while they were out of the studio, they were going to wind up in bed together.

"How's things with the doc?" he asked her.

"Ah, not happening," she told him.

"Why not?" Brad asked. "I thought you said he was perfect."

"He was," Mac told him.

"There was just no spark," Jasmine said, sounding forlorn. "No chemistry."

"There'll be another guy," Brad told her.

She nodded. "I know."

Ryan hated the fact that Mac sounded so disappointed. He felt her disappointment, right along with a massive helping of dread. He’d been counting on that relationship working out for her. It would have helped both of them feel safer when they started getting into the love scenes on set, but now there was no safety net. He didn’t want to screw up the friendship between them and he didn’t want to mess her over the way Westlaker had, but he kept losing sight of those facts every time she made his blood race. 

                                                                                  ***

"Hey."

Mac startled as Ryan joined her in the kitchen. She'd decided to wash the dishes while everybody else was crammed in front of the television, watching the cricket. She'd rejected all offers of help. There weren't that many dishes, and truthfully she wanted the time-out. She'd been doing her best to pretend things didn't feel awkward between her and Ryan, but they did feel awkward, almost unbearably so. Moreover, her heart rate hadn't returned to normal since he'd shown up at Jazz's. She was too nervous around him.

"Thanks," she said as she watched him pick up a tea towel.

"No worries."

He’d avoided her for the past three weeks but now he wanted to do the dishes with her? Okay, she could roll with it.

They washed and dried without saying a word until she couldn’t stand the silence any longer.

"I have your Christmas present at home," she said to him.

"Yeah? I have your Christmas present at home too, though I can probably just tell you what it is."

"Oh?" she said, trying not to sound as desperately curious as she felt.

"Two tickets to the ballet," he said to her.

A grin broke out across her face as her eyes met his. She'd always wanted to go, and she was unbelievably touched he'd remembered. "You're taking me to the ballet?"

"I thought you could go with one of the girls, or a date, or something."

Of course he wasn't taking her to the ballet. Why on earth had she imagined he wanted to be the one she went with? She was an idiot. She tried to cover her disappointment by wiping her hands on the hand towel next to her and putting her arms around him so she could hug him in gratitude.

"That's awesome. Thanks Ryan."

He was completely rigid at first, but then his arms wrapped around her waist and he pulled her closer. She closed her eyes and melted against him, enjoying his embrace far more than she knew she should. She waited for him to let her go, but he didn't. His arms stayed around her waist as she pulled back to look into his eyes. His mouth was so close to hers. Was he going to kiss her?

Ryan couldn't take his eyes off her mouth as she ran her tongue over her bottom lip. There was no mistaking the invitation she was making. God, he wanted to take her up on it. He didn't think he'd ever wanted to kiss a woman as much as he wanted to kiss Mac right now, but if he did kiss her, they wouldn’t stop with a kiss. He knew that instinctively. He wouldn't be able to stop until he'd buried himself deep inside her and reached his end.

How was he ever going to do this on set? How was he going to hold her and touch her and kiss her in front of the cameras without revealing exactly how much he wanted her?

She was obviously as affected as he was, and if she didn't stop putting out the signals she was giving him now, they were definitely going to wind up in bed together. And for the sake of their friendship, he could not allow that to happen. He needed to remind her of what was at stake. He was going to have to tell her about their upcoming romantic storyline. She needed to know what was coming this season, and since they were back in the studio tomorrow, he should probably tell her today. Maybe then she’d stop looking at his as if she wanted him to devour her.

Mac stood there waiting for him to close the distance between them, but he didn't move in.

Why would he, Mac? He's been avoiding you and sleeping with twins.

All she'd wanted was to put their friendship back on track, and yet the very first moment they'd had alone today, she was standing in his arms, wishing he'd kiss her. She was pathetic. No wonder he'd been avoiding her. She went to slip out of his reach, but he grabbed her arm to stop her from moving away. Reluctantly she raised her eyes to meet his.

He took a deep breath. "There's something I have to tell you; something you need to know."

________________________________________________________________________

Thanks to everyone who is reading, voting and commenting. The support has been extremely encouraging, and very much appreciated :) :) :) See, three smiley faces, lol. Next episode, er, I mean chapter, should take us on set at some point. Stay tuned. XOXO

Thank you, Bex, for your constructive feedback. I might have thrown my laptop at the wall without it

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The warm December evening was perfect for Jazz’s Christmas party and Mac felt quite comfortable outside in her little red dress. Jazz had hooked up her iPod up to the stereo outside so that music blared out of a massive pair of speakers. Overhead, different coloured lanterns provided a substantial amount of light. All around Mac people were laughing, dancing to the music, and enjoying themselves. 

Mac would be having a better time if she could keep her thoughts off Ryan. The car ride to Jazz’s had been filled with awkward silences, and as soon as they’d reached the party, he had deposited her with their friends and run away.

Her gaze slid to where he was currently chatting up a blonde in a short black skirt and purple camisole, on the other side of the garden. Mac had watched on and off for the past half hour as the woman practically threw herself at him. She was doing her best to ignore the too frequent pangs of jealousy she felt because of it.

It was probably just as well he was spending the night across the yard from her. She didn’t need him next to her when she having to work so hard at keeping her attraction towards him under wraps. She had to get her head straight before she had to do her first love scene with him. Fortunately, she still had some time. Stone and Brianna probably wouldn’t be setting aside their differences for another season or two.

“Mac?”

Mac blinked and turned to look at the man beside her – her date. He was the one she should be watching. Jazz couldn’t have picked a more perfect person for her. Doctor Dale Morgan was handsome in the traditional kind of way. It was obvious from the way he filled out his black shirt and leather jacket that he made time to exercise. He had nice blue eyes, and dark blonde hair. In the past two hours Mac had learned he was articulate, intelligent, and even better, he’d charmed her friends within minutes. Yet her focus had been elsewhere the entire evening.

“I’m sorry,” she said apologetically. “I missed that.”

“Don’t mind Maccas,” Brad McDay said, using the nickname he’d given her. “She’s always daydreaming about something. It happens on set sometimes, too.”

“I asked if you wanted me to get you another drink.” Dale repeated, motioning towards the empty bottle in her hands. “You’re running on empty.”

“Thank you,” she said to him, smiling. “I’d love another one.”

Dale took the bottle from her hands. “I’ll be back in a sec.”

“Isn’t he perfect?” Jazz asked as Dale left them.

“He’s great, Jazz.”

“He is. His last girlfriend cheated on him with his cousin. He deserved so much better than that.”

Mac nodded her head in agreement. Jazz had set this up because she’d believed the two of them would be a good match, and so far Mac couldn’t find fault with the doctor. He deserved her full attention. And he would have, she decided, for the rest of the evening.

“Where’s Moore?” Brad asked to no-one in particular. “I haven’t seen him here.”

“He’s hitting on some girl named Kelly,” Matthew Caffney said. “They’re over…there.”

Mac managed to resist looking over at Ryan this time. Barely.

“Chloe,” Jazz corrected Matt. “Her name is Chloe.”

“Women’s names blur together when you’ve had as many as I’ve had,” Matt said, jokingly.

“Or as many as Moore has,” Brad said, laughing.

“I swear Ryan gets more-” Matt started.

“Matt,” Vanessa Rodgers said in her warning tone, cutting him off.

Vanessa was the quietest out of the Hart’s Valley cast, but she always spoke up to keep the guys in line. It was just as well. They spent so much time together that the men tended to forget they were in the presence of women, and there were a few truly disgusting things which had been said over the past year.

“Sorry, Nessie,” Matt said, putting his arm around Vanessa and pulling her against him. “Forgot you were here.”

Vanessa rolled her eyes at the familiar joke, but she was smiling.

“You know I’m right though,” Matt couldn’t help but add.

“What happened to the model he was with?” Vanessa asked.

“They broke up,” Mac answered.

“I know, but why?” Vanessa asked her.

Mac shrugged. “No idea.”

“He got bored,” Brad said.

“He got bored? They were together for what? A month? Two months?” Vanessa asked.

“Variety is the spice of life,” Brad supplied. “I’ve never known Moore to be with anyone longer than three months.”

Brad and Ryan had known each other for a while. The two were good mates and had worked together on Wild Horses, a short series which had premiered on Channel Nine a few years back.

“That’s not a need for variety,” Vanessa said. “That’s a fear of commitment.”

“The Psych Major is out again,” Matt joked.

Vanessa was studying psychology at a popular online university. The boys loved to tease her about it, especially when she made comments about their behaviour. Mac wasn’t sure if Ryan did suffer from a fear of commitment, but the thought had crossed her mind before. That was just one more reason why she had to resist the attraction she felt towards him. Aside from the fact that being with Ryan would put her at risk of losing her job, she couldn’t expect whatever they might have to last beyond three months, and three months would be a best case scenario.

“You know I’m right,” Vanessa said, repeating Matt’s catch phrase from a minute ago.

“Ryan’s not a commitment phobe, he’s just a normal red-blooded male,” Brad said, defending Ryan.

“You don’t sleep with every woman you meet,” Vanessa pointed out to Brad.

“Neither does Ryan,” Brad returned quickly. “He hasn’t slept with any of you.”

“Because he’s not an idiot,” Jazz said. “Sleeping with the people you work with-”

“Is a no-no,” Mac finished for her. “Trust me on that one.”

“Oh sweetie,” Jazz said, rubbing her arm. “Everyone’s done it once.”

“I’ve done it,” Brad said to her.

Mac knew that he had because he’d told her once before.

“I’ve done it too,” Vanessa said, biting her lip.

Despite the fact that they’d spent a lot of time together on and off the set, Mac was aware she really didn’t know that much about Vanessa. The actress wasn’t usually forthcoming about her personal life, and Mac couldn’t put aside her curiosity now that Vanessa seemed to be opening up a little.

“What happened?” Mac found herself asking.

“Ah, I started to fall for him…so I dumped him.”

“You started to fall for him, so you dumped him?” Matt repeated, looking completely baffled.

“I knew I felt more for him than he did for me, so I broke up with him before he could break up with me,” Vanessa explained.

“What does the Psych Major call that?” Matt asked.

“Being a coward,” Vanessa answered.

“No,” Mac disagreed. “It’s called self-preservation.”

If Mac had looked for them, would she have seen the signs with Danny? Would she have got out before she fell so hard? Could she have saved herself some heartbreak if she’d realized Danny hadn’t loved her the way she’d loved him.

It doesn’t matter. It’s the past.

It was far more important that she’d learned from her mistakes. And she had learned from them, hadn’t she? Mac turned to look at Ryan before she could stop herself.

Instinctively she knew that falling in love with her leading man this time round wasn’t completely out of the question. This time, however, she was reading the writing on the wall clearly. Ryan didn’t do permanent, and he grew bored easily. Mac wasn’t going to risk her heart, or her job. As if he could sense her thoughts, he suddenly turned and looked right at her. Her heart skipped a beat as his eyes locked with hers.

“Are you okay?” he mouthed at her.

She nodded in response to his silent question. What would he say if he knew what she’d been thinking? Ryan studied her for a long moment, before turning his attention back to Chloe.

“Sorry I was gone so long.”

Dale had been gone a while, and Mac was horrified to realize she hadn’t even noticed. So much for giving him her undivided attention. She took the drink Dale handed out to her, and thanked him.

“Work called. There was an accident on the Westgate Bridge,” he told her.

“Nothing too serious, I hope,” Mac said, before realizing it was just about the stupidest thing she could have said. “Sorry,” she said quickly. “You’re a doctor. Of course it must be serious.”

“I’m the one who’s sorry,” he said to her. “I’m going to have to go.”

“Oh,” Mac said.

He was a doctor. He saved lives, and if she was contemplating at all dating him, she would need to be prepared for this type of thing to happen. Still, the abrupt ending to their first date wasn’t quite what she’d been expecting and she couldn’t deny she felt slightly disappointed.

“Can you get home?” he asked her. “Do you need me to give you a ride?”

She’d come here with Ryan, but she already knew he wouldn’t want to take her home when he had a willing blonde to take to bed. She didn’t want to leave the party yet, or ask the doctor to go out of his way when he was needed for an emergency, but maybe that was her only option here.

“She can stay here,” Jazz said.

“Or I can give her a lift home,” Brad said with a shrug.

“Okay,” Dale said, sounding relieved. “Mac, I’d really like to take you out for a proper first date.”

Mac smiled at him, and nodded. “Jazz has my number. Call me sometime.”

“Great. I will,” Dale told her, before giving her a kiss on the cheek, and then saying goodbye to Jazz.

“So are you going to stay here tonight, or do you want a lift?” Brad asked after Dale had disappeared.

Mac looked at the beer in his hand.

“I’ll make it my last one,” he said to her, reading her mind.

“It would be great if you could give me a lift.”

Jazz’s spare bed was comfy, but Mac had no idea what time the party would fizzle out, and she didn’t feel like pulling an all-nighter tonight.

“No worries. I don’t mind, especially since something is up with you tonight.”

“There isn’t anything up with me,” she protested indignantly.

“You’re spacey.”

She had been distracted by her thoughts of Ryan, but she’d thought she’d hid it well enough. Obviously, however, Brad had noticed she wasn’t completely present. Hopefully no-one else had noticed.

“Spacey?” she hedged.

“You keep drifting off into your own world.”

“According to you, I’m spacey all the time,” she said to him, laughing it off.

“What I said to your date was a joke, Mac. Seriously though, is everything alright?”

She nodded. “I’m fine. Thanks though.”

She watched Brad swallow down the rest of his beer, and then put the empty bottle in the pot next to his feet. Before she could scold him, he grabbed her hand and dragged her across the garden to where people were dancing. She’d deemed Brad her ‘safe guy’ a while back. He flirted with her, and she enjoyed his attention, but she knew it didn’t mean anything. They’d had their own romantic storyline in the first season, and kissing Brad had been easy and comfortable.

It wouldn’t be the same way with Ryan.

“Come on, Maccas,” Brad said to her. “Let’s dance.”

***

“Earth to Ryan. Anyone home?”

Ryan couldn’t even pretend to concentrate on what Chloe was trying to tell him when Mac and Brad were metres away, dry humping each other. Okay, that might have been an exaggeration, but only a small one. They were definitely dancing way too close. Brad knew Mac’s history as well as he did, so what the hell was Brad doing, dancing with Mac like that, and putting his hands all over her?

Brad might be his friend but Ryan was tempted to hit him just to knock some sense into him. And what was Mac thinking? She was supposed to be on a date. Ryan needed her date to go well, and he was sure the guy she was here with wouldn’t want to see her dancing like that with another man.

Telling himself he had to put a stop to the spectacle before him, for Mac’s sake, he said something to Chloe about needing to talk to someone, and then made a beeline for Mac.

“Can I cut in?” Ryan asked.

He ignored the surprised look on both their faces. Brad hesitated for a moment, and Ryan couldn't blame him for doing so. Mac was wearing that killer red dress, and she still smelt like strawberries. Every time Ryan had looked at her tonight, he’d felt desire ram through him like a fist. He’d been avoiding her because of how much she affected him, but he still hadn’t been able to stop watching her every chance he'd had. Dancing with her was definitely a bad idea, but how else was he supposed to stop her from dancing with Brad?

“Where’s your blonde?” Brad asked him as he stepped away from Mac.

“Over there somewhere,” Ryan told him vaguely. “Keep her company for me?”

“No worries. Just be warned though,” Brad said. “She’s kind of spacey tonight.”

Ryan turned his attention back to Mac, who was rolling her eyes at Brad. Was she okay? What was wrong? Had her date said something? Done something?

“What’s he talking about?” Ryan asked as his gaze collided with hers.

“It’s nothing,” Mac said to him, looking down, before looking up at him again.

She looked so beautiful, her face flushed from dancing, her hair framing her face. Ryan slid in front of her, and put his hands on her hips. He couldn’t help but notice how well her warm, female body fitted against his hard male body as they started to move to the music together.

“Make sure she doesn’t step on your feet, Moore,” Brad said, patting his shoulder. “And Mac, let me know when you want to leave.”

Ryan waited for Brad to go before asking, “Why do you need to let Brad know when you want to leave?”

“Brad’s going to give me a lift home.”

“What are you doing, Mackenzie?”

His tone was unusually harsh, and he rarely used her full name. Her eyes went wide with shock. He never talked to her like that, but he was worried she wasn’t thinking straight.

“What do you mean, what am I doing?”

“Dancing with him the way you were, and letting him take you home. I just think you should be careful.”

Her eyes glittered dangerously, and heat swept into her cheeks as she glared at him. “Why should I be careful exactly?”

Surely she knew what he was trying to say. “Why do you think?” he said to her carefully.

“I think you should spell it out for me.”

He didn’t want to say Danny’s name; didn’t want to upset her any more than he had already, so he changed tack. “Where’s your date, Mac?”

“He bailed.”

“What?”

“There was an emergency – an accident on the Westgate, and he had to go.”

“I don’t understand.”

“He’s a doctor. He got called in.”

“So the date didn’t work out then?”

“He said he wants to take me on another first date.”

“Good.”

“Do I have your approval to go home with Brad now?” she asked him, every word dripping with sarcasm.

“No. You don’t.”

Anger flashed in her eyes. She tried to pull away from him, but he stopped her.

“I’m trying to stop you from making the same mistake with Brad that you made with Danny,” he explained to her.

“That’s very noble of you,” she bit out, “but Brad’s not the one I’m likely to make the same mistake with.”

They both stopped dancing. The look of mortification on her face told him she clearly hadn’t meant to say that. She tried to pull away from him again, but he kept his hands firmly planted on her hips. He wasn’t letting her go anywhere.

“Brad’s not the one?”

“Forget it. It’s nothing. I didn’t mean anything.”

“I don’t think it was nothing.”

“Please forget it,” she pleaded.

Ryan wasn’t stupid. He knew Mac was as aware of him as he was of her, but it had gone unsaid for so long that it was a shock to hear her make reference to it. She might have wished she’d kept her mouth closed, but since it had slipped out, Ryan didn’t find himself in any rush to dismiss it. His desire for her had hounded him all evening and now he couldn’t resist taking a quick time-out from fighting it.

Looking up to see their friends busy, engaged in conversation, he let his arms slide all the way around Mac’s waist, so he could pull her flush against him.

“Dance with me, Mackenzie,” he said to her, enjoying the way her breasts were pressed against his chest, and the way her hips were nestled against his.

“Ryan,” she whispered in a strangled voice as she felt how aroused he was growing.

He knew he was being unfair on both of them, but he couldn’t control the reaction he had to her; not tonight. He buried his face in the crook of her neck, breathing her in as they swayed to the music.

“We can’t act on this thing, Mackenzie,” he whispered against her skin.

“I know,” she choked out.

“But I want to. I really, really want to.”

“I know.”

He let his lips trail down her neck, feeling her shiver as he did so. When he reached the pulse that was beating frantically at the base of her throat, he kissed it softly, before flicking his tongue over it.

Mac threw her arms around Ryan’s neck as her knees gave out from underneath her. Ryan had ignored her all night, and then come at her with that nonsense about Brad. He’d been an idiot, but she was the bigger idiot here – alluding towards the attraction she felt towards Ryan. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. If that didn’t make her a big enough fool, she’d thrown caution to the wind and now she was revelling in his touch, and dancing with him!

After every lecture she’d given herself tonight, this was…insane. His hands cupped her backside now, pulling her firmer against his erection. She was equally aware of her own arousal; a throb low in her belly, and an accompanying slick heat between her thighs. She must be feverish, the way she was shivering one moment, and then experiencing a wave of heat the next. Perhaps that was why instead of asking him to stop, she was holding onto him as if she never wanted to let him go.

When the song ended, however, Ryan released her, and she let him step away from her. She suddenly felt chilled without his heat against her. She had no idea what to say to him; no idea what was supposed to happen between them now. It felt as if they’d crossed a line today and she wasn’t sure how they could go back.

“Well, this is awkward and uncomfortable,” she said to him, wrapping her arms around herself, trying to warm up.

Ryan had to stop himself from reaching for her. She looked so dejected – so innocent and vulnerable, he just wanted to take her back into his arms so he could comfort her. And after he was done comforting her, he wanted to take her home and indulge every naughty thought he’d ever had about his co-star. But where would that lead? Disaster central, that was where.

“It won’t be for long,” he said to her. “You’ll see. You’re going to go on this date with the doctor, and this thing between us will just fade away.”

“And if it doesn’t?”

“It will,” he told her firmly. It had to.

Mac still didn’t know about next season’s romance between their characters. Maybe, just for now, it was better she didn’t know. If she did she’d probably be freaking out. So, he’d wait. He’d wait until she was settled into some kind of relationship with the doc, and then he’d casually drop it into conversation. The fact that the doc wanted to take her out on a proper first date was a good sign, wasn’t it?

“Right, well, I’m kind of tired,” Mac said to him.

“You should get Brad to take you home,” he told her.

“That’s okay now, is it?” she asked him whilst raising an eyebrow.

She would be safer with Brad any day than she would be with him, and he’d been an idiot for ever saying differently. Ryan had cut in on their dance trying to make out he was protecting her, but the truth was that he’d been jealous. When he’d seen Brad holding Mac close, he’d want to slug his friend one. There was the ugly truth. To say this did not bode well could be the understatement of the century.

“Yeah…about that,” he started, “I was-”

“Being an idiot?” she asked, a small smile playing around her lips.

“I’m sorry,” he said to her.

Now go before I change my mind and take you home myself.

“I guess I can forgive you. This time,” she teased.

“Goodnight, Mac,” he said to her.

“Goodnight, Ryan.”

____________________________________________________________

Wow, people are reading this! :) Every fan, every vote, and every read has been extremely exciting. Thank you. I’m having a ball with the story, and I have plenty in store for this couple *grins*.